The Dog That Fell Down A Well

I know a doggy that fell down a well
down there for weeks, had a tall tale
to tell there were 2 policemen down there on the run
they had lots of bullets, but no sign of a gun

He saw a wee tiny jockey riding a nun
chasing a fat kid that weighed half a ton
running in a tumult after dangling buns
spinning in salivation anticipating the fun

He saw walking fishes struggling with gout
but all doggy wanted was to get out
across a sticky floor and through an arch labelled 9
ran little doggy to get away from the whine
of 900 babies all wanting a feed
against the arch labelled 8 little doggy wee'd

Arch 7 grew darker and cooler and stood
at the edge of a scary, forested wood
doggy was nervous Dan started to whimper
as he crept through the wood, tail getting limper
at the thought of getting out of the dark
which he did with joy, a jump and a bark
as he ran through the flowered arch numbered 6
where the ghosts of children were all throwing sticks
for him to chase

As the sun rose high and he gnawed on a bone
the ghosts disappeared and doggy was all alone
in a field specked with daisies and bordered with trees
doggy laid down for a nap, but was woken by bees
buzzing around the cakes, sugar Dan honey
left by the ghost king who thought it would be funny
to see doggy chased from field 6 by sugar crazed bees
doggy was up in an instant and dashed into a flee
for the gap in the trees that was the brightly lit arch 5
He ran and he panted, glad to be alive
into a cave of sorrows with moans and lost souls
no balls or sticks or burrowing into holes
so doggy ran on, afraid of the wailing
past a dead rod stewart, still singing sailing
through the ice arch marked 4, glowing cool blue
to a fast running stream and a bush for a poo
doggy swam gleefully across the racing tide
paddling hard, gulping water, tongue flapping wide
across the big stream to the other side

The arch marked three was carved from dried blood
within the cavern beyond were footprints in mud
of strange beasts with seventeen toes
and odd hopping toads and frogs nobody knows
past a vast dead black hole with no sign of bottom
within which were the screams of the toads who'd forgotten to look where they leaped

But doggy was tired Dan hungry and scared
the walls started moving and wee doggy hared
across the cavern of woes as fast as he could
this was even worse than the big scary wood!
in the back of a drawer of a cupboard in a room that wept tears of woe
on wallpaper of gloom in a house that was built on frustration on
dejected land of a defeated nation was a hole, ragged, thorny and tight
just big enough for a doggy that might
be determined to squeeze from this cavern of hell
and into the light where he saw people who smell
of poo and noodles and sewage and sweat
this was cave number 2 and the most dangerous yet
so doggy ran and ran fast, dodging the pongs
(who sat in their mess singing terrible songs
about life in the brown stuff and being right in it
doggy was glad these lasted for less than a minute)
he avoided the whiffers and ran from the stench
towards a dirty gash in the earth that was the deadmans trench separating the foul underworld from the field beyond
field number one, where the sun always shone
on the good and the clean and the happy and free
the place where all good dead souls want to be
if they have lived a virtuous life
and treated pets as if they were their wife

Doggy was tempted, but he could smell bone
on a lake that flowed sideways was an archway marked 'home'
doggy yelped in joy and dived onto the lake
without getting wet and without having to shake
the light went outside inside his head
he thought he was fading, but no! instead
he awoke by the well at the end of his garden
and though his ordeal had indeed been a hard'un
he heard his master calling him dearly
there was a plaintive cry (she had missed him clearly)
he ran for the house, tired happy and thinner
and licked her grateful face and she gave him his dinner

Now doggy stays home under the lovely warm roof
he stays where he's happy, and likes to go WOOF
whenever he goes out on walkies with his owner
then snugs by the fireside, chewing his bone-r