the office, the musical

Office Script

(Handbags and Gladrags starts playing)

B: A normal day in the office. Or is it? Yes it is. But a naughty email
has been going around. The boss isn't happy. Who will pay

M: hello Mr s.
P: DON'T CALL ME THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
M: sorry, Mr Sebastian.
P: JUST CALL ME SIR!!!!!!
M: you seem a bit stressed today sir.
P: lets just say, there's something? on the web?
M: is it an e- mail with your head on a woman's body?
P: well? actually? yes
M: we've all seen it.
P: just get to work.
L: hi seb
P: hello, jules
L: alright?
P: no
L: good, good
P: don't you have work to do?
L: no, im a sales manager, remember?
P: oh, god, yes. Why did we have to hire you?
L: law, I think
P: oh yes, like when I got fined for not having a safety officer.
L: oh yeah, (I fought the law-the clash)
L: yeah, you wont be making that mistake again.
P: who left this empty coffee cup here?
L: safety officer, I think
P: tell him he's fired
L: will do
P: oh don't know who sent this e- mail do you?
L: oh yes that (laughs) no I don't. Goodbye must be off.
Meanwhile?
R: Ha, Ha do you like the email I sent.
B: Yes was it you?
R: the boss says he's gonna find out who did it and fire them.
B: I'm gonna miss you.
R: He won't catch me that easily. Now go get me a coffee. Extra
strong.

P: So you don't know who sent the email then?
B: No sir not a clue.
P: Oh right? Gerard, you're not gay are you.
B: No sir, just camp.
P: oh, good, we wouldn't employ a homosexual.
B+P: like that Ben drury!
P: oh, god what a mistake that would be!

Patrick and Ben mime working in the background. Enter Ryan and
Bryce.

Ryan gets on with his work but Bryce comes up behind and massages his
shoulders.]

R: Hey stop that.
B: What don't you like it?
R: Well it's quite nice actually.
B: I am trained in the art of Japanese massage.
R: Wooo! To the left a bit. Harder! Harder!
Melissa is watching!
M: Hey Dave. What do you think you're doing, why didn't you tell me you
were gay? Do you really think I want to go out with someone who lies
about his or her sexuality?
D: But?But?But?
M: But nothing. Go find someone else to use.
Mel leaves.
Bryce looks pleased but Ryan looks angry.
R: You just cost me my girlfriend. I'll be making my coffee myself from
now on.
Ryan leaves and Bryce is saddened.

Soon?

P: This is it. The person who did this email will own up now or you're?
gonna pay.
Ryan looks nervous.
M: It was Dave. Not only did he make the email I also caught him being
caressed by the Teaboy earlier.
P: In my office now. Now listen all of you. I will not have anyone
making rude or sexual images in this office WILLY NILLY. It's a shame
this had to happen?
Patrick into his office and everyone listens nervously.
P: Why Did YOU DO THIS.
R: It seemed funny at the time, SIR.
P: Well am I laughing?
R: No sir.
P: You are in serious bother.
R: Oh come on lighten up. It was only a joke!
P: A joke? A JOKE? I'll give you joke!
FIGHT
BIFF!!!
POW!!!
RYAN leaves. Lewis goes to Patrick.

L: Sir calm down. You've always got friends like me to take your pain
out on.
P: Why thank you Jules.
LEAN ON ME
ALL GET BACK TO WORK
BEN IS CENTRE STAGE

B: As I said? just a normal day at the office. But a musical wouldn't
be a musical without a long boring song at the end. Would it? So here
it is!

ALL CENTRE STAGE
BOHEMIAN RAPSODY
BOW
CURTAIN