Asking For It

The first time I ever had a blowjob was in a forest
I was fourteen and I can still feel the earth beneath me
The leaves as dry and brittle as my body, lying prone staring at the sky
Trying to avoid the thing that was literally staring me in the face

She made me work for it
No, no, that’s wrong. That’s not what she did.
She made me ask for it.

She turned her head and examined me
Like a predator
She would come within inches of me and sigh and smile
And she would tell me to say it
To spell it out, clear as day
And not just say it, but say it loud
Hear it echo through the trees

Suu….
Su…my..pfff
Ssssssssssssssssss….

All I could think about was the forest
See, looked at from above the forest was in the shape of a teddy bear
And as I lay there, stiff, still, my jeans around my thighs
I had never felt more childish

Can you see? Can you see what she did?
She took away all my power
She took an act which, to my mind
Raised on porn and hearsay
Twisted from six-pack, fake breast, full body waxing
Should have made me a king
Tight lipped smirk, hand on the back of her neck
But she took it away
Made me a beggar, a child chasing at the hem of her dress
Hands held out ready to drink desperately at a single moment of her kindness
She made me ask for it
And in that moment I hated her

In the end of course I did, eventually
And in that moment all my Christmas’ and birthdays came at once
Cartoon woodlands creatures came skipping through the trees to watch
Violins swelled from beneath the ground
And great, teddy bear arms reached high into the air and around to hold us tight as the earth swallowed me up

When she was done she sat up
Her hair wreathed in flames
Her eyes burning with satisfaction
I lay there, breathing fast, staring at this smirking angel
More grateful than satisfied

See, she didn’t really even care how it felt for me
She had made me ask for it
She had taken away my power and kept it for herself
With her warm mouth she had drawn it out of me
In that moment I hated her for it
Now, looking back.

It was the most beautiful thing she ever did.