David

DAVID

"Excuse me Sir, but you shall have to ask you to leave. I shall not
tolerate your naughty nudity in my art gallery."

"But&;#8230;"

"No Sir, I shall have no objections. Please take your bare white, wobby
'bits' OUTSIDE!"

"With all due respect&;#8230;."

"No Sir -"

"But I'm sunbathing!!" [pause] "LOOK AT ME!"

"I'm trying not to."

"I'M AS WHITE AS A GHOST! I need a tan."

"Yes, well go to the south of France then. I can't-"

"But Sir, it's not my fault. I never asked to be like this. It's not my
fault that Michelangelo was low on funds. *sniff* First&;#8230;
*gulp*&;#8230; first he ran out of paint, and so he couldn't paint
me. *wipes away tear* You know marble's real expensive too, he couldn't
afford to make me any clothes."

"Now, now don't turn the water works on, *hands David a hankie* It's
not all that bad. You, well, you've got a nice chest and arms. You must
work out&;#8230;"

"But&;#8230; *sobs quietly* it's not fair. Michael didn't have much
money and you know what the Italian's are like, he turned to drink. I
tried to stop him but he wouldn't listen."

"Oh, there, there darhhh-ling. It's not all bad. You know people really
admire you; you have youthful strength and -"

"That's the worst bit - if I have so much 'youthful strength' then why
can't I get it up? *wiping snot away* All day people come and they look
at me, feel me, caress me but nothing! It breaks my heart! *bursts into
tears again*"

"You can get help though. There are medicines and you get help on the
NHS you know."

"Really?"

"Yes really! Look, come home with me and I'll get you some clothes,
give you some paint and we'll go off to see the doctor first thing to
tomorrow."

[David smiles]

"Oh yes, and one more thing -"

"Yes?"

"Do you like coffee?"