Educated Guess at my Hypothetical Trip to London

Hello mates! Matt here, in jolly ole' England. It's Wednesday at
around 4 o'clock GMT. On arrival I was greeted by a Buckingham
Guardsman, they're all over the place greeting young Americans, it's
fabulous. Afterwards, I went to a fish and chips stand in the airport
where I had the finest Foster's Lager and fish and chips. The English
have a tradition of using malted vinegar on their fries and on their
hands. The first man I met at the restaurant poured a whole bottle on
his hand before he shook mine. It was a bit unpleasant, but when in
Rome...

I then fashioned myself a Lorry to get into town. A Lorry is a large
horse, which you must ride with armor. I felt like a knight. And,
instead of stoplights, you must joust your way through an intersection.
And, not only that, but the English drive on the other side of the
road, so if you were to take 8th street to 4th, you would take 4th to
8th. The sheer paradox was unnerving, but I managed.

Once in London, I decided I wanted to first see Big Ben, which is
supported by something called Stonehenge. Apparently, in the Second
World War, in order to keep Big Ben up after repeated attacks, the
English installed Stonehenge to keep it up. It was a wonderful sight,
and who should be in the top window of Big Ben? The Queen, herself. She
greeted our tour group, waving a hanky and yelling "Hello, Americans!"
What a wonderful lady.

Next, I went to go see Parliament. Imagine a country run by George
Clinton, I love it! In parliament I got to meet George and his Vice
Parlimentary Person, Tony Blair. Mr. Blair is a far right conservative
and was the husband and champion of ex-Vice Parlimentary Person,
Margaret Thatcher. There in Parliament the Queen issues George orders,
to which he issues to Tony Blair, and which then get passed by Sir Paul
MacCartney. Amazing process, really.

After Parliament, I decided to unwind. I went to Picadilly Circus,
where I saw the most amazing clowns and tigers. This is a circus to
behold. They even have the indigenous Lock Ness Monster and many
dragons, ogres, orcs and other characters from the Lord of the Rings,
all dancing for my amusement!

Next, I decided to try the party scene in England. The first club I
went to featured Pink Floyd, the Beatles, Led Zeppelin and every other
English band alive. After sharing some drinks with Keith Richards, he
decided we should go check out Buckingham palace.

Buckingham palace boasts the largest Buckinghams in the world. These 67
foot creatures live off grape jelly and preserves. Keith and I rode a
few of the monsters before I decided to go to my hotel for some shut
eye.

England is the most wonderful place on Earth and I can't wait to plan
my next trip.