Rhini and Vegetation

Cat scratchers have been invading my privacy since I was eleven. It
wasn't until I was 32 that I realized I don't have a cat and there's no
way to prove anyone was trying to scratch anything. It's thoughts like
these that sent me here in the first place and I'm trying to get over
the initial shock of having to hang out in here all day, every
day.

It's stranger than fiction, to be quite honest. There's so many lovable
characters in here, but I have no idea why they're in here. There's
George the Klepto who keeps stealing fish from the aquarium and then
putting them back in once he realizes that no one cares. The tank is
full of dead fish all day, every day. Then there is Marty the Alcoholic
who completely obliterated his brain on Peach Schnapps. It's to the
point that the only thing he'll eat is canned peaches and when he does
he always remarks "tastes watered down." He's quite mad. Then there is
Larry. No one has any idea why Larry is in here. He's as sharp as a
tack and has no phobias, fits, or poor behaviour. I would say Larry is
the most sane person I have ever met. Like yesterday, I told Larry that
the clowns in my room were finally fed up and had formed a general
strike until they receive the proper digestive yeast to help hold down
all the pies. Well, Larry said simply, "Alan, if you want to keep
clowns, you better learn to laugh at them." Then there is Simon. What
can you say about Simon? Well, he's half as smart as you or me and
twice as dangerous as both of us put together.

Last night, we embarked on a mission assumed by Simon. It was on this
mission that George, Marty, Larry, Simon, and I decided it was time to
escape. Now, None of us would have ever dreamed of leaving, but leave
it to Simon to hatch a plot as devious and diabolical as escaping the
only source of safety we have. I kept saying over and over again
"Simon, why would we want to go back out into the world that drove us
here?" And Simon simply said, "What else is there to do?" Larry said
"Alan, there are only walls and doors between states of mind, have you
the courage to climb those walls and break down those doors if for no
other reason than the act itself?" So, there we were scaling the walls
and breaking down the doors at midnight on a Tuesday night.

Tuesday, what a strange day to take on an adventure. I always figured
adventures always took place on the weekend when there was no good TV
on. But, I'll tell you it was a Tuesday and we were knee deep in
adventure. The first criminal act was to sneak out of our rooms past
curfew and meet in the restroom and proceed from there. Once in the
restroom, we realized Marty was not among us. "Chickened out." George
said. I guess a drunk really has had his share of adventures. So, it
was just the four of us. George had stolen all the necessary keys to
escape and Larry had hooked up a get away car. Leave it to Larry to
operate outside our world. Out in the hall we took our first casualty
as George tried to steal a hanged painting only to find it fall
directly on him. You should have seen the size of this painting. It was
amazing. It was a picture of a beach and it spanned the whole hall. I
have no idea why George thought he would be able to carry it out the
door. But, as we were going around a corner, sure enough, it fell on
him. We knew he was trying to steal something, we just figured it would
be the placard or the screws or something. I have a feeling George had
wanted to steal that painting for awhile. He always talked about how
lovely it was. The whole thing came down on him in shards of beach,
sand, and waves. George may or may not be dead, we didn't check as we
now found ourselves running towards the front doors as George lay in
the beach. Larry encountered the security man and talked him out of
doing a thing. He simply said "and what would you do if we never let
you leave?" the man fingered the emergency button and said "I would go
crazy." Larry replied, "now you understand the nature of this
beast."

So, we were out in the yard now, looking for the car. Simon disappeared
somewhere along the way and Larry and I were left searching on our own.
"You see, it's a bright pink Cadillac, my wife should be waiting in it,
and then we're home free." Larry talked about his wife quite a lot, and
I found it odd that she never visited. "She's been waiting for this for
so long, I don't want to disappoint her, do I look OK?" I told him he
looked fine. Then Simon came out of a bush completely naked holding a
large branch and proclaiming his divinity. The Cadillac pulled in and
we all went aboard. There in the driver seat was the most beautiful
woman in the world. I said to Larry "So, why were you in there?" And as
Simon grabbed the wheel and delicately turned into the cliff Larry said
"I was waiting for Simon to let us out."