CRASH!

Crash

One minutes ago everything was fine and dandy; happy and clappy; peachy
and peary. I was minding my own business, as it were, stacking up the
herb and pork sausages. We got some new speciality ones in, you know,
selling like hot cakes. I'm butcher see. Well, I was. Now I'm
just&;#8230;well, butchered. I don't never wanna look at a dead
carcass again. I'd quite a stomach for blood and gore, but now me
stomach dancing 50 yards down the street and I ain't got the quite same
view point.

"Murder I believe. Yes, Sergeant; Dead as dead can be. Ahh, yes the
suspect has been sited but not been caught. Oscar and Charlie are out
looking for him at the moment. Said suspect? Short, excessively hairy,
with wet, drippy nose and slight limp. Currently working under the name
of "Sam." Yes certainly Sergeant, working on it Sergeant."

Mr Gerald came running out his shop, waving a pack of "Best British
Sausages" and yelling all kinds of obscenities. Sam made a dash across
the road. A blue Volvo screeeeeched to a halt. A white Porsche wasn't
so lucky. Swerving; sliding; "THUMP!" Cue: SCREAM! Followed by sound of
metal crunching. More screaming. Shouting. Blood everywhere. A few
limbs scattered here and there. Victim brain dead and completely
legless. Wouldn't make a very good lover - completely heartless too.
It's not his fault. See over there, Sam running off down an alleyway.
Still got that premium pork chop between his gnashers. That's the
criminal. The result of a bad remix between the "Super Furry Animals"
and the "Fun lovin' Criminals"? Sam - Super Furry Criminal.

WOOF! So I killed a few people and I bent some nice paint work but this
pork chop is gorgeously tasty. Plus, there's special prepared dessert
smeared across the road. Mmm&;#8230; WOOF!! WOOF, WOOF!