Vera Returns To Marta City (Ch.11b) : Meeting Mother Again (Part 1)

Vera Returns To Marta City (Ch.11b) : Meeting Mother Again
Part 1

Vera had time now to go to visit Mother. She was home again now, having come out of the mental institution again while Vera was on the Space Station. They never kept her in for too long, for although as Vera had always thought, her mother was sick, it was a sickness of attitude and motivation rather than a fundamental sickness of the mind.

Vera had called her on the Vidnet from space. Now that she was back in Marta and time presented itself she would be able to visit Mother almost immediately. Once she had unpacked the few possessions she had been allowed in space and reacquainted herself with her own apartment near the MIOST complex, she relaxed tearfully before the Vidnet console, watching the live station and some films set on the suggested film menus.
She did not want to face Mother immediately she felt tired after the journey and nostalgic for the past her room reminded her of, and tearful for the sense of failure and the parting from Luvius which still possessed her. She would call her on the Vidnet tomorrow and if Mother was in the right mood to face her she would go over in person and spend some time with her. Although Mother had sometimes been difficult to reach in the past when she chose, particularly when she retreated into the Mental Institution, at many other times in the past she had demanded Vera’s companionship and when she had been unable to give it due to the pressures of work and study Mother had sometimes been angry or just tearful. Mother often said her illness was caused partly due to her segregation from her husband and from her children. Also there was the shock of losing Marcus in space. Vera was a favourite companion of Mother’s because she was female and Mother always said she could not communicate with men as well as with women. She had also accused Vera of behaving and thinking more like a man than a woman at times in the past.

Mother still sometimes proclaimed that Marcus was still alive out there, abandoned on some distant planet amongst the aliens she believed were out there. Sometimes she believed that he was being tortured in the perpetual hell of a foreign climate. At other times she believed that he was better off out there. Perhaps he lived a life of ease, captured by friendly aliens and chose not to return because life was better there than here. Maybe he had even managed to find a wife up there. In her most optimistic moods Mother chose to think the best.

A quick Network tram journey and she was there at the old family apartments they had all lived in together only a few years before. It was perhaps too big for Mother and Father’s needs now that the family had gone their separate ways. Never again would they all be together under one roof. Vera felt the rush of nostalgia and again, not for the first time since returning “home” to Marta the day before, the onset of more tears. Marcus was dead. She knew that the discovery of space was a dangerous occupation and she could never share the ridiculous fantasies of her ill-educated mother. He would never be back. And brother Jon, well, he was earning lots of money these days. She must contact him also while she had the chance but she had not had much to do with him for many years. By all accounts he had recently found a girlfriend from the Investment business, someone he had worked with and was likely to marry her. Although he lived in the City, that was a huge place and she had not seen him since the Midwinter Festival, well before her elevation to space. She did not normally miss him much. Their careers had taken them along different paths. They had once been close by proximity in the family household, if not by shared understanding.

She fingered her identity number into the door panel and activated the request for entrance. She had spoken to Mother on the Vidnet earlier so the door might be programmed to allow her entrance. Normally however Mother preferred to use the old fashioned buzzer alarms and once appraised of her daughter’s arrival would probably key the door to open for her. She was a woman of habit, and the small effort of preparing the door for her daughter’s arrival would probably have been too much for her. A click and a short buzzing not soon followed and the door withdrew to allow her entrance.

She went quickly through the small hallway and into the lounge. Most likely Mother would be here unless she was in bed. She was there, still a good-looking lady for her age, Vera thought as she saw her again, in the flesh. In fact she looked younger than she had expected after the passage of time since she had last seen her. Father had not been so lucky.

‘Hello, Mother, it’s good to see you again. You look well.’ It was the sort of traditional compliment that she knew Mother would appreciate. Mother needed to boost her self-confidence, and the prospect of ageing was apt to depress her unless she was encouraged to feel young.

‘Vera, you’re back,’ Mother welcomed her. ‘I am glad you’re back. I thought I’d lost you like Marcus.’

‘It is good to know that someone is pleased. I did not make it in space,’ she said.

‘I never wanted you to go in the first place,’ said Mother.

‘Didn’t you? You never said anything.’

‘Well, I didn’t want to stand in your way. I’ve always wanted you to be successful at what you’re doing. I knew you wanted it badly. You’ve hurt yourself more than me by being demoted.’ said Mother.

‘You always wanted me to do well, but you always complained that I did not spend enough time with you. You could not have it both ways.’

‘That’s right. I didn’t want to hold you back but I could have done with your support here,’ said Mother.

‘I always thought, you know, that you wanted me to spend more time with you because you were unwilling to work and you need someone to occupy your time. I thought you wanted to waste my time. If I had done that you know I would not have gone so far in my career.’ Mother was silent for a while. Vera took that as a proof that Mother was aware of some guilt in that respect, but she would be unlikely to admit such guilt.

‘Tell me about your time in space, Vera, and tell me more about Luvius. I would like to hear it. Would you like a drink, some food perhaps?’

‘A hot tea, thanks. No food now, maybe later.’ Vera had already seated herself next to Mother. This could be an interesting heart to heart. She had not had the time to sit and really talk to Mother for a year or two. She remembered that Mother liked this kind of conversation, but Vera had often been too busy to waste much time in this way. She had wanted to achieve, not to sit back and consider what she had experienced in the past. And Mother could use such conversations as a means of unburdening her own troubles to her family. Knowing that Mother was disturbed and unhappy had caused Vera to sit with her and listen sometimes but the pressure of study targets had prevented her from giving Mother the time she wanted. Vera felt that however much time she had devoted to Mother’s woes she would even so have done nothing to pull herself out of her depression. Vera had suspected that going round in circles about her own life would have done little to alleviate Mother’s problems, but only made them worse, focusing in upon her problems and making her more depressed. She had long believed that the way for Mother out of her worries was to educate herself more in a useful field which would give her some self esteem or to take a career of some kind even if it were only part time or menial. But Mother had never liked such suggestions. Father earned quite enough for them both and although her dependence was, no doubt, one of the things which depressed her it was not something which could damage her self pride sufficiently to goad her into searching for work. Mother always irrationally viewed the working world with fear and distrust. Evidently she would rather avoid it than make the effort which Vera had believed would bring her self esteem back.

‘Now,’ said Mother. ‘How did you meet Luvius and how did you get together?’ There was a glitter in her eyes at the prospect of a story. She loved romantic films of all kinds. She spent long periods of time watching films and series on the Vidnet Live Channels or dredging ones she had not seen before, and some she had, from Vidnet databanks.

Vera told her story, of how excited and nervous she had been as she left for the MIOST station, how inspiring the work had been to her initially, but how hard it had become to struggle under the daily targets as her interest and enthusiasm had been taken over by the new reality of the physical and psychological support she received from Luvius. She explained how Luvius had talked to her in the canteen and offered to sit with her, and how her pleasure in finding unlooked-for friendship had turned to elation when she realised that he wanted her not just as a friend and comrade but as a woman and a lover. Then she told Mother of the careless unpunctualities, the daydreams, and the inability to study. Finally there was the callous reprimand and summary dismissal from the station, and the misery of separation from someone who had changed her life.

‘Now you seem to be more like a real woman,’ said Mother.