Death

What was on your mind?
The second you stepped off that ledge
Is the plunge a final dramatic act?
Of all that hurt buried within
That you needed to unload them all
In that flight of freedom

I once did that too
Thinking it will end it all
But the bungee cord
Kept me from a mangled death
Did I ever regret it
Yes and No

They say what's on God's mind is unfathomable
His thoughts are beyond us
We can never understand Him,
But he understands us thoroughly
Why then He not help me
Understand myself
For I live daily
Not understanding
Why I behave the way I do
And say the things I do

I have kissed a girl
When she was in a coma
What was on her mind
When she took an overdose
Over a broken heart
The day she died
I could not even cry
Half my heart died too
Has it ever recovered?
I don't know

Long have I wondered
What is the blue print
Of this life that's broken
If I could open my heart up
And see what are the clots
That's blocking it from
Living and Loving
I would

I have travelled far and wide
In search of why
Why such a beautiful young soul
Decide that this world is not
Where she belongs
I have searched high and low
For why she took the plunge
I have wondered why
I did not have the courage
To do the same
What is holding me back

Once, a girl loved me like no other
But You said it was not right
And I told her so
She cried the whole night long
And I could not even console her
For my heart was twice broken
For I love her like no other
Our souls were one
Why she chose not to see me anymore
I can never understand

Perhaps when our time comes
We will meet again
As angels
Or ghosts
Meanwhile, I am wondering
Whether I am already
"Living in this world
But not of this world?"

-- YL
April 6, 2003