Trying to find a place

Trying to find a place
That they'd know I exist
Yet where I do call home
Never good enough
Always something else

Yet if I never get there
Does it mean anything?
Any significance, given
That I at least looked
Invisible man looking

In a visible place
Squeeze my heart in
My hand, at it beats
Violently, do you think
You'd be more amazed

At the fact that of how
It squishes in-between
My fingers, then collapses
As if constricted, suffocating
Times when asphyxiation

Was a metaphor for something
Up against the wall, we're
Way far out, yet sick of
The tricks, who's talking
About anything, what matters

If nothing does I thank you
For that closure, move on
With "life" take photographs
Of trees and the contrast
Of the sun as it sets on a farm

Out in New England, funny
That intellectualism will send
A man on a journey that's
Un-traveled by humanity yet
Quite boring to God

Of no interest, nothing is
Absolute for us, questioning
More so to exercise our
Abilities, abstractions
Everyone sits on front of

The same screens, all across
The world, can't miss out
On anything, to look at my
Hand in a jar of formaldehyde
Biologists can give you fair

Warning 20 years from now
Nothing to walk around after
Death just to get the truth on
The lies you'd found comfort
In, just ether, unknown to

Everyone but quantum physicists
And other geeks finding comfort
In something that means nothing
Yet takes everything to explain
How that exists, taking notes in

Their class the micro cassette
Recorder is out of tape and the
Hands are numb trying to write
Plus the brain is a wreck
Differentiating what to retain

And what to forget, one of many
Parties you'd had, and I'm distraught
And traumatized, all at once
Of course what's normal is what's
For losers, yet losers have peace

Of mind, when did it become
So difficult to articulate and
Describe "emotions", if not
Artificially, because they're
The same 5 feelings with

Perverse abstractions, having
Been taken to different levels
Of intensity you're used to
Experiencing, and when will
We stop outdoing each other?

If the moon is a satellite of the
Earth, gravitational pull, from
That distance, whom do I revolve
Around, emotional pull from
My past, unresolved conflict

Indefinite eclipse and you're
Going to stand in-between them
Their happiness, when it's the
Other way around, because
It's your weakness that has

You shifting without explanation
Just going along with it, waiting
To stand in front of the truth again
As if it needs you or recognizes
The "matter" of your emotional state

Again invisible, so full of water
We're bloated, so buoyant in an
Ocean of problems, yet we couldn't
Save anyone from drowning with
Our best efforts, in search of land

Hopefully no one is there when we arrive