The stranger I now call myself.

I woke up this morning to the reality that I was looking at someone else in the mirror, how long that slow change had taken I know not but when the walls came falling down and I stood there alone, cold, scare and afraid of what I have become, A monster in my own body. The rot was there for a very long time.
I felt in control of what I was doing but in reality I was so far from the truth that it slowly destroys every little bit of my being.
I felt proud when I should feel disgust, I felt trusting but who can trust the enemy? I felt I had achieved because the magnitude of my failing are too great to comprehend.
The person who felt so safe and secure in my arm now fears those very same arms.
I once had the drive to succeed the motivation to take on the world I now drive to destruction and the world has beaten me.
I look around in shear bewilderment, the stunned deer in the headlights but everyone has moved on and there is not a soul to turn to.
No one want to comfort, no one want to know anymore.
So many lives will be altered today due to one.
I put one foot on the floor and hope I don’t fall, I try to move but am scared of what may come. The next step forward brings on a bit of hope but the next knocks you back down. I stand and look for those loved ones but they stare from a distance as I struggle for balance. I can see the sorrow and sadness in their eyes but they can’t help me. They don’t turn their backs instead they stand motionless in the distance all dull and grey from the person I have become.
I will stand again tomorrow and try and make sense of this madness, I feel my own body drifting away. Find the control through some sort of normality but that has failed me this is not normal and normality no longer lives here.
Where has this stranger come from and when will he leave!!!