Rejection and desire

Its funny how I never really felt like I fitted into the crowd, or
now that you come to mention it, the whole of humanity. I was never
normal, but what is normal? Well whatever it was, it was certainly not
me. From the youngest of years I became aware of a sense of rejection.
Had I done something wrong? Or was I just a bad person? I didn't know.
Teachers said I was 'bright and conscientious and such a pleasure to
teach!' They didn't know the halve of it. Who would ever really know
what goes on behind closed doors, in the secrecy of a room, hidden by
curtains, where not even the shadows fall.
Its amazing how people can hide their problems away inside and never
tell a soul. They suffer alone in the silence of night and hope all
will turn out right. Some may be lucky and be unaffected by events. For
others, it will always come out in one way or another. Where there's
smoke there's a fire, where there's light there is hope, but in the
darkness all seems impossible.
In my times of trouble, the whole world seemed against me and I wished
it would all just end. The world was a living nightmare, full of people
who never really understood. They all said they'd always be there, they
all said how much they cared, but when I needed them most, they were
nowhere to be seen.
I lived in a dream, instead of reality. I continued to hope and pray,
that one day, I'd somehow be able to fly away. One day I'd be free from
the oppression inside of me, free from everything that had always held
me back. Someone once said to me ' you want to run, not walk', and I
did. I wanted to run and run and never look back, but how was that
possible in the present situation?
I wanted you to come and hold me, I wanted you to reach out and say it
would all be okay, to put your arms around me and never let me go. I
wanted that feeling of warmth in my heart to always be there, I never
wanted you to go. It was my fault you went, I pushed everyone away. I
couldn't see what I was doing and I didn't understand the truth. I can
only ask you for forgiveness and say you touched me in such a way. You
will always be a part of me and I hope that I'm a part of you.