Two Halves

Edward lay in bed, debating how much longer he could stay under his quilt staring at the ceiling. He had to go into town and buy things for work, and he also wanted to check out the new DVD releases in HMV. His pay packet was itching to be removed from his bank account and spent. The problem was that once Edward left the security and comfort of his bed, he would have to enter the real world again. Reality was often a painful experience for Edward. People often trod on his feelings, made judgements about him without knowing him, and in that world, his heart was open to attack from those he thought he could trust. Lying under the covers, Edward could delay the inevitable, but he knew that he couldn't do it forever. In eight and a half hours he would have to be at work, and if he didn't have everything he needed he would be letting himself and his colleagues down. Grudgingly, he pushed himself up onto his right elbow, removed the double quilt and forced himself out of the double bed and across the now sun-streaked room to the bathroom.
As he looked in the mirror, Edward sighed. Time definitely had taken its toll on him, and as he reached for the razor, he contemplated the days when he had not looked like the loser in a vicious fight every morning. The dark circles under his eyes told him that he probably should get a job that didn't involve such irregular hours, even if it was good pay. He knew that he was doing himself no favours by not getting enough sleep, but even if he had had the opportunity for a longer sleep, one bad dream or another would have awoken him. He ran the shower and adjusted the temperature before standing under the running torrent of water.

*

"Aristocracy is proud to present our tantalising hostess with attitude, 'Ball-breaker Brenda'. The announcement came over the club's P.A. system, and the as Brenda took her position in the DJ box, the crowd roared with appreciation. The buxom blonde with blue eyes and lusciously long legs was a popular attraction at Aristocracy, and she knew it.
"Is everybody ready for a fabulous Friday night at Aristocracy? Brenda revelled in the attention she received from her audience, and was soon into her usual comedy routine; making sarcastic comments about the lack of good-looking men in the room, and chatting away in her vivacious manner that was somewhere between Eddie Izzard and Jethro by nature. The regulars had heard the routine before, but they too joined in with the raucous laughter. A lot of them propped up the metallic bar that lined the wall opposite the booth from which Brenda captivated her audience, commenting on the fact that she was on top form. One of them realised it more quickly than the rest when Brenda commented on the fact he was there without his other half, and probably sneaking away for a bit on the side. He blushed bright red, waved at her, and then stuck his middle finger up. Brenda knew full well that his partner was visiting family on the mainland.
The lights shone brightly off the pale blue walls in the large bar area, reflecting the happy mood of the punters. As Brenda continued her act, the regulars chatted, enjoying the laid back atmosphere at the club, willingly looking forward to a night of fantastic entertainment and dancing. The new cabaret show started that night, and those who often frequented the establishment knew that if the rest of the show team were as on the ball as Brenda tonight, it would be a fantastic performance.

*

Edward hated town on a Friday afternoon, especially in the middle of summer. The high street was always full of tourists, and the locals were in town on force with their children who were on their six-week vacation. The little brats were always whinging at their mothers to buy them things and running screaming through the shops. Edward despised children, to him they were annoying mini-adults who would one day grow up to torment him like others or use and abuse him. As he entered Comedia in search of something new for work, he nearly got knocked over by a group of teenagers who obviously had nothing better to do with their time than trawl through the shops causing mayhem. At least none of them had really noticed him. If they had heard him talk however, it would have been a different matter. He may have looked like your average man at five ten, shaven head and a couple of tattoos, but his effeminate voice could make him the subject of ridicule within seconds. It was something he had had to put up with at school, tormented for years because the other boys' voices had broken and his had remained the same. His friends said it was part of who he was and added to his character. Edward called it his curse.

*

The cabaret at Aristocracy was in full swing. The show was a series of songs from different musicals, all with a comedy twist and each segment involved a large amount of audience participation, be it singing along or getting them on their feet to dance. Brenda lost count of the amount of costume changes she had to make in between the different songs she was performing, and she didn't care. She was in her element. With each costume change, Brenda got to show a different side to her personality, and with each song she got to belt out feelings that would otherwise have remained hidden. Although it wasn't on a grand scale, Brenda was in show business, and that's all she had ever wanted, ever since she was small. The bright lights, the music, and above all, the audience lapping it up and showing their enjoyment. All Brenda wanted was to entertain. When she was younger, she and her older sister had dressed up and put on shows for her parents and their friends and neighbours to while away the winter months. Now she was getting paid for doing pretty much the same thing all year round and she never lost the childish excited fever that performing gave her.

*

All Edward wanted was to be liked. He had a few friends admittedly, but he rarely made new ones. The only time he felt completely comfortable with humanity was on film. None of the characters in movies or on TV made fun of him. They were definitely easier to cope with. As Edward rifled through the new titles in the DVD charts, he thought longingly of the day that he too would find a loving and caring partner who would accept him for him. In the meantime he would have to make do with living vicariously through the screen and the love lives of the small number of people he counted as friends. Life could definitely be a horrible thing to deal with when you were on your own. A lot of his friends spent months at a time working away from home, and he rarely got to see them. Others he knew only through work and therefore knew he would see them only if they could get out of the house. The majority had families to deal with, and while as a general rule he couldn't stand children, he was a great godfather and surrogate uncle to the children of those friends that did have kids. He could handle the offspring of those he was close to as they accepted him like their parents did. As he handed over the money to the shop assistant, he thought to himself that maybe it wasn't hatred after all, maybe it was just fear. The same sort of fear he had had to deal with all of his life. Edward's own fear of discrimination ruled his everyday general life, and the fear of those around him due to their lack of understanding fuelled his further. At least he would always have Brenda to help him through the difficult times.

*

Brenda stood back in the DJ booth, the show had come to its conclusion, and she was happily exhausted. Three more hours and she would be finished work, and she wished it wasn't going to come around so quickly. She smiled as a couple of the regulars came up to the booth for a chat whilst the music was playing.
"Brenda, you coming upstairs afterwards? Amanda, a young woman with flaming red hair, green eyes and boundless amounts of energy smiled at the DJ.
"Like you could stop me. Anything you want played up there tonight? Brenda smiled back, wondering how a beautiful young woman like the one in front of her had remained single for so long.
"Not tonight. Although if you've got any old Boyzone stuff, I wouldn't say no. Amanda knew that would wind Brenda up. Brenda hated the former Irish boy band with a passion. She fancied Ronan Keating like mad and loved his music, but detested the rest of the group.
"Hmmm¦ Brenda's eyes smiled as she tried to look annoyed. "What about you, Leanne, anything you want?
"You know me, Bren, I'm easy. The portly, fresh-faced brunette regretted what she'd said just as quickly as it had left her mouth.
"That I do. But I was asking musical choice, not how many lovers you've had in the past few weeks. Brenda always had a comeback for everything, and neither of the twenty-somethings in front of her could hold anything against her. She had always taken care of them, from the moment they had first entered Aristocracy, and even now that Leanne had two kids and didn't go clubbing as often as she once had, and Amanda had found her footing in the community that went to the club, Brenda still played the mother hen. She was one of the reasons that they turned up as often as they could.

*

Edward decided to eat in town. He was starting work at seven, and since it was five o'clock already, it would be easier for him to go to Esther's Tea Room, eat a large meal there and go straight to work rather than head home, cook, and make his way back into town. Esther Davies shut shop at half seven every night, except Thursday which was her half day, and Sunday when she was closed. She always had a thoroughly delicious menu, and her prices were ridiculously cheap, even without the discount she gave Edward. In fact she wouldn't have charged Edward at all if he didn't insist that he give her something. Esther had been like a mother to Edward since he had fallen out with his own and left home at the age of seventeen in search of greener pastures. She owned the house in which he had first lodged and had taken quite a shine to the young man with the 'sweet angelic voice' as she called it. As he walked through the door to the busy café, Esther greeted him with a huge smile on her face and rushed him to the best table available. Edward didn't even need to order. He soon had a large helping of cod and chips in front of him and a mug of steaming hot coffee, which was followed when he had finished by the largest portion of hot apple pie he had ever seen. By the time he had finished his meal, he felt like the black jeans he was wearing were going to burst at the seams. Whilst he may have dined alone, it didn't matter. For the first time that day he was in a place where he didn't feel judged, watched over protectively by one of the minority of the local population that he loved and trusted implicitly.

*

Brenda had finished downstairs in the cabaret bar about half an hour ago, and now was spinning the discs upstairs in the nightclub. The small dance floor was full with people of all ages getting rid of their pent-up energy from a week at the office with the aid of the cheesy hits of yesteryear. The two bars were making a roaring trade, and Brenda kept her onslaught of comic jibes going in between songs and celebratory messages. She gave a fleeting look in the mirror behind the DJ booth and thought she saw Edward for one brief second. She was wrong of course. She never saw him whilst she was at work, before and after yes, but not during the evening. Brenda pushed the thought to the back of her mind and got on with her job. She would see Edward later.

*

Edward walked down towards the seafront, humming with happiness. Seeing Esther always had the same affect on him. And now he was going to see Brenda. Tonight couldn't have been any better. Gone were his sallow mood and his normally ever-present dread of the outside world. Once inside Aristocracy, he headed to the back room, completely contented, bumping into his boss Archie on the way through. The balding man smiled at his employee with a look of friendliness and hurried into the cellar to fetch another crate of cola bottles. Edward reached the back room and smiled, his bad temper of earlier that day quite forgotten in the haze of adrenalin that was building inside of him.

*

Brenda closed the night with 'Build me up Buttercup' and was just about to go and get changed before heading home when she bumped into Amanda again.
"Fancy coming back to mine for a few drinks honey? Amanda always asked Brenda back at the end of the night when she had had no success in finding a date, which was generally every night she was at Aristocracy.
"Yeah, why not. Just give me half an hour to get changed. I'll let Archie know you're waiting for me. Sit down, have a fag and I'll be right out.
Brenda went downstairs to the changing room and removed her sequinned blue dress, took off her padded bra and the blond wig she had been wearing that night, and placed them all in position for the following day. She sat in front of the mirror and pulled the baby lotion wipes towards her. Taking one of the cotton clothes out of the packet she wiped it across the left side of her face. There in the mirror was Edward. Not sad and mopey as she was used to seeing him at the end of her shift, but happy. Edward smiled at himself, today hadn't turned out as badly as it had started, and as he finished getting ready, he looked forward to going to Amanda's to watch a film, share a bottle of wine and chat. Tonight, Edward felt that life was worth living again. Tomorrow may be a different story, but he wasn't going to let that bother him now.

Copyright - Toni Le Brun