Tales from the Santa Claus Tavern - Part 3

The newspaper boy was hawking his wares at the Santa Claus Tavern.

“Extra! Extra! Read all about it! People Not Saying Christmas Anymore!”

“I’ll take one of those,” said the bartender.

“Some headline, huh?” said one Santa.

“I got one simple rule when it comes to this time of year,” said the bartender. “If your celebrating the birth of Christ, you say Merry Christmas. If your celebrating a new kind of way to watch television, you say, Happy Holidays. Then you go straight to the poor house, because now your broke. Me? I don’t say anything except the usual 'Good ta see ya! and I hope I get ta see you again!' But I haven't been to a church in a dog’s age and the last time I bought a television set, people were still doing the Hokey Pokey and the remote control was only a gleam in some lazy guy’s eye.”

“Holy cats!” said the Santa. “Just how old are you?”

“Old enough to know you don’t ask people how old they are,” said the bartender. “And if you Santa’s in the back room don't stop playing Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer, on that jukebox, I’m cutting you all off! Play something nice, like, Baby It’s Cold Outside. Beause that’s where you’ll be going if I hear that other song again.”

“You’re sure a tough old coot,” said the Santa.

“I’m as soft as whiskers,” said the bartender. It’s only this time of year that I get a little thick in the skin. Everyone’s getting a little too merry when they don’t really mean it. Then the season’s over and they’re back to being miserable again. And they’re all bein’ merry about the wrong things. Man made things, like how we can communicate better without having to make actual contact with each other. I’m merry every time I get to get to climb out of bed and stand on my own two feet. That's a good kind of merry.

“I heard a great line in a song the other day by a guy named Steve Earle. It went, Every day on earth’s another chance to get it right.

Well, that’s how I look at it. And now I’m talkin’ when I should be pourin’. How about it Santa? Another round on the house?”