an emotional deficit

something is wrong in paradise. someone sold paradise for an old stick of gum & it’s all been chewed up. someone believed the lies that had been paraded all around our heads. someone let loose when we were all supposed to stay calm. someone was too calm when all the murdering began. woe as us, o’ the humanity of it all. now, go back out on the playground & muster what strength you have left to make your way back to that sandbox & pretend again that it all matters. yes, it all means something, now don’t it? back goes your paddling procedure. tell those that you think you love that it’s not really raining down acid. lie in the face of strife and praise the first thing that you see. you failed in your independence. you failed in your own idea of self-growth. the world has nothing for you when you hold such an emotional deficit.

the wind blows harsh but like a large teacup round you it no longer kisses your face in the heat. you walk, a ghost, in real life, amongst those that feel that they have it all figured out. you watch & listen, but you no longer learn. you wait for a pleasant sound to come. you hold out for change. you gamble with all that you know a certain definition of “fate” could bring you---but still, nothing.

a gray waterfall has been drawn for you. you sit aside the stream and watch it come down. factory scum splashes down upon what was once clean water. you close your eyes in disgust and inhale, but polluted air is all that you breathe in. your eyes begin to tear because you feel that the area around you may just be as decayed as you feel inside---and silently you scream for all your friends to hear you---but where have they gone? why are they not hear with you now? is it like bostrom says it is? have we all been taken for a ride? is this all a simulation? are our laughs not our real laughs? are our tears not our real tears? is this electric skin you & i wear something that we slice with a knife & out come the wires or the graphics or the complete voids where there is only the pure reflection of what we worst imagined---something like the cold hard steel & silicon chips of a computer’s innards?

run run run for the hills! run for the hills with your lips puckered & your hugging arms out! run naked as the day you were born! run with no direction! run with all the focus in the world! run like it was your last day on earth! run like you had no tomorrow! run until your legs fall out from under you & kiss, embrace the everything that you ever thought real! pinch me & i’ll pinch you, we’ll try to remember what it was like to be oblivious to it all. weep. groan. thrash. scream. laugh. giggle. grit your teeth. stare like a killer on the roam. pout like a baby whose candy’s been stolen. just don’t let those last emotions go to waste as they are drained out through the filter.