My Not So Sweet Sixteen

 My Not So Sweet Sixteen

When I woke up that day in July I couldn't believe I was finally sixteen. Well, not technically until 9:03 pm. I was finally old enough to drive and date. Justin had been my boyfriend for a year and we had never been out together alone. Our parents had always been with us. Being sixteen meant I could go to the movies with Justin.

 

I spent the day shopping with Mom. We went out early that morning had breakfast, went to ever store in town, or so it seemed. She bought me new clothes, make-up, perfume, and a lot of other things I picked out. I just knew there would be a car in there somewhere. These things were all perks of being an only child. I didn't need sisters. That's what I had Molly Parkerson for. As soon as were done shopping, it was home to set up.

 

Dad was putting up the tent in the back yard. I watched him for a while as I barely nibbled my lunch. Then Molly came over to help me get ready for my big day. We spent every day together anyway it only seemed natural that she would share this day with me. We met in preschool. Our parents went to school together and lived in the same neighborhood all of their lives.

 

People who didn't know us often thought we were sisters. We both had very dark hair, blue eyes, fair skin, and a petite build. I always thought she was prettier than me. She didn't have many boyfriends and I don't know why. Justin's friend, Peter sure had a thing for her but she didn't notice. Or, at least that's what she wanted everyone to think. She had secretly confessed to me that she thought he was cute. She didn't have a good or bad reaction when I told her Peter was coming to the party. I thought no reaction may have been the loudest reaction of all.

 

We spent the whole afternoon doing our make-up, trying on clothes, listening to music, and talking about everyone we knew. She was just as excited about the party as I was. She had hers coming up in two months. Tonight was a preview for her.

 

The party went off without a hitch. Everyone had a great time. Most of my classmates and friends from church were there. It was everything I had hoped for. It would be the most memorable night of my life. I had the party on my mind as I cut a piece of my left over birthday cake. Still smiling, I couldn't help but think I was the luckiest sixteen year old girl in the world. I have the best family, best friend, best boyfriend, and now I would have the best parties in my class. While my mind could still hear the music from the party, my ears could hear the sound of my dad's voice calling my name.

 

“Carly, honey could you come in the living room?” When I rounded the corner Dad and Mom were both waiting for me.

“What's up Dad?” I asked before shoving the last bite of  cake in my mouth.

"Sweetheart, we need to talk.”

As I sat down I noticed the seriousness in his face at all.

“Dad, you look upset. Is something wrong?

“Honey, we need to ask you some questions and we need you to be perfectly honest with us.” Mom said. She looked as bad as Dad. She had no color at all in her face.

“OK. You're scaring me.”

So he asked with all kinds of seriousness, “did someone bring alcohol to your party?”

 

Oh my God, how did they find out? They stayed inside all night. I knew I should have made them take that stuff away from my party. Now my parents knew and I thought they would kill me. Should I tell what I knew? I don't want to be a rat. But, I don't want to take the blame for what they did either. I thought about it for a minute then took a deep breath and told them the truth. “Justin and Peter Gibson brought some, Dad. They are the only ones who drank, as far as I know. I didn't see anyone else. That's the truth, I promise. Am I in trouble? ”

“No baby, It's not you we're worried about, it's Molly.” His voice was cracking. I never saw my dad cry.

“Is something wrong with Molly? She didn't drink anything at all.” I really didn't know if I wanted an answer to my question. Mom put her hand on my knee. “Peter was driving Molly home last night. There was an accident. They weren't wearing their seat belts. Neither of them made it, honey. I'm so sorry.”

She was crying so hard. I could tell it was killing her to tell me that. Soon I began to cry too.

“What?! That's a lie! Why would you do something like that to me?” I screamed while jumping from the couch. When I got to my feet Dad grabbed me and held me. His arms so strong around me. He didn't let go even when I started hitting him and begging him to take that conversation back.

 

All of a sudden I couldn't breathe. My muscles tightened up so much they were in horrible pain. I felt weak. “She can't be dead, she just can't be gone. We are supposed to go to the mall today. And, now you're telling me I'll never see her again? This is wrong. It's just wrong.” Mom was standing behind me rubbing my back. I turned to her and apologized for accusing her of lying to me. She just let me fall into her arms.

“Mom what happened?”

“Baby I don't think the details will make you feel better.” she said through her tears.

“No, I want to know.” I said loudly.

She began slowly. “He was going way to fast. He crossed the center line and hit a semi head on. She had to be cut from the car.”

 

“So she sat there and suffered until they got her out?”

“We don't know. She was gone when they got there. But, the police officer we talked to said that it would be hard to tell given the condition of their bodies.”

“Their bodies?” I asked speaking through my teeth. “I don't care about his body. He killed my best friend. He should have suffered.” my voice got louder as I spoke.

“Carly, we don't say things like that in this house. Only God can make that decision.” Dad said firmly yet compassionately.

I felt so defeated at that point. “Sorry Dad.”

“Your dad and I will do anything we can to help you deal with this.” Mom said putting her arm around me. “We know how much you love her. We love her too.”

 

The next couple of days were the hardest of my life. I didn't know what I would do without Molly. I couldn't believe she was gone. The funeral was almost unbearable. Molly's parents were beside themselves. Her mom didn't want to let her casket go when the service was over.

 

As we walked to the truck Justin began telling me how bad he felt about bringing the alcohol to the party. Even though Justin was my boyfriend and I loved him, I couldn't help but hate him right then. I didn't know if I could ever forgive him. I hated him and Peter for bringing it, I hated Molly for getting in that car and I hated myself for not asking her to stay.

 

“If only I had her spend the night with me this wouldn't have happened.” I was crying uncontrollably now. Justin put his arms around me as we stood outside his truck. He kept promising it would be OK but I didn't know how true that could be. But, I appreciated him saying it all the same.

“You want to go home or to the dinner at the church?” He asked still holding me. I felt so safe with my head against in his chest. No matter how much I hated him I couldn't let him go. I needed that comfort. I needed someone and now that Molly is gone, I felt like I had no one.

“No.” I replied. “I don't want to do either one.”

“OK, baby that's fine. What would you like to do? I'm yours all day.” he said so sweetly, his voice muffled because it was buried in my hair where he was kissing my head.

That thought angered me. But, I knew it wasn't all Justin’s fault. Still, I didn't know how to forgive him. He excused himself to go say hello to a friend before leaving. While waiting for him to come back, Molly's mom and dad came out of the church. They were crying and holding each other as they walked slowly. I went over to them, “Hi Mr, Mrs. Parkerson, I just wanted to come say how sorry I am and I really love Molly and am so sorry for what's happened.” I was so worried they would blame me. My nerves were on edge out of fear they would yell at me and tell me to get lost. But, I was surprised when her mom reached out to hug me. She was telling me how sorry she was too. We talked for a while about the fun things that Molly did and said. How she didn't have to work at being a good person. She was as beautiful inside as she was on the outside. We talked about us keeping contact because we were family. We exchanged I love yous and then I went back to wait for Justin.

 

We decided to go to Molly's favorite restaurant to eat. She and I went there at least once a week. On the drive there I told Justin about the conversation I had with Molly's mom and how happy it made me that her family didn't blame me and didn't hate me. When we got to the restaurant I ordered Molly's favorite meal. I couldn't eat it though because of my nerves. I hadn't eaten anything since the birthday cake when my parents gave me the bad news.

 

That night when I went to bed my mom came to check on me.

“How are you feeling Carly?” she asked with the softest voice. I don't remember her voice ever sounding like that.

“I don't know Mom, I’m just kind of not feeling anything. I don't know what to feel or how to act. I mean, how am I supposed to feel?” My eyes started to burn. “Molly and I did everything together. Classes at school, Sunday school, and everything Mom, everything we did we did together. Now what?” Both of us were crying.

“I don't know what to say sweetie, except people deal with loss differently and you have to grieve ever how your heart tells you to.”

                                                     

“Mom, how can God let this happen to me and Molly?” Why did He take her away while she was so young? If she were here she would know what to say to make me feel better. She always made me feel better. I don’t think I can live in a world without her. Who will I talk to? God is supposed to want us to be happy, right? How can I be happy now? He took the very best friend that I'll ever have in this world away from me and all I can think of is how I wish I would have been in that car with her.” My questions flowed so fast Mom didn't have time to answer all of them.

“Sometimes, it’s not our happiness that God is concerned most about. It's our strength, character, and our faithfulness. We don't always know why God does what He does but we do know that whatever it is it's for the best and we should always rely on Him for strength. No matter how mad we are at Him. Just trust in His divine wisdom and draw from His comfort and He will help you get through this and you will be stronger when you do.” With that she kissed me on the forehead and left my room.