Friendly Fire on a Cold Winter's Morn

George logged onto his account.

“Can you believe this January weather?” read the message on his wall. “Coldest winter in twenty years. Global warming my ass!"

That was Roger, his retired neighbor from across the street. George had recently become a Facebook friend of Roger’s. Since then he’s discovered that Roger likes apricot brandy, Nazi memorabilia and the Bee Gees.

Roger also likes to rant on his Facebook wall. And he’ll rant about anything:

Have you ever gotten a good look at President Obama? Don’t tell me he’s not Chinese! I know what that bastard’s up to! You give him another four years and we’ll be up to our yellow bellies in moo goo gai pan and goose-stepping down Main Street USA with Sean Penn leading the procession! And don’t tell me Penn ain’t Chinese!

His rant about Steve Jobs is a particular favorite of mine:

Steve Jobs is not dead, my friends. I know for a fact that the man has his own space station and is monitoring us at this very moment! This was all explained to me last weekend at conspiracy camp. You see, God is dying, and He decided some time ago that Steve Jobs, not Christ, was the man for Him. That Jobs is the second coming is no surprise to me. Pretty much the entire world population has some form of Steve Jobs in their laps. And now he’s got the whole world, if you will, in his hands.

“Hey, George!”

Damn, thought George, an IM from Roger.

“Hello, Roger.”

“Obama’s losing in the polls. :))))))”

“So I see.”

“Btw, what did ya think of the of the site I sent you?”

“?”

“The one with all the titty pictures?”

“Must have missed that one, Roger.”

”I‘ll resend, dude. And, again, so sorry about the hole in your front door. :( “

Last week Roger was cleaning his gun on the front porch. He said he didn’t know it was loaded.

“Won‘t happen again, George.”

”I hope not. And thanks again for the replacement.”

”No prob, George. That‘s what good neighbors are for.”

”Agreed. Btw I got a phone call from the Neighborhood Watch Association."

”Hmm. I got a call, too, George. Some creep running around the neighborhood with night vision goggles and a rifle. Scared the hell out of that Mexican family down the street. Didn’t scare ’em enough though. The're still here. lol.”

”?”

“Gotta go, for now, George. Dexter’s on in five minutes. Gonna fire up some popcorn. Later!”

“Roger?”

Iwantmycountryback is no longer signed on.

George thought about de-friending Roger. Then he thought about the gun and night vision goggles.

I’ll wait till I move, thought George. Less complicated.