The Summer I Lost My Nerve IP - A Craven Danger Mystery
How I get myself into these jams I’ll never know. But there I was, sittin’ on the Cyclone at Coney Island with Betty. She says I ain’t got the nerve to go for a spin on a roller coaster. I says, oh, yeah? I’ll show ya who’s got nerve! My nerves is one hundred percent US steel! Made in America and guaranteed to withstand anything that gets thrown in my man of steel face!
Betty says I was to shut up and open my eyes, 'cause the coaster ain’t even left the platform yet. I told her I was aware of this fact. I was only just sayin’ my morning prayers, owin’ to the fact that Betty decided I should come to Brooklyn instead of goin’ to church. Since when do you go to church? she says. And I says, Since this morning. I thought I’d give the big guy a second chance. I ain’t been too happy with him since he kept me out of the war by cursin’ me with flat feet and a bum knee. Betty says, Nice try, but he was doin’ you a favor. Now do me a favor, Mr. Danger, and no screamin’ when we come whizzin’ down the rails at a gazillion miles per hour. Don’t go shattering any delusions I might have that you might possess more than a few ounces of manliness. But before I could give her an answer the roller coaster takes off. And, my gosh, but you never heard such screamin’! I look around to see who it’s comin’ from and everyone I look at is laughin’ ‘cause it seems the only one screamin’ is me! It’s like I ain’t myself. Like some mysterious stranger has invaded my body and decided to have his way with my vocal chords. This seemed to go on for several hours. And just when I thought the screamin’ would stop, it got louder and more hair-raisin’! My nerves was a nervous wreck. I had sweat in places I ain’t never had sweat before. And It’s a good thing I had my hat with me, ‘cause I filled it up pretty quick with my morning eggs. Then I hear Betty say, Ya can stop screamin’ now, Mr. Danger. Just open your eyes already. Your embarrassin’ me in front of Sidney. And I says, Sidney? I don’t remember Sidney gettin’ on the roller coaster. And Betty says, That’s ‘cause he wasn’t. I called him up to come get us after you wouldn’t stop screamin’. I wasn’t takin’ you on the subway in that condition. We’d of gotten arrested or beat up by an angry mob.
How ya doin’, Mr. Danger, says Sidney. Boy, you could open a can a beans with that scream a yours. And when I open my eyes, there I was in the back of Sidney Green’s taxi, with my hat full of eggs and a sore throat. So much for amusement at the amusement park. Next time Betty wants to challenge my nerves I’m stickin’ to the merry-go-round. At least I got a pole to cling to while I’m screamin’ bloody murder.