O: 5/5/03

Work Diary, 5/5/03

This Saturday we went to see Don Giovanni, Mozart's opera about a
lovable rake who by modern standards would be considered a blatant
rapist. I know very little about opera and mostly like to go to check
out what the ladies are wearing, but we were so late that I missed the
Marching Mummy crowd in their jewels, sequins, and bouffant hair. It's
probably fortunate that we were late, anyway, because as we ran up the
stairs, my friend let out a huge fart that echoed down the hall and
sent us screaming with laughter to our seats. As they say: "You can
dress 'em up, but you can't take 'em out."

Denver tried something new this year and offered only one opera - Don
Giovanni - that most people have heard about. Subsequently, attendance
was poor and already the schedule for next year will include such
favorites as La Boheme and the Barber of Seville. Denver is a
relatively large city but it's about as cosmopolitan as McDonald's.
People here want to recognize at least one aria for their sixty bucks;
if they don't, there's hell to pay.

Our production of Don Giovanni was an unfortunate cross between
traditional costuming and modern sets. The Don's semi-faithful servant
carried a palm pilot in his velvet trousers, and my partner swore the
animated Commandatore statue was wearing Adidas shoes. The set floor
was a list of ladies' names (all conquests of Don Giovanni), and glass
walls were placed here and there with eyes etched onto them. Presumably
the eyes were meant to impart a feeling of being watched, which Don
Giovanni certainly was, but instead I felt like I'd walk into an
optometrist shop that specializes in contact lenses.

And, oh, one of the female leads resembled Anna Nicole Smith,
particularly since she was wearing a bright red dress with a skirt
consisting of what could only be deflated party balloons. Anyone who's
seen Anna Nicole Smith knows that's exactly like something she would
wear.

You could take your basic Denverite - rich, poor, whatever - drop him
in the middle of Rome for ten years, and he would still come out of it
thinking Italy was spelled with two e's. So, you can imagine how
important the libretto is during our operas. But during Don Giovanni,
the libretto screen was constantly blank, the singers bellowing on
while we all sat looking confused and dismayed. Later I discovered it
was because the lines were pretty much all the same. The characters
sing "I'll be vengeful forever" and, boy, do they ever mean it.

Likewise, during the last scene - as Don Giovanni begins his descent
into Mozart's morality play Hell - the audience began its own descent.
I think my partner best summed it up with: "When the fuck are they
going to shut up?" On and on they sang, on and on they moved about the
stage, until finally several groups of people stood and exited the
theater. Out of sheer politeness we stayed, but my feet were doing the
two-step the entire time.

Still, it's hard to be upset with the Denver Center for the Performing
Arts. Like a small child who presents his mother with a breakfast of
burnt eggs and deformed pancakes, Denver at least makes an effort. You
don't want to thwart sincerity, I guess, even the misplaced
variety.