That was a rhetorical question ..

I had thee oddest out-of-body experience sitting in the auditorium during our noisy panto the other night. I'll try my best to talk you through it, if l may ..

I was waiting to hear if a friend of mine was going through with a termination or not. She had confided in me, asked for my opinion. Well, l ain't one to hold back if pressed, so l did. Give it. The opinion ..

This youngish woman is pretty, intelligent, solvent, a nurse, a great mother to a four year old wee boy, but she is besotted with this guy who she is now up-the-duff with.

They met online, as both are very busy, and because she has difficulties with the health of her son, the guy isn't interested in a long term relationship with her. He likes her enough, but not enough enough. I mean that he loves her company, but doesn't want to take on the kid too. However, now potentially he'd have a family of four, if they don't have this abortion.

She told me he does not want the baby, or 'cells', as she calls it. At 4 weeks, it's just a few blobs n mucus. That's the conversation l had with her, just before l started work. The guy will financially support the child, but not stay with her. My opinion was to get rid, as her son was already controlling her every move, and another baby there would turn him into a baby basher, jealous wee monster, not a loving, protective brother. Honest. Even SHE admitted that over the phone to me.

Anyway. After we got everyone settled down to watch the crazy Scottish panto, l received a text message telling me she wasn't going ahead with the baby thing and how desperately mixed up she was. As l was stuck in the middle of a show, l couldn't get out to call her. Phones aren't allowed when we're working. (I know. I had sneaked a peek at her message but that was different.)

I remember this sadness wash over me when l looked all around the three levels, everyone laughing and booing, mesmerized by the antics on stage, l saw nothing but happiness. Perhaps and no doubt half the people in The Kings Theatre last Friday evening had bits of problems going on, but at that particular time all was well with them. I really felt for my friend. To have to make such a life long decision isn't taken lightly, and ultimately it is the woman who has to deal with it in the end.

So gazing around, l felt as if l was the only person with such a heavy secret on my shoulders, and having to stifle my tears during the audiences tears of joy.

It's not something l can easily forget, that juxtaposition of feelings inside myself, and outside my thoughts.

Oh and please, no lectures on the ' A' thing ..