14:44 9-16-04

such melancholy
and it doesn't matter
nirvana is a
rainy day friend
or do they say fair weather?
Easy to
get it confused

times when I was at peace in the
storm
time I anticipated bad weather
because I was
rather bored, also,
life was too entirely, good to be
true
to sit in a church on the west
side

you can walk past housing
projects
cross over 30 city blocks
yet still in the
same neighborhoods
if someone lives there they sell
crack
a cheap drug for a cheap
high

lucrative it gets you in the door
a
few pennies to buy designer clothes with
you'd probably have
to rob other dealers
form a tightly woven clique of
dealers
or graduate to purer drugs

to
really get ahead in that game
not that I would know about
it
corners that are as vacant and desolate
as the
buildings within that block
prostitutes stand on the
corners

selling themselves and the idea
of
a good time you're willing to die for
because once you undress
yourself
those dealers are going to come out into
the
room from the closet and the bathroom

you're better
off dying from aids
because you have time to
contemplate
your mortality and get yourself
right
only if you choose to do so
yet in this town
every corner

as so many others in this
country
a church, yet also, a liquor store
chrome for
your car, and throw money
at dancers, and if someone
does
live on the block, a safer way to

buy
your drugs, enhance your social life
and whatever else you'd
do, and you
wonder why I moved out of
that
neighborhood, or am I looking for
the ghetto out
in Peoria, Rockford?

So life moves at it's pace, and
I
stand here in my own head, and
everything is a
blur, and I can
feel however I want to feel,
guess
depends on how I want to feel that
day

as there are so many choices once
up
you can bring yourself back down
and back up again, any
depression
is simply a failure or inability to

utilize life's 'resources' to do so