Ten Rules for a Happy Life

Ten Rules for a Happy Life

1. Never eat more than you can see, nor look at more than you intend to eat.

2. Never enter competitions involving the hand of a king's daughter unless you know how the story ends.

3. Be strong, for in strength lies wisdom. Don't take any notice of this yourself, it doesn't make any sense, just tell it to other people. They will think you both strong and wise.

4. If you sell the family cow for anything less than its full market value, don't tell your wife about it. When she asks where the cow has gone, tell her the fairies spirited it away. On second thoughts, just tell her about the magic beans. The result will be the same either way.

5. Remember: there's no such thing as a free wish. Always check the repayment terms. Some genies charge extortionate rates.

6. If anybody offers you a cottage in the woods you should always check the wolf insurance, particularly if it is made from straw or wood or contains a suspicious-looking grandmother. If it is made of gingerbread you should also make sure that it is insured against birds, mice, rain, crumbling, mould and abandoned children.

7. Never carry black puddings made from the blood of an Englshman, giants can smell them from miles away.

8. Never trust magic mirrors, even if the salesman did use the word 'salon'. If you want to be the fairest of them all, put your faith in products from the TRESemmé chemical factory. They might eat your face but they come in such pretty boxes.

9. If involved in a fight with Death Eaters, don't bother with a wand. An Uzi will sort them out far more effectively. Those muggles know a thing or two.

10. If you find yourself spinning straw into gold, the name you're looking for is Rumplestovepipe. I think. Or was it Rumplebodkin? Oh, just Google it.