I - The dealer

I came to you to tell you
I've had enough
Send no more letters or soap
They are not your love
They are not what I need
to pin down my laundry
They aren't any help
with the rules of my body
I have burned every one and kept
the ash in my shoe
I've never known a dealer
who barters as unkindly as you

You claim to be planning
to burn all the cities down
You tell me this over whisky;
you loose your dressing gown
but I've seen your designs
and I know his shoulders
He's a trellis for your fingers
and I've seen how he smoulders
I kind of hope he smoulders enough
to set himself alight
I've never known a dealer
so cleverly tied to her kite

You took the hand of some Catullus
and you laced it with yours
I wasn't sure what you wanted
but it couldn't be applause
Still, I'll applaud you,
here in the street
where our very different illnesses
stop and meet,
curtseying and wrestling in one sick,
fashionable move
I've never known a dealer
who had so little to prove