Email #1

Credit to the Nation was the first band I saw live. Technically,
they were doing support for Therapy, so technically speaking, as my
first gig was the Therapy one, then I guess, technically-speaking,
Therapy was the first band I saw live. But it was Credit to the Nation
who were playing first. They did a rap song over the guitar riff to
Nirvana's 'Smells Like Teen Spirit'. I saw them live doing warm-up for
a Therapy gig. They were backing Therapy, as they say, but when I went
there I realized that it didn't mean backing, as in played alongside
the main band in a whole wall of noise, but that they were merely
supporting them in a mental capacity. They were not supporting the
headline band because the main band in any way were in need of
assistance. So that was nice to know.

It's like when I was a kid (ish). Okay, I was about, er...14? 13? Any
other offers? (I hope it was lower). Anyway, it has to be said I was,
indeed, an adolescent. I heard on the radio that 'New Kids On The
Block' were in trouble for having oral sex with some young female fans
in their hotel room. Now, N.K.O.T.B., that must have been about 1991,
so that would make me...13. Damn, I was 13. Anyway, I thought, so
what?, they had oral sex, what's wrong with that? Now, being an
intelligent, finger-on-the-pulse kinda guy, I connected the term 'oral'
with an english oral test I had done. So, all they had done was in fact
told some people that they wanted to have sex with them. Or maybe
described it. I guess the term now would be talking dirty, but I was
young and innocent, so I guess I just thought they would be talking
about how they would do it with said girls using desriptive speech. All
very proper and above board. I have no idea when I actually found out
what oral sex meant, but I'm sure I recoiled in horror when I then
recalled my previous NKOTB interpretation. I guess I'm just glad I
can't remember that specific moment when I realized the error of my
innocent ways... not like the time when my brother told me Santa Claus
didn't exist, and that my brother had stayed up all night to see, and
that it was dad who had sneaked in in the middle of the night to put
presents in our pillows. 'But the mince pies and the sherry that we
left out for Father Christmas!', I protested. 'The pie was eaten! The
sherry was drunk! And the carrot that was nibbled in half by Rudolf!
How do you explain that?' 'Dad had them', he replied coolly. And with
that my whole life crumbled. I'm not certain, but i'm pretty sure he
delighted in seeing my face fall. All that I knew or had ever imagined
to one day become reality crumbled before those fragile, childlike
walls. I was never to be the same again. Given those revelations, it
didn't take a genius to work out the tooth fairy was a total
fabrication, too. That is, if I had ever used a word like fabrication
when I was 5. Or 6. So, if it must be that the tooth fairy too was a
lie, that may have also have meant that Norwich weren't the best team
in the world, as they sang at Carrow Road. The bastards! I definately
didn't use words like that when I was 5. Or 6.