Shyness Criminally Vulgar Part 1

February 14, 1997
Dear Daddy,

I hope you’re okay, I hope you’re healthy
and I hope everyone is okay over there. I always tell god
to take care of you wherever you go. Daddy, after saluting
you I want to tell you that I was chosen to lead the ceremony that will be held in school at the end of this month. I study a lot even though I’m really sick. I study a lot so you can be proud of me. Daddy, I sometimes tell mommy that I miss you a lot. And that I love you very very much and that I want you to come back soon. Even though you don’t love me as much as you love Tony I always think of you. I sometimes even tell my friends about you and that you’re in California. I tell them you’re gonna bring me lots of toys. Daddy, after telling you all these things I want to tell you that I love you very much, I’ll never stop loving you daddy.

Sincerely,
Julia

I am Julia. I was only 6 when I wrote that letter. Originally I wrote the letter in Spanish but I decided to translate it. It sounds more depressing in Spanish. I was born in a weird day and at a weird time. My parents were surprised that I survived. The doctors said I was a miracle. And everyone thought I was not meant to live long. Everyone thought I wasn’t gonna make it later on in life. Yet I am here writing this and thinking about all the things I’ve been through. I am now 18 years old. And yea I turned out to be weird. I was born at the six months of the pregnancy cycle, I’m glad it was that way. Otherwise I would have been a December baby, which are those who are usually held back a year in school, now that would of sucked so bad, cuz I wouldn’t of been able to write about my life and the way it is and the way I’ve lived it til this day.
As a child I can tell you that I was very curious. I’ve always lived in my own world, ever since I was small I was always alone and preferred to be alone always surrounded by silence but I gotta say that I was happy with my life that way. Yea I liked spending time with my family, with my sister, brother, mom, dad and older brother but I wasn’t much of a family spending time person. I enjoyed being alone, which is kind of weird but eh that’s me. I was a curious child, I liked experimenting with stuff and I found everything fascinating. I believe that as a child I made an impact on people for I was extremely eccentric. I was never the popular girl or whatever but people liked me and well although I’m a timid girl most of the times and with certain people, there’s times in which I’m a lot different.
But any who, when I was a young girl, I remember I used to love to draw random things, I think drawing has always been my thing but I don’t practice it as much as I used to.

Well my birthplace is Mexico, and I’m proud to say that I’m a Mexicana, I do miss Mexico but honestly I don’t remember much.
We moved to Los Angeles when I was seven years old. My dad crossed the border first, trying to fulfill the “American Dream” as many call it. My mother, brother and I crossed it a year later. I think that’s as far back as I can remember. The night we crossed the border was a cold one, my mother wasn’t with us, she had left with the other group of people who like us were in search of a better life. I remember that we rode in several buses, we were accompanied by a guy, a couple who I believe had just gotten married and a small boy named Vicente. I only remember the boy’s name because they called him Chente. After the bus ride, I remember getting in a car; I got to ride in a booster seat. I just recall seeing some man in green asking the driver what was in the trunk of the car, well that’s what I assumed I didn’t really understand the language. What I did understand was that my life was about to change completely. We arrived sometime in December of 1997 I think. Yea it was 1997. Well we arrived at some place in Los Angeles. We stayed in a house with strangers for several days, I was very serene but my brother was scared to death. I know that many were terrified. Everyone departed before us. We were the last ones to leave the strange house. I was never the type of girl that got really attached to people although there are some exceptions. My father picked us up from the strange grey house. I was glad to see him. He looked the same to me but sounded a little different. My brother ran to hug him. I couldn’t do the same. But I wanted to tell him that I had missed him so much. But I didn’t say anything and after a while I hugged him. We left the strange house a couple of days before Christmas. I was very amazed and found Los Angeles fascinating. I wanted to be part of this new society which was very different. I kind of knew I was going to adapt myself to it because I really desired it. My mother arrived several days later. I was happy my family was reunited. I was just missing my sister. But honestly those months in which we lived with the Gomez Family, which are the family that helped my dad when he came to the U.S, weren’t at all that pleasant. Well yea at first life seemed good and I was thankful. I was also too small to understand certain things. I was impressed by the Gomez. I was impressed with everything they had. I was really a naca. Really. I really was. I remember what I said when I first entered their home.
“Orale! Que chido. Baño con tina y toda la cosa. Tss ahi si me meto”.
Now that I think of it, I laugh because it was just a bathtub. But anyways. The Gomez had two daughters, the youngest one of 3 years of age named Karen and the oldest one of 5 years of age named Laura. Laura and Karen were like sisters to me. We did everything together. I really loved them. But their parents made it seem as if they were too good and I was too insignificant.
My dad used to sell Elotes to me that was the most normal job in the world. I didn’t really care what people would say. Not everything was happiness though. The Gomez Fam. was extremely nice to us at first and only when my dad was around. But everything changed when my dad departed to work. That’s when all the humiliation began. I remember that they would terrify my mother. They would be total assholes with us. I remember very well that I was often humiliated and called unpleasant names. I believe that in part the maltreating and name calling truly affected me. It changed me. It scarred me more than I was already. It turned me into an even more timid girl. I was afraid to do anything. I will never forget what occurred almost every night when the noise of the helicopters patrolling the area commenced. Mr. Gomez would terrify us by saying it was la migra and my mother horrified with the idea that we might get caught and deported would hug us so hard. We would end up inside in the garage in which we lived in. Tears would fall from her eyes. She would cry and pray for my dad to arrive soon and safe. My father never realized how traumatizing it was for us until the glass shattered. My mother decided and realized that she wasn’t gonna take it anymore. I felt that for once someone was standing up. I was amazed and I thank her for being so brave. My parents had a huge argument that made my dad realized that my mother was right. The only reason why we came to Los Angeles was because of my father. He had lost his job in Mexico and he couldn’t find one there. In desperation he decided to immigrate to Los Angeles. I know my mother really missed him. But even if her love for him was so grand, she wasn’t gonna take it anymore; she’d rather live in peace away from the Gomez Family. They had truly manipulated my dad. In the end my father realized that my mother was right and we finally moved out. I know that my mother had done the right thing. But honestly I was going to miss Karen and Laura. It wasn’t their fault that their parents weren’t so great people.
But I don’t know. People do things for a reason. Today I realize that the actions we make whether good or bad, one day we’ll pay for everything we do. Its gonna be either reward or punishment.
But I don’t know I guess its just part of life. Yea. I lost the track of my life after that. It’s kind of sad because all I remember is us moving to some apartments in Long Beach. We only lived in the apartments for probably just two months. I don’t remember. Maybe I don’t remember because those months weren’t important for me. We moved to Compton after those months. Living in Compton has been great, for its Compton where I grew up. Well Compton is not the best place in the world or anything. But it’s my home. The ghetto. Ha but yea I don’t think I’ll be able to adapt myself to another city. I was probably eight years old when we moved, it was really cool though because the elementary school I attended was right in front of my house. I remember my third grade teacher really well. I called her Ms. skeleto. Her actual name was Ms. Davis, but I called her skeleto because she was really tall and scrawny. She was really nice and patient though. I met one of my friends in her class. Her name is Lena. But Lena and I didn’t really become friends until middle school.
Third grade was the year that I started to pay more attention to boys. Well actually, I’ve always found boys pretty but with germs. I believe that almost every generation has believed that boys or girls had “cuddies” once. But anyways, fourth grade came along. I remember I was really good at math. I don’t know what happened. I hate math now.
I had a really hard time in school. I didn’t really know the language. Third and fourth grade were the hardest years of elementary school. I know it sounds impossible. But it’s the truth. I learned the English language with the help of my dad and brother Tony. We would translate every single word; we used any resource we had available. I remember I stole the teachers English/Spanish Dictionary. Sad. But true. I did learn the language, not very well but enough to defend myself.
I was a little weird in fourth grade. I had a friend named Snow white. Ha! Well that’s what I called her. Her name was Blanca. Blanca and I used to pretend we were ninjas. We were such dorks. She changed a lot. We went our separate ways. I will never forget her though. My weirdness accompanied me all school year and the ones yet to come. In fifth grade I used to have an imaginary friend. I don’t remember his name though. But thanks to my imaginary friend I made real friends. There was a boy who was fascinated with the idea that I had an imaginary friend. His name was George. George was the first person to tell me a dirty joke. I remember the joke really well. All my friends know that joke by now because I used to say it all the time. Now that I think of it, the joke was retarded. It was about a girl whose name was Putitinmore, so she meets some guy. The guy offers her to be with him one day. The mother of Putitinmore goes out to look for her. And she starts yelling out her name PUTITINMORE PUTITINMORE! And the guy says I can’t! It’s funnier in Spanish though. But yes. That joke. I will always consider fifth grade the best year of my life. Why? You may be wondering. Well it’s the best because I met one of the coolest, mas buena onda ke nadie friend. Her name is Adri. I met her in Ms. H’s class. At first I believe Adri thought I was a weird child. She knew me by the nick name of the girl with colorful diademas. But I think that the day in which our friendship started was the day when we went to Santa Monica Pier. That day was a really nice day. I remember Adri and I got on a crazy ride. I was wearing chanclas like a true Mexican. She was my ride partner. When we got on the ride, I didn’t know my feet were going to be hanging. As soon as the ride started, I started yelling out
“My chanclas are falling! Adriana. My chanclas are falling!!”
Adri was just laughing at the absurdness of the scene. From that moment I guess you can say a friendship started. We didn’t know we were going to be like sisters but I knew she was going to be someone I was going to count on all my life. Well at least till this day.
I’m not a very good writer. And sometimes I have trouble transmitting my emotions. I don’t know but I like to write them down. It’s easier for me to do so, even if my writing is nonsense. I am a melancholic girl most of the times and I usually show it through my eyes. I have a very nostalgic look.
But yes. I was talking about Adri. Well adri and I didn’t really become that close until I guess 10th grade. But even though that happened years later I remember 7th grade was a very special year. It was 7th grade where I met Sayra. Sayra to me has always been a very mature girl. I always knew that she was going to go far in life. Today she is showing that maturity. To me she is an example of success. I know it seems kind of gay and out of my life story thing. But I had to share it. I had to share them. It is them the reason why I write my story. I still don’t know what my purpose in life is. I still don’t know what I’m going to do with my life. Once a friend told me his purposes of life, he told me that he had five. But I only remember three of them:
You must love God.
You must serve God.
You must live for God.
I think those were it. I don’t remember really well. I didn’t understand his purposes. But to him they made perfect sense. I decided not to mention the name of the guy who told me his purposes. But if he ever reads this he’ll know who he is. But yea. I don’t know if I have lived my life right. All I know is that if I were to leave today or tomorrow. I would depart this world happily. I’ve done things some I’m proud of some I’m not too proud of but I can tell you that I have lived life and I have enjoyed it.
I get off track every time I write. I am sorry if it’s confusing to understand what I’m talking about. But yes. Middle school. Well to me middle school is an example of innocence going through a process of adolescence ending in adulthood. The eighth grade year of middle school was when I met almost all my friends. Eighth grade was a good year. But it was also a bad year. I had lame teachers. Mr Lame was one of them. Well his teaching name was Mr. Lam but I called him Mr. Lame. His class was horrible and I was in it. All the trouble makers were in that class. I hated that class. I felt retarded like all of them. I made a friend there though. Her name was Moreen. Moreen was American Samoan. But she was pretty cool. She thought I was really smart. I really wasn’t but I had straight A’s. Graduation wasn’t so great. I laughed really hard that day because of what Mr. Lame had said to me. I felt bad afterwards. I was in graduation line with all the troublemaker kids. Moreen was next to me. Mr. Lame was talking about his life and about his wife. He was telling some other students how he had met her and some other things I wasn’t really paying attention. I don’t know why I hated that teacher even though he was extremely nice to me. But yea, he was talking about his wife and one of the students asked him what her name was:
“Her name is Winiee”
“What? Winiee!” I said.
“Winiee”
I started laughing so hard when he said that. I was pretty immature at that time. I felt really bad later on for laughing in his face. He just smiled. Then we were in graduation line. And they started saying the names. I was surprised because they were calling out the names of all the honor kids. I was one of them. Mr. Lame was calling out the names, when he said my name he said Julia the bright one. I felt like an assface. Because even though I had been an asshole with him, he was still nice to me. Not only did I feel bad because of that. I felt bad because I was not going to see my friends until high school. Sayra became one of my closest friends that summer. I was also nostalgic because I wasn’t going to see Adri and Noemi. They were going to different high schools. I think I lost contact with Adri the ninth grade year of high school.
The circle of friends was going through some drama. Alejandra, Sayra and I were pretty much set aside; we were now called the Triangle. One thing I hated from high school was the competition among friends. Not all the friends but the majority were competing to see who was the prettier, better, popular and smarter. I know drama has always existed but it was drama that broke the circle. Everyone started making new friends and everyone went their own way apart from what we once were. The only ones left were Sayra, Alejandra and I. I remember that in one occasion one of the girls from the circle said that it was Adri and Mimi who kept the circle together in middle school. But Adri and Mimi weren’t with us. Ninth grade was not a very good year.
It wasn’t just the drama at school that was affecting me. That same year my sister left. That year she abandoned me. Ana was never really that close to me. Yea we are sisters and everything but she has never been close to me. I remember she’d always prefer to be with my brother Tony. She was very close to him. Ana moved to live with us when I was ten, she used to live in Mexico. She didn’t come with us when we came because she didn’t want to. Ana was tired of traveling and of losing her friends. When we lived in Mexico my dad used to travel a lot. We never stayed in one place for a long time. It was really hard for Ana to make friends. For that reason she wanted to stay. When she came to Los Angeles she was fifteen years old. She didn’t want to go to school because she didn’t know English. Since she didn’t want to go to school she started working in a factory. She had it really tough but she worked hard to help my parents. Now that I think of it, Ana didn’t do much to have fun. Ana preferred to stay home and chat online. I used to stay up with her and she would tell me all about her guy friends. I remember that she used to have a huge crush on a guy who looked like her favorite wrestler: The Rock. I really miss Ana. Every time I listen to Hombres G and Mana I think of her and I either smile or get sad.
Well today is January 28, of 2009. Earlier today I was thinking of Ana and I was remembering the day she left. I was thinking of her excuse for departing. And I first it didn’t make any sense. Well it still doesn’t make any sense. But after various hours of deep critical thinking I figured I had to tell part of her story. Well, she was the second oldest following my brother. Ana was very unique. She was liked by everyone. I know that parents always say they have no favorites. But I always knew my mom loved her very much. Ana and my mother were like friends. They knew everything about each other. Ana was very different from me but there are times that I feel like she once did, except further apart from my mother. I was never able to have that strong connection with my mother. But Ana was a dreamer. She was a lover. She loved anything and like me, simple things fascinated her. I never really knew much about her love life until later when I turned thirteen.
I knew that she had a boyfriend in Mexico that adored her. He loved her very much he even wanted to marry her. My parents never allowed that. I think that they regret it now. After that Mexico guy she met another guy online. I guess they became boyfriend and girlfriend. They had a weird long distance relationship. He lived all the way to El Salvador but he was extremely nice to me, he sended me a CD with all the songs of La Ley. I was really overwhelmed I felt like crying which was funny because my sister looked at me as if I were retarded when I held the CD on my hands. But their relationship was really sad. They only exchanged letters and talked on the phone or sometimes they would chat online. I don’t remember the guys name but let’s just call him Javier. Well Javier wanted a picture of my sister. But my sister didn’t want to send one. So she just found a picture of a girl and sended it to him. He was very impressed with the photograph. He loved her even more. I felt bad for the guy because he wasn’t really in love with my sister. He was in love with the girl from the photograph. After a year of the relationship my sister decided to end it. She said it was unfair for him to live in a lie. But she ended up lying even more. She said the following:

Javi is now online..

Ana: Hi, I need to tell you something…
Javi: HI! My love!
Javi: What is it?
Ana: Well, I’ve been thinking a lot about it and…
Javi: What’s wrong?
Ana: This can’t go on, I hope u understand
Javi: …
Ana: I’m sorry..
Javi: Why? =[
Ana: Well you know, we live too far apart from each
other.
Javi: but I’m saving money and you know that, so u can come see me.
Ana: I can’t go see you..
Javi: Why? Why are you doing this?
Ana: It’s for our own good.
Javi: but u know I love you =[
Ana: I know and I do too but we just can’t be like this.
Javi: but..
Ana: I hope u understand, and well that’s not all.
Javi: did u meet anyone?
Ana: not it’s not that, I got a scholarship
Javi: Oh really? That’s good I’m happy for you. But what’s wrong with getting a scholarship? You know I support you.
Ana: I know but the scholarship is to travel to Europe.
Javi: oh
Ana: yea and I decided to go to Spain to study over there in Barcelona.
Javi: we can still talk and have a long distance relationship
Ana: no it wouldn’t work. I’m sorry but u have to understand…

Javi is typing a message…

Well the conversation kept on going and the relationship ended. The whole trip to Barcelona, Spain was a lie just to end it. I know it was painful for her. She did love him. She loved him very much. My parents never found out about Javi until later when the whole thing was over. But yea. I talk to Javi sometimes and he tells me that my sister was the one for him. I tell him that she’s still in Spain. If he only knew that her life is completely different from what he thinks. He would be very surprised. Well Ana didn’t like to go out much. I remember one night she went out with Cheli, one of her high school friends. She didn’t really want to go out with her because she was going to a club. My mom forced her to go with Cheli because Cheli was Doña Tere’s daughter. Doña Tere is my mom’s best friend. Well the night of the night club, my sister cried. She cried because she didn’t want to be there. After an hour or so they brought her back home because she wouldn’t stop crying.
I miss Ana very much. She was very childish. I remember anything she said was hilarious. She would always make Tony and I laugh. I miss her very much. I feel like shit sometimes because my attitude is horrible. There are times in which I am very pessimistic. I get mad almost about anything. I really need Ana. I really miss her. But I know she made a huge mistake by leaving. Well she met some guy at her job. She used to work with my mother when she was eighteen years old. The guy she met really liked her. Hmm it’s kind of sad I forgot his name. But hmm let’s call him David. Well David fell completely in love with Ana. I didn’t really like David; in fact I hated the guy. But then again it was her choice. They started going out, my dad allowed her to have a boyfriend but my brother Tony literally stopped talking to her. Tony is a very complicated guy. He trips out almost about anything and everything. Sometimes I blame him for my sisters depart, he sort of made her life miserable and that’s why she left. Well in part. Or maybe I’m just angry at the fact that she left. Maybe I’m just trying to blame it on someone. Her depart really affected me. I still remember what I told her the day she left.
It was a normal day; she had just learned how to drive. She was taking me to the store. At first I sort of knew something about her departure because my mom had told me something about it. But I had to hear it from Ana. Ana told me that she was going to go live with a friend; I think they called her friend “la Guilota”. I don’t remember well but I didn’t really like her. She was really weird and she was also the cousin of David. I knew Ana was lying to me, I knew Ana was going to go live with David.

“If you leave with David and do something stupid, I’m gonna be super pissed! If you leave with him I’m not even gonna cry for you!” I said.
“I’m not going with David” Ana said, “I’m not”.

Later on that day David came. Ana had already packed all her belongings, leaving only papers and things she didn’t need behind. My mother was really pissed and depressed. She cried a lot that day. A LOT. Ana and my mother argued really bad that day. My mother even called her a whore. Ana cried too. She felt like shit. Later on that day I found out why Ana left. She left because she wanted to get married already and my parents didn’t accept that marriage. They thought she was too young to get married. And yea she was too young. She really was. I was disappointed. I didn’t cry. But I had never seen my dad cry like he did that day. I couldn’t believe he was crying. I couldn’t believe she had made him cry. She just left. She left me and my mother. She broke our hearts. She broke my heart. I wanted to scream really loud that day. I wanted to scream my lungs out in desperation. Even my brother cried that day. My house was full of nostalgia. Everyone except me was crying. After a while I was only able to hear my mother cry as she talked on the phone with Doña Tere.
To this day I remember the day she left really well. I felt bad for my mother because Ana left a day before Mother’s day. The day she left changed my life completely.
I remember my dad once said that he wished we would never grow up because he preferred us small because he said we caused no problems and it seemed as if we loved them more. I have to agree with that. Well I love my parents very much. I really do. I love them. But I do believe that we change a lot and our attitudes towards those we love change as we grow up. We start paying less attention to our parents, we start living our own lives as if we knew everything about life. We classify out parents as pathetic grownups who don’t know anything about adolescence forgetting that they were once like us. I know that we’ll be like them too or perhaps maybe similar. I know they are right when they say we are wrong because they know more about life.
But yes. After Ana’s departure everything at home changed. No one mentioned her name for weeks. No one mentioned it at all.
I remember one afternoon in which I went with my parents to the laundry. I asked my dad if for permission to go to a concert of one of my favorite bands of that time: La Ley. La Ley was a band from Chile, with Beto Cuevas in vocals it was as if the angels were singing. I was in love with their music. I knew all their lyrics thanks to Javi. Their music style was influenced by the 80’s, I think I have always been fascinated with the 80’s and the New Wave genre. I really like that genre and La Ley had some of it. That band was like an escape from what I was going through at home and at school. I didn’t know how to ask my dad. But after various hours of thinking of a right way to say it, it just came out. I finally asked him. I wanted to go to their concert really bad. It was their goodbye concert, they were breaking up. I had asked my friend Sayra to go with me because she loved them as much as I did. My parents let me go to the concert but my dad let me go under one condition. I had to promise him I was never going to have a boyfriend in exchange of going to the concert. I promised him that because I really wanted to go. At that time boys didn’t matter to me. Music did. Music was all that mattered. To this day I ask myself how serious that promise was. I really don’t know if he was really serious. I don’t really know but at that time I didn’t really think about it. All I cared about was going to the concert.
The night of the concert was great I have to say. I danced and sang and screamed my lungs out like I never had done so before. That night was very special for it was my first concert and a good one too, with my friend and my godmother Elvia who was really nice to take us. She even stayed with us. It was weird though because I’m usually shy around adults and I usually can’t be myself but this time was different. I didn’t really care that she was there. I enjoyed the concert. The next day she told my mom that I looked very happy that night. I know she was happy for me too because every time she talked about it her eyes glistened. My mom would just smile every time Elvia mentioned the concert.
The concert was on the last week of 9th grade year sometime around June. It was on a Friday, and on Saturday was Alejandra’s Quinceañera. Alejandra was one of the shyest girls in school; ever since the day we met, she was extremely shy and quiet. She surprised everyone the day she announced she had a boyfriend. I was amazed myself. Alejandra was not much of a talker I guess she preferred to text out her feelings and thoughts. But she talked to me more. I guess she trusted me a little more and plus she loved art as much as I did.
Tenth grade of high school year Ale and I decided to join the art club. Mr. Wrestler Man was the advisor. His teaching name was Mr. Godinez but he was the wrestling coach. He was a really interesting man and a wise one too. He had so many interesting stories. I loved his class because it was filled with paintings and art that his students had created. He had a huge unfinished mural on his wall. M. Wrestler Man said that his students had been working on it since the past three or four years. No one had been able to finish it. Ale and I didn’t know much about drawing and art but I was fascinated by it for I loved to draw. I didn’t really know how to draw or paint to tell you the truth. I remember that there weren’t that many members in the art club. There was a list with the members, there was ten names written but only three members would show up for the meetings after school. Those members were Alejandra, Abraham and I. Abraham was a really good artist. His work was amazing and the way he used colors was brilliant. I loved his art. I never really told him how amazing it was but I often thought about it. Mr. Godinez taught me how to paint. He only had to do it once. I learned how to really fast. And by messing up on something I would learn a new painting technique. I haven’t mastered painting or anything but I enjoy working with paint. Mr. Godinez allowed us to work on the mural. I was truly honored and I felt great. I felt that I had found something I wanted to do all my life. I remember he had told Ale and I to work on the Sea mural. We began painting the blue water. I didn’t really like how that came out but I guess it was ok. Then one Friday I told Ale that the dolphins were ready to be painted. We began painting the dolphins and I really loved how they came out. I was able to give the dolphin color and texture. We finished painting the dolphins at 7pm. I remember that my parents would always get mad at me for staying so late in school. But I loved staying late. I had a reason to stay so late. The Monday after that Friday Mr. Godinez walked in the room and he was impressed by what we had done. I was quite surprised too; I didn’t think he would like it so much.
I really enjoy painting. I didn’t do it much back then only when I worked on the mural but I guess I had sort of learned how to work with paint. One thing I realized about art is that you have to not be scared to mess up. You can’t be scared; you just have to let your painting instinct guide you. Sometimes I do panic when I paint but then I think about how it’s okay to mess up. And I end up doing a good job. Well most of the times I do a good job. I remember that Mr. Godinez loved music. He loved new wave. And I think one of his favorite bands were the Smiths. He has such great taste in music. I recall one of his stories. Mr. Godinez once told us that when he was young he was like an outcast at school because he had come from Mexico. He wasn’t born in Mexico but when he was small his parents took him to live over there. It was stupid though because his parents brought him back to the U.S when he was in high school. It was tough for him because he had to learn English. At school he couldn’t hang out with the other students because he didn’t know the language. He made some friends who knew no Spanish. And because of that he learned English extremely well. He had to go to another school because well I don’t remember why. But he went to another school. He didn’t want to hang out with the Latinos because they didn’t know English and they only played soccer. He used to have a lot of CDs of the Smiths back in the days. He probably still has them. I don’t know. But once there was like a student meeting or something. I don’t remember well. But anyways. They needed music so he played some Smiths tracks. He made some friends like that. They really liked the Smiths. I think I would have loved to live in the 80s. Really I think I would have considered myself lucky. Now a days it’s really hard to find any good bands. I think back in the days they had style. I mean it was either the clothes or the music but they had something. Today we try to copy those styles. Calling it “retro” look. Nothing is the same anymore. I really wish I had the opportunity to live in the 80s. But yes. I loved to listen to Mr. Godinez stories. They were very interesting. His life was really interesting.
My aunt Lupe has some interesting stories too. And a very mysterious life. I think my aunt is the most mysterious women I’ve ever met in my life. She has been through a lot. I don’t know much about her life but from what I know I can say that her life is crazy. I think my aunt is crazy too. Ha. But I don’t know that’s just the way she is. My aunt is what you call a “curandera” which is like a healer. Or I don’t know how you say it. I think she also practices witchcraft and believes in superstition, which I find really interesting. She taught my brother some of those superstitious beliefs. I myself do believe somewhat in what she says. I think that those things fascinate me. She even gave me a dream book. It’s a book that has things you can relate to whatever you dream. It also tells you what those things mean. I really like the book because sometimes those things are true. I wish I had some type of power like her. I wish I could see the future and help people. My aunt read my future once. She also read my palm. I was really scared when she read it because she had read my sister’s hand once. It’s kind of freaky because what she told my sister came out to be true. I liked what she said about my future. But some parts weren’t so great. She said I was going to cheat on my husband. She said I was going to do the same thing as my sister. She said I was gonna finish high school and go to college. And she said I was going to be whatever I wanted to be because I had a star in me. That was a really nice thing to say. I hope I don’t cheat on the guy I marry, I hope I don’t do the same thing as my sister. But then again she told me that we can change our future. She said that it’s constantly changing. And that any little thing we do or any decision we make changes our future. I hope I have changed it. I really do.
I really miss my aunt Lupe. I haven’t seen her in months. She often disappears. I like having her around. Sometimes she scares me though. I recall one time in which she was living with us. She was sitting on the floor next to the couch and all of the sudden she closed her eyes. She had entered some kind of trance. She started talking but in a different voice. I was really scared. When her trance was over, I was amazed. But then she explained to me what had just happened. She said dead people don’t have eyes and that’s the reason why she closes them whenever she’s in a trance.