A Walk Down the Aisle - Part 1 - A Craven Danger Mystery
Betty fletcher flipped the switch on the intercom.
“Mr. Danger,” said Betty. “Ya got a minute?”
“It depends,” said Craven. “Is it one of your twenty minute minutes? Or is it one of your forty minute minutes?”
“Sometimes a thing is just what it is, Mr. Danger,” said Betty. ”And it ain‘t no more.”
“Well, pardon me, Dr. Fraud,” said Craven.
“That’s Freud,” said Betty.
“Whatever,” said Craven.
“Well, unless your wrestlin’ monkeys back there,” said Betty, “I don’t see what all the fuss is about. Ya got more time on ya hands than a night watchman at the city morgue. I‘m just askin‘ for a smidgen of it.“
”I keep plenty busy back here, Betty,” said Craven. ”Right now I‘m brushin‘ up on my private-eye know-how.”
”Ya got know-how?” said Betty. ”Since when?”
”Since I went ta the library and got me this book,” said Craven. “And why do ya always gotta be crackin’ wise?“
“‘Cause ya put ya self out there like a fly on the table just waitin’ ta get swatted,“ said Betty.
“Well, ya oughta be more careful about a guy’s feelin’s,” said Craven.
“For cryin out loud,” said Betty. “I’ll betcha Holmes never whined like this ta Watson. At least Basil Rathbone never did in that movie we saw the other day.”
“You leave Holmes outta this,” said Craven. “I’ll bet he had plenty a feelin’s. Only, back in them days ya didn’t wear ya heart on ya sleeve. Ya kept it under ya hat.”
“That don’t make any kind a sense,” said Betty.
”It‘s just a figure a speech,” said Craven. “Like, ‘He knew which side his bread was buttered.’ That means he could pick up his bread and not get butter all over his fingers.”
“Really?" said Betty. “Ya mean, like, can I bend your ear about sometin’?” said Betty.
“Yeah,” said Craven. “That’s a good one, too.”
“No, really,” said Betty. “I gotta tell ya somethin’ before I bust.”
Betty left her desk, entered Craven’s office and sat down on the guest chair in front of his desk.
“So,” said Craven. “What can I do for ya, Betty?”
“Congratulations,” said Betty. ”Me and you are gettin married.”
“We’re gettin’ hitched” said Betty. “Walkin down the aisle. Tieing the knot. Pick whatever figure a speech ya like, Mr. Danger. But we gotta hurry. I got the church booked for three o’clock and we gotta be outta there before the Finnigan funeral. Sidney’s down stars waitin’ in the cab. He’s givin’ me away. And considerin’ ya don’t have any other friends than us, Sidney’s also gonna be your best man, ring barer and chauffer.”
“Ain’t ya forgettin’ one thing?” said Craven.
“No,” said Betty. “I think I got it all covered.”
“But I ain’t even asked ya!” said Craven.
“Oh, thats all right,” said Betty. “Sidney done it for ya. He even got down on one knee. He also picked up this little ring at the five and dime store. Ain’t it sweet? I cried a little and said yes. He got a ring for you, too.”
“But who says I wanna get married?” said Craven.
“I do,” said Betty. “And that’s all I want ta hear from you.”