Jesus Christ and the Washing machine

Jesus bought a washing machine in order to wash to sodden clothes of
his soul. He crawled in head first and switched it on the cottons cycle
with extra rinse and at 60 C in temperature. He knew it was wrong to
crawl in, but he did it anyway, he really wanted to get really clean
for what was to come. He had bought the newest and the latest washing
detergent as promoted by the three minute advertising commercial on
television. He could see that this uncompromising advertisement had
manipulated his decision, placing suggestions and perceptions in his
mind. Jesus did not mind. As he rolled round and round inside the
stainless steel hub of the washing machine, slowly at first, but then
faster yet faster, he contemplated what was to come. He knew what he
had done was wrong, and he should be punished for what he had done, but
he had made an informed decision. Society had made it unpreventable. As
the hard metal drum of the washing machine rotated at an ever
increasing rate, Jesus was pushed against the perimeter with an ever
increasing force. The flow of water had entered. Jesus found it hard to
breath. Jesus found it hard to open his mouth to draw air into his two
lung compartments that would draw oxygen into his bloodstream and keep
him living. The habit that he had previously found entirely effortless,
did now require effort.
Just as Jesus could feel with joyous anticipation that the moment
would finally arrive, after a lifetime of waiting, he could smell the
burning of some device. As he would finally reach his nirvana, he had
been thwarted by the unreliability of some fuse or motor manufactured
in some unknown foreign country where the labour costs were inevitably
lower.
Jesus did not die in a washing machine. He sadly lived to full and
ripe old age. Living a tortured life in this cold, metallic world that
presents itself with a brand called suffering. Unsacrificed.