The Barking Chaos

Barking is what I do. It’s a dog’s habit. Though my mom isn’t really in “barking terms”. She instantly gets mad when I bark. It isn’t like I just bark for fun. I bark to protect us. 

Today, I saw a Magpie, with dark blue wings, dark blue tail and a black head. Sitting on an old tree outside our house, staring right at our window. The magpie’s head was tilting left and right, trying to look cute. But I’m no fool for that. Of course, we all know that it’s going to break into our house, steal all my mom’s precious and EXPENSIVE jewelry, and leave through the window! 

So I barked.. and barked.. and barked. It didn’t move a muscle. I don’t even think it could hear me, so I decided I had to get out and scare that thing away. My plan was to get out of the room I was in, go through the kitchen, into the living room, out through the front door, and go find that old tree the magpie was in.

My legs trembled, and before anyone could stop me, I ran so fast—as if someone was controlling me. Turns out I was so excited that I accidentally pressed the red button on my mom’s treadmill, and the treadmill was sort of controlling me. So now I’m standing on a sheet of mat that's going round and round under my feet, faster than I could manage. 

Now I’m panting, my heart’s beating so fast. So fast that it was beating faster than when I first saw Bella. Bella’s the gorgeous dog of our next-door neighbor. When she first moved in, I saw how stunning she was, so I decided to go and say hi to her, and invite her for a meal of leftovers! But once I got there, I didn’t know that they got a bulldog too! I found myself face to face with the bulldog, Danny. There were rumbles through his gritted teeth. And before you know it, that’s when my life almost ended. 

Anyway, the treadmill is still turned on, and it’s going 10,000 mph! Well, it isn’t actually going that fast, but it feels like it is. There were footsteps and a bit of yelling coming towards the treadmill. It was my mom. 

“What the heck is going on here?” she yelled.

I whimpered.

I don’t even remember how I got here in the first place. Is it that Bella was into masculine dogs so past I wanted to exercise using a treadmill? Like, what was I even thinking? I don’t know how to work that thing. Well, magnificent job past me for making mom mad! 

Mom turned off the treadmill while whispering words under her breath, like “stupid dog”. I have no idea what ‘stupid’ means, but she says it all the time when she’s mad, so I think it means the same thing as ‘bad dog’. 

Once she turned it off, I saw the magpie fly out of the tree to our window. He sat on the window ledge and watched us inside. Now I remembered why I got here, it’s not because I wanted muscles, but because I wanted to get rid of that stupid Magpie. I still don’t know what stupid means, but I called the magpie stupid because I’m mad at him. 

I continued with my plan. I ran as fast as I could out of the room. Then I went through the kitchen, then on the dining table. Well, it isn’t part of my plan to go on the dining table, but I couldn’t help myself not to crave the leftovers from mom’s lunch. 

Anyway, I got down from the table and went through the living room and out the door. There were strangers in front of our house riding this vehicle with 2 wheels. So, of course, I HAD to bark at them. I think I scared them away because right after I barked; they left! 

After that, I went to look for that tree with the magpie. In front of me was a wide and small tree, it definitely wasn’t it. There was an old and tall tree behind it, but the magpie wasn’t there. Then I remembered, the bird was on our window ledge! So, I went around the outside of our house trying to look for the window with the magpie. 

First, I checked the windows on the facade of the house. There were only dried up leaves there. On the left side of the house, branches filled the ledge of the windows, and the bird was nowhere to be spotted. On the right side of the house, there was the magpie. 

“Arf! Arf! Arf!”

He didn’t move a muscle. Now I’m wondering, is he deaf? So I pretended to bite it. Well, I didn’t actually bite him. Of course, I’d never. Yuck! But he probably thought I would because he flew away. He flew up and up until he was just a small speck in the sky. 

Because suddenly, a familiar face dashed outdoors. It was mom. I don’t think I impressed mom with all the barking. She was furious. She started yelling and saying a bunch of stuff I don’t understand. I saw Bella watching. I was so embarrassed! So, I had to use one of my tricks to make her stop shouting. 

I rolled over, showed my stomach and very politely said “please”. She instantly knelt down and rubbed my belly. I’m pretty sure she forgot about everything already, because she brought me inside and played with me, like nothing just happened. 

I do hope she doesn’t find out I ate her leftovers, and that I made a huge mess on the dining table.