Super-Duper Hoover

THE SUPER-DUPER HOOVER
By Terry Clarke
Chapter 1

Late one night, over the town of Daisyville, there were some strange
noises. A sort of humming sound was heard, a bit like a hundred swarms
of busy little bees. The noise drifted on the wind for a while, one or
two people heard it and looked above their heads, but there was nothing
to be seen; and then - very suddenly, silence.

Next morning Billy woke up and looked around his bedroom. It was rather
untidy, in fact it was a mess! Billy himself was rather a mess too, as
he went down for his breakfast. His blond, straggly hair needed combing
and his green T-shirt was hanging out of his trousers; not that Billy
cared very much. Mother had left the house early that morning so there
was no-one home to tell him off! For the moment Billy was bored, and he
wasn't going to tuck his T-shirt in for a whole week; so there!
After breakfast (a bowl of cornyflakes and a dead-fly biscuit) Billy
decided to go out, he whistled as he walked down Farmbrook Lane,
heading towards the shops, "Maybe I'll buy some sweets", he thought.
Then something caught his eye. Right in the middle of Farmer Wilson's
field there was a shop! He looked again, and sure enough it was
there.
The shop looked as if it belonged in an old film, but it was strangely
out of place here. Billy knew it had appeared overnight, he had been
past this field just yesterday and no building of any kind stood here;
but for all the world it looked as if it had been sitting here for
years!
Billy stood on the bottom bar of the gate and peered. He could just
make out a sign in one of the leaded windows, "GRAND CLOSING SALE".
Well, this made Billy even more curious and he jumped over the gate;
very carefully avoiding the puddles and muddy bits, he walked to the
window and looked in. He was very disappointed. Nothing. Empty. Not a
sausage, just an old battered vacuum cleaner sitting in one corner,
covered in dust. It seemed as if it hadn't been touched in years, but
that wasn't possible if the building hadn't been here before.
"Hello there". The voice made Billy jump. Standing right next to him as
if he had just beamed down from the starship 'Enterprise', was an old
man. His white beard had specks of black and his bald head seemed to
shine, as though it was sprinkled with glitter. He spoke with a strange
accent; half Australian, half Scandinavian, with a hint of Scottish.
Well, that's how it sounded.
"Anything you want to buy, young laddy"?
"There's nothing to buy", said Billy glumly, "and my name's Billy not
'laddy'".
"Oh, I'm sorry, Hello Billy; my name's Glob. Let's see if we've
anything to interest you".
Glob put his hand into his pocket and pulled out a strange little key.
Carefully, he opened the door.
Inside the shop Billy looked around more closely, "Still nothing". he
said.
"Don't be like that!" said Glob, "look at this".
"It's only an old 'Hoover'".
"Aah, but it's a special 'super-duper Hoover'", said the old man
picking up a long piece of hose, "It doesn't run on electricity, you
know. Just pop a handful of grass in that hole and it will run for an
hour; and it has lots of special features". Glob hurried behind the
counter. "Instructions are around here somewhere".
Billy was a little more interested now, he knew from his mother that
electricity costs a lot of money; anything that doesn't need it could
be useful; especially as it was a super duper one with lots of special
features. Billy was a sucker for the 'soft-sell'!
"OK", said Billy, "how much"?
"I'm not sure you could afford it", said Glob haughtily.
"Oh well, never mind, I've only got nine marbles anyway; I'll give you
three of them for it".
"Five", demanded Glob.
"Four".
"Done!"
Five minutes later Billy was on his way home, Hoover tucked under one
arm (it was lighter than he expected), lots and lots of flexible pipe
wrapped around his middle and draped over his shoulders. The
instructions were tucked into his back pocket. "Read them carefully",
Glob had said, "it's very important".
Back in Farmer Wilson's field Glob watched the boy round the corner of
the lane, he rubbed his hands with glee. He turned and went back into
the shop, bent down behind the counter and pressed a few buttons. The
shop seemed to wriggle and squirm about a bit, then - POP! It had
changed into a saucer shape! Glob popped the four marbles into the
power-point and, in next to no time the ship glided gracefully into the
clouds. A strange humming noise was slowly fading on the breeze.

Chapter 2

When Billy arrived home, he put the hoover down in the kitchen. After a
quick snack (bread and honey-two slices), he decided to look at the
instructions. He pulled them out of his back pocket, and as he did so
something fell onto the floor. "That's funny", he thought, "A pair of
glasses."
On looking at the instructions he noticed something else strange; they
seemed to be in a foreign language-: Tyrinvc kdhdgs cbufkr jjfhgdnv
ikkgjhfbg euyrtfghdj ohjhkitydfg jhsfdhdjdhdj jdjdhf fdjfhfjdb
hhcbvxzsxadgfsg kjhgjhfjdytr nopoiuytnb nbnchrrurj kjjfhfuirjfkf kjdhd
djd jdndjd fkjfjfyurekfd
Once again Billy was disappointed; he couldn't understand a word of it!
"I've been diddled", he said aloud.
Billy turned his attention to the glasses still lying on the floor.
They were an odd shape and felt like cardboard, but they were
see-through like any other glasses. He held them up to his eyes. The
room appeared normal, but when he glanced down at the page his tongue
nearly hit the floor with astonishment!
These are the instructions for the New Super Duper Cleaner. Please read
carefully. The company can take no responsibility for goods damaged or
lost as a result of mis-use of this machine.
Billy spent several minutes moving the glasses backward and forward
over his eyes, watching the print turn from completely unreadable to
readable and back again. "How do they do that?"
After twenty minutes of frantic reading Billy thought he understood
some of the instructions; so, he ran into the garden and pulled up six
pieces of grass. "Enough for ten minutes of running time", the manual
had said. He popped it into the opening indicated and then pressed
button 'A'. At least he thought he had pressed button 'A'; in fact he
had pressed 'A' and 'B' together by mistake.
The machine started to make a gurgling noise; Billy stepped back, "it
should do a light clean of the floor", he thought. Quite suddenly and
without any warning the hoover leapt six feet into the air, Billy also
leapt backwards six feet and fell over a chair. "Ouch!" shouted Billy
as the hoover began a strange dance around the Kitchen, as if it was
trying to get its bearings. It shot into the next room.
Young Billy dare not follow, he could hear the commotion coming from
first the living room then the stairs and then the bedrooms. It was as
though the machine was trashing the whole house! Only when it came
swooping back into the kitchen did he make a dive for the back door
pulling it shut behind him with a slam!

Chapter 3

The noise from the kitchen had subsided; Billy knew he had to go back
and see how much damage had been done. His Mother was going to kill
him! Slowly he opened the back door and peeked his head around the
corner. Amazingly everything seemed in order. In fact it was more than
that; everything was tidy and clean! Even the washing up was no longer
in the sink! Billy opened the cupboard, and there were all the plates
and cups clean and tidy! Every room in the house was the same; Billy
even found his bedroom cleaner and tidier than he'd ever seen it
before!
He had found the Super-Duper Hoover sitting on the living room floor,
its hose was neatly coiled; it was almost as if it were asleep after
its efforts. Billy heaved a huge sigh of relief. Thank goodness
everything had turned out OK. It really was a Super machine! It had
done a tremendous job, all on just a few pieces of grass. Billy put his
feet up and was just beginning to congratulate himself when it
happened.
He hadn't noticed that his feet were on the Hoover. The buttons were on
the Hoover! Billy's feet were on the buttons!! Too late he leapt to his
feet; the machine started to make a funny gurgling noise. It sounded as
though a thousand people had reached the bottom of their milk shakes
all at the same time. Billy put his hands over his ears, then his feet
began to move! He jumped up onto the armchair; the chair began to move!
He scrambled onto the table, that was moving as well! The gurgling was
getting louder and louder. Then...SLUUUURRRRRPPPP!!!! It stopped. Billy
looked down. Mothers living room carpet had gone.

Chapter 4

Billy sat waiting for Mum to come home. He knew she wouldn't be long;
he had spent the last thirty-minutes trying to think of a way to get
the carpet back, but he dare not put any more grass in the opening. To
make things worse, he couldn't find the instructions anywhere. "It must
have eaten those as well", he said to himself.
He heard the front door open. A scary tingling feeling ran down his
back and his stomach turned a somersault.
"Hello Billy, I'm home", his Mother called.
Mother walked into the living room. "I'm dying for a cup of...
Aaaaaaaaahhhhhh!!!!". Mum screamed that scream Billy had heard before;
that had been the time he'd put a frog on her plate - and just before
she dropped the saucepan full of stew all over the floor. Billy had
been in big trouble that day too!
"The carpets gone!"; the shopping hit the floor with a thud, just like
the stew had, but without the mess.
"Yes Mum, I can explain", said Billy trying to sound comforting. "You
see I bought this Hoover for 4 marbles and..."
"We've been robbed!", shouted Billy's Mum.
"No, it's all right Mum", Billy was standing up now; "You see, the
Hoover ate the carpet, and..".
"Shut up about the Hoover, Billy". Mum saw the machine for the first
time, "Get that dirty thing out of my house and stop making up stupid
stories!"
"But Mum!"
"Billllleeeeee!!!!", it was that shout. Billy knew it was time to do as
he was told, or else.
As he carried his Hoover out of the door Billy heard his Mothers voice,
"Hello, is that the police? I want to report a robbery."
Billy's stomach did another somersault, "Oh no!", he thought, "Not the
police, now there's going to be big trouble".

Chapter 5

The police didn't believe Billy's story any more than Mother had, "An
over active imagination, that's what that boys got madam." The
detective had said. Billy decided to keep very quiet for the rest of
the day; but he was determined to get Mums carpet back.
Later on, after tea, Billy sneaked the hoover up to his room. Mother
hadn't spoken a single word to him after the police left; it was an
eerie silence, but at least it had given Billy a chance to be alone and
to think.
Billy was on the floor staring at the machine; it certainly was very
dusty; but the dust didn't want to brush off. As he looked closer he
noticed something odd. A piece was sticking out slightly, Billy pulled
gently, and off it came. "Oh, great", he thought, "Now it's falling
apart!" Billy was holding a small square box, slightly smaller than his
hand; one side was smooth, like a TV screen; while each of the other
sides were covered in buttons. As Billy twiddled with the box he saw
some strange writing appear on the smooth side. Just like the writing
in the instructions! Each button he pressed changed the strange
letters. Suddenly it came to him! "Of course!", he shouted.
Billy raced downstairs two at a time, "Mum! Have you seen any strange
looking glasses around here?"
Mums eyes looked heavenward, "No, Billy I haven't", she said with a
sigh, "If you're going completely mad, please do it quietly".
Billy dropped to the floor, looking left and right. The floorboards
were hard on his knees, but he didn't notice. "Eureka!", he cried as he
saw the glasses. They were hooked around the leg of the table as if
they were hanging on for dear life.
Back in his bedroom Billy stared through the glasses at the box in his
hands. He had discovered the remote control.

Chapter 6

Billy's Mum was puzzled. Who on earth would want to steal a carpet? It
was a very good carpet - only a few months old, but only the carpet was
missing. If they had a van big enough to carry a carpet away, why not
take everything else? And why put all the furniture back? Billy's story
was just nonsense, " I'll give him an over-active imagination", she
thought.
Meanwhile, Billy had been busy; he had pressed every button and read
all of the instructions. It was mind bending stuff, and he would have
to keep reading the instructions over and over again, before he could
even begin to remember some of them. He had also sneaked passed Mother
to get a large handful of grass from the garden. Mum had looked
thoughtful; she didn't notice him at all.
"Right", said Billy to himself, "Now to get that carpet back". He put
half of the grass into the opening, after a few button presses he found
the one he wanted.
Undo last operation - Release and press again for action.
Billy sat on the edge of his bed, finger firmly pressed into the
button, "Here goes", he thought as he let go then pressed again. A
rumbling noise came from the Hoover, then it began to shake and roll
slightly. It appeared to be moving upwards; Billy put his feet onto the
bed. As he looked down Billy could see Mums living room carpet oozing
out of the flexible hose, slowly at first, then quite suddenly -
Whoosh!
Billy could hardly see anything. He had forgotten his bedroom was much
smaller than the living room. Billy was fumbling around for the right
button when a knock came on his bedroom door. "Billy? Have you tidied
your room?" It was Mum! No time to lose he pressed and pressed again;
an enormous Sluuuuurrrrppp!! and the carpet was gone.
The door opened, "Billy! I asked you to tidy this.... Oh!". Mum sounded
very surprised, "Well done. I thought for a minute you were playing
silly games up here". Then she spotted the Hoover, quietly sitting next
to Billy's bed. "I thought I told you to get that out of my
house!"
"Yes, Mum", said Billy with a sigh, "I'll do it straight
away".
Once he was in the garden, Billy made sure Mum wasn't looking out of
the kitchen window. A few blades of grass and a whooossshh! and Mums
living room carpet was laid out neatly on the lawn.

Chapter 7

Billy had decided that he would keep the Hoover a secret. If anyone
found out they would take it away from him and he hadn't discovered
half of its 'special features' yet. Rather than carry it around with
him, Billy put the Hoover in the garden shed. It was safe there; Mother
never went near, "Too many creepy crawlies", she would say.
Billy came back from the shop to find Mick and Kathy Granville, with
Mothers help, struggling to squeeze the carpet through the back
door.
The Granvilles lived just a few doors away, and Mother was always
standing outside chatting away to Kathy Granville. Kathy was a small
woman but she seemed to have quite a large mouth, well she talked a lot
anyway. Mick on the other hand was a quiet chap, and not
unpleasant.
"Give us a hand", called Mick, "This things darned heavy".
It wasn't heavy inside the Hoover thought Billy as he ran to help, he
wasn't going to give his secrets away though.
After much huffing and puffing and shifting of furniture, the carpet
was back in place and Mother heaved a huge sigh of relief - so did
Billy. "Where did you find it, Mum?" he asked quite convincingly.
"The thieves must have bought it back", said Mum, not so convincingly.
"I can't think why. Maybe they had a guilty conscience."

Chapter 8

Over the next few days Billy learnt a lot about the marvellous machine
he had bought for four marbles. It could carry out all sorts of
cleaning tasks, from cleaning floors to cleaning dishes, the Super
Duper Hoover was a great help. It was also clever in the garden.
One spring morning much to Mother's surprise, Billy said he would dig
the vegetable patch.
"Thank you", said Mother. "That will be a great help, don't strain
yourself with that big spade, will you?"
"Of course not, Mum", said Billy. He had no intention of even using the
spade.
In the garden, Billy got the Hoover to work. First it sucked up the
topsoil. Then Billy pressed 'jumble' and then he commanded the hoover
to replace the soil. It all went perfectly. Within twenty minutes the
vegetable patch was ready for planting.
Billy was fiddling with the controls to the Hoover when a voice made
him jump. "Hello, Billy".
It was Thomas Foster, otherwise known as 'Tank'. Thomas was a big lad,
a year older than Billy. His nickname was nothing to do with his first
name; it was because he often behaved like a tank. Lumbering through
the school fields, knocking over all who got in his way.
How long had he been standing there watching him? Billy felt a little
worried, "Hi, there Tank".
After a short chat Tank wandered off, occasionally looking over his
shoulder as he went, a wry smile on his face.

The next morning Mother was in the garden, planting seeds and
marvelling at how well, and how quickly, Billy had dug the garden.
"Extra pocket money for you if you keep this up", she said.
"Keep what up?" asked Billy.
"Doing my jobs for me, of course".
That's when Billy had the idea. He would do odd jobs for everyone in
the area. He would earn lots of money that way. Of course the hoover
would have to remain a secret, but if he did the work while people were
out they would never see. He ran to the shed.
"Aaarh!!", Billy shouted as he opened the door. Right where he had left
the hoover the night before, there was an empty space.
"What on earth is the matter?" asked Mother as she stood up and started
towards him.
Billy had to think quickly, "I hit my toe on the shed door", he
lied.
"Shall I have a look?".
"No no, it'll be all right", Billy was already realising who must have
taken the hoover.
"Just going out!", shouted Billy as he ran out of the garden
gate.
"Not much wrong with the toe then", Mum shouted back, but Billy was
already out of earshot.

Chapter 9

Billy's mind was racing as fast as his feet as he sped down the road
towards Town. What would happen if Tank pressed the wrong button? Did
he know how to work it? Had he seen too much over the fence? Billy
slowed down, he suddenly realised he didn't even know where Tank
lived.
As Billy approached the Towns main road he realised it was too late.
Far too late, in fact. At first he thought there must have been a
hurricane or something; lampposts were laying on their sides, shop
windows were smashed, bits and pieces of everything were all over the
street. Billy could see two cars overturned in the distance. There was
even a settee sitting precariously on Mrs Hastings roof!
People were beginning to come out of their battered houses and shops,
everyone looked stunned. Amazingly no-one seemed to have been
hurt.
"It was a Tornado!", somebody shouted.
"I've never seen anything like it.", said a little old lady, "not in
eighty years!"
Billy had to walk down the middle of the road, there was too much
debris on the pavement. The traffic had come to a complete standstill,
well the traffic that was still on four wheels, that is.
Eventually Billy found what he was looking for, there laying at the
side of 'Markes Greengrocers', was the hoover. It looked quite
exhausted, if a hoover could ever look exhausted that is. Steam was
coming out of the end of its hose, which was still twitching in a
distressed sort of way.
Sitting on the kerb next to the hoover, sobbing like a baby, was Tank.
Standing next to Tank was a uniformed policeman (minus his helmet), the
same detective who had been at home just a few days earlier, and Tanks
Mum. Billy recognised Mrs. Foster, she looked almost identical (except
bigger, of course) and seemed to have that same 'pushy' manner. It was
she who was speaking.
"Look what that nasty machine has done to my poor son", she wailed.
"What are you going to do about it?"
The detective looked heavenward, not for the first time in his career,
he was completely baffled.
"Criminal damage. That's what it's called Madam, not to mention the
constables helmet, and your son is the chief suspect".
"I've seen that hoover somewhere before", he continued. "And you young
man! I've seen you before as well!" He had spotted Billy walking
towards them.

Chapter 10

It took an awful lot of explaining, but eventually the Detective seemed
to accept Billy's story.
"If I hadn't seen it with my own eyes I would never have believed you",
the Detective said. "Lets get these people off the street, this lad
thinks he can solve the problem".

Billy hoped the machine was up to the task of putting things right and
he hoped he could remember which one was the 'undo' button, he hadn't
got the glasses with him.
After fanning the hoover with a piece of cardboard he had found lying
around with all the other rubbish, he decided it was probably cool
enough to do the job.
"Come on hoover", he said gently as he fed it with grass from a nearby
garden.
"We are ready when you are", he called.
"OK, all clear, lets do it". Said the Detective
Billy crossed his fingers on his left hand, and just like the person
starting those lottery balls, he pressed the button.
A harsh gritty noise made Billy jump back. The hoover coughed once and
spat out the policeman's helmet.

"Better try again", thought Billy, and he headed back towards the
hoover. Without warning it took off. The hoover shot straight up fifty
feet into the air and started a mad dance, faster and faster it went
until it was just a blur.
If ever you have been near a tornado you will realise what it was like.
The rooftops trembled as the 'Super Dooper Hoover' went into overdrive.
Before you could say, "Get that settee off Mrs Hastings' roof". It was
gone. Mrs Hastings got quite a shock as she was lifted into the air and
her settee placed under her bottom!
Suddenly everything went quiet, the policemen and Billy ran to the end
of the street where the hoover sat once more. People came out of their
houses and marvelled at the tidiness of everything. Slates were back on
roofs; windows were unbroken; cars were upright (and clean
inside!).

Then, everyone began to notice a humming sound, quiet at first then
louder, as a saucer shaped object dropped from the sky and landed
gently in between cars. A door opened and out stepped Glob.
"Oh dear, oh dear." He said, shaking his head. " Here you are Billy,
four marbles. Obviously you humans are not yet ready for our
technology".
He placed the marbles in Billy's hand, looked him in the eye and
winked. Billy smiled. Everyone else was just too gobsmacked to move,
let alone speak. All watched open mouthed as Glob swept up the hoover,
tucked it under one arm, stepped back into his saucer, and was
gone.
THE END