sticky stars

i hardly exercise and forget to wear sunscreen.
i'm no vegan, tried it but i love omelettes and sour cream.
i'm anxious most the time, have weird dreams about being eaten by a cartoon crocodile in the bathtub.
but at least i don't drink anymore.

plus i have an italian half-boyfriend.
sometimes we talk on the phone while i eat mac n cheese and play computer solitaire.
wants to visit me in the states pretty soon.
it's probably not love but feels nice, like a soft pillow.
i always cry when i hear the song moon river and wish i could sing
it to somebody like audrey hepburn does in breakfast at tiffany's
and have that feeling
of being full and light at the same time.

i still have the sticky stars on the ceiling above my bed
the ones you gave me for my sixteenth birthday
cause i told you they made me feel like a child again
which meant i could be brave.
but the biggest star, the one you wrote my name on
and i put near my pillow
fell in the crack between the bed and the wall
a couple years ago, after you left school
and i stopped seeing you around.
i never looked for it, but i think about it sometimes.

i was at the park yesterday and i saw this lady,
middle aged and only a little fat
swinging alone on the swing set.
she was swinging really high, pumping her legs like
your mom and dad tell you to do when you're a kid
so they don't have to push you all the time.
i wondered if she was going to jump off
but she stopped pumping and i couldn't tell
if she was happy or sad or neither because
she wore sunglasses
and when the swing stopped she sat there for a minute
digging her shoes into the woodchips
before she got up, walked to her car and drove away.

i'd call you sometime
but i lost your number when i broke my phone.
i haven't seen you since you used to work at that yogurt place.
i went there last week and the girl with green hair told me
you quit.

but it doesn't matter because i'm not sure
you'd like me these days anyway, bored and reckless and
with my heart in pieces all over my skin,
jagged but still pulsating, glowing
like little sticky stars.