Introspective Looking Glass

Misplaced thoughts inside my head
By the hand, down the path I'm led
I hear the shriek of breaking dreams
I hear their holders sob and scream
I feel the warmth upon my skin
The lava boils to cleanse the sins
Want is such a strong emotion
Lost in desire like in a hopeless ocean
I just want it all to stay the same
But I know it can't and it drives me insane
Why bother trying to freeze frame the present
A choice like that could fill me with resentment
The whole world and everyone in it could die
For not staying the same but they'd never know why
It's all I want, it'd be all I need
Of course that my psychosis it'd feed
It'd rot my mind and kill my soul
I'd be defied by my intentional goal
My own dreams would then betray me
They twist into a hellish fantasy
This change must come for freedom to be had
In order to move on I cannot be sad
My frustration will kill me if I don't hold on
My grip reaffirmed, I know I am strong
These hellish fears bite into my flesh
The imagination can handle the rest
It sends me into a violent paranoia
I stalk and hunt them like a vicious hyena
I don't want these habits anymore
This weight is a burden and a sore
When am I relieved of my duty
When Can I enjoy all of life's beauty
I struggle and sweat and get no reward
I have to steal it with the tip of my sword
A peasant, a slave, beaten to submission
A violent menacing beast not quite in remission
I don't like it but that creature is within
It hates the world with violent eyes and want the end to begin
I've fought it on several occasions with such great success
But to do it I need to push myself into excess
It tore my head apart with nasty violent claws
Abandoned in a world of right angles and right laws
Rigid, judging walls move on in around me
There is no escaping here I will not be set free
If I want to taste the air it's up to me to make it right
If I want my happiness than I have got to fight
Beat these ugly thoughts back with bloody knuckled fists
If I want whole dreams again I'll have to take the risks
Misery loves company but I'm too much of a longer
I don't like my misery because it makes me flounder
I don't enjoy the lonely nights or the isolation
I don't like that i pushes me to cause these lacerations
Push the rock up such a steep hill
Might I be better off bitterly swallowing a pill
Turn my mind to mush to feel more happiness
eat my medication my frustration will repress
I hope it doesn't come to that
I hope I do not fall that fast
Misery follows like a demonic shadow
But my strength has a power it can never know
End this cycle with strength of hand
Make a life that's finally rand
Worthy of all of life's treats
Worthy to taste those lips so sweet
Earn the award for once in my life
Through blood and sweat and painful strife
I want respect from all my peers
But no, I don't want them to cheer
I just want them to be proud
To no just treat me like a shroud
Validate that I am there
I just want them to fucking care
That's all, that's it, that's the only thing
That happiness just might not bring