The Last Five Minutes

16 years, 6 months, 25 days, 10 hours, 40 minutes and… 37 seconds. That’s precisely how old I am, down to the very last second. In total I have lived for 481200037 seconds. Now I tell you, in my own humble opinion that that is not very long at all. What a very very tiny number, and now all the numbers I have left are 5. Five minutes to live. Five minutes until the grim reaper, death himself comes to rip out my soul, leaving nothing but an empty lifeless, body. It isn’t long not really, not when you think about it, not in comparison with how long I could have lived for. My grandmother is 85 and still stands to this day! That’s eight decades and five years, that’s seventy four whole years my senior. So in seconds its ...2680560000 a hell of a lot more than me, I have barely no time left in comparison to that, A fraction of nothing, probably less than a fraction, a quark of a nothing.
Do you think I’m lucky? Can you see a benefit of me knowing that I am going to die? (4 minutes and 8 seconds), I guess you could say that is a benefit. I know I am going to die, and I know that it’s going to be an easy, painless, almost pitiful death. I won’t feel anything. Not blood vessels bursting or popping or squirting or squeezing or contracting. No pain, no suffering, cuts, coughs colds choking drowning burning seizing bleeding crushing exploding.Nothing. One might say it’s barely worth it! Other people in this world, other people in history have suffered more than I ever want to imagine. People’s lives ripped from their still warm hands before they had a chance to hold on.
At least I have existed, I have lived, not long, but I have. Maybe I have lived long enough to say that I have experienced a small something of the opportunities and open doors that life has to offer, which is more than some can say, more than millions could say I guess.
There is a reason why I am going to die. I am dying because there is poison pumping through my veins turning my life giving blood into a mere fluid that does nothing. My red blood cells will alter shape and die, no more transporting oxygen to my cells or brain. No, apparently my imposing death was an accident. 3 minutes and 48 seconds. It was an accident. It just rolls off the tongue doesn’t it, accident. To be perfectly honest it’s rather funny when you think about it, when you really think about it. I’ll give you a quick explanation as to what happened, I was accidentally injected with a toxic solution instead of insulin. Simple, quick. It was an ACCIDENT. I was due for my daily injection and the nurse had picked up the wrong syringe, and didn’t read the label. Yeah, I find the whole situation hilarious. I’ll never hear my sisters laugh again or tell me that they miss me. I’ll never feel the soft lips of my gorgeous boyfriend, or his hands exploring my body. I’ll never smell a morning sunrise in Africa. 3 minutes 1 second. I’ll never have a child; I won’t see him or her walk or laugh or graduate. These are just a few, out of millions of things I am going to miss. Suddenly thousands of fictitious images scenes visions voices feelings places tastes smells, scream through my head taunting me with things I can never have.
They say ignorance is bliss and truthfully it is, knowing you have only, 2 minutes 30 seconds to live isn’t a pleasant thought; But would it be worse if I were unaware of the fact that I am about to die. I could just be in bed reading a few pages of a book. Then I begin to drift off into what I think is going to be a serene slumber with an end in sight, the morning sun gently rousing me awake, but actually I’m not going to wake up at all. If I had the choice, would I want to know? 2 minutes 12 seconds to think of all the things I shall never do, that I shall never achieve, it is astronomically heart wrenching.
Do you think my life is being wasted by dying? How can I be a benefit to the world, aid those less fortunate than me if in 1 minute and 52 seconds i’ll cease to exist. I shall no longer be. Subsequently the body will be carried off to the morgue and then to be locked away in a coffin to rot, to be buried “6 feet under” as they say. A couple of weeks after, my flesh will begin to decompose and slowly eaten away by earth worms in the soil, it will rot and disintegrate. What was once a happy, joyful, living girl will be nothing more than a lifeless skeleton, only a hindrance to plant roots and worms searching the soil for water, and there the skeleton shall lie blocking their way in a big wooden box.
1 minute and 28 seconds left.
I guess looking back at my life I should be grateful. I should be grateful for the awesome 16 years that I have had the pleasure to experience, and live on this beautiful planet. I had the best friends I could ask for, the family I would die for the boyfriend I would do anything for. I have seen scraps of the world, in jiffies of time. I have stepped into the blistering heat of Egypt, ran through thunderstorms at midnight in New York, explored the mountains of the Brecon, and charged my childhood through Nottingham. I must say though, that the past year has been the best so far. At times I have laughed so hard I thought my belly was going to explode. Yeah I’ve cried too but life isn’t perfect. It isn’t perfect for me, or you or anyone, but therein lays the perfection. The ups and downs are part of what makes life, life! Tripping over and landing slap bang in a pile of mud, right in front of all your friends, your first kiss with your first crush resulting in your first painful collision of teeth, the moments that are sometimes beyond your belief. So many seconds, minutes and days that make life exactly what it is. Life. So many words, emotions and feelings that make you, you.
1 minute 1 second.
My one fear before this evening was being old, muttering incoherently about how we should all wear socks on our hands to protect us from some sort of invading creature. Sitting alone in the corner of an Elderly Retirement Home with various other elderly people that think they are God or a fish or Elvis and some rainbow coloured medication, to keep me company. But no, I can’t lie to you in my last few moments and I am lying to you now. It isn’t growing old that frightens me, I think that could be rather pleasant. It’s the being alone that scares me, and the fact that I am alone now is the scariest thing of all.
40 seconds left and no one here no one at all, just me and my words.
What I really want, what I want more than anything is someone to hold my hand, someone to lie next to me and tell me I am going to be ok, that I don’t have anything to worry about. I just need someone to be here with me in these last few seconds to breathe my last few breaths.

38 seconds

I am going to die.

It has dawned on me, when I fall into this unconscious slumber and then into death, there shall be no waking up. This is not a video game. I do not have three lives. This really is game over.

I am going to die.

I never really lived. I had everything to exist for, to breathe for to laugh and cry and run and jump for. But 29 seconds to live it. 25 seconds. Let me live, let me breathe, please let me be! Don’t take me! Don’t do this! 15 seconds. Please! Please? My eyes. I - I -I can’t- can’t focus. 5 seconds. Hel…