M the P and Missy

M the P and Missy

   Once upon a time, there was dog named Max, part corgi and part pug. Max was the oddest looking dog you ever want to see. Max loved to watch teevee. He would watch anything from cartoons to talk shows to Fox news which was a combination of both. Most of all Max liked to watch teevee shows with dogs.

  One April night, Max was watching a show about dog training which featured a pure bred German shepherd who Max thought looked exactly like him. The shephard, also named Max, was sitting perfectly still waiting for permission to shake off the treat that was on his head. Max the pugcorgi was so excited to see his “double” on the screen that he jumped up and started barking, trying to signal the Shepard to shake his head and get his treat. The Shepard Max never moved a muscle until his trainer, Karen Feinen gave him permission to move at which point the treat fell to the floor. The Shepard looked at the treat but waited for the command to snatch it. The purgorgi yelped two seconds before Karen commanded the shepard Max to “eat”.

   The pugcorgi, in that two seconds, expected the Shepard to give the pugcorgi the treat.  Salivating, he ran up to the screen and began to paw at the treat thinking he was the dog on the screen and the treat was his. M the P didn’t know what to make of the fact that M the S ate the treat and M the P got nothing but a sore snout from smashing into the teevee.

   The dog on the teevee was an illusion but to M the P, it was a delusion. Max’s owner Missy was watching the whole thing. She started to laugh and dog whispered, “Max, it’s just a teevee show. You’re not that dog and the dog that isn’t you and is nowhere near us.”

   Max didn’t understand. Because he was so focused on the shepherd Max on the screen, he couldn’t see or hear anything else even though he began to suspect that the dog on the screen wasn’t "real" in the canine sense of the world.

   Missy tried to distract Max with an actual treat but Max was only interested in the Max on the screen who didn’t share his treat.

   Missy turned off the teevee which infuriated M the P. He started barking and whining and chasing his tail around the room, searching for the other dog whom he thought was he.  Sarah tried to calm him down but she couldn’t. Max had gone completely delusional believing that the dog on the screen had disappeared somewhere in the room where M the P was determined to find it.

   After awhile, M the P calmed down. He stared at the teevee but only saw Joe Kenda who he had grown to recognize sorta.

   Missy sat down next to her Max, put her arm around him and said, “Max, I know you really liked that dog on teevee but he wasn’t real he was just an illusion that you turned into a delusion.

   Max looked up at Missy with his big, pathetic brown eyes. He appeared to understand what she was saying. He licked her face and curled up next to her.  Missy didn't that realize that Max had already forgotten the shepherd on teevee without ever realizing the it was an illusion or a delusion or anything else and couldn't have cared less.

   The difference between an illusion and a delusion is that an illusion is a false perception of reality like we humans get when we watch a teevee show or a movie. A delusion is when we believe that the illusion is real. Atlanta is really burning to the ground. Joe Kenda is actually in our living room saying “what have we here.”

   In Max’s case, his initial perception was that the dog on teevee was real. He witnessed an illusion that turned into a delusion even as he began to forget the whole damned thing.

   Delusions are often symptom of mental illness. People with delusions believe events that are not true even when they are presented evidence to the contrary. Unfortunately, people have better memories than dogs (at least we tell ourselves that) but then there is the presidential election of 2020.

   Missy was even more delusional than M the P because Missy truly believed that she could understand Max’s dog thoughts and also truly believed that she could talk to Max and that he understood precisely what she was saying and that he felt  exactly what she was feeling. Missy no longer considered M the P to be a dog but rather some kind of miniature four legged human who loved her the same exact way that she loved him only dumber.

   She preferred M the P to members of her own family, who just didn’t get her.

   Together they spent countless hours watching teevee. Missy hoping her dreams would come true and Max kinda anticipating that another dog would appear and until then wondering what the hell was goin’ on.