love-life

I sit in a room full of women, listening to their tales of lost love
and how they met
their current partners. I begin to think that I had gotten away with
telling the story of
my love life. Our session ends, so I get up and put my coat on, but the
woman next to
me stops me and says:
"Where are you going?"
"I'm going home the sessions over." That was my reply, but I knew the
other women
were having none of it.
"You don't get away with it that easily. Come on sit back down and tell
us about your
love life." I don't want to tell them, but I have to tell to
someone.
"Well," I said sitting back down on the only vacant chair, "the most
important part of
my love life began when I went on holiday to the countryside. I went
because I was
being stalked by two men called Nicky and Mark. I wanted to go my own,
but when
Suzi found out I was going on holiday she said "I'll come with you so
you are not on
your own." she then had the genius idea of letting Gareth and Duncan
come too. I
don't know why but I agreed to Suzi, Duncan, and Gareth to come with
me.
Suzi is my best friend and she has been since we were both 13. She is
about the same
height as me. When I first met her she had brown, curly hair that
complimented her
blue eyes, but now she will not walk out of her front door without
straightening her
hair. Just In case you're wondering her eyes are just as beautiful now
as they were
when we first met. Suzi is a great friend, she always gives me advice,
both good and
bad. She has always given me tips on how to bag the perfect man, and I
always trusted
her because she herself had bagged the perfect man. That perfect man
was Duncan.
What can I say about Duncan? He is kind, generous, loyal, and he's a
very
good listener. When ever I'm upset I go to Duncan, he nearly always
finds away of
cheering me up. He too has brown hair and blue eyes, his lips are full
and I with
information from Suzi I have known that he is a great kisser. I have
known Duncan
since I was fifteen, and it was Suzi that introduced us. The things I
like best about
Duncan are his eyes, and his capability to talk to women with out
looking at their
breasts.
I bet you're wondering about Gareth. Gareth I met him at school too,
but we
never really became friends until we joined sixth form. That's when he
started to hang
around with us more. He and Duncan had been best friends since they
were little, but
for some strange reason stayed apart in year eleven.' I can suddenly
feel emotions
rising, emotions that I don't want to be there. So I say 'Enough about
him on with my
story.
Everyone was supposed to go in Duncan's car, but Duncan had failed to
tell us
that he had a Mini. "Suzi you can go with Duncan in his car and I can
go with Gareth
." I saw a look of delight on Gareth's face when I said the
arrangements. I put my
stuff along with Gareth's stuff in the boot of his car. As I got in the
car I could hear
Suzi trying to whisper, "I bet them two will be together by the end of
this weekend"
Duncan's reply was:
"No they'll be together when we get there." I had always fancied Gareth
but He was
that good looking I knew I would never have a chance.
The car journey seemed very long, lot of long winding roads. I fell
asleep
about half way I felt Gareth brush my leg, but I didn't wake up I just
sat there and
smiled. I woke up about half an hour later and Gareth had his top
off
(mmmmmmmmmmm). "We are nearly there now babe" I couldn't believe my
ears
Gareth] called me babe yeeeeessssssss.
The hotel was in the darkest woods ever. We arrived shortly after
Duncan and
Suzi. "So are two together then ?" I wished that the answer to Duncan's
question was
yes, but my reply was:
"No." All four of us went inside this very posh hotel, the first thing
that wondered
through my mind was 'How come it only cost ?15 a room' After we checked
in and
got the keys to our rooms, we went up stairs. I was sharing with
Gareth, and there was
only a king sized bed in the room. "Shall I sleep on the floor ?" I
couldn't believe that
Gareth had asked me that.
"Of course not you can sleep in the bed with me" I could see Gareth's
face light up
after I had finished talking. We were both tired from the car ride so
we both got
changed and went to bed.
When I woke up again it was 2 'o'clock in the morning. Gareth had his
leg
and his arm over me. I was starving so I got out of bed trying not to
disturb Gareth, I
looked at him and he only had on a pair of boxers. I turned around and
went down
stairs. I looked around the reception area and saw a door with
'Kitchen' on it. I
pushed the door open and saw the receptionist trying to kill a child.
All of a sudden I
shouted "Leave that kid alone stop trying to kill her" The receptionist
turned around
and started to chase me. I woke Duncan up to use his mobile to phone
the police.
" Why do you want my phone" I didn't explain I just took his phone and
dialled 999.
The police took no time at all to get there. I went back into my room
to pack my stuff,
and Gareth looked at me and said "What are you packing for" I didn't
bother telling
him why I just told him to pack up to. With in ten minutes all four of
us were outside
and off to another hotel.
The next day when all four of us were eating breakfast (In a different
hotel),
Duncan asked again "Are you two seeing each other then?" and once again
my reply
was:
"No." Gareth gave me a look as if he was a toddler who hadn't got what
he had
wanted. When we were waiting for our drinks Gareth put his hand on my
leg, so I
stood up and said "Suzi will you come to the toilets with me ? It's
urgent." I walked
to the toilets and Suzi soon followed. As soon as we got into the
ladies I said "Do you
know if Gareth likes me or not, because when we were on our way to the
other hotel
he kept on brushing my leg, he called me babe and he had his hand on my
leg just
then" Suzi looked at me as if I was scum of the earth.
"Of course he does, you like him don't you?" By her question, Suzi had
obviously
forgotten the conversation we had about three months before.
"Yes I do" as soon as I had finished talking Suzi said:
"What are you telling me for go and tell him." I rushed out of the
toilets. I was very
close to our table but out of sight to Duncan and Gareth who were
talking. "Do you
know if Trisha likes me or not, because I have been flirting with her
all weekend and
she doesn't seem to react" I loved Gareth's voice it was so sweet and
innocent.
Duncan's reply was:
"Yeah she told Suzi and Suzi told me ages ago, but I didn't tell you
because Trisha
had told Suzi not to tell any one." I could clearly see that Gareth was
pleased after
what Duncan told him.
I sat down next to Gareth and Suzi sat down next to Duncan. I saw
Suzi
nudging Duncan and whispering "We need to go up stairs." Both me and
Gareth shot
Suzi and Duncan a grateful look. For a few minutes there was nothing
but silence. I
could hear Gareth whimpering. Sympathetically I said "Hey what's up ?"
His reply
was:
"I am ugly and the girl of my dreams doesn't like me. To tell you the
truth, I'm
feeling a bit down, because every girl I fancy doesn't fancy me and
every girl that
does like me I can't stand." I automatically said the first thing that
come into my
head:
"Why who's the girl of your dreams Britney ?" I didn't ignore what
Gareth had said I
just didn't mention it. I thought that it would upset him even
more.
"No don't be stupid... You're the girl of my dreams, in my eyes your
perfect. I don't
know why I'm telling you this. Some one as good looking as you will
never like some
one like me." I felt like crying when Gareth revealed that I was his
dream girl. I had
always fancied Gareth, but I never said any thing to any one. (Apart
from Suzi) I
always thought that Gareth hated me, and when I would catch him staring
in my
direction I always thought that he would be looking at a stunning girl
behind me.
When Gareth said that I was his dream girl I could feel tears of joy
come to my eyes.
"Well this perfect girl has a dream boy." I thought that it was right I
told Gareth how I
felt.
"Why who's your dream boy Leonardo ?" As Gareth said this he had a
mixed
expression on his face. He had a crooked smile to tell me he had some
sort of idea
about what I was about to say, and the lines on forehead told any one
that cared notice
that he was worried.
"No. I'll give you a clue, well he isn't a million miles away, I
absolutely fancy the
pants off him because he is gorgeous not ugly... which was how he
described himself
about .... two minutes ago" I didn't give him me to say any thing "give
up? it's ...
you." At this news Gareth hugged and kissed me "you can come out now
Duncan" I
knew that he would be there because he is so nosy. Suzi and Duncan came
out from
their hiding places sat down and said "so, are you two together then."
I couldn't
believe that question was asked.
"Of course we are, why would I let someone so nice looking get away
from me."
once again me and Gareth kissed, and went up stairs to our room.
About an hour later there was a knock on the door. I tried to lift
Gareth's arm
from around waist with out waking him. My objective wasn't reached. As
I lifted his
arm Gareth woke up and said "Leave it, come back to bed." Although I
wanted to go
back to the warmth of the bed the curiosity told me to answer the door.
Eventually I
got out of bed and answered the door, it was the receptionist with a
letter for me. Odd
I thought how could any one write a letter to me no one knew where I
was apart from
Duncan Suzi and Gareth, and none of them would of sent it.
"Who was it honey ?" Gareth was still a bit tired after our little
sleep and you could
tell by his voice. I opened the envelope and inside was a letter from
Nicky and Mark.
I don't want to tell you about them two freaks. I'll just say that they
were scum of the
earth.
"Listen, I don't want to keep any secrets from you" It took me quite a
while to say it
but I told him in the end " I am being stalked." I thought Gareth would
be sympathetic
but he wasn't he just laughed at me. "Look in my suitcase if you don't
believe me"
Gareth jumped out of bed opened my suitcase on my orders.
"I am so sorry for not believing you, we have to call the police." As
soon as Gareth
had finished talking a deep husky voice said
"No you won't call the police" I soon realised that it was Mark
speaking "Nicky get
him!" Nicky came out from the shadows, grabbed Gareth and put a knife
to his throat.
"Don't kill him it's me that you want." I loved Gareth so much that I
was willing to
put my own life on the line.
"You know what, she's right, let him go Nicky." Nicky threw Gareth to
the floor
came up to me and put the knife to my throat. I began to feel worried
and scared, but
something inside told me that Gareth would try to do something that
would eventually
save my life. Gareth got up off the floor and knocked the knife out of
Nicky's hand.
He then punched him in the face and Mark ran towards Gareth, but he had
seen him
coming and tripped him up. "Now get out before I turn nasty." Mark and
Nicky ran
out whimpering.
"Thanks babe." I had to thank Gareth for saving my life.
Suzi and Duncan came into our room and Suzi said "Why have I just
seen
Mark and Nicky running from this room?" I told her everything, and she
gave me the
big speech on how she was always there for me and that I didn't need to
keep secrets
from her. I started to pack up my stuff ( after Duncan and Suzi left)
and all of a
sudden I burst into tears
"What's up love ?" Gareth sounded very sympathetic.
"It's just life... it's getting me down." I had to tell the truth. My
love life was perfect,
more than perfect. The rest of my life was complete mess.
"So you're saying that I am depressing." He looked like a child that
had fallen over.
"No you've turned my life around, I .... love you. I know I've only
been going out
with you for a few hours, but you've always been there for me.
Especially when I split
up with Shane. Did you know that Nicky and Mark were Shane's friends?"
There was
an awkward silence. Shane was an ex boyfriend of mine. When we split up
Gareth
was my shoulder to cry on, but he never found out the real reason why
we had split
up.
"I knew he would have something to do with it. Don't worry I'll be here
for you now,
and be grateful that, that part of your life has gone. You can forget
about Shane now."
A smiled returned to Gareth's face. God how I loved his smile the way
he had
dimples in his cheeks made my heart melt. "By the way I love you too."
we kissed.
I finished packing when I realised that I had left my make-up bag in
the other hotel.
"Gareth I left my make-up bag in the hotel can we go and get it on the
way back." It
was only a small bag with nail varnishes in, but it also had pictures
from our latest
holiday in.
"You don't need it you beautiful enough with out it on." I had nothing
to say to that,
but some how he agreed to go and get my make-up bag.' I can hear sighs
of
"Awwwww."'
We told Suzi and Duncan that we were getting my bag, and for them to
go
ahead. Me and Gareth drove round and round but we couldn't find the
hotel. We
stopped and asked a local for directions but they just laughed and said
"That hotel
hasn't been open for fifty years." We drove back home and when I
started to unpack
my bags I found my make-up bag on the top.
"Gareth did you put this in my bag, 'cause I swear it wasn't there at
the hotel." I
began to feel slightly worried.
* * *
It was a year later and me and Gareth were still going strong. It was a
bright hazy
morning, when I was lying in bed with Gareth. He had his arm under my
head, and he
was stroking my face. I pretended to be asleep "Hey you I know that
you're awake" I
loved the way Gareth spoke to me. I woke up and said to him
"What are we doing to-day ?" I looked at Gareth he looked as if was
about to burst
into tears. "What's the matter Gaz" I asked him sympathetically.
"My Mum the stupid woman got me new job." I thought that it was
something really
bad, but from what Gareth told me it was quite good.
"That's good, as long as the job isn't in Australia" I said messing
about I didn't know
how true my statement was.
"That's the thing it is in Australia." I could feel my world collapse
when Gareth
confirmed my statement.
"When are you going?" I said in between sobs.
"Tomorrow." I couldn't believe what Gareth told me.
"WHAT!!! when were you planning to tell me" I was so angry at him I
began to
punch every centimetre of his perfect body. '"The cheek of him, it was
ban enough
him moving but the next day, I would have killed him' I realise that at
the time of him
telling me I wanted to kill, but I couldn't.
'"I was going to tell you as soon as I got the job but you seemed so
happy, and I didn't
want to spoil your happiness" Gareth had tears rolling down his face by
time he had
finished talking, I finished punching him and I said:
"Babe whenever you had told me that you were going you would of
spoiled my
happiness, because I miss you even when you go to the shop." I could
see Gareth was
touched by what I said.' It is now that I see women begin to cry
"I'll miss you too, but I will phone you all the time, I will write to
you every day"
"Don't you see I love you too much just to have phone calls and
letters, I know it
sounds cheesy but I need you" I was finding it very hard to hold back
the tears.
"I love you too, but I have to go the pay is over three times as much
as I get over here
and I don't even have to do as much." I felt so angry at him I didn't
believe him when
he said that he loved me
"If you loved me you wouldn't go, but you're going so you obviously
don't love me" I
went to climb out of bed but Gareth grabbed my arm and pulled back
down
"Don't you see that I do love you, and I always have since that moment
I met you.
And me being over there will kill me." I didn't let him finish.
"I love you too, but" I didn't want to brake up with him, because I
would miss his cute
smile, the way he smelt, the way he made me feel, and his black hair.
He kissed me
on the lips but I couldn't kiss him back, so I pushed him away and
continued what I
was saying "you obviously don't love me enough, you think money is more
important
than me."
"I don't it's just that if I don't go my mum will kill me." I didn't
have a reply for that
so I said:
"Do Suzi and Duncan know?" As I thought his reply was:
"No." I asked him what time he was leaving.
"4pm" he said "but I don't want you to be there" I couldn't believe it
my boyfriend
was going to the other side of the world and he didn't want me to say
good bye.
"Why the hell not?" I was furious that he didn't want me to
come.
"Because it's bad enough saying good bye once I don't want to do it a
second time." I
decided that I did love Gareth and that letters and phone calls will
have to do. I got
up, got changed and said:
"I had better go now" I couldn't believe that this was the last time I
was going to see
Gareth. "So, this is it then" I saw a single tear roll down his face
and one rolled down
mine.
"Yeah this is it" I sat back down on the bed and kissed him, but the
kiss was salty, we
were both crying "goodbye for ever" I got up and went to walk out of
the door, I
paused when I got to the door, and looked at Gareth for one last time,
I blew him a
kiss and he caught it and said:
"I'll keep this for when I feel lonely." I quickly went outside and
just before I closed
the door I saw Gareth grab my picture. I shut the door, and the emotion
was too much,
I slumped down on to the floor and began to cry, I could hear Gareth
crying too
I went straight home, sat down on my chair and on the table where the
phone
was there was a picture of Gareth smiling. The smile that melt my
heart, I looked at
the picture for about five minutes before I started to cry. All of a
sudden I
remembered that neither Suzi or Duncan knew that Gareth was leaving, I
had to tell
Suzi. I picked up the phone my hand was shaking nervously, I carefully
dialled Suzi
and Duncan's number. Duncan answered "Hello, Duncan speaking" I didn't
want to
tell Duncan over the phone that his best friend was moving to the other
side of the
world
"Hi Duncan it's me Trisha." before I could finish Duncan interrupted
me:
"You sound upset, do you want to speak to Suzi?"
"No, not over the phone any way. Will you and Suzi come over to mine I
have
something to tell you." As soon as I could hear Duncan say yes I put
the phone down.
I went to my bedroom and there were pictures of me and Gareth
everywhere, I
couldn't hold back the tears any longer. About five minutes later I
went back to the
phone and I phoned up Gareth, he answered
"Hi whoever this is can you phone me later" I don't know why but I let
Gareth put the
phone down. I sat in the chair and remembered the day we started seeing
each other,
and I remembered that it was exactly one year, great anniversary
present or what? The
door bell went I heard it but I didn't get up because I didn't want the
person on the
other side to see the state I was in. The doorbell went again, but this
time I answered,
it was Suzi and Duncan.
"Jesus Trisha you look terrible. You've been crying haven't you ?
don't deny
it, your mascara is all over your face. What's up?" Suzi said it so
quick I only just got
what she said.
"Both of you come in and sit down I have something to tell you about
Gareth" both
Suzi and Duncan sat down on the sofa opposite my Chair. I sat down and
said "Gareth
(sob) is. moving to.... Australia" The look on Suzi and Duncan's face
was
unbelievable. Duncan put his head in his hands and said:
"When's he going in a few months I suppose." I didn't want to tell
Duncan that his
best friend was leaving this country tomorrow but I had to "Well.... I
don't know how
to tell you this...... He's leaving..... Tomorrow" Duncan jumped up
from his seat, I
could tell he was angry at Gareth because he shouted loudly:
"How could he, I am his best friend and He doesn't tell me that he's
moving to the
other side of the world." Duncan stormed off outside, and slammed the
door.
"When did he tell you ?" Suzi was a little more sympathetic.
"This morning" I wanted to tell her everything but retelling the event
would make me
ten times worse.
"What time is he leaving ? you know so that you can go and say goodbye"
I didn't
know how to tell her but I had to so I did.
"His plane is at four PM, and before you offer me a lift he doesn't
want me to go"
from the look on Suzi's face I regretted the fact that I told her "you
know he's no good
with goodbyes."
"Girl, don't you see it's just a tester to see if you turn up" I don't
know why I didn't
think of that my self. I needed to get to the air port and fast, I only
had three hours,
and it was an hours drive.
"Suzi will you give me a lift to the air port ?" I didn't care whether
she said yes or no I
was going to get to that air port.
"Yeah of course" after Suzi's reply I picked up my passport and my
purse and went
out of the door.
It was a long drive down the motorway every second seemed like a life
time. I
looked at the clock every minute thinking 'Hurry up, hurry up'. About
half an hour into
the journey the car broke down. I couldn't believe what was happening,
I had to get to
the air port before Gareth left. It took an hour for the repair man to
come out, after
about three quarters of an hour I had contemplated on walking but I
decided against
it. "I thought you said the car wouldn't break down" I had asked Suzi
about the
safeness of the car just before she broke down.
"That's because I thought it wouldn't." I couldn't see how it would of
harmed her to
get the car checked.
"You do realise that we only have an hour and a half to get the car
fixed and get to
the air port, I pray to god that there isn't any traffic jams." I was
quickly losing my
temper, but you could of excused me, because I thought that I was going
to miss
saying goodbye to my boyfriend who was moving to the other side of the
world. I was
getting over hysterical, I had visions of me missing Gareth, getting on
a plane and not
seeing him there. I was scared and upset.
Finally the car was fixed with half an hour to spare. I will spare you
the details
of the rest of the journey, apart from the fact that we must of broke
the speed limit.
We arrived at the airport fifteen minutes before the flight left I ran
into check in and
asked were the 4pm flight to Australia was boarding. "You have to check
in down
there" I realised that I couldn't get to the boarding area without a
ticket so I asked the
receptionist for a ticket "That will be ?300" I didn't care how much it
cost so I bought
the ticket and rushed down to the check in desk, leaving Suzi behind.
The woman at
the desk told me where to board and she also told me that boarding
would be closing
in a moment. I ran as fast as I could, and I only just made it.
I boarded the plane thinking what if I don't see Gareth on the plane
where will
I go I don't know any body in Australia. I was in economy ,but I
couldn't find my seat,
so without looking I tapped a man on the shoulder and asked "Do you
know where
seat D5 is ?" I could see the man wipe his hand under his eye, I could
tell that he was
crying.
"Yeah, it's" he paused for a moment "Trisha is that you ?" I couldn't
believe it Gareth
was the man that I had tapped on the shoulder.
"Gareth. Oh my god. I don't believe it, I am so glad to see you" I
couldn't hide the joy,
I was over the moon.' I look around the various women and I see the
look of delight
on some of the women's faces.
"Trisha what are you doing here ?, I... thought I said I didn't want
you to say
goodbye." Gareth didn't say whether he was pleased to see me or not, so
I thought that
he didn't want to see me. I was devastated and I could hide it. I
slumped down in the
vacant chair next to Gareth and started sobbing.
"Hey you what's up ?" It was so nice to hear Gareth's voice again. I
sat there for a few
minutes taking in his voice, I treasured the sound. I could hardly
believe that I was
hearing his voice again.
"Well where shall I start, on our first anniversary my boyfriend tells
me that he's
moving to the other side of the world and he says that he doesn't want
to say goodbye,
because he's no good at goodbyes. I ignored him, and I came to meet him
anyway. On
the way the car I was in broke down. I got to the air port, let's see
about twenty
minutes ago. I pay ?300 for a one way ticket to show my boyfriend how
much I love
him and he isn't even pleased to see me. Well, bye." I stood up from my
seat and
Gareth grabbed my arm and said:
"Sit down and put your safety belt on and I will tell you about my
day. I had to tell
my Girlfriend that I was moving to the other side of the world, I tell
her not to come
to test her, I boarded the plane about ten minutes ago thinking 'she
doesn't love me',
then someone tapped me on the shoulder whilst I was thinking about how
stupid I was
to even consider leaving her, and was beginning to wonder if she did
love me or not.
That person turned out to be my girlfriend and she says how I wasn't
pleased to see
her, but what she doesn't know is that she has just made me the
happiest man that has
ever lived." I looked at Gareth and he looked at me, I moved closer to
him and we
kissed a slow kiss that had the taste of salt, both of us were crying.
I couldn't believe
that I was sitting there holding hands with Gareth whilst his head was
on my shoulder.
It was like a dream come true, I pinched my self regularly to check
that I wasn't
dreaming, I wasn't. Most of the plane journey involved us walking to
the toilet and
back, asking for water, sleeping, kissing and holding hands, oh and a
few times the
kid behind us told us to get a room. How I wished we could, but we did
the next best
thing. We both went into the minuscule space that was called the
toilet. Yes, that's
right we joined the mile high club.
The plane landed and we got off and headed for the place where you
pick up
your bags. Gareth got his bags or should I say bag and said to me
"Where's your
bags?" I had forgotten to tell him that I was in such a rush that I
didn't pack any
clothes. I began to wonder why Gareth only had one bag, which to me
seemed hardly
packed at all. After all he was moving over there and planning to spend
the rest of his
life there. I couldn't think of any reason for why he would want to put
me through the
torture of thinking that I wouldn't see him again if he was going to
come back,
possibly a few days later.
"I haven't got any" Gareth's face dropped
"Wait here whilst I get a trolley for my bag" I did as he told me and
watched his slim,
well toned body walk away. Moments later he returned with a trolley. We
walked into
a dress shop.
"What are we in here for I only have a ?10 note, I can't afford any
clothes." I had the
feeling Gareth was going to treat me like a charity case. I hated when
people bought
me things, I don't know why but I always felt guilty when they
did.
"You may not be able to afford it but I can. Now I now you want to say
no, but this
can be a present." I didn't know what Gareth would want to give me a
present for so I
asked. With all the torment and excitement I had sort of forgotten that
it was out
anniversary the day before.
"What for it can't be for my birthday 'cause that's not for
ages."
"For our anniversary, remember it was one year yesterday." I had bought
him a
present but it was at home along with the card.
"But I haven't got your present with me and Duncan has most probably
thrown them
in the bin" I didn't realise what I had said until it was too late, I
had suddenly
remembered that Gareth didn't tell Duncan about the move.
"Oh, my god I forgot to tell Suzi and Duncan." I could hear Gareth
talking as I was
trying on a dress.
"Don't worry." I said "I told them and Duncan was just a little bit
pissed off."
"How bad was he?" Gareth sounded very quizative.
"Well" I said "he said 'how could you do this to your best friend'
then he stormed out"
"He doesn't sound too bad" I undone the curtain, and said to
Gareth
"What do you mean 'he doesn't sound too bad' he was furious, that was
the first time I
had seen him storm out of a room. Remember when Suzi slapped him when
they had
split up, any other man would walked and called her a bitch, but no he
just stood there
and apologised." I got re-changed and we went to the till and paid for
my dress.
Gareth had a look of concern on his face when we walked for the cab to
go to
Gareth's apartment.
"What's up Gareth you seem a little concerned about something" I
knew
something serious was going through his mind by the look on his
face.
"I don't want this job any more, I was just thinking about money and
not what really
mattered like friends and family, and you of course." I couldn't
believe what Gareth
was saying "I'll have to go to work tomorrow, then at the end of the
day I'll say that
I'm very homesick, and I'll quit. W can go home the day after." We
walked over to
the check in desk and Gareth bought us two tickets, whilst I text Suzi
on her mobile,
my message simply read 'gr8 new me &;amp; gaz R comin home in 2 dayz
txt me from
trisha (:@)' Gareth came over and said:
"The flight leaves at twelve in the afternoon." I couldn't wait until
we had to leave.
The next day I decided to get as much sight seeing as possible done.
Well that was the
plan, but as soon as I found a beach I stayed on it all day. Near the
end of a day where
all that I did was sunbathe I got a text message from Gareth. It said
'Just like I
planned I got da sack, we can go home 2morrow. luv from Gareth x x
x.
I went back to our hotel about an hour or two later to find Gareth
waiting at reception
with a bunch of flowers. I couldn't help it but as soon as I saw Gareth
a huge grin
appeared on my face. When I got close enough Gareth began to hug me.
"Come on
tell me how you did it." Gareth let go of me pointed to his nose and
winked.
"I can't wait to go home tomorrow. Can you?" Gareth didn't like talking
about work.
Every time I mentioned work he would always find a way to change the
subject and
that time was no exception.
"No I can't. It'll be weird talking to them again, because yesterday I
was set for living
here for the rest of my life." All of a sudden Gareth began to look
depressed, I thought
about asking him what was up with him but I knew that would send him
into an even
worse mood, and trust me I didn't want that to happen. I then got a
text message from
Suzi it said 'that is gr8 newz, I told dunc and he seed so what I h8
Garteh &;amp; I never
want 2c him again him and gaz have 2 sort it out soon luv Suzi Ps he
sed he didnt
want me talkin to u cu soon'
"Listen Gareth you have really upset Duncan because I just got a text
of Suzi and it
said that he said he hates you and doesn't want to see you again." I
know that I didn't
want to upset him, but I had to tell him. Gareth put his head in his
hands and said:
"Can I use your phone? So I can phone Dunc." As I reached into my
pocket for my
phone I could see Gareth getting very nervous. The look on his face
reminded me the
time when he had to tell his Mum and Dad that he had failed his most
important
exam. He had passed all of the others with virtually top marks but, the
one exam he
needed he got a few marks from the grade he needed. He was so nervous
about telling
his parents. He thought that would think he was a failure, but it had a
happy ending
because his parents said that if he got high marks in all of his other
exams he should
get a good job. As I handed him my phone I began to hope that the
situation would
have a happy ending.
"Yeah sure." I sat watching him walking away. Five or ten minutes later
Gareth came
back and he looked even more upset than before. "What's up babe?" All
though I
knew that he was annoyed and that he got even more angry when he was
asked what
was up with him I had to ask, because I had never seen him look as
upset or angry as
he looked at that moment in time. I immediately went up to Gareth to
comfort him.
"Nothing, go away. I need sometime on my own." At that moment I was
standing in
front of him, so he shoved me to the side of him, and I fell over into
the rose bush that
was near the reception. As the receptionist helped me up, memories of
my ex, Shane
came flooding back, he had done something terrible, something that I
hadn't told
anyone not even Suzi. I wasn't that bothered about the physical cuts I
bore, but the
emotional cuts I was suffering from were unbearable. I stood fixed to
the spot for
about five minutes. I was scared because I had visions of him turning
into another
version of Shane. I thought about going up to the hotel room, but
instead I walked
round the town to let Gareth calm down a bit, and to try and get my
head around what
he had done. As I walked around this town, I became really depressed,
and began to
think that he did what he did because it was his way of telling me that
he hated me.
As I got back to the hotel, I began to cry because I thought that the
love of my
life had dumped me, and I was stranded in Australia. Although I began
to grow a
slight hatred for Gareth I was beginning worry in case he had done
something stupid. I
went into our room and I noticed that he wasn't there. I looked around
for a note to,
when I didn't find one 'That's it' I thought 'he hates me.' I lay down
on the bed and
cried. I cried so much that I eventually cried myself to sleep.' I look
around the room
and I see that some of the women are crying, I don't know whether it is
because of
their conditions or because they are genuinely upset.
'I was woken up by some one running water in the bathroom. I got up
from the
bed, and as I moved closer I could hear someone crying. This some one
then said
"What I have I done, I've wreaked everything. She's never going to come
back." I
stood still for a few moments, when I recognised whose the voice
belonged to a sense
of relief and guilt flooded my body, I knew that he didn't hate me. I
began wonder
how Gareth could of gotten to the bathroom with out seeing me, but I
remembered
that there was two entrances one from the hall and one from our
bedroom. Quietly I
sneaked from my position to the bathroom door. I opened it quietly and
I saw Gareth
on his hands and knees crying his eyes out. I walked over as quietly as
I could and I
put my hand on his back and I began to rub it. Almost immediately
Gareth sat up.
"Trisha, Oh my god" he hugged then carried on talking "I'm so glad to
see you," I
was about to say something when he interrupted me by saying "I'm so
sorry for what I
did before, I didn't mean it I hope you can forgive me." From the look
on Gareth's
face at that moment in time I couldn't of stayed mad at him for long.
He looked so
upset, I just had to forgive him just to make him happy because I
couldn't stand it
when he was unhappy.
"Gareth don't worry, I should of left you alone I could see that you
were upset."
Gareth suddenly pushed me away, but he still had hold of my
shoulder.
"Trisha, don't start blaming yourself. It wasn't your fault. As you
know I was
speaking to Duncan and he had said that he hated me and he didn't want
me talking to
him ever again. It had really upset me after all I have been his best
friend for nearly
ten years, basically I can't imagine life without him. It's just
I....." I interrupted
Gareth by kissing him.
"I understand." Although I said it I didn't have a clue.
"So I take it I'm forgiven then." Both of us smiled at the same time
because we both
knew what the answer was.
"Of course you are, I can't let a little thing like this come between
us." I said to
Gareth that the situation with him was small, but what he didn't know
is that he had
reopened old wounds that had healed a long time ago.
"Are you sure you're all right you've got a pretty big cut on your leg.
I feel so guilty
now." Gareth pointed out the cut to me. I wanted to tell Gareth about
what Shane did
to me but I couldn't do it. I knew that if I did tell him that would
either upset him or
annoy him even more, so I decided that it was better not to tell him. I
was going to tell
him, I was just waiting for a more appropriate moment.
The next day we had gone back to being all lovey, I wouldn't let go
of
Gareth's hand and he wouldn't let go of mine. I was treated like a
princess that day. If
I slightly knocked one of my many scars, (this would hurt slightly)
Gareth would
suddenly stop and ask "Are you OK? Do you need to sit down?" I just
laughed and
told him to stop worrying. At one point some one accidentally bumped
into me, which
slightly hurt my arm. You should of seen him, he fussed around me and
he held a
tight grip around my waist. When it came to getting into the taxi I
felt pretty useless
because he wouldn't help me put his bag into the taxi, after all I only
had a plastic
carrier bag, and he had a big bag. I felt a big rush of excitement and
nervousness as
we reached the airport. We waited around for ages until our flight was
called, when it
finally was, me and Gareth couldn't get to the departure gate quick
enough.
Once we had gotten on plane and we were seated, Gareth said "I was
thinking
that I would phone Dunc again and see if he has changed his mind since
yesterday." I
wanted Gareth and Duncan to make up because I had never seen Gareth so
upset. I
also feared that my friendship with Duncan had finished too. We had
been friends for
ten years, and I also had him to thank for having the love of my life
by my side. I
began to think about the time Gareth had joined our little group. He
was so shy then,
but constantly hanging round with Duncan made him gain more
confidence.
"Gareth...." I was going to mention the day I first met him, but I
thought that would
upset him so I didn't "I love you." I looked next to me and I noticed
that Gareth was
asleep. He looked so angelic when he slept, it was as if all of the
troubles that
surrounded him had melted
When we got off the plane Gareth went looking for a phone "Here" I
said "use
mine." Gareth took the phone off me and dialled Duncan's number.
Duncan answered the phone and he sounded shaky, "Hello, who's there?"
it took a
while for him to reply but finally Gareth said:
"Hi Duncan it's me, Gareth remember your best friend"
"Don't you mean ex-best friend, you betrayed me, and you expect me to
be your
friend. In your dreams." Duncan sounded very angry, mind you the friend
he thought
he could trust betrayed him by going away and not telling him. It was
Gareth's turn to
speak. I began to think about the last phone call Gareth had made to
Duncan, I began
to wonder what Duncan had actually said to get Gareth so upset.
"Well let it be like that if you want. I won't speak to you any more. I
just want you to
know that I am very sorry for what I have done, and that you are the
best friend a guy
could have, and that my life's not going to be the same without you. I
hope you have
a good life...... without me."
"Don't think that you've pulled the 'life with out me' speech that I'll
forgive you.
How do I know that you won't do this again? I would become your friend
again but I
don't know if I can trust you." I could tell Duncan was beginning to
soften.
"Of course I wouldn't do this again, I have got everything I need right
here in
England. I've got a great girlfriend and great friends. Well I had
great friends, but I'm
trying to get them back." Gareth pulled a face as if to say 'wish me
luck.'
"Well if you two come to my place and we can see if you can get these
great friends.
By the way I'm soz for what I said the other day." I saw the look of
relief on his face
he knew Duncan had made up with him. I knew that Duncan had said
something
purposely to upset Gareth.
"It's OK, see you later mate." He tried out mate to see what the
reaction was from
Duncan.
"Bye, mate spanish!" (spanish means later. spanish waiter, later. This
was one of the
many words that was in their 'language'.) I knew that every thing was
all right when
Duncan used the word 'spanish'. This word was apart if their language.
I'm being
serious, they had their own little dictionary and everything. Gareth
hung up gave me
my phone back Having heard the whole conversation I didn't need to ask
Gareth any
thing. "Let's go then." on my words we left the air port hand in
hand.
When we arrived at Duncan's he answered the door and said "Hiya, come
in
and sit down I bet you are shattered." I was so happy that things were
back to normal
with Gareth and Duncan. Well I was happy, but it sort of felt wired.
One minute
Duncan gets Gareth so angry that he assaults me the next minute they're
talking
"Yes we are." And you could tell by the sound of Gareth's voice. We
walked into the
front room and to my surprise Suzi wasn't there.
"Where's Suzi?" I asked
"She said that she had to get something from town but she will be back
soon she's all
ready been gone two hours." That didn't surprise me she was a
shopaholic. Gareth and
Duncan started talking about football, I didn't really listen, but I
got the main gist of
the conversation. They were having a debate on weather Man U are better
that
Liverpool. After half an hour Gareth suddenly realised that I wasn't
involved in their
conversation. "What do you think babe? Who's better Man U or
Liverpool?" My reply
was one that some people would expect from a girl like me. Don't get me
wrong I
liked football it was just I couldn't understand how you could have
regular arguments
over tems that you didn't support
"I'm not bothered, David Beckham's in Man U and Michael Owen's in
Liverpool."
As I thought both men laughed and I'm sure Duncan muttered 'Typical'.
Duncan
supported Arsenal, and Gareth supported Leeds, but still they had
regular discussions,
or as I liked to call them arguments. As I looked back at the
television screen I saw
Duncan take a quick glance at the cuts on my legs.
"What happened to you?" Duncan seemed a little concerned about
me.
Gareth began to speak but I interrupted him by saying, "I fell over and
landed in a
rose bush," I saw the sort of shocked look on Gareth's face and said
"isn't that right
babe?"
"Erm, yeah." The reason why I didn't tell Duncan what really happened
was that I
didn't want him to think that Gareth was a maniac that went round
hitting women.
Just like- any way that doesn't matter
"You clumsy girl."
After an hour Suzi turned up with a load of shopping, so I stood up to
help her,
but she wouldn't let me. She went into her bedroom, so I followed her.
I asked her if
she was all right and she took a big freak on me "Get out now." she
bellowed. I
walked back in the front room and Gareth asked:
"What's up with her?" just before I could answer I saw Duncan
wink.
"It doesn't matter. She'll be OK in a bit." There was something going
on but I didn't
know what it was, but I had to find out. Fifteen minutes later Suzi
came out of the
room and she seemed a lot happier.
"I am sorry about what happened in the bedroom, it's just that there
was some thing I
don't want you to see just yet." I was wondering what she had that was
so secretive.
"So" I said "have you got any goss." Suzi had begun to get very
excited.
"Well, sort of." she said.
"Go on then spill the beans" I was getting curious. Very curious. As
Suzi looked at
Duncan, and he looked at her, I had an idea of what her news could
be.
"Well me and Duncan have got something to tell you." She was about to
continue
when I interrupted he by saying:
"You're not pregnant are you?" I sounded a little worried but I was
excited.
"No, it nothing like that. We're engaged" I couldn't believe it, I
stood up gave her a
kiss and a cuddle. I did the same to Duncan too.
"Congratulations, when are you going to have the party?" I was getting
over excited. I
was thinking about hen party's and trying on wedding dresses. I knew
that I was
getting ahead of myself but I couldn't help it
"Erm next week I think." After talking about weddings, stag nights, hen
nights and
wedding dresses, me and Gareth left.
When we were waiting for a cab I said "Isn't that just great about
Suzi and
Duncan, just imagine Suzi will be Suzi Smith." I noticed that a tear
sprang into
Gareth's eye, but I decided not to ask him what was the matter. I
guessed that it was
just the fact that everything was back to normal. I didn't know how
'abnormal' things
were to get.
We climbed into the cab and talked about life. "I know this sound
really
weird but what would you do if I told you I was going to die? Would you
be able to
cope with out me?" I looked at Gareth to see if he was messing about or
whether he
wanted a serious answer from me.
"Well" I said "I don't think I'll be able to cope with out you. You
know what I'm like
I'm missing you loads when you go to work. Why do you want to know?"
Gareth
didn't answer but as we got out of our cab we began to talk about what
I would do if
Gareth died. Although we briefly went over it in the cab, Gareth wanted
to know in
more detail what I would do and how would cope if the worst was to
happen. I
thought that it was quite weird because we never usually talked about
things like that.
Inside I put down the dress that Gareth had bought me down on the
floor. Gareth
walked in behind me and said:
"Well then where's my anniversary present." I walked into my bedroom
and brought
out the package along with the card. I gave them both to Gareth. I had
got him an
England top, because I always knew that he wanted one, I also got him a
tee shirt with
our picture on the front, and on the back it had 'Trisha + Gareth
4eva'. I know it
sounds like a childish present, but I thought it was highly appropriate
for anniversary.
Gareth looked a the tee shirt with our photo on and he threw it on the
floor and
stormed out the door in tears. I didn't know what was up with him. I
sat down in my
chair and saw that picture of Gareth and thought 'He doesn't like me
any me any
more.'
I was in the bath, (I was doing my routine of self pity. I liked to
call it BVC,
Bath, Chocolates and Videos) when Gareth called me on the phone but the
answer
machine was on so I let it ring, as I lay there in the bath waiting for
the phone to stop
ringing I began to cry, think about the time we got together and how he
reminded me
of my ex, Shane. I remembered how he helped me when Shane dumped me.
He
would stay up with me all night, and I know this sounds really stupid
but we used to
have marathon bitching sessions. We would sit there for quite literally
for an hour or
two slagging him off.
About five minutes later I got out of the bath and checked my
messages. There
were two messages on it the first one was my mum asking why I wasn't in
work for
the last three days and the second one was off Gareth, It said 'I am
sorry about what
happened before, I don't want to do this but I have to. I have just
phoned to tell you
that I can't see you any more, we have to split up.' I couldn't believe
it. Once again I
thought back to the time he helped me with my SS (Shane situation). I
began to feel
depressed and alone. 'What am I going to do I haven't got any one to
help me now.' I
knew that I had Suzi and Duncan, but I didn't want to tell them right
away because
they were happy and I didn't want to spoil it for them.
Come to think of it I didn't want to tell her at all but I had to. I
knew that if I told her
she would hate Gareth and if Suzi hated Gareth, she would some how get
Duncan to
hate him too, so the last thing I wanted was her hating Gareth. Five
minutes later I had
worked up the courage to phone Suzi up and tell her. "Hello, Suzi." I
was suddenly
interrupted by her saying:
"You sound upset, I am coming round." After that announcement she put
the phone
down, so did I. I didn't want her to come I just wanted to wallow in my
self pity, but
that's the trouble with having a best friend they always want to sort
you out when you
want to be alone. Five or ten minutes later Suzi knocked on the door, I
didn't want to
see her, but she had to know that we had split up, so I opened the
door.
I found that Suzi had come round with a huge box of tissues, a massive
box of
chocolates and a load of Josh Hartnett videos. She too did the B.V.C.
plan whenever
she was dumped. Whenever we knew that something bad had happened to the
other
would get the video's and the chocolates, and go to their house and if
they hadn't
gotten in the bath we would run the bath and tell the other person to
get in.
Suzi walked in and as I shut the door, she sat down and patted to the
vacant space
next to her. "Come on you tell me what's up."
"Suzi it's Gareth, he's just dumped me." I went towards her and began
sobbing into
her shoulder.
"How did he split up with you?" All that wanted to do was forget about
the split, but I
had to talk about it first. Although I was hurting, it felt like I had
to tell some one
before I could get over it. I knew what her reaction would be, I could
hardly believe
that he did it that way myself. It was then I began to wonder if there
was another
motive to Gareth splitting up with me. After all it wasn't like him to
dump a person
over the phone. I knew from that very moment that it was us that it was
me there was
something wrong with....... It sounds cruel to say it but I knew that
there was
something wrong with Gareth. I pulled away from her and said:
"He left a message on my answer machine." I could see the shock on
Suzi's face, she
was truly shocked. She was almost as shocked as I was when I heard the
message. It
was as if she had heard the message and it had been directed at her and
not her best
friend.
"I asked Duncan if he had any idea what would be up with you and he
said that it
wouldn't be you two because Gaz was telling Duncan how much he loved
you when
you came into my bedroom last night." I couldn't believe it my self.
Suzi offered me a
chocolate, I refused "He has really upset you hasn't he. You're too
upset to eat
chocolates." The reason she said that was because I had only ever
turned down
chocolate once for as long as she had known me, and we had known each
other for
ten years. The only time I had refused a chocolate was when my ex Shane
dumped
me. I broke down and I was bawling my eyes out Suzi gave me a
comforting hug.
"Don't cry over him, he's not worth it." I knew it but I couldn't stop
myself from
crying. Something deep inside me was telling me that Gareth didn't want
to split up
with me and that in a way he was forced to do it. I just had to find
out what his real
motive was.
The hug made me feel a little better. She thought I was crying because
of Gareth, I
was but most of my sobs were for the scum-bag that I liked to call
Shane. She didn't
know how deeply I had been hurt. I was thinking back to our day in
Australia and the
feelings that I felt, and the memories of why I felt like that came
back to me. After
she left, I thought that I would make Gareth jealous by going out with
some one else,
but who to pick. Then Lee suddenly came into my head. He was perfect I
had always
fancied him and I had always secretly wanted to go out with him.
The day after I phoned work and said I was sick, I was really thinking
of a way
to get Lee. I did like Lee so I thought that I could go out with him to
show Gareth that
I didn't need him. Lee was this guy I worked with, and he used to hang
around with
Gareth. He was and still is absolutly gorgeous. He's got dark blonde
hair and blue
eyes, and as you can most probably tell by now I was a sucker for blue
eyes. I had
always liked Lee, but whenever I was single he had a girlfriend, and
whenever he was
single I had a boyfriend. Anyway lets go back to the story.
I was sitting down in my chair when I saw the picture of Gareth I
picked it up and
threw it against the wall, as much as I tried to deny it I still loved
Gareth and when he
dumped me he annoyed me. In the next minute the door bell went I
answered the door
it was Gareth. As soon as I saw him I slapped him and said "What the
hell are you
doing here?" I was furious, he dumps me for nothing and then he turns
up at my
doorstep, most probably to make up with me. In his dreams. I suddenly
felt guilty
about slapping him, because when I saw the way he was standing and the
feeling I got
when he knocked on the door I knew that something was seriously
wrong.
"I need to tell you something!" He pushed his way pass me and told me
to sit down, I
did. "Do you want to know why I split up with you?" Gareth looked
really ill and pale
even though I had jus given him the hardest slap. It was then that I
knew he was going
to tell me something bad. I thought he was going to say something like
'I don't love
you anymore, but I still want us be friends.' Little did I know that
what he was about
to tell me would change my life for the worse. I couldn't answer the
question he had
asked me, "well like I said at the door I have got something to tell
you." By this time
we had both sat down on the sofa. Gareth took his cap off and he began
fiddling with
it as he began to get his words out. "I have... I have got .... a
serious heart problem,
and there's a possibility that I'll need a transplant."
"You'll be all right though, won't you?"
"The doctor's saod that they had no idea. If my condition gets worse
and I need a
transplant and one can't be found I will die." I couldn't believe what
I had just been
told. I tried hold back my emotions but I couldn't. Tears were
uncontrollably falling
down my face, and emotions that I didn't even know I had were coming to
the
surface. "I might live a good life for a few years to come but there's
also a chance I
could......." The emotions he had tried to hold in all night came
suddenly.
"You could what?" He somehow manage to stop his sobbing and told me the
news I
was dreading to hear.
" There's also a small chance that I die tomorrow." I was complete
speechless, and I
saw that I never really stopped loving him and I wondered how I could
think about
going out with some one else. I had put my feelings for Lee on hold.'
Once again I see
that many of the women are too crying.
'"I will always love you whether you are going to die or not. Sure
I'll miss you
but I'll always have the memories of us, and they'll last forever." I
was directly
looking into Gareth's eyes. I had stopped crying, but I kept on
thinking about my life
without him, and from what I could see, it wasn't going to be very
good.
"Hey you, don't cry. I don't like it when you cry it upsets me, when I
see you cry It
makes me want to cry to." I tried to stop myself from crying, " I
didn't want you to see
me die but I realised that I still loved you and that I couldn't
pretend that I didn't love
you. I couldn't stand the thought of spending my last few days without
you." I sat
down next to Gareth to comfort him. I lay down with my head on his lap,
and he
started to sing 'I wanna grow old with you, I wanna die lyin'' in your
arms I wanna
grow old with you I wanna be looking in your eyes I wanna be there for
you sharing
everything you do I wanna grow old with you.' I had no idea that Gareth
could sing. I
sat up and we kissed. As we kissed I began to think about Suzi and
Duncan. For some
strange reason I began to wonder if they already knew. Duncan had been
Gareth's
friend for all of their lives, but if they knew they should of told me
before.
"Gareth, do Suzi and Duncan know about.... Well you know, about finding
a donor?"
I looked at Gareth and he quite simply shook his head. "Come on then" I
said "lets go
and tell them, I can tell Suzi and you can tell...... Oh by the way I
told Suzi about you
splitting up with me. And I told her how you did it."
"I want to go and tell them but, I'm scared, especially now that she
knows about my
moment of madness, I just hope she understands once we tell her." A
little bit of
colour had returned to his face, but he still looked a little frail. I
began to think back
to the time we were in Australia. The pain that I was going through
then was the same
pain that I felt when he pushed me. For the first time I realised why
Gareth would pull
out of strenuous activities. I suddenly felt a pang of guilt for all
the times I called him
lazy. It was then it I knew that Duncan knew about the heart condition,
because he
would always stick up for him saying that they had both had a big lads
night out the
day before. I then began to wonder why Gareth didn't want me
knowing.
We eventually managed to go round to Suzi's to tell her about Gareth.
I rang
the bell and Gareth said "I am not sure if this is a good idea." He had
returned to his
normal colour.
"Of course it is, any way you need to tell Duncan." I looked up at him,
and he seemed
to be looking at the floor. It was as if he wanted to hide something
from me. Suzi
answered the door we walked in and she asked me:
"You're not back with him are you?" She looked Gareth up and down as
if he was
scum of the earth. I could feel her eyes bore into him. I suddenly felt
annoyed with
her, but once I realised that she didn't know about him I began once
again to feel
sadness.
"Yes Suzi I am, will you come into the kitchen for a minute?" I walked
in to the
kitchen with Suzi right behind me "listen Suze, I have something to
tell you about
Gareth, he is going to d...die." At first Suzi thought I was joking,
but when she saw
that I wasn't smiling, she hugged me and she asked:
"What's up with him ? Is it cancer ?" I had expected her to say that
because we had a
friend who's Gran died from cancer. My thoughts of Suzi knowing were
wrong so I
began to wonder if Duncan had already knew.
"No, it's not cancer" I said "he has heart problem and he needs a
transplant." I didn't
tell her how long he had to live because I knew that he most probably
wouldn't be
there for her wedding. If she knew that he would most likely be dead,
she would
devastated. He was Duncan's best friend, and I naturally presumed he
would be his
best man. It would come as a blow for them if they knew that they were
going to lose
their best friend before the wedding.
"Oh, well at least he'll be here for the wedding. He will still be
alive next year, won't
he?" I didn't want to tell her but I had to. I paused for a
while.
"We'll be lucky if he makes to next week." I broke down and bawled my
eyes out into
Suzi's shoulder. I could tell that she wanted to cry, but like she
always would, she
thought of me first, and tried not to cry. Instead she said (with a
sympathetic tone)
"Come on, we have to give Gareth the best week of his life."
"Do you know what happened when he told me, he sang a song to me, and
his voice
was as angelic as his face" I decided to tell Suzi about Gareth's mini
singing sesh. I
knew that she would be as touched as I was.
"Why what did he sing?" The memory of the song brought tears to my
eyes. Suzi
walked towards me to give me a hug but I stopped her by saying:
"Well the lyrics were, 'I wanna grow old with you, I wanna die lyin''
in your arms I
wanna grow old with you I wanna be looking in your eyes I wanna be
there for you
sharing everything you do I wanna grow old with you.'" I could tell
that she was
touched by what I said because she had started to cry too.
After a few hours we still hadn't decided what to do for Gareth's last
week, so
we asked him.
"We could go to the pictures, and for a meal afterwards if you like."
Gareth loved
going to the cinema. I thought that it would be good way for Gareth to
enjoy himself.
"Of course, and we'll do it every night from now on." I was going to
say every night
until the end, but that sounded a little insensitive. I looked at
Gareth's face and for the
first time that night I noticed that he was happy.
"And I am paying, let's just call it a thank you present for being
there when I needed
you." But none of us would have it. It was supposed to be a present
from us, to show
him a good time not the other way around. Duncan said:
"No you won't pay for it, the three of us will as a thank you present,
for being the best
friend we could ever have." What Duncan said was the truth too. We
wanted to thank
him as well as giving him a few good days. He was always there,
whenever one of us
wanted to bitch about someone he would be there. Whenever we would be
feeling
down, or if we didn't believe in ourselves Gareth would be there to
cheer us up and
reassure us. I was going to miss him, a lot.
"Well then if you won't let me pay for that, I will have to get you
some thing else
then" Gareth had to get us a present "please excuse me for an hour or
two, and don't
even think about following me." I waited for Gareth to walk out of the
door before I
broke down. Once again I sobbed uncontrollably.
"Duncan, I'm gonna miss him." As I cried Duncan came over to me.
"We'll all miss him, now stop crying we don't want Gareth walking in on
you like
this. Hey he might think there's something going on between us." I
loved the way that
Duncan always had something to say to cheer me up. Even after the whole
horrible
situation with Shane Duncan found away of cheering me up. Of course he
didn't
know everything, but he still cheered me up.
"Yeah, you wish Dunc."
An hour later Gareth came back with some Harrod's bags, "Listen" he
said " I
know you'll say no to what I am going to give you, but if you don't
take it it's just
going in the bin." After Gareth closed the door, he came and sat down
next to me, and
searched through the bags. "Duncan, this is for you." he gave Duncan a
box.
"Gareth this must of cost you a fortune." Duncan showed the box to me
and Suzi.
Duncan was right I had seen that watch in Harrod's window for
?500.
"Suzi this is for you" he pulled out another box and gave it to Suzi.
she said the same
thing as Duncan, I looked at the box she too, had a watch worth nearly
?500.
"And finally these are for you, Trisha" Gareth handed me three boxes,
one of them
looked slightly older than the others, I opened the new ones first
"Gareth this is
gorgeous there was no need " It was a diamond encrusted watch.
"Look at the back" I turned the watch upside down and looked at the
back, it read,
'To Trisha the love of my life from Gareth'
"What does it say Trisha?" I handed Suzi the watch. I opened the second
box it had a
necklace with a locket that you can put pictures in, I already knew
what pictures I was
going to put inside.
"That is so sweet. Here you go" she gave me my watch back. Gareth
picked up the
third box and said:
"This one is extra special" I opened the box there were two rings
inside "they were
my grandmothers, I am an only child so they were given to me, and
seeing as I am not
going to have any children you can have them" I didn't know what to
say. When
Gareth said 'I'm not going to have any children' A feeling of severe
depression came
over me. I had hoped he was going to have children, and with me. I
would have loved
a little mini Gareth running around, that way there would be a little
piece of him with
me all of the time
"Gareth I can't take these they belong to your family, give them back
to your mum or
something." I tried to give Gareth the rings back but he wouldn't take
them.
"I asked my mum if it was OK to give them to you and she said yes so
she won't take
them back either." After admiring each others gifts and thanking Gareth
a lot, me and
Gareth went back home.
The next night we had arranged to go out. I went to Gareth's house
and
knocked on the door, I had all the jewellery on that he had given me
the night before.
Just as I was about to walk away from the front door, his mum answered.
"Hi you
must be Gareth's mum, I'm Trisha, is Gareth there?" she looked very
unhappy.
"Haven't you heard, Gareth was rushed to hospital last night they're
not sure what it
was yet." I couldn't believe it.
"Is he dead ?" I thought that she was going to say yes but she didn't,
she said:
"No. I am going up to the hospital now if you want a lift." I agreed
to the lift and I got
in the car with his mother. We were about half way there when she
said:
"You must be Gareth's girlfriend" I was almost showing off when I
said:
"Yes" I suddenly felt a little a guilt and pity for Gareth's mum. I
wanted to tell her
that I would always be there for her, after all I knew what she was
going through. OK
so it wasn't as bad for me, but I was still going to be upset.
I hated hospitals they truly freaked me out but that didn't bother me
because I
was going to see my dying boyfriend. As I waited at reception I
realised that I could
see through to the recuss room, and I saw some one dying. I couldn't
stop myself
from thinking 'this time tomorrow that will be Gareth'. Gareth's mum
lead me to his
room. We went in. "Gareth" she whispered "look who's come to see you,
It's Trisha"
Gareth was sleeping but as soon as my name was mentioned he woke up,
slowly but
surely "I'll leave you two alone then" Gareth's mum had walked
out.
"Look" I said to Gareth "I have the necklace on that you gave me last
night, do you
want to see the pictures in it?" He nodded so I showed him them. Inside
was a picture
of me and Gareth kissing and a picture of Gareth on his own. I thought
this time
tomorrow he will be dead. I started to cry. "Tr... Trisha I..... want
y.o.u to h.h.h.hold
mmee." I did as I was asked and held Gareth in my arms. "Trisha I
l...love y.o.u" right
after he finished talking his heart machine bleeped. I began to weep as
I knew that he
was gone.
"Please god please let him live." I ran out side and shouted "Quick can
some one get
in here we need some help!" A few doctors came running in and I was
told to wait out
side. I watched as the doctors got the machines out. After ten minutes
the people that
were fussing over Gareth seemed to have stopped. I suddenly heard a
machine
whirring in his room. "Misses, would you like to step in my office for
a moment." My
mind immediately jumped to the thought that it was bad news. Both me
and Gareth's
mum followed the doctor into the office.
"I've got some bad news." I knew it he was going to tell us that he
was dead.
"He's dead isn't he?"
"No, his heart has just stopped and we managed to get it started again,
but looking at
the results of his CAT scan we can see that there is evidence of a
stroke."
I knew this would happen, that's what his Granddad and my brother died
of. Is it
because of his conary artery disease?"
"That is a factor yes. A blot clot had reached his brain and it has
caused him to
Stroke. He is breathing but, at this moment in time he's breathing via
ventilator." I
could Have said something but I just couldn't so I let his mum and the
doctor do the
talking.
"Now there's a possibility that Gareth is Brain-stem dead, which means
that
he won't be able to breathe alone. We'll do some tests on him tomorrow
to find out."
"And what if he is brain- whatever you just said." That the most I
could come up
with.
"Well, his next of kin has decide whether they want to switch his life
support machine
off."
"You mean he'll be dead." Once again another stupid comment from yours
truly.
"Yes. If he is brain-stem dead it will only be the machines that are
keeping him alive.
He will be clinically dead." Nither of us could believe it was
happening, I mean we
knew it was going to happen but that didn't make the fact he was dying
any easier.
Me and Gareth's mum silently walked out of the office and we went
to
Gareth's room. We walked in and the was a nurse attending to the
machines that were
attached to his body. I looked at him and it seemed to me that at any
moment he was
going to wake up, and say that it was going to all right. "It helps
them if you talk, the
conversation maybe one sided but at least he'll know you're here for
him." I sat
down on the chair next to his bed and I began thinking of things to
say.
"Hiya, I don't know what to say to you. You've always been difficult."
I laughed
slightly, but the emotions of being told that her only child was
possibly dying got to
Gareth's mum and she left the room in floods of tears. "When you get
out of here, I
know you're gonna have a go at me for sounding so cheesy but when you
get out of
here we're gonna do everything that we ever wanted to do." I was right
I didn't know
where all this crap was coming from. "We'll go around the world, hey
we'll stop off
at Vegas and we'll get married in one of those places that only cost a
few dollars."
After I had got with Gareth I had known that he was 'the one' and I had
thought he
was the man I was going to marry and spend the rest of my life with. I
knew that he
wasn't, looking at him lying down in that bed. He even had food going
through a tube.
Seeing him like that was one of the most traumatic experiences of my
life.
I tried to think and say things that couldn't upset Gareth, but all
that I could
think of were his impending brain stem tests, I was willing him to pass
in the
moments of serious silence. I seriously had nothing to talk about so I
naturally began
talking about weddings. Suzi's and Duncan's, and mine and his.
* * *
"No, you're lying, my Gareth can't be dead. He's a fighter he can't of
given up,
you're lying." I knew that the doctor wouldn't be lying, but something
inside told me
that he was. The doctor grabbed my arms and said:
"I know it's hard to believe, but he is dead. Would you like to go in
and see him?" I
had reduced my crying from manic to just sobbing, I nodded to the
doctor and walked
into his room. I saw Gareth lying there in his bed, I couldn't believe
that he was dead.
It looked like he was asleep. Seeing Gareth there peaceful, made me
feel, so upset I
wanted to brake down in someone's arms, but I couldn't. I felt so
alone. As I was
trying to imagine what my life would be without him, I walked to his
bed and
resumed the position that I was in when he died. I found self saying,
"Please God say
this is a bad dream." I kept on willing myself to wake up, but after
five minutes I
realised that I wasn't going to get my way. Gareth was dead and I had
to learn how to
live without him. Which at the time I thought was an impossible
task.
A few hours later I decided that it was time for me to go home. As I
got
outside I turned on my mobile phone. As soon as I put it back into my
pocket, my
phone rang. "Trisha where are you and how's Gareth?" I was sort of
angry at her I
don't know why, but you could excuse me my boyfriend had just died. I
know that she
didn't have any idea of where I was, but I was full of grief and I
couldn't handle her
going mad at me.
"Well, I am in hospital." I said this rather calmly.
"What for? You're not in maternity are booking an appointment are you?"
Suzi said
this with a little laugh. When she realised that I didn't laugh along
with her it was
then that she started to sound concerned. "What's up?" I didn't want to
tell her that
Gareth was dead but I had to she was one of his best friends.
"Gareth had some brain stem tests before."
"Oh my god is he OK?"
"No Suzi he's dead." Both Suzi and I broke down into tears. I then
heard Duncan ask
her what was up, Suzi said:
"Ask Trisha!" she handed the phone over to Duncan.
"Hey Trish what's up with Suzi?" Yet again I had another what seemed to
be an
impossible task. Duncan and Gareth had been mates ever since they were
little and I
had to tell him that his best friend was dead.
"Duncan, I am in the hospital. I've got some bad news to tell you.
Well Gareth was
I'm afraid-he's..." I bit my lip thinking of the words that I could say
that wouldn't
upset him too much, but then I realised that his best friend had just
died so no matter
what way I put it he would of been devastated.
"Is he OK?" Duncan sounded concerned too, I could tell that he all
ready knew that
something was wrong.
"No , Duncan. Gareth's... well he's..... dead." I could hear him crying
and in between
cries he said:
"Can we come to see him ?" My reply was:
"Yes of course you can." I began to think about what their reactions
would be when
they saw him. I knew that Suzi would be crying her eyes out but I
couldn't imagine
Duncan crying. Saying that I couldn't imagine Gareth dying.
I went back into Gareth's room and his mum asked "What were his
last
words?" I was going to lie to her and say he said something about her
but I didn't.
"He said that he loved me." His mum started to cry. I went over to her
and gave her a
hug.
"Listen, I'll arrange the funeral, and I'll pay for everything if you
like." She said no and
that she could pay for it out the money Gareth's dad left when he died.
I saw Suzi and
Duncan come in. I left the room and went over to them.
"Are you OK ?" Suzi all ways thought about me first. I could tell that
she was
devastated by the look on her face, she had mascara running down her
face.
"Yeah I am OK. By the way he got what he wanted." I could see the
puzzled look on
their faces.
"What do you mean ?" Duncan asked. I remembered what Gareth had sung to
me
"When Gareth told me that he was going to die he sang me this song 'I
wanna grow
old with you, I wanna die lyin'' in your arms I wanna grow old with you
I wanna be
looking in your eyes I wanna be there for you sharing everything you do
I wanna
grow old with you.' Well he did die in my arms and my eyes were the
last thing that
he saw." I started to cry Duncan came over and gave me a hug and
said:
"I know how you feel. Life isn't going to be the same without him,
but......." I couldn't
agree more. I know that Duncan was only a friend, and he only wanted to
support me,
but it felt that by letting Duncan standing hugging me to comfort me,
(which was
something Gareth would of done) it felt like I was betraying Gareth's
memory. I felt
guilty, the type of guilt you feel when you've had an affair. I pushed
my self away
from Duncan and said:
"He's in here." I walked into his room, with memories past. As soon as
they saw him
they began to cry. I looked at Gareth and for the first time I realised
that Gareth had
smile on his face. His mum went out the room in floods of tears. The
doctor came in
and said:
"Time to go" I went over to Gareth and gave him one last kiss on the
lips. He felt so
cold, colder than ice. We left the hospital and I had agreed to stay at
their place.
I couldn't get to sleep, every time I closed my eyes all that I could
see was
Gareth. I thought about how he made me feel when he called my name. It
still hadn't
sunk in that Gareth was dead. I went into the kitchen to get a drink of
milk. After I
had finished the milk I put the glass down and headed for bed but all
of a sudden I
heard Gareth telling me to put the glass in the sink, I turned around
and I saw Gareth
standing there. I walked over to the sink, washed my glass and when I
looked to
where Gareth was standing he wasn't there. I felt it again, when I saw
the illusion of
Gareth it felt like I had lost him all over again. I couldn't get him
out of my mind
every where I went he was there, I kept on telling myself that wasn't
going to get over
him. I went back to bed and tried to get to sleep but the image of
Gareth standing
there kept on appearing. I woke up and went into the front room. I saw
a picture of
me, Suzi, Duncan and Gareth when we went to a party. I stroked Gareth's
face and
said "Why did you have to go?" I broke down completely. I didn't want
Suzi or
Duncan knowing that I was upset, I wanted them to think that was that
strong girl that
I had always been.
The next morning Duncan and Suzi walked into the front room and Suzi
asked
"Are you sure you are all right? We heard you crying last night."
"I just can't get over the fact that he's gone and that I will never be
able to see him
again." I felt like crying, but I didn't.
"You can cry if you want it will make you feel better." My emotions
must of been
showing really badly. The week before I could only just cope with
spending a day
apart from him, Even the thought of him going round the world made me
feel awful. I
knew that I would get the chance to him again, but I couldn't believe
the fact that he
was gone. Gone forever. I couldn't hold it in any more I cried my eyes
out. "I know
you feel stupid for crying but you've just lost someone important to
you, we all
understand."
I did feel a bit better but not much. "Do you want some breakfast?"
Duncan
asked. I didn't know how he could think about eating at a time like
this. "No thanks, I
am not hungry." I hadn't eaten for over 98 hours but that was the
truth. I couldn't
think of how he could eat at a time like that, his best friend has died
the day before,
and it seemed like all he could think of was stuffing his face. Quickly
I put my jacket
on and headed for the door.
"Where are you going?" I could tell that Duncan was worried by the tone
of his voice.
He obviously thought that I was going to do something stupid. I had
thought about it,
but I realised that Gareth wouldn't want me dying early too.
"I'm going back to mine, getting changed, and then I have to go to
Gareth's, to
arrange details of the funeral." I thought that they would try and stop
me from walking
out but they didn't. I don't know but as I stepped out of the door I
felt like a
completely different person, I felt like a small piece of my world had
vanished from
my sight in a small amount of time.
When I got home I saw a video on top of my telly and on the cover it
said 'To
Trisha, Suzi and Duncan this video isn't to be watched until
after my funeral, lots of love Gareth' I wondered what the video
was
about, but I had to wait until the wake. Like I said I was going to do,
I got changed
and went over to Gareth's. I knocked on the door and yet again his mum
answered.
"I've come to help you with the funeral" she looked like she was in
terrible agony, but
then again she had just lost her only child. I sort of understood what
she felt, but
whatever she was feeling must have been at least twice as bad as what I
was feeling
"Listen" she said "Do you mind arranging everything whilst I get all
of the family
together." I didn't mind arranging his funeral.
"OK, I'll give you all the details as soon as I get them." I couldn't
deal with this on my
own so I decided to go back to Suzi's.
I didn't need to knock on the door because I had my own key. "How did
the
funeral plans go?" Hadn't Duncan realised that I had only been out for
a small amount
of time? The word 'funeral' had sent a shiver down my spine, I realised
that I had to
plan his funeral. It was then when it well and truly hit me that I
would never see
Gareth again.
"They didn't " I said "his mum asked me to arrange everything, and I
was wondering if
you wouldn't mind helping me." I knew that both of them would agree and
they did. I
sat down and said "Did you know Gareth made a tape for us?" they
obviously didn't
by the looks on their faces "it's just that before I found a tape and
it wasn't there when
I left last night"
"What church do you reckon we have it in?" asked Suzi
"Well" I said "you can arrange the church, Duncan you can arrange the
cars and I'll
arrange the coffin and the flowers, and we need to decide weather he
will be buried or
cremated" I had complete control over the funeral.
"We had this chat once and he said that he wanted to be buried." I was
glad Suzi told
me that because that was one less thing to sort out.
"OK then lets go" I wanted to get the funeral plans over and done
with.
On the way to the funeral directors I thought about the wake, "Duncan
what
are we going to do about the wake." I thought he would give me a
suggestion and he
did.
"Well me you and Suzi can do some butties and sausage rolls and stuff
like that. And
we can have it at my place" he was on a roll with his ideas that day. I
will spare you
the details of the funeral directors. Duncan told me that he had booked
two cars one
for Gareth's mum and a few of his aunts, and one for me him and
Suzi
About twelve hours after we set off Suzi come back into her's where me
and
Duncan were waiting "Well then what church is it in ?" I also wanted to
know why
she took so long.
"I'm sorry that I'm late but I went to find out where Gareth was
christened and it
turned out to be ST. Pauls. The priest took like five hours trying to
find his record
then he said it wasn't there so I look around other churches and they
said he wasn't
done there. I went back to saint Pauls' and a nun there found it in a
matter of minutes.
It's this Saturday at 1." I always knew that she could babble on. I
phoned Gareth's
mum up and told her all the details, I also had to phone the funeral
directors to tell
them that the funeral was this Saturday. I decided to leave the flowers
until the next
day, the day before his funeral
The next day I phoned the florists "Hello this is Rosie's florist" I
decided to
use this florist because I worked there.
"Hello, I need flowers for a funeral tomorrow, if that's possible." I
thought it would
be too short notice but it wasn't.
"Of course what were you planning" I hadn't really thought about
it.
"Well can I have the words Thanks in white, son in blue and Babes in
lilac. I didn't
care how much it was going to cost. I wanted everything to be perfect,
to show
everyone how much I loved Gareth.
"Wait a minute, is that you Trisha ?" It was Rosie my boss.
"Hi Rosie yes it is me" I was sort of happy talking to Rosie. Although
I was
devastated about Gareth, the familiarity of her voice brought me some
what closer
what I wanted. I wanted everything to be normal, I didn't want Gareth
to be dead, and
speaking to Rosie which is what I would normally do, cheered me up a
little, but
because I realised we weren't talking about normal things my sadness
returned to my
body.
"Who's funeral is it ?" I couldn't believe that my mum hadn't told
her.
"It's my boyfriend's" I could tell she was upset.
"You mean Gareth is dead" after a brief pause she said "since I was a
friend of
Gareth's you can have the flowers for free." I didn't know Rosie was so
generous.
"Thanks, you know he would appreciate that. bye." I put the phone down.
The next
thing to do was to get things for the wake.
I went into the local shopping centre and I bought quite a lot of
things most of
it food. As I walked around the centre I spotted Gareth's favourite
shop. (Yes he did
have one!) I walked towards it and when I seen the sign on it that said
'closing down
sale' I suddenly felt annoyed and deeply outraged. It had felt like
everything that
reminded me of Gareth was being taken away, sure I had memories but I
wanted
material things and places. I thought about complaining, but as I went
to open the
door I could see the reflection of Gareth. I turned around. I don't
know what I had
expected to see but when I saw that no one was behind me, I felt a
little disappointed.
I went for the door again but I realised how stupid it seemed. I left
and headed toward
the super market. As I packed the food into my trolley I began to feel
physically sick.
I was wondering how people could eat after losing a loved one.
I came back from town and as I put the food away I realised that I
didn't know
what to wear, so I went into my bedroom and looked into my wardrobe. I
decided to
wear the black dress that Gareth bought me in Australia. I looked at
the dress, and I
realised that it would be fitting to wear the dress that my boyfriend
had bought me on
his funeral. All right so I didn't get the dress in usual conditions
but it was still a
present from him. I remembered back to the time he had bought me the
dress, how I
thought I was going to be living in Australia for the rest of my life.
Little did I know
that just over a week later that I would be back in England waiting to
go to my
Gareth's funeral.
I told Suzi and Duncan to bring their stuff with them because I wanted
them to
come early to help with the buffet "Are you sure that you have got
enough food ?" I
had thought about that when I was shopping.
"Yeah, I was only going to buy a little bit but I don't know how many
relatives are
coming so I bought extra." I was cutting some sandwiches when I cut my
finger. I
began to cry, not because of the cut, but because I thought of Gareth
cuddling up to
me and putting my finger to his mouth and he would suck the blood from
my skin.
We would usually kiss after something like that. If the same thing
happened to Gareth
I would do exactly what he would do if it had happened to me. When I
thought of
things like that it made me miss him even more. I tried to see what my
life would be
like with out him but I couldn't. Suzi must of picked up on why I was
really crying
because she said:
"Why don't you have a lie down and get changed, me and Duncan can
finish these
off" I did as Suzi said and lay down. The flowers didn't arrive until
11:30. I heard the
doorbell go, so I got up to answer it. It was Rosie, and two of
Duncan's friends
(Jonathan and Lee) that I worked with. "You don't mind if we come, do
you ?" said
Jonathan with his London accent which I would usually think of as cute,
but I
couldn't think like that with it being Gareth's funeral. Jonathan was a
guy that I
worked with, he was very lazy but he was very sweet. Lee was very hard
working and
he was very sweet too. At one point in my life I..... Well enough about
that back to the
story.
"Of course you can come. I know that he would be glad that so many
people
turned up." I tried to hide my tears with a smile but I couldn't. When
Gareth died
something inside me went that permitted me to smile.
"Come here. you look like you need a good hug." Said Lee. I didn't
move, so he came
over to me, and he gave me a sympathetic hug. The feel, the smell of
another man
made me miss the smell of Gareth even more, and some how it felt like I
as betraying
him by letting Lee touch me. I shoved him away and said:
"I am getting changed." I ran into my bedroom, shut the door and sat
down on my
bed. I looked out of the window and on the window was a picture of
Gareth kissing
me on the cheek. I put my hand on my cheek as if I was keeping the mark
of his lips
there. I got changed and I looked into the mirror and yet again I saw
Gareth's
reflection. I turned around expected to be disappointed, but standing
there was
Gareth. A smile came over my face, suddenly Gareth spoke.
"You look absolutely gorgeous love." I walked towards Gareth, and I
closed my eyes
and moved my head near his for a kiss, but when I opened my eyes Gareth
had
disappeared then Suzi walked in.
"Are you ready to go Trisha?" I stood up "where did you get that from
it's gorgeous?"
"Gareth bought it for me in Australia" I felt a tear roll my face, I
wiped it away and
said "I'd better stop crying, this mascara isn't waterproof" Suzi
laughed, but I couldn't,
I was hurting to much, I felt as if I wouldn't be able to laugh again.
I knew that not
laughing wouldn't exactly please Gareth, but I don't think he would of
been to
pleased about the situation we where in.
I heard a car horn "The cars are here." This is it I thought, my
boyfriend is
about to be buried and I will never see him again. I went down stairs.
We climbed
into the funeral car and drove off. I was silent all the way. Duncan
looked upset, and
when I would occasionally look across at him I could see that he was
crying, he was
looking at the car in front, it was the car that had Gareth's coffin
inside. He helped to
carry it in to the church. Jonathan and Lee also helped plus there were
three people
that I didn't know.
Most of the service was a blur up until the priest said "If any one
wants to say
a few words" I stood up and went to the alter.
" I wrote this poem in Gareth's memory
If tomorrow starts without me,
And I'm not there to see;
If the sun should rise and find your eyes
All filled with tears for me;
I wish so much you wouldn't cry
The way you did today,
While thinking of the many things,
We didn't get to say.
I know how much you love me,
As much as I love you,
And each time you think of me,
I know you'll miss me too;
But when tomorrow starts without me,
Please try to understand,
That an angel came and called my name,
And took me by the hand,
And said my place was ready,
In heaven far above,
And that I'd have to leave behind
All those I dearly love.
But as I turned to walk away,
A tear fell from my eye,
For all my life, I'd always thought,
I didn't want to die.
I had so much to live for,
So much yet to do,
It seemed almost impossible,
That I was leaving you.
I thought of all the yesterdays,
The good ones and the bad,
I thought of all the love we shared,
And all the fun we had.
If I could relive yesterday,
Just even for a while,
I'd say good-bye and kiss you
And maybe see you smile.
But then I fully realised,
That this could never be,
For emptiness and memories,
Would take the place of me.
And when I thought of worldly things,
I might miss come tomorrow,
I thought of you and when I did,
My heart was filled with sorrow.
But when I walked through heaven's gates,
I felt so much at home.
When GOD looked down and smiled at me,
From His great golden throne,
He said "This is eternity,
And all I've promised you."
Today for life on earth is past,
But here it starts anew.
I promise no tomorrow,
But today will always last,
And since each day's the same way
There is no longing for the past.
But you have been so faithful,
So trusting and so true.
Though there were times you did some things,
You knew you shouldn't do.
But you have been forgiven,
And now at last you are free.
So won't you take my hand.
And share my life with me?
So when tomorrow starts without me,
Don't think we are far apart,
For every time you think of me,
I'm right here, in your heart.
Before I sit back down I would like to play you a song. Gareth sung it
to me the night
before he died." I pressed play on the cassette player and the song
that Gareth had
sung came blasting out. As soon as the song had finished I pressed stop
and sat down.
I sat down and Suzi whispered "That was beautiful." I spent the rest of
the service
crying.
The service was over and it was time for the burial. The sun was
shining. They
lowered him into the ground. His mum threw dirt onto the coffin I threw
a pink rose,
the same one that Gareth gave to me when we were on holiday in Spain.
"That poem
was lovely Gareth would of enjoyed that." I felt at ease with his mum
because I knew
that some one else was going through what I was going through.
"Come on Trisha get in here with us." Suggested Lee. I had no choice
the funeral cars
had gone. I climbed into his car he was on his own. I put my seat belt
on and he drove
off. "I have no idea what to talk about" I wasn't in the mood for small
talk.
"Well don't talk." I snapped back "I'm sorry about that but you can
excuse me, after
all we have just buried Gareth." Lee grabbed my shoulder and gave me a
sympathetic
hug. I didn't feel as guilty but still there was a small ounce of
guilt
We arrived at my house and the wake had started. "What took you so
long we
had to start the party without you." I couldn't believe what Duncan
said.
"Is that what you think this is a party, in case you hadn't noticed
we've just buried my
boyfriend, your best friend and you think that's something to
celebrate." I stormed out
of the front room in tears. I lay down on the bed and sobbed into the
pillow. I heard
some one knock on the door .
"Can I come in ?" It was Duncan.
"Go away" I wasn't in the mood to talk to him, someone who thought that
we should
celebrate the fact that Gareth is dead. He came in any way.
"Listen I am sorry about what I said before, it came out wrong, what I
ment by party
was." I didn't let him finish
"No I'm sorry for having ago at you, it's just" I paused for a moment
"I miss him." I
started to cry again.
"I know" he said pulling me towards him and hugging me, "we all do" I
heard
someone else come in the room, and they whispered
"Is she all right now" it was Suzi.
"She'll be OK in a minute." how did he know what I felt, I was the
complete opposite
of OK. Me and Duncan went back in to the front room.
"Here Trisha I got you something to eat" Suzi shoved a plate of food on
my lap
"I don't want anything to eat, I'm not hungry" I saw a look of concern
on her face
"You haven't eaten in nearly a week, you need something to eat" I took
one bite of a
sandwich but it made me feel sick so I ran to the toilet and brought it
back up again. I
felt faint and light headed, the next minute everything went dark. I
had collapsed.
* *
I was in hospital and I knew it. I tried to wake up but I couldn't. I
could hear
two people talking to me. "I feel stupid but the nurse said that we
should talk to you."
It was Lee "Duncan's here too, between you and me he thinks that your
here because
of him." I didn't know why Duncan would blame himself.
"Hi Trisha it's me Duncan, Suzi said that she needs to know what dress
size you are
for your birthday dress, and she said that if you are still in hospital
she's having the
party in here." Duncan paused for a moment "oh Trisha why don't you
wake up
everyone is missing you, Suzi isn't as half as chatty when you aren't
there. Even Lee
cried when he saw you. Lee's been at your bedside nearly all the time,
apart from
yesterday and the day before, but I'll tell you about that another
time." Duncan started
to cry. It was then I realised that Lee wasn't there.
"Come on mate, we got to go now." I could hear them walk away then
after a few
steps they turned around. I tried with all my strength to move. I moved
my little finger
"Lee, look she moved" both of them came back to my bedside.
I woke up "Gareth" I had forgotten that Gareth was dead, but
remembered that
he was when Lee said:
"Don't you remember. He's dead." I tried to sit up Lee must of noticed
this because he
called a nurse. I didn't know where Duncan was I could remember him
walking out of
the room, but I didn't know why. The doctor came in with Duncan and
Suzi following.
The Doctor sat down on my bed and checked if I was OK. "You will be
able to go
home soon" That reassured me a bit.
"What was wrong ?" Suzi had a look of concern on her face.
"She didn't have enough energy, did she stop eating for a long period
of time?" Why
didn't the doctor ask me that.
"Yes, she hadn't eaten for nearly a week before she collapsed and her
boyfriend died a
few days before." The doctor had a shocked look on his face.
"That's why she collapsed." I didn't ask Duncan why Luke didn't turn
up for a few
days, because he said that he was going to tell me another time.
The next day Suzi came for me with a bag of clothes, "The doctor said
that
you could come home, and you are staying with me and Duncan." I didn't
care where I
went, as long as I could have some where to sleep. We started to walk
out of the
hospital.
"Suzi on the way to yours can we go back to mine I have to pick
something up." I
remembered about the video Gareth left us.
"What for I have enough clothes here" She had forgotten about the
video too.
"You'll find out." Suzi did as I asked.
"I'll only be a minute" I opened my front door with the key and ran
upstairs. I found
the video in the bag that I used to go to the funeral. I saw my locket
on my bedside
table along with the three rings. I put Gareth's nan's rings on my
necklace and put the
necklace on, and I put the other ring on one of my fingers. I grabbed
another picture
of Gareth and put it in my bag along with the video. I went downstairs
and locked the
door. I got inside the car and Suzi drove off.
When we got back to her house Duncan had a meal prepared. "Listen you
two,
can we watch this video before we eat any thing" I needed to see what
was on the
video.
"As long as you promise to eat something" I could tell that Duncan was
concerned
about my eating habits.
"I promise that I will eat something, actually I'm getting quite hungry
now," I didn't
wait for a yes or a no, I stood up turned on the telly, and put the
video in "Suzi,
Duncan you have to come and watch this is for you too." they came over
and sat down
on the couch behind me. Gareth suddenly came on the screen.
'This video is for my three best friends, Suzi, Duncan, and Trisha.
Duncan my
man wassup I am soooooo going to miss you up in heaven, I'll say hiya
to Elvis for
you (Duncan was mad on Elvis) Have a great time on your stag night, if
you don't I
will haunt you for the rest of your life. Suzi how you doin' I am going
to miss the
way you always had a good come back and the way you always got me out
of trouble
If Trisha's there can you send her out for a bit and pause the tape' I
didn't need telling
I got up and walked out of the front room, but I hid behind a wall so
that I could hear
the telly 'I don't want any thing bad to happen to Trisha, so if she
does get another
boyfriend will you tell him to take care of her because I couldn't
stand it if she would
be upset, and will you tell her that if she finds she's in love again,
not to worry go for I
will be happy for her. She can come back in' "Trisha you can come back
in now" I
walked into the front room and sat down on the floor. 'Suzi, Duncan go
away.' They
did just that 'Trisha I want you to know that I will always love you,
no matter where I
am, if you're crying stop it now. I am glad that I met you, I loved you
ever since we
met five years ago, thank you for completing my life, it wouldn't have
been worth
living if you weren't there, don't tell Duncan that I said that, thanks
for everything
bye' The rest of the video was a picture of Gareth. "Suzi, Duncan you
can come back
in now." I turned the telly off I don't know why but I felt a lot
better after watching the
video. We all sat down at the table and began to eat.
"What did he say?" I didn't tell them, because if Gareth wanted them
to know what
was said they would of stayed.
"That's for me to know" I said with a slight sense of mystery.
* * *
"When's the party ?" I knew that they had sorted things out shortly
after Gareth died.
"December 21st, two weeks away" she paused for a while "We can go
shopping
tomorrow for some clothes if you like." That's what I needed a bit of
retail therapy.
"Yeah. I fancy a bit of shopping, lets call it retail therapy." I began
to eat again. After
eating two small jacket potatoes I said "I'm sorry but I can't eat any
more I'm full.
Imagine if Gareth was here he would be in shock, he'd be seriously
worried he'd think
I was ill." That was the first time I thought about Gareth without
crying.
"Remember when you split up with Shane and Gareth offered you a
chocolate and
you refused, he said that he was going to kill him for upsetting you so
much." I
remembered that. Me and Gareth had known each other for about two
years, When I
started seeing this bloke called Shane and he was gorgeous with his
black hair and his
eyes were brown. Any way one day he dumped me, And when I told Rosie
about it
she said that Lee saw him with Jane. That had really upset me because
Jane used to be
my oldest friend. I laughed.
"Look Suzi she laughed, do you know that's the first time I seen you
laugh in over
two months if I had known that it was that easy to make you
laugh......" he didn't
finish his sentence because we all knew what he was going to say.
The next day me and Suzi went to all the high street fashion shops.
"Where are
you going to have the party ?" I thought she would of hired a big hall
but she said "At
our place there's only a few people coming" Whilst in town we went into
every
clothes and accessories shop we could and bought at least two things
from each shop.
In most shops we bought more.
When we got back home Duncan took one look at the amount of bags we
were
carrying and said "Successful shopping trip then?" he sat down on the
sofa, I saw that
he had brought the post from my house.
"Yeah" I replied "thanks for getting my post." There were three
envelopes, two of
them were cards with 'our deepest sympathy' and the last envelope was
from a
solicitor. I opened it '

Dear Miss Gill,
Due to the death of Mr Jones
you have to come to the hearing of his last will and testament. The
address is 45
Mayfair road. The hearing is August the 8th.
yours sincerely
Thomas Smith
"What's that letter ?" He asked. "It's a letter from the solicitors,
about Gareth's will, I
have to go." From the looks on their faces, I don't think any of us
knew he had left a
will.
"When do you have to go ?" I knew Suzi was asking to see if she could
come and
support me. "The eighth of this month.... Tomorrow"
I woke up the next morning and thought 'Today's the day'. As kids we
all have
our ideas of love, finding a gorgeous guy who you love and who loves
you back. You
imagine spending the rest of you life with him. That's what I thought
love would be
like but instead, I do meet a good looking guy who I love and who loves
me back.
After a year of going out with him I find out he's moving to the other
side of the
world, then I find out that he has a heart problem, the day after he
told me he dies, I
go to his funeral, I collapse because I didn't have enough energy and
then I found out
that he made a will with out telling me. It wasn't a fairytale romance.
I lay in bed
wondering who else would be there, I had visions of his whole family
turning up.
Then I wondered what could Gareth have that was important enough to put
in a will.
* * *
I sat waiting impatiently outside the solicitors office, wondering why
no one
else was turning up. After waiting there for about fifteen minutes, I
was invited
inside. "Please sit down you must be Miss Gill" The solicitor was very
nice.
"Yes I am. I was wondering, why hasn't his family turned up it seems to
be just me."
The solicitor look at me as if to say haven't you worked it out
yet.
"Well there wouldn't be much point. Any way let's get on with the
reading" I was left
wondering why wasn't there much point.
"Mr Gates didn't have much" I knew that he was going to say that "A few
personal
items, such as jewellery, and a very large amount of money, Which he
wanted you to
have." I couldn't believe it, I needed to know how much I had.
"How much money is very large ?" I must of sounded greedy.
"Well" he said "it all comes to ?250,000" I was overcome by shock "and
I have all
the bank details here, Because it's such a large amount, we have left
Mr Gates' bank
account open" I couldn't believe it, many things went through my mind.
'How did
Gareth get so much money? 'How come he didn't give any to his mum' and
'Why did
he give it to me.'
"Oh yes" said the solicitor interrupting my thoughts "there is a
letter he asked me to
give you." I immediately left.
Suzi was waiting for me outside, "So" she said "what did you get?" I
got into
the car and she had drove off, I put the bag with his jewellery on the
floor, and then I
answered her question. "There was some jewellery, you know watches
chains
bracelets that sort of thing. Oh yeah I also got some money" I was
wondering if she
would ask me how much.
"Well how much did you get a fiver" I didn't mind telling her how much
I had got.
"Well I got just a little bit more than that." I wanted to keep her in
suspense even
longer. "Come on tell me how much was it ?" By this time we had got
home, I sat
there and said:
"?250,000" I looked at her she just sat there with a shocked look on
her face.
"Where did he get that much money from?" I told her that I didn't have
a clue. I
picked up the bag of jewellery and I climbed out of the car and she
soon followed.
"I think it's time I went home" I said as Suzi put her key in the
door.
"Whatever you can stay as long as you want." It felt like she was
deeply offended by
what I said.
"I know that, and I am truly grateful, but, you only took me in,
because I had just
come back from hospital, and I think I can cope in my house without
Gareth, I mean
it's been over four months." Suzi agreed.
"I think we should tell Dunc about the money." In a way I looked
forward to telling
him. Only to see the look on his face.
I went into the front room and saw Duncan sitting on the sofa. "Go on
then tell
him." Thanks Suzi I was going to tell him later on when I had got over
the shock.
"Tell me what" Duncan was watching the telly.
"Well" I said "as you know I went to the solicitors today, and I got
some money off
Gareth" like I suspected he said:
"How much ?" I paused for a while trying to think of what his reaction
would be.
"Well it...it was.... ?250,000" I looked at his face and he looked as
shocked as Suzi
did " and before you ask I don't know where he got the money from." I
sat down on
the chair opposite Duncan and Suzi sat down next to him.
"I know where he got the money from " said Duncan with a tone as if to
say ' I know
something you don't know'
"Where ?" I asked "no forget it I need some time for it to sink in, any
way I need to
pack." I saw the puzzled look on his face and went into the spare
bedroom.
I sat down on the bed and opened the bag, and the letter that I had
forgotten
about was in there. I opened the envelope, the letter read:
Dear Trisha,
I am writing this letter to tell you where I got
my money from and why I am giving it to you. I found out
about my condition when I was ten, and then I didn't think
that any thing bad would happen. The reason why I didn't
tell you until I did was because, every other girlfriend that I
told dumped me, I thought you would too. Duncan all ready
knew, and before you storm off in a huff, don't go mad at
him I swore him to secrecy. When I was about fifteen my Dad
died and he left me over ?25,000, which was kept in a trust
for me until I was eighteen. After Dad died I thought I am
going to be dead one day and if I have a girlfriend, that I
love, I want her to have everything, so the wages that I got
from a few jobs and pocket money went into the bank. At
sixteen I left school and got a job in the local cinema, I
worked there for five years and got ?12,000 year (I was
manager) ?55,000 of that went into the bank. At twenty my
Nan died and she left my mum everything, and my mum
gave me everything, for when I wanted to get married that
was another ?150,000. Shortly after my other Nan and my
granddad died and between them they left me ?20,000. The
reason why I decided to give it to you was, because you were
the most beautiful person I had met, you made my life
complete and I wanted to thank you for that, that's why I
give you the money. I love you, and Heaven isn't the same
without you.
From Gareth
PS Don't tell Duncan what I wrote because he will call me a
soppy get!!!
I could feel a tear roll down my cheek, all that money Gareth had got
now belonged to
me, I never knew he cared so much. I put the letter back in the
envelope and packed
my stuff into my bag, that Suzi brought round with my clothes in whilst
I was in
hospital. I put the picture of Gareth that I had along with the letter
on the top of my
bag. I picked up my bag and went into the front room.
"Suzi told me that you're going back home, you know that you don't
have to go." I
don't know why but Duncan wasn't looking at me, he was looking at the
ceiling, he
looked at my face and said "you've been crying again haven't you?" I
couldn't stand it
any longer I burst into tears, and Duncan gave me a comforting hug and
said "come
on Gareth wouldn't like to see you like this it's not what he would of
wanted." I knew
it but I could help but cry.
"I think you should stay here one more night." I knew Suzi would say
that. Duncan let
go of me and he sat down in his chair. I lay down on the sofa opposite
him.
"I know I'll go and make us some tea, do you want to help Suzi." Both
of them must
of knew that I wanted to be alone for a while. I got up and got the
picture of Gareth
from my bag, lay back down on the sofa, and fell asleep hugging my
picture.
I woke up and looked around for the clock it said 04:00. I tried to
get back to
sleep but I couldn't, so I turned the telly on, there was nothing worth
watching, so I
looked for a video. I found one that had on it Duncan and Gareth's
holiday to Ibiza. I
put the video in and watched it. First there was a shot of the hotel
that they stayed in,
then the rooms where they slept. Then there was Duncan and Gareth
singing on the
karaoke. Both of them sounded angelic. Then there was a shot of Gareth
and Shane
and Shane was showing him the picture in his wallet.
* * *
"Shouldn't you have a picture of Trisha in there?" said Gareth, he was
looking at the
floor avoiding the eyes of Shane. Shane on the other hand looked
happy.
"Why would I want a picture of her in my wallet?" The cheeky git. I
remembered that
Gareth had told me that Shane wasn't good enough for me, I told him
that he was
stupid. Then Gareth said:
"Well she is your girlfriend." I saw the look of disappointment on his
face.
"Yeah, but she's a dog, I'm only with her because her step-dad is
rich." I couldn't
believe what he said and by his reaction neither could Gareth, he
punched him in the
face and said:
"How can you say that she's gorgeous and she thinks the world of you,
why I don't
know, you don't deserve her." By the time Gareth had finished Shane had
gotten up
and he punched him back. Gareth had a cut on his lip.
* * *
I remembered when he got back I asked him where he got the cut from,
and he said
"Well there is this girl I fancy and I saw her boyfriend slagging her
off so I hit him
and he hit me back. The rest of the video was just Gareth and Duncan
talking about
the sights. I couldn't believe that Shane had the cheek to say that.
After Gareth told
me that Shane wasn't good enough for me I questioned Shane why Gareth
would say
that and he just shrugged and said:
"He's jealous." After thinking about what lying bastard Shane was I
drifted off to
sleep.
The next morning I heard Suzi and Duncan talking so decided to pretend
to be
asleep. "Look, she found the tape, you know the one were Shane was
slagging her
off." I could tell that Duncan didn't want me to see that tape I didn't
know why, I had
gotten over Shane a long time ago.
"Duncan look at her with that picture." said Suzi "it's gonna take her
ages to get over
him." and I knew that was the truth but I didn't want to get over him.
I opened my
eyes and sat up.
"Hiya sleepy head how are you today?" I wanted to ask him why he didn't
want me to
see the video but instead I said:
"I'm fine." I paused for a few seconds and said "Is it OK if I go home
now?" I really
wanted to go home I missed the place. It was going to be weird being
there without
Gareth, but then again I thought that everything was going to be weird
with out him.
"Yeah, I'll just get changed and I'll drop you off." I was glad Duncan
offered to take
me home because Suzi would take forever to get changed. Ten minutes
later I was in
Duncan's car. As I sat in the car I realised that I had nearly been in
Suzi and Duncan's
for nearly four months. I began thinking about why I hadn't been back
to my flat and
it was then that I realised I saw scared of going back there alone, I
was used to Gareth
being with me, and all of a sudden I had no one.
For the first ten minutes of the journey it was silent. "So" I said
"who's gonna
be your best man, he'd better be good looking because of that tradition
were the best
man gets off with the bridesmaid." Duncan looked at me and smiled.
"Well" he said "
I don't really know I have thought about Lee , I was going to ask
Gareth, but..... Do
you think he is good looking?" Duncan turned to me and I had my face in
my hands
"Trisha" he called my name "what's up ?" I took my hands away from my
face and
said:
"I do fancy Lee , and I think I... I think I love him, but my heart
and my brain are
saying two different things. My heart is saying don't go for it's too
soon, but my brain
is saying go for he wouldn't mind." I looked at Duncan to see what his
reaction was, I
didn't know how he felt about it, because he bit his lip, but he didn't
say a word.
"We're here" I don't know why but I had the feeling that Duncan wanted
to tell me
something.
"Do you want a cup of tea?" I said after he had parked up.
"Yeah, I'll bring your bag in for you." I got out of the car and opened
my door I waited
for Duncan whilst he got my bag out of the boot and locked the car, he
walked in and
I closed the door.
"Just put my bag any where" I said as I was walking into the kitchen
"do you want tea
or Coffee, or there's a can here if you want it" I waited for a while I
thought about
shouting it again but Duncan came into the kitchen.
"Erm, I'll have a tea thanks" I thought he would of went for the
lager, but I realised it
was over eight months old, "This thing with Lee just go for him, I know
he fancies
you he told me the night you collapsed. He started crying, so I asked
him what was
up, and he said if any thing happened to you he wouldn't know what to
do, so I asked
him if he liked you, and he said he was in love with you but he told me
not to tell you
'cause Gareth had died" I wanted to go out with Lee but I thought it
would be too
soon, I handed him his tea and said:
"I love Lee too but I think it's too soon It's only been four months.
Do you think it's
too soon ?" I had visions of him saying that it was far too soon but he
said:
"I don't know. Any way I'll have to get going, Suzi will be wondering
where I am."
before I had time to argue he put his tea down and left. I didn't know
why he left so
quickly, maybe that was his way of telling me that it's too soon, but
whatever the
reason was, it made me feel as if he didn't care.
I started thinking about Gareth again, when all of a sudden I felt
very cold, I
thought it was just a breeze so I went to close the window, but it
wasn't open, so I
went into the front room to see if there was a window open there but
there wasn't. I
didn't know what, it was but in the end I just told my self I was
imagining it. I turned
my telly on, and sat down, but for some strange reason it wouldn't come
on, but as
soon as I stood up it began to work. I sat down again but this time the
telly stayed on.
I had started to watch a comedy programme when the phone rang, I picked
it up and
said "Hello" I was glad that some one had phoned up, because I was
feeling lonely.
"Hello" I recognised that voice but I couldn't remember the face.
"Who is this?" I asked. The reply that I got was
"It's Lee" I was glad that it was him on the phone, I loved his voice,
he sounded so
innocent and childish. That was just one of the many things I loved
about Lee.
"What do you want ?" I didn't really care I was just trying to create
conversation.
"Erm, did I leave my, erm, jumper there?" I knew that wasn't the reason
he phoned me
up.
"No I don't think so" I paused for a moment "now tell me why you
really phoned me."
I only said that because I wanted to hear his voice for as long as
possible.
"OK, so I didn't phone you up for my jumper, I was wondering if you,
you know,
would like to go out some time?" I wanted to say yes, but I couldn't
Gareth's face kept
on popping up in my mind.
"I can't" I slammed the phone down and began to cry. I had to tell Suzi
but I decided
not to tell her until the morning.
"Hi Duncan it's me is Suzi there" I had decided to ring her up. "Yeah
I'll just
go and get her" When Duncan came off the phone I remembered that I
didn't tell Suzi,
that I loved Lee almost as much as Gareth.
"Hiya Trish, what's up ?" I didn't want to tell her about Lee over the
phone so I said:
"Can you come over to mine I need to talk to you" I tried to talk so
that she couldn't
tell that I was crying.
"Hey what's up, what are you crying for" I didn't tell her why I was
crying, but I said:
"You'll find out when you get here" I had to put the phone down,
because I knew that
I was going to cry, and cry I did. I cried right until Suzi knocked on
my door which
was fifteen minutes later.
I stood up wiped my face and answered the door. At the door was Suzi.
"Come
on tell me what's the matter ?" I was trying to find the words to
say.
"Come in and sit down." She did exactly as I said. I sat down on the
chair opposite
her.
"Right" I said "did Duncan tell you about our little chat on the way
home?" I didn't say
anything about Lee straight away 'cause she may of already known.
"No" she paused "Why ?" I didn't know what to say.
"Well, when he was dropping me off, I asked him who was going to be the
best man,
you know, because of the thing where he best man gets off with the
bridesmaid, and
he told me that it was Lee." I didn't get a chance to finish what I was
going to say,
because she interrupted me.
"I bet that you were disappointed when he said Lee" I didn't know how
to tell her. I
continued speaking as if she had never interrupted,
"Then he said that he was going to ask Gareth, and then he said 'do you
think Lee's
good looking' " I looked at Suzi's face, she looked amused.
"What did you say? I hope it was no!" I looked at the floor.
"That's the thing I said yes." I looked up at Suzi to see what her
reaction was, her grin
went into a frown as if she had been told some bad news.
"Does he like you?" I knew that she wasn't bothered about Lee's
feelings for me.
"Well" I said "in the car I told Duncan that I loved Lee, and when we
came into the
kitchen he told me not to worry, about Lee and to go for him, and that
he knew that
Lee loved me because he told him the day I collapsed. He said that Lee
had started to
cry when he saw me in hospital, and he asked what was the matter, and
Lee said that
he wouldn't know what to do if anything happened to me. Then Duncan
asked him if
he liked me and he said that he loved me and that he was going to ask
me to go out
with him but he couldn't because Gareth had just died." I knew that
Suzi had gotten
over the shock, because the smile returned to her face.
"Well have you spoken to him since you saw him last ?" The way she
asked me
reminded me of the time me and Gareth started going out with each
other.
"Yes, it was the night before I rang you." I didn't think about what I
said.
"Was it him that upset you." Suzi had stood up and was shouting.
"Calm down" I said, she sat down and I continued to talk "in a way he
did. You see
he phoned me up and asked if his jumper was here, but I knew that
wasn't the reason
why he phoned me, so I asked what the real reason was, and he asked me
out" I
looked at her and she said
"Well what did you say ?" I thought about what happened.
"I was just about to say yes, but I started to think about Gareth, so I
said I can't and
slammed the phone down" as I said it she patted on the empty space next
to her. I sat
down next to her and she put her arm around me and said:
"Lee, must really love you." I was surprised at what she said. I moved
her arm from
my shoulder and said:
"How do you know ?" I wondered how she knew what Lee felt for me.
"He came round to ours last night and his eyes were red and tear
stained. I asked him
what was up, and just stormed past me. He found Duncan and when he
asked him
what was up he said 'I asked her out and she just slammed the phone
down on me',
then Duncan took him into the bedroom." I thought he must really love
me because
I've seen him fall in love with some one ask them out and when they
said no he would
just shrug his shoulders and say 'oh well it's your loss.'
"I would go out with him but I think it's too early, and I don't think
Gareth would
approve of me seeing some one else." Suzi put her hands on her lap and
said:
"Well we'll soon find out if he approves." I didn't understand what she
ment.
"What do you mean we'll find out if he approves ?"
"Remember how you all ways used to go on about going to see that medium
on the
telly. Well as a birthday present I got you and me a ticket to go, to
one of his
sessions." I couldn't believe it I had always wanted to see a
medium.
"Thank you, but you that you didn't need to do it." I gave her a
hug.
"Remember when I came home from shopping and you came in to help me
but I told
you to get out that's what I was hiding, the tickets." I let go of her
and she said:
"I've got to go now, Duncan will be getting worried." I stood up with
her and walked
to the door. She walked out, and I was about to close the door when she
came back to
the door and said "Oh, about it being too early to start going out with
Lee, I know that
it isn't, and I know Gareth would approve because he would just want
you to be happy
and if happy is being with Lee, then he won't mind." After she had
finished talking
she walked out to her car. I closed the door and sat back down again. I
was trying to
make a decision about Lee, but I couldn't. An hour or two later I went
into my
bedroom, unpacked my stuff and put the picture of Gareth on my bed side
cabinet. I
got changed to get into bed. I lay down and with in a few moments I was
asleep.
I had two dreams. The first one was like this: I was walking around
the shops,
holding hands with Lee. On the way back home Gareth's mum came out of
her house
and saw me with Lee. She came over and stood behind us, grabbed my
shoulder and
turned me towards her and said, or should I say shouted "What the hell
do you think
you're doing, my son your boyfriend has only been dead five months and
you're all
ready sleeping with someone else." she had stopped shouting and spoke
in a normal
tone "when I met you I thought that you were a nice girl and that you
really loved my
Gareth but I guess I was wrong." I woke up saying:
"I am a nice girl and I do love Gareth." I sat up and began to wonder
what Gareth's
mum would think of me if I did go out with Lee. I decided not to worry
about so I lay
down and went back to sleep. My second dream went like this: I was in
the graveyard
visiting Gareth's grave, and I was talking to him, about normal things
like how the
wedding plans were, when Duncan came up to me and said "Hiya, how are
you?" It
was a pretty nice dream until I saw Lee.
"I'm fine, how are..... Is that Lee over there?" Duncan then turned
around and said:
"Yeah it is." he told me to sit down on a bench so I did, he continued
talking, "Lee's
been really depressed since you rejected him. You made his life
complete and when
you turned him down his whole world collapsed. He has changed so much.
Do you
know what he did when you turned him down ?" I don't know why but I
loved Lee but
at the same time I didn't care.
"I don't know, do I." A look of pain, anger and grief came on Duncan's
face.
"He took an overdose, and he was only just saved, if I had found him
any later he
would of died." I saw Lee slump to the ground so I ran over to him, and
I shook him,
to wake him up but he wouldn't. I woke from my dream saying.
'Lee wake up I do love you.' Great I thought. I looked at my picture
of Gareth and
said "Gareth what on earth am I going to do ?"
The next day I got out of bed, went into the front room and sat down.
All of a
sudden the phone rang. I answered it, it was the hospital "Hello, is
that Trisha ?" I
tried to think of why the hospital would want to get in touch, I
couldn't.
"Yes it is. Why ?" I thought back to the day Gareth died, and I started
to wonder why
they didn't phone me then. "We have a Mr Lee Matthews in and his friend
told me to
ring you." I had a terrible feeling of guilt.
"Why what's up with him ? Is he all right ?" I just panicked, I could
tell that
something was wrong, when the nurse didn't answer my question straight
away.
"Well, he's not dead, but he's in a coma." I knew how he must of felt
when I was in a
coma, because I was feeling it then only worse.
"What happened ?" I tried to think what happened but I couldn't.
"As far as we know, he was in a fight, with a friends ex-boyfriend.
Would you like
the name and address of the other person envolved." It could be any one
I thought, I
racked my brains to try and think of who could be.
"Yes I would thanks" I needed to know who had done this.
"Well I'll just get the police officer." I couldn't think of who it
could be because Lee
got on so well with everyone.
"Hello this is PC Jones. The name of the other person envolved is
Shane Phillip....." I
interrupted the officer.
"It all right I all ready know his last name address and telephone
number. Thanks any
way goodbye." I put the phone down and a split second later, I got up
and went to
look for my address book. After five minutes I found it. I sat back
down again, look
up the number for Shane, I found it. I picked up the receiver and began
to dial.
"Hello this is Shane speaking, how may I hel.." I didn't let him
finish.
"Oh just cut the crap Shane. Can you tell me why Lee is now in
hospital, in a coma ?"
I couldn't believe that he could do a thing like that, but then again I
believed him
when he told me he loved me.
"Oh, it's you" I couldn't handle the way he sounded like he had no
remorse.
"Yes it's me. Now can you tell me why you put Lee in a coma ?" I tried
to say that
without sounding desperate.
"Well, well well, it looks like someone has got a little crush on,
pathetic whimpy,
Lee." I couldn't believe that he had called Lee pathetic, before I
could argue he
continued to talk "you know what Lee's just like that other bloke,
what's his name
Gareth. You know, in the way that they fight over something that is
worthless." I
remembered the video were Gareth and Shane had a fight over me.
"How dare you speak about Gareth like that. Don't you know that you
shouldn't
speak ill of the dead. Forget it Shane just fuck off."
I put the phone down. I stood up, went into my bedroom to get changed,
and after I
was changed, I went out of the door with my keys and purse.
I will spare you the details of the journey to the hospital, most of
it was just a
blur I was just, full of anger, and guilt. The only reason I felt
guilty was because, if it
wasn't for me he wouldn't of had the fight and he wouldn't be in
hospital. Then I
realised that it wasn't my fault at all. After all I wasn't the one who
hit him, and I
wasn't the one who put him in a coma. Although I knew it wasn't my
fault I couldn't
help feeling guilty.
I walked through the hospital doors. I had always hated hospitals, the
funny
smells and the thought of people dying there every day just freaked me
out. I walked
upto the reception desk, but there was no one there. I started to think
back over the
conversation with the nurse, and I remembered that she said 'a friend
told me to phone
you.' I began to wonder who this 'friend' of his was, when a nurse came
to the desk
and said, "Hello, how may I help you ?" she sounded just like the nurse
that was on
the phone.
"Hello I was wondering which cubical a Mr Lee Matthews is in ?" The
lady pointed
down the hall towards his room. I thanked the woman and walked towards
the room,
as I got closer I realised that, it was the same room that Gareth was
in the night he
died.
I didn't want to go in but I had to, Lee was there for me, so I had to
be there for
him. I opened the door and stepped inside, once inside I closed the
door. I sat down
on the chair next to Lee, and memories of Gareth came flooding back,
the way that he
died in my arms, the way that he looked into my eyes, and what his last
words were. I
sat there just looking at him, and then I remembered that he could hear
me, so I began
talking to him, as I began to talk I grabbed his hand.
"Hiya Lee it's me Trisha, I hope you get better soon. I think Duncan
would like it if
you got better soon 'cause he won't be able to go on his stag night,
which most
probably envolves drinking until everyone passes out. Well that's what
we'll be doing
on Suzi's hen night any way." I didn't get a chance to finish what I
was saying because
someone came in through the door.
"Hiya Trisha, are you OK." I recognised the voice, and after a few
minutes I
realised that it was Kian. I couldn't believe it was him, I hadn't seen
him in over nine
years. "Kian it's you, what are you doing here?" It must of been him
that told the nurse
to phone me, I thought. When I seen him for the first time the only
thing that entered
my head was the secret that I had kept from him.
"Well I was with him when It happened." I didn't know what happened
only that he
and Shane had a fight.
"When? What happened ?" I moved up on the bench and patted on the space
next to
me, to say come and sit down. I decided that I was definatly going to
tell him.
"Well, me coming back was supposed to be a birthday surprise for you,
so me and
Lee went for a drink to discuss things. We went into a pub and we sat
down. I saw
Shane and said hello and all that, but Lee said that I shouldn't talk
to him. I asked him
why and he told me the whole deal with you and Shane." He paused for a
moment,
"then he told me that Gareth had a fight with him over you, so I asked
where Gareth
was Lee said that he has been dead for four or five months, is that
true ?" I don't know
why Kian didn't believe Lee, but I told him the truth anyway.
"Yeah, actually he died in this very room, in that bed, that's why I
found it hard to
come in here." Kian gave me a hug and said
"Oh I am so sorry Lee told me that you went out with him, for a bit."
I didn't say any
thing else, but Kian continued, "any way enough about that, as I was
saying after Lee
told me about Gareth, he told me that he asked you out and that you
said no. Then
Shane came over and started saying stuff like, 'did the pathetic loser
get rejected by a
fat ugly tart.' After a few minutes he couldn't take it any more, so he
stood up and
said:
' A Trisha isn't a tart, and B she's not ugly either.' Then Shane
really stared
taking the piss. Then Lee said that Shane still wasn't over you, and
Shane started
calling you all names under the sun. The next minute Lee hit him, and
Shane hit him
back, but he knocked Lee to the floor, and on the way down he banged
his head on
something." I knew that Lee had a fight over me but I didn't think it
was that serious.
We sat there in silence, then all of a sudden I felt some thing
squeeze my
hand. "Kian, Lee has just squeezed my hand, get a nurse I think he's
beginning to
wake up." A few minutes later a nurse came in, checked him, and
said:
"He can go home tomorrow, we have to keep him in tonight for
observation." I
looked at him and saw a cut on his face.
"Lee I am so sorry." I could see the he was trying to pull himself up,
I helped him.
"W.w.what for ? B.being there when I need you." He tried to smile but
he could
because his face hurt when he did.
"No, if it wasn't for me Shane wouldn't of hit you. In case you're
wondering Kian told
me." I could see the look of disappointment on his face.
"Well happy birthday. When are you having the party ?" I had thought
about having a
party but I decided against it, when Gareth died.
"I'm not having one." I turned around to look at Kian's reaction, but
he had his head in
his hands.
"Oh crap, it was supposed to be a surprise, I forgotten." I wasn't
surprised that he had
told me after all he has just been in a coma for two days. The
engagement party was
cancelled, because Lee went into hospital the day it was supposed to be
on.
"As you know the engagement party was put off because of what happened,
so we
decided to make it a surprise birthday party too." After Kian had told
me I went to
leave but Lee grabbed my arm and said
"Please, don't go." Just like Lee asked I stayed, but Kian left.
I sat down near Lee's bed, and said "Why do you want me to stay and
not
Kian?" I looked at Lee and he had a real difficulty in getting his
words out.
"Well, I... I.. don't.... love Kian, but I.... I love you"
"Lee, I love you too, sure in the way you want, but it's too soon, and
coming here
tonight reminded me " I didn't want to tell him that Gareth died in the
same bed that
he was lying in at that moment, but I had to.
"Well, as you know Gareth died in this hospital, but did you know that
he died in this
very room, and the bed that you are lying in." After I told him I
thought to myself why
did I tell him that. I then realised that it would explain my reasons
for not going out
with him, after all it doesn't seem right to fall in love with someone
in the same room
that your boyfriend died in.
"I am so sorry I didn't know he died in here" he paused for a moment, I
looked at his
face, and he looked as if he had just lost something, " I guess now
that I've upset you,
well I guess that you won't want to see me again." I stood up and
said:
"Of course I want to see you again just not yet." I paused, "do you
want me to bring
some clothes for you tomorrow ?"
"Yes please. Will you be taking me home ?" I knew that Lee wanted me to
take him
home by the sound of his voice.
"If you like. Are you sure you'll be OK on your own, because you can
stay at mine if
you want." I asked him to stay for two reasons :
1) I needed the company.
2) I thought I could repay him for standing
up to Shane.
"Only if you're sure" Lee had interrupted my thoughts. I stood there
thinking about
what it would be like living with Lee, when I realised that Lee had
just spoken.
"Sure it's fine give me a call when you want picking up" I didn't know
if Lee had my
number, so I asked him "have you got my mobile number with you?" I
looked at Lee
and he shook his head. I got a piece of paper and a pen out of my bag,
wrote my
number down and gave the paper to Lee.
"Thanks, I'll see you tomorrow then"
"Yeah, see you tomorrow." I bent over and kissed him on the cheek. I
walked out of
the room and Lee was sitting up stroking the cheek that I kissed.
The next day I went round to Lee's house to pack him some clothes, (I
all
ready had a key.) I walked into his bedroom, I looked around and I saw
a picture
frame on his bedside cabinet. I went over to it, and picked the picture
up. It was of me
and Lee kissing each other at a Christmas party. I put the picture back
down and
opened the bag I was carrying. I opened his wardrobe and got some
clothes out, but
most of his clothes looked a bit scruffy, so I decided to get some
money out of the
bank to get him some new clothes. I decided to use some of Gareth's
money (I had
already swapped the money from his account to mine.) I left the bag in
his bedroom. I
walked into the front room, and dialled for a cab. Ten minutes later it
arrived.
As soon as I got in to town I went into the market to get Lee some
jeans,
tracksuits, and some Ben Sherman shirts, (after getting ?500 from the
bank) I got him
those things because I knew he loved wearing them. I also got him a
couple pairs of
trainers too, and I got him a few boxer Pj sets. After buying Lee's
things I had about
?50 left so I decided to get myself a new dress. I was paying for my
dress when my
mobile started ringing. "Hello" I had forgotten that I told Lee to ring
me up.
"Hiya Trisha it's Lee here, you can come and pick me up now. Where are
you ? It
sounds very noisy."
"I am in the market I'll come pick you up in a minute, I just need to
order a cab." I
didn't want my conversation with Lee to end, it didn't.
"What are you getting in the market ?" by the way he asked me I knew he
didn't want
it to end either.
"You'll find out when I get to the hospital." by this time I had walked
half way to the
taxi rank.
"I'll have to go now, I'm getting into the taxi see you in a
bit."
"Bye" I said good bye to him and turned my phone off and put it in my
pocket. I
walked to where the taxi's where parked and I got into the first one.
"Where are
going?" I paused for a moment and said
"Saint Pauls hospital please." As he was driving I realised that I
recognised that voice,
that American voice. "Alex is that you." Alex was an old friend of mine
in school. I
hadn't seen him since I was eighteen.
The driver turned his mirror to face me "Trisha I didn't know you
where living
in London, last I knew your were living with your mom and step-dad in
Merseyside."
Alex was my best friend since I was seven, but he moved back to the
states when I
was eighteen.
"I moved here about two years ago, with Suzi and Duncan." You could
tell that was
pleased about seeing Alex again by the tone of my voice.
"Why are you going to the hospital and why with all those bags ?" Lee
was also Alex's
friend, but they fell out when Lee stole Alex's girlfriend.
"Do you remember Lee? He had a fight with one of my ex's and was
knocked
unconscious. As for the clothes I was supposed to get some clothes from
his house but
they looked scruffy so I bought him some new ones." By time I had
explained
everything we had gotten to the hospital. "How much is that then
?"
"It's OK leave it, do you want a ride home too ?" Alex was exactly the
same as he
always had been. Generous.
"If that's OK." Instead of speaking he just put his thumbs up. I got
out of the cab and
picked up a bag with a pair of jeans a shirt and pair of trainers, and
went into the
hospital.
When I went into Lee's room he was sitting on his bed, "Here" I said
"I got you
some clothes" I handed him the bag. He took one look inside it and
said
"These aren't mine" I had to tell him about my spending spree.
"I know I bought some new clothes, to say thank you and sorry" I had to
turn around
because Lee had started to get changed. I continued talking: "Remember
you went on
last week about missing Alex loads and how you wish he never left." I
had started to
talk about old school mates and he talked about Alex.
"Yeah why ?" I wanted to keep him is suspense so I said
"I have got a little surprise for you outside." Lee walked out of the
room with me and
put his gown on reception. When we got just out side the hospital, he
asked
"Well then where is this surprise of mine?" I told him to follow me,
and he did. I got
into the cab and told Alex my address, but he didn't speak. "Well then
where is this
surprise." I didn't say a word.
When we were at my place I got out of the cab and so did Lee. I tapped
on the
window and mimed to Alex to get out and offer me some help with the
shopping. On
my orders Alex got out and said "Can I help you with your shopping ?"
At that
moment Lee was getting some bags himself.
"Erm alr.." it took Lee a while to recognise his voice "Alex is that
you ?" I turned to
see the look on Lee face, he was smiling only slightly. Alex turned
round and said
"Good to see ya buddy." I got the shopping out of the cab whilst they
stood there. I
walked up to them both.
"Nearly eight years apart and you don't have a thing to say to each
other," I tutted
"Alex do you want to come up, for a cup of tea and a chat." He nodded,
and followed
me to the front door, Lee was behind him.
"Trisha, do you mind if I go straight to bed ?" I don't know whether
Lee was
tired, or weather he didn't want to speak to Alex.
"Yeah sure, you know where the room is don't you?" As I finished
talking Lee went
into the spare bedroom. I made me and Alex a cup of tea and we sat down
on the sofa.
"So" said Alex "what's been happening to you" I had planned to tell
Alex everything,
and I did exactly that. Even the whole truth about Shane. I mean
everything, I was
telling Alex what I had failed to tell Gareth.
"Well, do you remember Shane ?"
"Sort of, Why? Did you two get together ?" Alex was the same he always
knew who
was going out with who.
"Yeah but I split up with him after two years." I looked at Alex, he
hadn't changed a
bit, his hair was still brown, he still had amber eyes and he still had
a lopsided smile.
"Why I thought you would of been a perfect couple." I didn't want to
tell him why we
split up but I had to tell someone because I had kept it to myself for
four or five years.
"Well," I said twisting my hair "we were but something happened , I
don't know why
but Shane started to get dead possessive. You had better not tell
anyone else about
this."
"I swear on my own life that I won't tell any one." I knew that he
meant it because all
the time that I had known him he had never told a lie.
"Me and Shane had been seeing each other for nearly two years when I he
stopped
making the effort, he would be flirting with other girls in front of
me, so I decided to
flirt with some lads in front of him." I paused for a while "one day we
went to a party,
and I was flirting with this lad, and Shane grabbed my arm, took my
home and beat
me up. I was going to tell some one but he said that if I did he would
kill me. After
that he would regularly beat me up. Then he had the cheek to split up
with me.
Whenever he would see me with another guy, he would come up to us and
go mad, he
would then drag me back his place and he would...... he would beat me
up. At one
point he broke my arm and two of my ribs." I looked at Alex's face to
see his
reaction, he was appalled.' All of the women are appalled too.
"Trisha I feel so sorry for you" I was about to say something to Alex
when Lee said:
"Why do you feel sorry for her ?" I remembered that the walls in my
place were
paper thin. I realised that Lee could of heard every word I said.
"I have to go now." Alex stood up and left.
"Why did he feel sorry for you?" I almost cracked under Lee's
persistence, but I didn't,
"I told him about Gareth." I looked at Lee's face, he believed
me.
"What's on the telly ?" There was something that Lee wasn't telling
me.
"Nothing." I replied. The rest of the day was spent talking and
watching a load of
rubbish on the telly. At about ten 'o'clock I stood up to go to
bed.
"I'm going to bed now good night." I bent over to give Lee a kiss on
the cheek. He
held my head moved his so that he was facing me and kissed me. I ran
away from him
into my bedroom. Crying.
The next day I got up early and Lee was at the breakfast table.
"Listen" he
said, "about last night I am sorry" I was about to say something, but
he continued
talking "no I take that back I'm not sorry it happened, I am glad it
did because I love
you. I know why you ran away it's because you hate me isn't it ?" I
loved him so much
but I was still in doubts whether to go out with him or not.
"I don't hate you, in fact it's the opposite, I love you, and in the
way you want me to
love you." Lee smiled and went to kiss me, I pushed him away and said
"I can't go out
with you not yet anyway." I walked out of the door and went to Suzi's,
because that
was the day we where going to see that medium.
About five hours later we were in her car driving towards the studio.
"You'll
never guess who I seen yesterday." I started the conversation.
"I don't know" she said
"Alex, remember him that went to the same school as me and Duncan." I
didn't get a
response until five minutes later
"I bet you can't wait to get into the studio." She was right but what
she had said had
nothing to with the conversation. It took us another half an hour to
get there.
Me and Suzi sat down and five minutes later the session began. "I'm
coming
over in this direction." he pointed at me, "do you have someone like a
boyfriend or
husband who has crossed ?" I couldn't believe it.
"Yes" I was quite shocked.
"I don't know why but he is showing me the letters G and S . What does
this mean?"
"Gareth was his name, and I think the S name is Shane." The medium
didn't say any
thing for a while.
"Yes he showing me the S name abusing someone. He's also showing me L
listening
in to your conversation with an A name." I thought back to my
conversation with
Alex. The medium continued.
"He's telling me the answer to your question is, 'go with your heart, I
don't mind. He's
pulling away now, I want to leave his love with you." I didn't hear
what went on in the
rest of the session all that I could think of was going out with Lee on
Gareth's
approval.
After the session Suzi dropped me off at home. I went in side and
looked
around for Lee but I couldn't find him. There was a note on the table I
opened it and it
read:
Dear Trisha I have decided to go home. I can't pretend that I don't
love you, and I
can't live with you knowing that you don't love me
Lee.
I put the letter down and suddenly felt the feeling that I had been
tryin to keep inside
of me erupt. I still had the nagging feeling that I was doing or
feeling something
wrong.
* * *
"What have you been up to then?" I hadn't seen Suzi for almost four
days after
she left me at the show.
"Nothing much, watching the telly &;amp; stuff you?"
"Nothing much." It suddenly went silent, and I, as I hadn't stopped
doing over that
four days, began thinking about Lee. I thought about the way he talked,
the way he
laughed, the way he smiled, the way he- "Hello, earth calling Trisha."
I came from
my own world.
"What?"
"You haven't heard a word I've just said have you?" I didn't know that
she was
speaking, and I realised that I had been so lost in thoughts of him no
one could have
dragged me out.
"Sorry, I was in a world of my own."
"Look, I don't mean to be rude, but get your arse over to Lee's house
and tell him
how you feel. I know you were thinking about him then don't deny
it."
"So what if I was, you already know I can't get with him. It's too
soon after
Gareth."
"You heard what that medium said. ' Go with your heart' was what he
said so why
don't you and get with Lee." I had realised that what she was saying
was true, I had
tried to ignore my feeling, but I couldn't. Without saying a word I got
up and walked
around to Lee's house. He answered. "Oh, it's you, if..." I didn't let
him finish what he
was saying.
"Shut up" I grabbed him, pulled him towards him and kissed him. "Can I
come in."
Lee was obviously shocked that kissed him. He pointed to his front
room. We both
walked in and sat down on his couch.
"What was that for ?" I was ready to start going out with Lee, after
getting Gareth's
message.
"What do you think it was for." I grabbed hold of Lee's hand and kissed
it.
"Does this mean what I think it means ? Do you want to go out with me?"
I turned
round to look at Lee ,and I said:
"Of course I do I have loved you since I started work in Rosie's, but
you were seeing
someone else so I didn't make an attempt."
"I only went out with her to tell myself that I didn't love you." We
kissed and this
time we stood up and moved things to the bedroom. As we walked we
removed
pieces of our clothing. Lee began kissing my neck and it was then I
removed his shirt,
he looked down and helped me. Our heads rested against each other so
that our noses
were touching and when we threw the offending shirt on the floor, we
went back to
kissing. Finally we reached the bedroom, and we went straight onto the
bed. As we
lay on the bed Lee helped me take my trousers and underwear off. As he
was pulling
at my trousers he kissed my body, and the further down the went the
further down he
went. Eventually he took them off and threw them across the room.
Unexpectedly his
head stayed where it was and he went down on me. All kinds of thoughts
ran through
my head, what if he hate the sight of me naked? What if had just wanted
to bed me?
What if he thought I was a crap lay? All of these things ran through my
head. Lee
moved towards my head again and we began kissing. Suddenly he stood up,
that's it I
thought he hate's me and he wants to leave me. I know I was overacting
slightly but
he- I realised that he was taking his trousers off, I knelt on the bed
and I helped him
with the task of removing his boxer shorts. I kissed his stomach and as
he bent over to
remove his boxers I lay back down on the bed. Lee climbed onto the bed
and once
again we began kissing. He put his arms around my back and removed my
bra, he
then stopped kissing me and put both of his hands on the bed. He
lowered himself
into me, and I had the best feeling. After an hour Lee bgegan to look
tired and when
his forehead began to crinkle I knew what was happening. "I'm c-" I put
my hands on
his head shushed him, I knew what he was going to say. When he finally
come he
collapsed on me and fell asleep, I ran my fingers through his hair and
I realised two
things. We didn't use a condom. I guess that within the heat of passion
both of us kind
forgot. The other thing was that Lee was the first man I had slept with
since Gareth, I
felt a mixture of feelings. I was upset, not at the fact I had slept
with Lee I was over
the moon about that, but I was upset because the sex with Gareth was so
much
different. When me and Gareth did it we talked to each other, but with
me and Lee we
didn't say anything. I don't know why but I expected Lee to be the same
as Gareth,
but I realised that I had to move on. I know it sounds really horrible
but Lee was the
new man in my life, and I couldn't let him live in Gareth's shadow.
Thinking about
my new life with Lee I fell asleep.
The next day I decided that we should go round to Duncan's and
Suzi's
together. That's what we did I phoned for a cab. Ten minutes later we
got inside and
we spent most of the ride attached to each others lips. Just before we
got to Suzi's the
cab driver stopped at a red light and said, "Do you want me to turn
around so you can
finish off what you have started" I wanted to but I had to tell Suzi
and Duncan. We
looked at each other, and from the expression on Lee's face, he wanted
to go back
too.
I knocked on the door, and Lee was standing behind me, we were
holding
hands behind my back. "Hello you two, come in and you can have dinner
with us if
you like." I walked in as Duncan held the door open. "Hey Lee I'm
likin' the new
do'" Lee had spiked his hair up before we came out. "He must have a new
girlfriend."
We both coughed.
"Hiya Suzi." Suzi had just finished serving up everyone's dinner.
"Hold on a minute I have to put yours on a plate." We joined Duncan at
the table I sat
down and Lee sat opposite me. I pulled one of my un-happy faces. Suzi
sat down and
we all began to eat she looked at me and Lee and said:
"What are you two so happy about ?" I was going to tell him but I let
him figure it out
for his self.
"Nothing" I said smiling.
After dinner Suzi said "Do you want to watch Gladiator ?" I didn't
really like
Gladiator, but I said yes anyway. When Suzi put video on, Lee lay down
on one of the
sofas that Suzi and Duncan owned. He patted for me to lie down with him
so I did as
he asked and lay down with him. I lay in away so that either Suzi or
Duncan could tell
that were going out with each other. I occasionally saw Duncan glance
across at us.
Suzi still didn't realise about half way through the film, so Lee
started to twist bits of
my hair. I held his hand but it was the side of so that they couldn't
see.
After the film I said to Lee "Is it OK if I go back to yours Lee I left
a tape round there
the other day." We walked out of the door, holding hands
* * *
One day I woke before Lee and when I saw the scar on his face I
began
thinking about Shane. I thought about how much I hated him, and much to
my own
surprise I also thought about how much I loved him. That day stirred
something deep
down inside of me, I don't know why but I was falling in love with
Shane again. It
was there and that I decide that I needed away from Shane for good. I
loved Lee so I
was going to move somewhere far away from London with him. My feelings
for
Shane intensified during the week, and as this happened I would snap at
Lee for
almost nothing, and I would become a lot moodier. As the week went on I
realised
that Lee wouldn't move from London, but I still hadn't changed my mind
about
going. I was going with or without Lee. I had only been with him for a
week and I was
already thinking of sleeping with another man.
* * *
I woke up with Lee by my side. I turned so that my body was facing
his. He
was asleep, I loved the way he looked when he was sleeping, he looked
so innocent.
Like a child, a child who doesn't know what life is really about, and a
child that
doesn't realise how those around him feel. He woke up "Hiya babes, do
you want
some breakfast ?" The feeling that I had felt when Gareth called me
'babes' came
flooding back.
"No thanks I'm fine." We lay there in total silence until Lee
said
" I forgot to ask you, what made you change your mind ?" I told him
about my session
with the medium, and he looked up at the ceiling and said "Thanks Gaz."
We had
started kissing when the doorbell went.
"Leave it" I said, but Lee said:
"No, it might be Duncan. I told him to call round when he had time, I
called him last
night. I said that my new girlfriend is here and he doesn't know that
it is you so if you
can go in the kitchen for a bit and when I shout 'Babes can you come
in' you walk in."
The doorbell rang again "Hang on a minute mate." I ran into the
kitchen and
closed the door. Lee opened the front door, I realised that nither of
us had changed
into our normal clothes, Lee was still in his boxers. "Must of been a
good night,
twelve 'o' clock and your still in your night gear. All right then
where is she?" I
thought Lee would shout me straight away, but he didn't. "Hang on a mo
I'll just put
some pants on." I could see Duncan sitting down on the sofa, looking
around for clues
for who Lee's 'Mystery girlfriend' could be. "I'll take it that she's a
moose."
"How do you work that one out." Lee returned into the front room and
both men sat
back down.
"If she's fit you would of said by now. But because you haven't I can
only presume
she's a moose." I couldn't believe that he hadn't realised that me and
Lee were an
item the week before
Lee sat back down. "Come on then who is she? Is it someone I know, I
bet it's
one of my old school mates." I could see the smile on Lee's face as
Duncan talked. I
also began to feel slightly nervous.
"Well" he said "yes you do know her, and yes she is an old school
friend." From the
long silence I guessed that Duncan didn't know.
"All right then I'll call her in. Babes can you come in." I had one of
Lee's old tee-shirts
on, as I walked towards the kitchen door I pulled it down. I opened the
door and
walked over to where Lee was sitting As I began to fill up with nerves,
I gave him a
kiss on the cheek. I sat down and looked at Duncan.
"Hi Duncan, where's Suzi?" I looked at Duncan's face. At first he
looked
shocked, but then he started to smile.
"She's at home. So then you're Lee's mystery girlfriend." Duncan
paused "oh yeah she
asked me if I knew about Shane hitting someone, but I didn't so I
thought I would ask
you."
"Can you excuse us for a minute. Trisha come in my bedroom." I followed
him into
his room. I sat down on his bed
"Trisha, I heard your conversation with Alex the other day, you should
of told some
one." I could understand where Lee was coming from, but he didn't
understand what
Shane was like. One minute he would be all over me like a rash the next
he would be
beating the crap out of me.
"I wanted to but he said that if I told anyone or if I split up with
him he would kill
me." I don't know why but going over what he did, made all the emotions
that I had
come back. I started crying, Lee moved closer, put his arm around me,
kissed me on
the head, and said "Poor you, You are all right now I wouldn't do that
to you." I
remembered that Duncan was still in the front room, I stood up wiped my
face and
told Lee that we had better go back into the front room.
When we walked in Duncan was, sitting in the chair.
"Why were you two so long ?" I shook my head to Lee as if to say don't
tell him.
"Nothing we just talked, and it was something that I didn't want you to
hear." I sat
down on the sofa, and Duncan looked at me and said:
"Are you OK Trisha, it looks like you've been crying." I didn't want
to tell Duncan
about Shane so I just said:
"Yeah I was I had just remembered that it's Gareth's birthday shortly
after mine." He
had obviously forgotten, because he said:
"Oh yeah, I am so sorry." I wanted to tell him why I was really
crying, but I couldn't
because I knew that he would have a go at Shane and I just wanted him
out of my life
for good.
"It's OK. I'm just going to get changed know." I stood up and went into
Lee's bedroom.
Once I was in there, I got changed. I sat down on the bed, and I saw a
piece of
paper and a pen. I picked them up and started to write a letter.
Dear Lee, and Duncan
I am so sorry but I have decided to leave, where I have gone I cannot
tell
you. Duncan if you really want to know why I was crying before ask Lee.
Lee I am so sorry for
leaving. I know that what you said is true, and I want you to know that
I'm not leaving because of
you it's me, the way the way that my life is at the moment is too much
for me to handle. What
ever you do Lee don't forget that I love you whether I'm here or
not.
Goodbye forever
love from Trisha x x x
I put the note on the bed, and climbed out of the window. I was glad
that Lee lived in
a bungalow. I had to go there and then, I couldn't look at Lee knowing
how I felt
about Shane and knowing how much he loved me. It felt like I was
betraying him by
staying in London.
I walked and walked until I found where Alex worked, I had just caught
him.
"Alex" I shouted his name and he turned around and walked over to me,
"is it OK if I
stay with you for a few days." Alex was the only person I could think
of to go to,
because I thought that he wouldn't tell Lee where I was.
"Yeah sure, but only for a few days. Any way what's wrong with your
place ?" He
looked really worried, he even had a worried tone.
"Well the thing is that I have decided, to run away from this town
everything that's
been happening, has really depressed me," I paused for a moment, "oh
yeah Lee heard
our conversation the other day."
I was told to get into Alex's taxi, I did. When he had started to
drive Alex
asked "What does Lee think about you leaving? Is he upset?"
"That's the thing" I said "I haven't told him." I looked in the mirror
and I could see
Alex laughing, "I'm not joking Alex." I looked at his face once again,
and he looked
like he had been told some shocking news.
"What happens if he calls to my house looking for you ?" I didn't want
Alex to lie to a
friend, but I didn't want to face Lee either.
"Well he doesn't know your address, does he ?" Alex stopped , and told
me to get out.
"I called round at your house, but you weren't there, I told him my
address then." I
didn't know what to do.
"Well" I said " if he does call round tell him I'm not there"
"OK but only the once if comes again I will tell him." That sounded OK
to me so I
agreed.
I walked into Alex's house, and sat down in his front room, he turned
the telly
on. There was nothing on the telly so we watched a few videos. Half way
through the
second film, the door bell rang. "Hide in my bed room upstairs, quick."
I ran up the
stairs and hid under Alex's bed. I could make out the two voices that
were coming
from downstairs, one of them was Lee's.
"Is Trisha here?" Lee sounded really worried and upset. I didn't want
to leave him, but
if stayed with him I would only upset him.
"She's not here mate." Alex was such a bad liar, but then again maybe
Lee couldn't
tell. "What's the matter tell me what happened?" I wanted to know how
Lee felt, so I
listened to the conversation. I know what you're thinking, 'you're the
one that ran
away why are you bothered.' Well, I loved him, but I loved Shane at the
time. I
couldn't be with Lee knowing that I had those feelings for another
man.'
'Why did you love Shane after what he did to you?' That's a good one. I
didn't know
the answer to it then and I still don't.
'I don't know, I just did.' I don't want to think of Shane any longer
so I moved on
very quickly. 'Back to Lee's conversation then. "I don't know" said Lee
"we were
talking to Duncan, and she said that she was going to get changed.
After an hour she
still hadn't come out, so I went into the bedroom and she wasn't there.
I found a note
on the bed, I think she's going to kill her self because she said that
her life was too
much to handle." Lee paused I could clearly hear that he was crying, "I
don't know
what I will do if I don't find her."
"Don't worry Lee she wouldn't of killed herself, I know she's alive."
I heard
Lee stand up and say. This sounds stupid, but I felt nervous when I
heard Lee cry. In
the years I had known him I never known him to cry.
"She's here isn't she?" He didn't wait for Alex's answer he just
stormed up the stairs,
and came into the bedroom where I was hiding. I did nothing, after a
few moments
Lee left and stormed out of the front door. I got from underneath the
bed and went
down stairs. It also became clear to me that Lee's temprement had
changed from
inconsolable to infuriated and gladdened. He was happy, because he knew
I was still
alive, but he was infuriated becase he didn't know where I was.
"That was a close one." I knew that Lee would soon find me so I decided
to go back to
Liverpool and stay with my grandparents. I told Alex that I was leaving
for Liverpool,
but I didn't say when.
The next day I got up at eight to catch the first train to Liverpool.
I went into
the bank and drew out another five hundred pounds. I bought my ticket,
and boarded
the train. At ten I rang my Nan up to see if I could stay there, she
said it would be
fine. Near the end of my journey I remembered that it was my birthday
the next day. I
arrived in Liverpool, with a fresh start in mind. I went to my Nan's
house, and she had
a room ready for me.
"Thanks for all this Gran" I gave her a hug and a peck on the cheek.
"if it's OK with
you I will go to bed now." I went into the spare room and as soon as I
got into the
covers I fell asleep.
The next morning I was woken by my Nan singing 'Happy birthday.' She
came
in my room with a present and a card.
"Thanks Nan." All of a sudden the door bell rang.
"I wonder who this could be I'm not expecting any one." My Nan got up
from my bed
and answered the door, I already knew who it was. She came into my room
and said
"Trisha it's for you." I couldn't be bothered so I just told my Nan to
say that I wasn't in.
I went downstairs into the front room, where there was another card
and
present. "Nan who's this stuff off ?" My Nan walked in and said.
"The young man that came before. He said that he needed to talk to
you. He looked
quite upset. Is he your boyfriend?" I was going to ask who called but I
didn't need to I
knew it was Lee.
I opened the card and it said:
Dear Trisha
Happy Birthday Darling
I hope you will enjoy your day
With or without me.
Lots of love from Lee
p.s. I miss you loads Please
come home soon.
I started to cry, because it reminded me of how much I missed him, I
felt like jumping
on a train and going home, but I couldn't.
That day I went out shopping with my Nan and my Aunt, we bought loads
of
things including shoes. There were times when I heard my Nan talking
about things to
my aunt, I would just agree with her. I didn't actually know what she
was going on
about. "Trisha are you OK you seem miles away." She didn't know how
true it was.
Although I was in Liverpool my mind was in London. Thinking about
London made
me feel emotional. I stood up and said:
"I'm sorry I have to go home" I ran back to my Nan's house and once I
got in I just sat
on the couch crying my eye's out. I looked at the present from Lee (It
was a CD by my
favourite band) and picked it up. I was just about to put the CD on
when the door
went. I thought it would be my Nan, but I was wrong.
"Trisha, oh my god I am so glad you're OK." Lee hugged me and squeezed
me
so tight that I thought he was going to break every bone in my
body.
"Come and sit down." I directed Lee to the couch. Lee sat down and
said:
"I am so glad to see you, I can't wait until we get back to London." I
didn't want to
hurt Lee but I had to.
"I am not going back." I had sat down next to Lee.
"Please Trisha, I couldn't cope with out you. I couldn't stand it if we
were that far
apart, " Lee paused and bit his lip, "why are you doing this. I get it
you hate me, don't
you ? I rather you would just tell me instead of putting me through
this." Lee couldn't
of been more wrong I loved him with all my heart, but if I stayed with
him I would
just make him un-happy with my moods. Plus the fact I loved Shane with
all my heart
too.
"Lee, it's the exact opposite, I love you, but if I stayed with I
would only make you un
happy with my moods." I couldn't look Lee in the face.
"Don't you see" he laughed "when I am with you I am the happiest man
alive. I don't
think that Gareth would be happy if I gave you up this easy, after all
of the trouble I
caused to get you." He smoothed my chin and pulled me towards him, and
he kissed
me. After the kiss I sat still and thought about the pro's and con's of
going back to
London with Lee. I had began to create a list in my head but when I was
thinking of
second reason for staying, I looked at him and I realised that I loved
him too much to
stay in Liverpool, but I couldn't go back to London. There were too
many bad
memories.
"Lee, I want to go back to London but I can't." I couldn't look at him
whilst I was
talking to him, because I knew that by looking at him I would be
persuaded to move
back to London.
"Why not?" Lee was using his pleading tone. It was the type of tone
that made me
feel guilty. Although Lee knew about Shane he didn't know how mixed I
was feeling.
Sure I hated his guts, but I loved him too. If came up to me and said
that he wanted to
get back with me I most probably would, I hated to admit it but I still
loved Shane.
That was why I didn't want to go back to London. If I saw him I would
have a
suppressed desire to go out with him.
"There are too many bad memories for me there." I didn't want to tell
Lee about my
feelings for Shane because I knew that he would go round to his flat
and try to
physically kill him.
"What about us? When I found that you were missing I felt so I worried
I thought that
you had killed yourself. I went round to Alex's house because I had a
feeling that you
were there. When I told him that I thought you were dead he said that
knew that you
were alive. When he said that I sort felt happy, but I wouldn't stop
looking for you.
Dunc said that you might of come here. So I decided to come. From the
way that
you've been acting I beginning to think that you don't love me." I knew
that wasn't
going to get rid of him easily, so I decided to tell him that I didn't
love him. I stood up
and turned my back to Lee.
"That's because I don't." I could feel the tears stream down my
cheek.
"Look me in the eyes and say it." I didn't want to do it because I did
love Lee but I
knew that if I admitted I did love him he would find away for me to
move back to
London. Lee walked up behind me, I turned around so that I was looking
into his eyes.
He grabbed hold of my arms and I said:
"Lee I don't love you." I could see the tears forming in his eyes. He
quickly let go of
my arms and ran out of the door. I shut the door behind him and when I
sat back
down on the sofa I couldn't help bursting into tears.
* * *
I planned to live my life in Liverpool. Day 12 of my new life a letter
arrived
for me. I looked at the hand written address and I immediately
recognised the hand
writing. It belonged to Duncan
Dear Trisha,
I'm writing to tell you how much we all miss
you. I'm also writing to tell you how gutted Lee is. He told me
what you said, and I think that you didn't mean it and you
were just saying it to get rid of him. He's been staying with
me and Suzi and he won't stop going on about how you're
going to come back, and how he's planning a great big
party to welcome you home. As you already know it's his
birthday next week. Give him the best present he could wish
for. Come home.
missing you loads
Dunc x x x
I couldn't stand the thought of Lee being upset, I also couldn't stand
the thought of
people aorund me feeling unhappy- just because of my feelings for a
phsyco. I, as
usual thought of others before myself, I depressed my feelings and I
decided to phone
Duncan up and tell him that was coming home. I had to see Lee again, I
missed Lee
and being apart from him was killing me. I know I told him that I
couldn't, and that I
loved Shane, but I couldn't stand being away from either of them.
At 12:00 the next day I picked up the phone and dialled the number
for
Duncan's mobile. I don't know why but I couldn't work up the courage to
do it
before. I had the courage to dial the first number, but after that I
put the phone back
down.
"Hello."
"Hiya Duncan, it's me Trisha. I got the letter you wrote yesterday and
I've decided
that I'm coming home"
"That's great news" He lowered the volume of his voice "hang on a
minute." I did
what was asked of me and waited for Duncan to speak again. I could hear
Duncan
faintly speaking in the background. "It's no one mate, no it's not her.
I'm just going
into my bedroom for a bit." A few seconds later Duncan was speaking to
me. "Listen
the party's tonight, so if you can make to ours for about eight that
would be great."
"That's fine. I don't mean to be pushy but to don't mind picking me up
from the train
station do you?"
"Even better I'll come and pick you up from your Nan's house. I'll
leave in a bit so it
leaves us plenty of time. Listen I've got to go now Lee's walking
towards me see you
later."
"Yeah see you later Duncan." I place the receiver down to it's original
position.
Three or four hours later Duncan knocked on at the door. "Hiya
Duncan come in." Duncan walked through the door and as I put the
finishing touches
to my make up he came up behind me.
"I don't want to sound rude but do you mind if we get going now."
"Of course not." I picked up my handbag purse and mobile phone and
followed
Duncan out to his car. As we climbed into the car Duncan said:
"Trisha why did you go?" I put my seat belt and began to prepare an
answer in my
head. I decided to tell him the truth.
"There are a lot of bad memories for me in London and I wanted to
forget them all. I
suppose what Lee said to me the day I disappeared made me go." Duncan
started to
drive off. I didn't want to tell Duncan about my feelings for Shane, I
had after all
forgot about him.
"Well all I can say is that I'm glad you're coming home. I know Lee
will be well
pleased." The rest of the car journey was spent talking about how I was
going to come
into the house to surprise Lee. He knew that there was going to be a
party, but he
didn't know that I was turning up. I also found out that they had
decided to move the
party forward a week because Lee was thinking about going back to
Liverpool to
persuade me to go back, and if I hadn't gone back with him he was going
to move to
Liverpool.
We arrived back at Duncan's house at exactly eight. I began to feel
nervous, as
I heard sounds of music and talking from Duncan's front room window.
"Come on,
let's go in there." As Duncan put his key in the front door, I heard
everything go
silent.
"Where have you been mate?" I was over the moon to hear Lee's voice
once again. I
began to wonder how I could of said that I didn't love him.
"Let's just say I bumped into an old friend." As I heard Duncan walk
into his living
room I moved closer to the door. "I've brought you back a surprise but
you have to
close your eyes."
"I'll most probably hate it knowing your taste." I could tell that Lee
was messing
about. I began to wonder if he really was as upset as Duncan had
described.
"No I know you'll love it."
"I'll cover my eyes but if it's crap I wont get you a birthday
present." I waited for
Duncan to signal me in. When Duncan beckoned me I walked into the front
room I
could hear gasps coming from various people. I saw Lee's expression
change. Instead
of looking afflicted he began to look anxious.
"OK you can open your eyes now." Lee opened his eyes, and when he
looked at me I
could see his eyes light up. He was speechless for a few minutes so I
broke the silence
by saying:
"Surprise" I could see the look on people's faces, particularly on
Lee's "well come on
say something aren't you pleased to see me?" Lee walked over to the
table that had
been set up with chairs at the end, I followed. Everyone returned to
partying.
"Of course I'm pleased to see you, but I thought you said that you
couldn't come back
to London." Lee was becoming upset. It was as if going over the day in
Liverpool was
painful for him''
"I did say that, but I realised that I missed you too much to stay in
Liverpool."
"B... but you said that you didn't love me. You looked me in the eye
and said that you
didn't love me." We were looking into each others eyes, and forgetting
about Shane
became a lot easier.
"Well I was lying."
"How do I know you're not lying now?" I could tell that Lee was upset
by the tone of
his voice.
"If I didn't love you I wouldn't do this." I pulled him towards me and
began kissing
him. All of a sudden everyone around us began cheering. Once everyone
had
quietened down Lee said:
"Does this mean you want to give us another try?" Lee was looking
directly at me
waiting for my response.
"If you want to." I desperately wanted to get back with him, but what
was the point if
he didn't want to.
"Of course I do. I wanted you back when I went to Liverpool and I have
ever since."
Once again we kissed.
At about ten thirty Duncan said that he had something to tell me. I
followed
him to his bedroom and I sat down on Duncan's bed: he said, "Lee told
me what
happened with Shane, you know what he did to you." He sat down on the
bed next to
me. I knew that he would of found out from Lee, because of what I put
on the letter.
"Did he tell you everything ?" Duncan nodded "so he told you about
that Shane
threatened to kill me if I told anyone, and that he was the one who
dumped me. No I
didn't think so." I don't know why, but I just knew that Lee wouldn't
of told him about
that. All of a sudden Duncan stood up and said
"Where is the bastard I'm going to kill him." I knew that Duncan had
ment that too.
He had gotten a bit protective over me, since Gareth died. I stood up
beside him, took
his arm and said,
"Don't, scum like that isn't worth it." I paused for a moment, "come on
you've got
show me my presents." I walked out of Duncan's room and sat down on the
sofa.
Everyone gathered round as Duncan went to get my presents.
I opened the first package, it was off Duncan. I opened it, and inside
there was
a bath set. I opened the card, and inside there was ?15.
"Duncan there was no need, I already have plenty of money." I gave him
a hug and
thanked him. The next present was off Suzi
"What's this, I thought that those tickets were my present." I
remembered about the
medium we went to see.
"Yeah they were, but I got you some thing else." I opened the box and
it was a charm
bracelet.
I got a few other presents, one off Rosie and Jonathan theirs was a
joint
present, I don't know why that was. They had signed it from Rosie +
Jonathan. They
signed the way that couples did, but after a few seconds I dismissed
the idea of them
being an item out of my head . After I had opened all of the other
presents, Suzi
walked over to Duncan, and whispered in his ear. He walked out of the
room, and into
their spare room. When he got back he gave another package. I looked at
the tag, and
it read:
Trisha
Happy Birthday
lots of love Gareth x x x
I looked up and everyone seemed to be looking at me. I opened the
package. I took
my time, and I began to wonder when he got it, because he had been dead
for six
months. I looked at what was inside. It was a CD. I didn't know which
one because, it
didn't have a cover on.
"You can put it on if you want." I took up on Suzi's offer, and put the
CD in the CD
player and pressed play. I listened carefully to what was on the
disc.
As I sat and listened to Gareth singing, a single tear came down my
cheek. Lee
sat down next to me, gave me a hug and said,
"You miss him don't you " I could feel him lifting his arm up and wave
it to tell
everybody else to go away, "we all miss him, but no matter how bad, or
upset you're
feeling, I'll always be there for you." Lee kissed me on the head, and
gave me another
hug.
"I do miss him, but I have to move on. You're the new man in my life
now." I looked
up at Lee and he had a smile on his face. I looked at the picture of
me, Suzi, Duncan
and Gareth and, once again a tear came down my cheek. Lee wiped it
away, as he
wiped away my tear, he pulled my head towards his, and we kissed. As we
kissed I
could hear Gareth stop singing and starting to talk.
'Trisha, by the time you're listening to this CD, It will be your
birthday,
so happy birthday. I'm guessing that you've got a new boyfriend by now,
I just
want to say that I will be happy no matter who you go out with. It
could be
someone I know. I don't care as long as you're happy I will be happy.'
It felt great
to hear his voice again. It reminded me of his heart warming smile, and
how dimpled
his cheeks would get when he laughed. When the disc had finished, Suzi
and Duncan
walked back into the room. Everyone else resumed their positions
too.
"Are you all right Trisha ?" Duncan was clearly touched by what was on
the disc too,
his voice had become shaky, and he sounded as if he was about to
cry.
"I'm fine." I thought about asking how he was but I could tell by
looking at his face.
* * *
"Hiya Trisha do you feel up to a drink ?" I wasn't in the mood for a
party, but I
remembered what Kian said in the hospital. It wasn't just any old party
it was her
engagement party.
"Yeah. Why?" I knew why, but I let Suzi think I didn't. I didn't want
her to think that I
knew because then it wouldn't be a surprise.
"Go and get your glad rags on then." She didn't say why I needed to get
dressed up,
she didn't know that Kian told me about the surprise party.
I did as I was told and got glammed up. I couldn't decide what to
wear, in the
end I asked the advice of Lee. "Lee which one do you reckon I wear, the
purple one
with fake diamonds on or, the plain red one?" He came up to me gave me
a hug and
said:
"I don't care you look beautiful in any thing." I looked at the mirror
and saw our
reflection. Lee had his top off and was showing, his perfectly toned
stomach. Then I
looked at my own reflection, I began to think, 'what is a girl as butt
ugly as me doing
with him.' By this time Lee had let go of me and started to get
changed. I put the
purple dress on, and sat down to put on my make-up.
"Who did you get that necklace off?" I couldn't believe that Lee
hadn't noticed
it before.
"Gareth bought it for me the night before he died." I looked at Lee in
the mirror, and
he was frowning.
"I'm sorry I didn't realise." I loved the way he was apologetic, after
all it showed that
he cared for me.
"It doesn't matter, I think about him and explain about things he
bought me with out
crying you know." Lee sat down on the stool beside me as I began to put
some more
make up on.
"What are you putting that stuff on for you beautiful enough as you
are." I loved
when he gave me compliments, they way he said things, and the way I
knew he ment
it melted my heart.
As I began to put the finishing touches to my hair, I said "Come on
Suzi and
Duncan will be waiting for us." Lee walked out of the door first then I
did. I took the
keys out of my bag, and locked the door. We walked over to Duncan's new
car (a
people carrier) when I heard him wolf whistling at me. I laughed, but
Lee said,
"Oi you, you can't have her she's mine." I loved the way that Lee would
show off
when he said things like that. Me and Lee climbed into the back of the
car.
"Trisha, you look gorgeous." I knew I must of looked good because Suzi
would
always tell the truth. If I looked like a piece of crap in something,
she would tell me,
not in a nasty way, it was just that she didn't want me looking like a
fool.
Lee told me to move up so that I was sitting next to him. I moved up,
and he
began to whisper sweet nothings in my ear. He occasionally moved his
head towards
mine hoping for a kiss each time he got one. Whilst we were kissing,
Suzi said "Dunc,
look at them two" Duncan took a look in the mirror. Me and Lee had
stopped kissing,
I looked in the mirror and saw that Duncan was smiling.
"I know, the pair of them are like a couple of teenagers. Can't you two
wait until later
for that?"
After ten minutes, we arrived at a pub called, The Caribbean. "Come on
you
two we are here now." Lee got out of the car, walked round and opened
the door for
me.
"Thank you" I said, as I got out of the car. First Suzi and Duncan
walked in, then me
and Lee came in holding hands.
"Look at Lee being the perfect gentleman." Lee wasn't at all
embarrassed by this
remark, in fact he linked my arm in the way they did in old fashioned
movies.
"SURPRISE." As soon as I walked in everyone jumped out, and started to
sing Happy
birthday. I acted shocked.
"And we have another surprise for you." Just as Suzi finished, Kian
walked through
the door. I already knew that he was coming, but the real surprise came
after that.
Kian was walking through the door when some one pushed past him. I
couldn't
believe it, It was Shane.
"What the hell are you doing here ?" Duncan had noticed Shane come in
too.
"I need to speak to Trisha." I could tell that Duncan wanted to hit
him. So did Lee
"I don't think so." In way I wanted to speak to Shane, but in a way I
didn't. After all he
was partly to blame for me and Lee splitting up. Standing there looking
at him I had a
desire to just grab him and kiss him, but thinking of others I left
him.
"Duncan leave it I'll sort it out." I let go of Lee's hand and walked
to the door of the
pub.
"You look nice tonight." I could tell that Shane wanted to get back
with me by the
sound of his voice. I was about to say something really cheesy, but I
surpressed my
desires and said:
"Shut up Shane what did you really come here for ?" I was annoyed, as
soon as I saw
him all the pain and anger of what he had done to me before had
resurfaced. This pain
had cnacelled out my love for him. I felt numb.
"Trisha, I miss you, and I still love you, I was wondering if we could
give it another
go." I laughed at the idea. Although I laughed a little part of me
wanted to take Shane
up on his offer.
"After the way you treated me, after what you done to me, I don't think
so." Shane
wasn't having any of it. He came up to me and kissed me. He stopped and
said
"See I know you still love me too." He went in for another kiss when
Lee came, pulled
him off me and punched him.
"That's for last time." Shane got up from the floor, and looked at us.
I kissed Lee,
because I knew he hated the idea of me seeing someone else. I decided
to destroy the
part of me that had loved Shane.
"What did that slime ball want ?" I had just got back inside, when
Duncan asked me. I
thought about what Shane said, and laughed.
"You're never going to believe it," I said "he said that he wanted to
go out with me
again." I could tell that Duncan was in a bad mood, from his face. It
was then I
decided not to tell him why I really stayed in Liverpool.
"How dare he after what he done to you." I looked at his face and
looked fed up.
"Duncan what's the matter ?" He was seriously put down by something,
but what that
something was I didn't know.
"About two weeks before Gareth died he told me to look after you, and
seeing
Shane come here tonight makes me feel like I haven't done what Gareth
asked me to
do." I didn't know that Gareth asked him to do that.
"Duncan you don't have to worry, I can look after myself, any way Lee's
here to take
care of me now," I paused for a moment "come on you this a party so
lets dance."
I was happy dancing with Duncan and all of my friends. I looked around
for
Lee and I saw him sitting on his own, so I went up to him and asked him
to dance.
"Come on Lee, come and have a dance." Lee objected, he said
"Don't be stupid I can't dance." Luckily for me the Leanne Rimes song
How can I live
with out you? came on. "You can dance to this can't you ?" Lee stood
up, and we
made our way to the dance floor. We started to dance to the song.
"I love this song." I was so happy dancing with Lee, that I didn't
notice that we were
the only ones on the dance floor, (apart form Suzi and Duncan) I looked
into his eyes.
"Why's that?" I didn't stop looking into his eyes and he didn't stop
looking into mine.
"Because it says exactly what I feel for you." I felt so in love him. I
grabbed his head
and kissed him, I could hear people all around us saying "Ha look at
them two, don't
they look perfect together." Lee was perfect in every way. Me on the
other hand I
didn't think I was perfect at all.
After the song finished me and Lee sat down. I could see some one
walking
over. It was Kian. He sat down next to me with three drinks in his
hands. "I didn't
know what drink you liked so I just got you this." He had got me a WKD,
and he got
Lee a pint of Lager.
"Thanks Kian." I took a sip of my drink, when Kian said
"So how long have you two been together then ?" I was going to answer
the question
but Lee did, "For about a month now." I saw the look on Kian's face, he
was looked
puzzled. I don't know why Lee said about a month. Sure we had been
going out with
each other for a month, but we had spent most of that apart.
"Wasn't that around the same time, you were in hospital?" Lee nodded ,
because he
had just drank a bit of his Lager.
"I'm glad you two got it together any way." I moved closer to Lee and
I began to
wonder if Kian had a girlfriend.
"So" I said "have you found a girl who's crazy enough to go out with
you?" I looked at
Kian, he put his head down and rubbed his neck,
"Not yet" He was quite shy with the ladies, he always had been, "I've
got to go now."
He got up and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I gave him a hug and said
goodbye.
"I wonder why he left so quickly ?" I looked at Lee to see what his
face looked like.
"I don't know, " he said "maybe he doesn't like talking about his love
life to you."
When Lee said that, it made me think back to the time Kian left
England.
Kian and I had been best friends, since we were four, we even went out
with
each other a few times. When I did go out with him I was the jealousy
of all the girls
in my class, although he was shy all the girls fancied him. One day I
was in school
chatting to my best friend (Suzi) when, I got home Kian phoned and told
me to meet
him in the park. I knew something was wrong, because every time he had
some bad
news to tell me, he would take me to the park.
That night I went down to the park and sat down on the park bench. A
few
moments later Kian sat down and joined me. I moved closer to him, and
before I
could say any thing, he said:
"Trisha, some one died in the family, and we have to move back to
Ireland." I was
absolutely gutted. We agreed to keep in contact, but I started to go
out with some lad
a few years older than me, called Matt. Obviously I didn't tell Kian,
but somehow he
found out, and he wrote me a letter saying that it would be OK to go
out with Matt,
and he also put that he was seeing this other girl too. After that
letter I never heard
from him again.
All of a sudden Duncan came on the microphone and interrupted my
thoughts.
"Trisha come up here," I stood up and walked towards the disco area
where Duncan
was standing. When I got there Duncan continued talking, "If you
thought that all the
surprises were over you were wrong." I tried to think of what or who
the next surprise
could be. I saw Suzi open the door, I then saw a man walk through the
door. From
where I was standing he was about the same height as me. I still
couldn't think of who
it was. As the figure came into the spot light I realised who it
was.
It was Matt, I stood there in complete and utter shock.
"I take it you're glad to see me then." He walked up to me, and gave
me a hug.
"Of course I'm glad to see you, it's just I haven't seen you since I
was 17," once I had
gotten over the shock I continued talking, "come and sit down over
here." Every one
had started dancing again. I grabbed Mat's hand and led him to where
Lee was sitting.
"Jesus, Lee is that you." Lee and Matt had known each other through,
ahem Duncan.
"Hey Matt, how are you ?" I sat down next to Lee and I realised that
Matt hadn't a
drink. "Matt, do you want a drink ?"
"Erm, yeah, I'll have a beer." When he got his money out of his pocket,
he looked at it
and said,
"I'm sorry, but can you get these I haven't had the chance to change
these yet." I
assumed that they were American dollars.
"It's fine." I walked to the bar and got Matt his drink.
When I came back Lee and Matt were chatting like old friends. "Here
you go."
I put Matt's drink down on the table.
"Thanks, we can go out some time, lets call it a date, for old times
sake ?" I know it
sounds horrible but I giggled when he asked me.
"Matt, I'd love to but I'm already spoken for." I looked at his face,
and he didn't seem
too upset.
"Who's the lucky guy then ?" I looked towards Lee and said
"Well I'll give you some clues, he's some one you know, and he isn't
sitting too far
away from us right now and his name is Lee." I looked at Matt and I saw
that he
looked a little like he did when we were 17. He had, brown hair, blue
eyes, and the
cutest smile.
"Lee?" I was about to answer when Lee butted in and said:
"Yeah, I'm her boyfriend." He grabbed me and moved me closer to him. He
was
getting jealous and I knew it.
"Anyway," continued Matt, "where's Gareth ?"
I turned around, looked at Matt and said:
"Didn't Suzi or Duncan tell you? He's dead." I saw the emotion in
Matt's face.
"When did he die ?" I dreaded telling someone else the details of
Gareth's death, but I
had to.
"About six months ago, he died of a heart disease." Suddenly the memory
of Gareth
dying in my arms, and his last words came into my mind. With all the
surprises I had
that night, and thinking about Gareth again made me feel really
depressed. To make
things even worse the song that he sang to me came on.
"I'm sorry." I stood up and ran outside crying my eyes out.
I stood out side the pub, wiped my eyes and looked up at the stars.
Five
minutes later Matt came out and stood next to me.
"Trisha I'm so sorry, Lee just told me everything" I turned to look at
him when he
said,
"I'm so stupid, I bet that you were feeling fine until I mentioned it."
I knew that Lee
wouldn't of told Matt about what Gareth sang to me and what his last
words were,
because I never told him myself.
"It's not just because you mentioned it I was crying, it was because
it reminded
me of what he did and said to me just before he died." I don't know why
but I couldn't
look Matt in the face, I just stared at the floor and continued
talking, "you see when
Gareth told me that he had a heart problem, he sang to me." As I
thought back to that
time a tear spilt from my eye onto my cheek.
"What did he sing to you ?" Matt wiped away my tear as he said
this.
"The lyrics were 'I wanna grow old with you, I wanna die lyin'' in your
arms I wanna
grow old with you I wanna be looking in your eyes I wanna be there for
you sharing
everything you do I wanna grow old with you.'" Matt put his arm on my
shoulder to
tell me that he felt sorry for me. "Do you know what his last words
were ?" I knew
that he didn't but I asked anyway, after I saw him shake his head I
continued talking,
"he told me that he loved me." He took his arm from my shoulder and
grabbed my
hand,
"Come on" he said, "lets go back in" I followed him through the door
and into the
pub.
Just before Lee saw me I ran to the toilets, to wipe away the mascara
that was
running down my cheeks. As I was coming out of the toilets I could hear
Lee shouting
from outside.
"Where is she Matt? You have to know where she is, you were with her
last" he
paused, for a moment, "I couldn't bare it if she went missing again. If
anything
happens to her I'm gonna kill you." Although I couldn't see their faces
I could
imagine Matt with a curious look on his face.
"What do you mean again ?" Before Lee could go over what happened I
walked out of
the toilets and walked towards them so that Matt could see me.
"Lee there she is." As soon as Matt had finished Lee came up to me
and
hugged me so tight that I thought he would break every bone in my body.
After a few
moments, he let go and said, "Don't you ever do that to me ever again"
we kissed and
he continued to talk, "I'm so glad you turned up. If you had gone
missing again I don't
know what I would of done. I love you babes." I loved Lee, the way that
he would
regually tell me that he loved me and he wouldn't care who knew it. Lee
grabbed my
hand and brought me back to where we were sitting
By ten thirty I had, had enough. Sure the music was good, but Lee
wouldn't let
me out of his sight. If I went for a drink he would come to the bar
with me, if I went
to the toilet he would wait outside the ladies for me. At one point
when I was talking
to Jonathan, Lee went mad.
* *
"Hiya, Jonathan, what have you been upto lately?"
"Nothing much. Where have you been? Lee was dead worried about
you."
"I went back to Liverpool. Don't ask why it's a long story." Jonathan
did as I asked
and didn't ask me. It was then that Lee came over and went mad.
"What the hell are doing over here?" Lee was going berserk he was
shouting and
everything
"Lee calm down I'm only talking to Jonathan. I haven't seen him for
ages." Lee
seemed to of calmed down a little bit, but he still looked pretty
mad.
"You should of told someone where you were going, when I came back from
the
gents and I saw that you weren't there, something told me that you'd
gone again."
"Excuse me Jonathan, I'll see you soon yeah." I stormed over to our
seats. When we
sat down I continued talking. "How dare you embarrass me in front of my
work mate.
Why are you getting worried about why would I want to go again? It's
like you want
me to go!" I was frustrated and I could see that Jonathan was dying to
laugh.
"Of course I don't want you to go. I thought that with Shane turning up
and all of
these old faces would bring back all of these bad memories you've been
going on
about." I suddenly began to wonder why I came back. Lee had suddenly
became dead
possessive of me, just like Shane did before he did what he did. I was
getting scared,
in case Lee was going to turn into another version of Shane.
"Yeah and the way you've acted towards me tonight is nearly at the top
of my bad
memories. You know you're starting to act just like Shane did before
he....... well you
know what he did. Any way Lee I'm getting scared in case you turn into
him." I could
tell that by saying he was turning into a mini-Shane calmed Lee
down.
"I would never do anything that would remotely hurt you. Listen I'm
sorry about
being protective over you, but ever since Gareth died I realised how
precious life is.
When you went missing I thought that you were dead and I felt really
guilty for not
spending enough time with you. I would tell myself everyday that if you
ever did
came back to London that I would spend as much time as I could with
you, whether
we were going out with each other or not." Lee looked like he was about
to cry. This
too made me feel selfish and guilty
"I understand what you're saying, but just because you want to spend
more time with
me doesn't mean that you need to follow me everywhere. Any way why
would I want
to run away from such a gorgeous hunk like you?" I leant over and
kissed him
* * *
At 10:30 I said to Lee
"Lee is it OK if we go I'm board." I stood up to leave and so did Lee.
"Hang on
minute whilst I tell Duncan that we're going." I decided to wait
outside for him.
A few minutes later Lee came out, and grabbed me by the hand. "Where
are
we going my place or yours ?"
"Erm, we can go to mine if you want." Lee nodded and got his phone out
of his
pocket. He phoned for a taxi, I didn't really want to get a cab, but I
wasn't in the mood
to argue with Lee.
"The taxi will be here soon." It'll be here in ten minutes then, I
thought.
"Trisha, are you all right ?" Lee knew that there was something wrong
with me. I was
in a little world of my own and I realised what Lee had asked me when
he was
waiting for my response.
"I'm fine. It's just seeing all the old faces, made me remember" I
still hadn't got over
Gareth properly, and Lee had to know, "it's just that I can't get over
the fact Gareth is
dead, I keep on thinking that he will walk through the door." Lee had
his arm around
my waist.
"I was so worried about you before" I looked at Lee, and he looked like
he was about
to cry, "when Matt came back in with out you I thought you had gone
missing again....
I wouldn't know what to do if you left me again. Like I said before I
want to spend as
much time as possible with you, and I realise that me getting
protective of you isn't
the way." I knew that Lee ment everything he said by the sound of his
voice
"I'll never leave you again. I wouldn't be able to bare it. When I was
away I couldn't
stop thinking of you, and I know this sounds really weird but I was
sort of going
through the same pain that I was going through when Gareth died. It
felt like you
were dead because you weren't there for me to talk to, and it was
complete torture for
me to say to you that I didn't love you." After I had finished talking,
we kissed, and as
we were kissing a taxi pulled up and a familiar voice said:
"I guess your going home then."
I turned around and saw that in the cab was Alex.
"Yeah how did you guess ?" Lee laughed. That was the only thing I hated
about Lee,
he always laughed at innopropiate moments. After we climbed in the
taxi, Alex said
"Where are you going then?"
"Trisha's house." Lee was still holding my hand.
"OK" said Alex "I can remember where that is." About three quarters
through the
journey, me and Lee kissed, and Alex said,
" Jeezz, can't you wait until later for that." I don't know why but I
decided to tell Alex
about Matt.
"Alex do you know who we seen before?" Alex shrugged his shoulders so
I continued
to talk, "Matt, you do remember him don't you ?" Alex and Matt were
friends until
they both moved back to America.
"Oh my god where is he ?" I told Alex where he was. "I'm gonna go down
there when
I've dropped you off." A moment or two later, we pulled up outside my
house.
"That'll be ?3 then please." I gave him a ?5 note and told him to keep
the change. Lee
got out of the cab, still holding my hand. I got out, and we watched
Alex drive away.
"Come on then, let's go in side." On my orders we went in.
I turned the telly on, and sat down on the sofa next to Lee. I was
feeling quite
tired so I lay down and put my head on his lap. "What are you doing
tomorrow ?" I
didn't know what I wanted to do, but then I remembered that Gareth's
birthday had
passed, and I hadn't been to the grave.
"Well I was thinking about going to the grave, it was his birthday the
other day and I
still haven't been." Lee had started to twist little bits of my hair
around his fingers.
"Do you want me to come with you ?" I didn't know whether Lee had been
to see the
grave or not. "Whatever, you can if you want."
The next day I woke up, and Lee was still asleep, so I sat up in bed.
I tried not
to wake him up, but I failed. "Hiya sleepy head" I loved the way Lee
looked when he
had just woken up. He tried to smile but he was tired so it didn't look
like a smile. Lee
sat up in bed and gave me a kiss on the cheek. "What time is it ?" I
looked at the
clock, and it said 9:55.
"Five to ten" I got up out of bed to get changed. I suddenly began to
feel sick, I ran
into the toilet and I was sick everywhere.
"Are you ok?"
"Yeah, I'll be fine in a bit."
"What time are we going?" I turned around to look at Lee, he had a
vest and a pair of
boxer shorts on. "I don't know," I said "I was thinking at about
twelve, what do you
think?"
"That sounds fine" I had a feeling that something was up with Lee but I
couldn't work
out what it was. "Is It OK if I get a shower Trish?" Lee had disturbed
my thoughts.
" Sure, I'm going the shop for some milk and bread. Is there anything
you want ?" It
took quite a while for Lee to answer as he had began to walk towards
the bathroom
when I began talking.
"Er, just get us a paper or something." I finished getting changed,
grabbed my purse,
and went to the shop which was just around the corner.
Fifteen minutes later I came back. I went into the front room and I
saw Kian
sitting there. I put the stuff down on the table, and said
"Kian what are you doing here?" Suddenly Kian turned to look at me.
Then he said
"I came to get something off Lee, but it doesn't matter." He stood up
and left. I was
about to ask him where he was going, but he had closed the door. I
stood there
wondering why Kian had left. Then Lee came in and said
"Where's Kian gone ?" I looked at Lee and he was upset, and I had a
feeling he was
upset at Kian leaving.
"I don't know he just said to me that he was going to get something off
you." Lee just
shrugged his shoulders, and said,
"Are we nearly ready, because if you are we can go in a minute."
I hadn't planned to leave until later but I didn't mind leaving early.
"Erm, yeah
I'm ready, but I need to get some flowers."
"We can get them there can't we." I could tell that Lee was upset by
sound of his
voice.
"Yeah. Shall we phone a taxi?" I turned to look at Lee. He looked very
upset.
"No I have a car." I had forgotten that he had a car.
We walked outside, and I thought that the car would be parked in front
of the
house but it wasn't. It was parked around the corner. I got into the
car and sat down.
My phone went off, it was a text message. It read : tricia, wasn't what
kian and matt
said, ded sweet. i can't believe they still feel that way about u. I
looked at the
message again and wondered what they had said.
"Lee do you know what Kian and Matt said last night ?" I was going to
show him my
phone but he had started to drive.
"No, why ?" I remembered that he left at the same time as me, but he
went to bed
later than me, so I thought Duncan would of told him on the
phone.
"It's just I got a text off Suzi saying that they said something, and
that she couldn't
believe that he felt that way." Lee shook his head. Ten minutes later
we arrived at the
cemetery.
I got out of the car to buy some flowers, after a few minutes I got a
bunch of
pink and yellow roses. (They were Gareth's favourite) After I had
bought the flowers I
got back in the car and Lee drove close to the grave. I saw Lee get out
of the car, but
for some reason I couldn't. It was only after a few minutes that I got
out of the car. I
walked up to it and read the head stone on it was written:

In loving memory
of
Gareth Jones
Gone but not forgotten
Born 26/09/81 Died 26/04/02

I put the flowers down and I just looked at the grave. I couldn't help
but let a single
tear fall down my cheek. Lee came up to me and hugged me. I could tell
he was upset
too. I felt like completely braking down and crying but, I didn't
because I knew that
would upset Gareth and, I didn't like the thought of him being upset.
After a few
minutes Lee told me to wait in the car. I did as I was told and sat
down in the car. I
left Lee at the grave, and I noticed that he began talking. I couldn't
hear what he was
saying, but I knew that he was talking to Gareth.
After a few minutes Lee came back, got in the car and said,
"Are you ready to go now?" I don't know why but I felt like I had to
talk to Gareth.
"No. I want to see the grave and you know..... talk to him." I looked
at him to see
what he expression was he gave me a sympathetic nod. I got out of the
car with the
emotions of fear, sadness and as I came nearer to the grave, I felt a
pang of loneliness.
I don't know why I felt lonely but I did. When I got close enough, I
stopped,
and began to talk. "This feels really weird and I don't really know
what to say." I felt
like an absolute fool talking to a grave, but then I remembered that
Gareth was buried
and that he was there, so I wasn't talking to a headstone. "I'm sorry
that I haven't
come, but as Lee has most probably told you I was in hospital for a
bit," I crouched
down, so that I could rearrange the flowers, and continued talking,
"have a guess who
was asking after you last night...... Given up ? Well it was Matt." I
talked like that for
half an hour. I said things like, how my party went on and at one point
I wanted to tell
him about me and Lee but I couldn't.
When I had finished talking I said "Goodbye" and got in the car. As I
was
putting my seat belt on Lee said,
"Are you OK ?" I nodded and said:
"Yeah, but it's just.... it's just that coming here today made me
realised I still miss
him." I did feel sorry for Lee, because I kept on talking about Gareth,
and how much I
wished he was still here, and Lee would've thought that was a coded
message for 'I
only want to go out with you, because he's dead, I don't love you.' I f
only Lee knew
how much I did love him. Sure I'll admit that if Gareth was still alive
I wouldn't be
with him, but I still would of loved him no matter whether Gareth was
alive or not. I
looked at Lee to see his reaction to what I said. He looked kind of
upset, I thought that
it had something to do with me always talking about Gareth. I decided
not to say how
I felt about him to Lee.
When we came back I remembered about my text message, I had to find
out
what they said. Lee took us back to my house, as soon as I got in, I
sat down on the
couch, and picked up the phone. I dialled Suzi's number.
"Hello, is that you Suzi?" I said her name but it didn't matter who I
spoke to
as long as I find out what was said.
"No, it's me, Duncan. I'll...." I didn't let him finish.
"It doesn't matter, you'll do. Do you know what Kian and Matt said at
my party?" I
hoped that he did, but I had visions of him saying 'No'
"Yeah, why? Didn't Suzi tell you what they said?" Duncan knew that I
didn't know,
he was just trying to tease me.
"No she didn't"
"Well, me and Kian were talking about who we fell in love with. When I
asked Kian,
he wouldn't tell me but after a few drinks, he said that he had a
girlfriend that he
broke up with but he still liked her. I asked him who this girl was,
and he said it was
you." I had no idea that Kian still liked me, I was still in shock when
Duncan carried
on talking, "after Kian had made his secret known, Matt came over and
joined in our
conversation. I asked him the same question that I asked Kian, oh yeah
Kian had gone
by this point. Just like Kian he said that he had a girlfriend that he
still liked. I asked
him who it was and have a guess at who he said..... That's right he
said you." I was
still in complete and utter shock, "Thanks." I didn't wait for a reply
off Duncan, I just
put the phone down.
Lee walked into the room and asked "Who was that? Was it Duncan?"
I
nodded to confirm that it was Duncan on the phone.
"Well then what did Kian and Matt say last night?" I don't know why but
I dreaded
telling Lee what had been said.
"Well" I struggled for the words to say, in the end I got straight to
the point,
"basically both Kian and Matt said they both still liked me" I looked
at Lee. He
laughed and said:
"You're joking aren't you?" I don't know why but when he said that,
something
inside of me snapped. I stood up and said,
"That's it just laugh, it's all just a big joke to you isn't it?" I
didn't bother to see his
reaction I just stormed towards the door and when Lee asked me:
"Where are you going?" My reply was:
"To get away from you." I went outside and decided to go
shopping.
Whilst I was out I realised that I was being a little harsh. I think
the reason I
had snapped and stormed out when he didn't believe me, was because
every
relationship I had been in, the man didn't believe me, and the guy
nearly always made
me feel lousy. I didn't want Lee to do that, I didn't want to go
through another crappy
relationship. After an hour or two I decided to go back home, I half
expected Lee to
be there, but when I found out that he wasn't, my mind skipped straight
to the thought
'You've been dumped.'
I got in and decided to get all my Josh Hartnett, and Leonardo
DiCaprio
movies out. (my B.V.C. plan) They're the perfect remedy for a girl who
has just split
up with their boyfriend. I put the first film in, and sat down. After
five or ten minutes,
someone knocked on the door. I decided to leave it and to wallow in my
self pity.
Again someone knocked on the door, or should I say slamming their fists
on the door.
Still I decided to leave it until I heard a voice saying
"Trisha, I know you're in there. Answer the door. I'm not leaving until
you answer the
door."
I could recognise that voice any where. It was Lee. I got up and
answered the
door. I invited him in. I had expected Lee to start apologising but he
didn't. Not that I
wanted him to apologise, after all I did go mental for no reason. "I
see you're
watching, Josh and Leo vids," as he said this I sat down on the sofa,
"I remember Suzi
telling me that you always put them on after you have been d...... You
don't think that
I dumped you. Do you?" I nodded and felt a tear roll down my face. Lee
sat down
next to me wiped away my tear and said, "don't be stupid I would never
dump you. I
love you too much." I had to tell him why I went mental.
"Lee I'm sorry about before, it's just that...." I wanted to continue
but he interrupted
me by saying,
"You don't have to be sorry." I looked into Lee's eyes, they were blue
and the way
that the light shone upon them, made him look like he was about to cry.
I put my
hands behind his head and pulled him towards me. As our lips met, I had
got the
feeling back that I had whenever I was around him. The feeling I
thought I would
never feel again.
The next morning I woke up, and I had the feeling that I was going to
throw
up so I ran straight the bathroom and I was throwing up. I looked at my
calender and I
realised that I was late. It was only by a day, so I didn't begin to
worry.
When I went into the front room, and as I sat down I noticed a note on
the coffee
table, it read:

Trisha,
I'm sorry I left with out waking you. I forgot to tell you yesterday
that I
was in work for nine. I'm sorry Love from Lee
Ps Rosie said that you can have your old job back.
I put the note down and began to wonder where Lee worked, he used to
work at
Rosie's with me but he left shortly after Gareth died. I stopped
wondering and picked
up the phone. I dialled Rosie's number. "Hello, is that Rosie?"
"Yes, is that you Trisha?" I don't know why I asked if it was Rosie
there, because
there was only her and Jonathan there, and Jonathan wasn't the type to
pick up the
phone.
"Yeah, I was wondering whether I could have my old job back." It took a
while for
Rosie to respond but she did.
"Yes of course it is, you can come back tomorrow if you like"
"Tomorrow's fine. See you tomorrow then. Bye." I waited for Rosie to
say goodbye
and put the phone down. I sat on the sofa wondering what I was going to
do that day, I
had planned to spend the day with Lee but he had gone to work. I
decided to go to the
cafe for breakfast. I got changed, into a tracksuit, and trainers. When
I was ready I
picked up my purse and my mobile and went outside.
Nothing much happened in the cafe. Oh, yeah, I got talking to this
feller called
Justin. He was very cute, he had brown hair, blue eyes, and his lips
were the most
beautiful I had ever seen. We had started talking about our recent
holidays when my
phone went off. I took it out of my pocket, I had got a text message
from Lee. I could
see Justin leaning over to see what the message was, to stop him I
said, "I'm so sorry,
my boyfriend just sent me a text message." I looked at him and I saw
his face drop. I
thought back to the time, I went on holiday, with Suzi, Duncan, and
Gareth. I
remembered that when Duncan asked if we were going out with each other
and I said
no. The way Justin's face dropped was exactly the same way as Gareth's
did.
Justin walked me home, we swapped numbers, I don't know what happened
next but
we ended up kissing, I didn't pull away from him. I fancied him and I
didn't want the
kiss to end, but it had to. After we finished, Justin walked away. I
thought of Lee and
a sudden pang of guilt came over me.
I went into my front room, and read the message. It was from Lee saying
to come to
his house, for dinner. I thought back to my conversation with Justin,
he said that he
had a long lost brother in the area and that he was going to his place
for dinner. I
remembered the way Lee looked and the way Justin looked and to me they
seemed
somewhat familiar, I don't know what it was but they some how looked
the same. I
soon told myself to stop being stupid.
I had expected dinner at Lee's to be just us two, but I was informed
at his door
that Lee's brother was here. I remembered that Lee told me about a
brother that he
never saw. I didn't know who I expected to find, but when I saw who was
sitting in
Lee's front room I was in for a shock. It was Justin.
I froze to the spot. "Trisha, this is Justin. Justin this is Trisha,"
Lee walked up
to me and put his arm around my waist, "in case you're wondering she's
my
girlfriend." Once again I felt guilty.
"Trisha, go and sit down. I just have something else to do in the
kitchen."
Immediately I did what Lee told me to do. I sat down on the sofa
opposite Justin. He
stood up and sat down in the vacant space next to me. All of a sudden
Justin started
kissing me. I tried to pull away before Lee came back in, but I was too
late. The only
reason I knew Lee was there was because he dropped the plates of food
that he was
carrying. I pushed Justin away and said
"Lee." I was about to explain why I was kissing, or should I say why
Justin was
kissing me, when Lee interrupted me.
"Justin... Get out...... NOW!!!!!!!" I could tell that Lee was really
angry, by the way he
shouted.
As I saw Justin go out of the door, I sort of felt scared about what
Lee would do. I
knew that he wouldn't hit me, but I was still worried.
"Trisha, would you mind telling me what was going on then." I thought
Lee would
give me a chance to explain, but as soon as I said the words.
"Justin kissed me, it wasn't my fault" Lee told me to get out. I got
outside the door,
and burst into tears. When Lee slammed the door I knew that it was
over. Me and Lee
were no longer an item. My depression suddenly turned into anger. I was
angry at
Justin, but then I realised that I was just as much my fault as it was
his. I started to
walk home, and the LeAnn Rimmes song came into my head. I remembered
how Lee
said he liked it because that was how he felt about me. I sang it in my
head, 'How do I
get through a night with out you.' I began to wonder how I would to get
through a
night without Lee.
I tried to put a film on that wouldn't depress me. I went to put a
comedy video
on, but I didn't feel like laughing so I put a weepy on. I decided to
put Pearl Harbour
on, I didn't realise that the film, would send me in to floods of
tears. That was the
first time I had watched it since Gareth had died. When Josh's
character died I more
than I usually did when that scene was on. I also began to feel more
sorry for Kate
Beckensdale's character, and when she cried I cried along with her. All
of a sudden I
began to feel terribly sick. I ran to the toilets and began to throw
up.
When the film was over some one knocked on the door, "Go away" I
shouted
as I curled up on the sofa.
"Trisha, come on it's me Duncan. I need to talk to you about Lee." I
didn't want to
talk to him but, he said that he wanted to talk about Lee, so I got up
slowly and
answered the door. As soon as I opened the door Duncan came in and
said,
"Lee told me about what happened." We both sat down on the sofa. I
didn't know
what to say to him, I felt guilty and ashamed. In the end Duncan
said,
"Lee came round to ours and told me, I left him there with Suzi." I
felt a sudden
curiosity, I needed to know what Lee had said and how he had
felt.
"What did he say?" I had visions of Duncan saying that Lee didn't want
to see me
ever again, but he didn't.
"Well he said that he caught his long lost brother and the woman he
loved with all his
heart, kissing each other. Trisha how could you?" All my emotions that
I had tried to
hide came out and I burst into tears. Duncan put my head on his
shoulder on he said,
"I'm sorry, but Lee was well and truly gutted, you should of seen when
he come to
mine. His eyes were bright red and I could see tears come down his
face. When I
asked him what was the matter, he told me." I sat up and I felt even
more guilty and
upset. "And do you know what he said next. Well he said when you went
he knew
that it was over between you two, and that he still loved you," Duncan
paused, "he
also told me that he couldn't live around here knowing that you were
here, he said he
wouldn't be able to see you with out feeling upset. He said that he
doesn't want to
love some one who doesn't love him back. He's leaving to go and live in
Scotland."
What Duncan said had made me even more upset.
"Where is he now? I have to go and stop him." I looked at Duncan. He
pointed at his
watch and said
"He's at mine, and you'd better make it quick, he'll be leaving in ten
minutes" I
started for the door, "don't worry I'll take you there in my car it'll
only take a couple
of minutes." I went outside and jumped into Duncan's car. Duncan sped
off, and on
the way there we must of broke the speed limit at least three
times.
When I got into Suzi and Duncan's I saw Lee pick up his suitcase. Lee
looked
at me and said, "What's she doing here?" I could tell that he really
didn't want to see
me. I heard Suzi and Duncan going into their bedroom.
"Lee why are you going?" I know it sounded stupid but I had to say
it.
"Well I caught you kissing my brother. To me that proves you don't love
me, and if I
stay I will love you, and I can't love someone who doesn't love me
back." Lee walked
towards the door, I grabbed his arm and said:
"Can't you see I do love you. I love you with all my heart, and I'm
sorry about what
happened before, it was just a big stupid mistake" I tried everything I
could think of
still, he walked out of the door. I turned around I headed towards the
sofa so I could
have a good cry.
As I heard Lee close the front door I could feel my heart braking. I
heard Suzi
coming out of the bedroom. She sat next to me, and said "Are you OK."
Great I
thought. It's starting all over again, I'll start getting the are you
OKs, and is there
anything I can do for you's again.
"Well I kiss this lad, and when I go to my boyfriends house for dinner
I find out it
was his long lost brother. Then my boyfriend walks in on us kissing.
Then my
boyfriend leaves me for a life in Scotland. So, apart from that my life
is superb," I
wanted to be alone to think things through, and to wallow in my self
pity, "I'm going
home."
When I got home I saw that my answer machine was flashing. I don't
know
why but I thought the message would be off Lee. I wished that it was. I
played the
message. It was Rosie telling me that I was starting work at nine. I
felt so annoyed,
firstly my boyfriend dumps me then I have to get up early. I was going
to watch the
telly but on every programme there was love. I wanted to forget the
fact I was in love.
I didn't want to forget who I was in love with, I wanted to forget that
I was in love
with him. I went to bed and tried to get to sleep. I couldn't, I kept
on picturing Lee
walking out of the door.
The next day in work I couldn't be bothered, I hadn't got a wink of
sleep all
night. Rosie kept on asking me if I was all right, but I wouldn't
answer her. I wasn't
in such a bad mood when I got up, apart from the fact that I was once
again woken by
the feeling that I was going to be sick, and just like the day before I
spent ten to
twenty minutes throwing up. In a way I was looking forward to going
into work,
because I thought that it would take my mind of Lee, it would of if the
shop had any
people in it.
About five minutes before my dinner time, Shane came in. He bought a
bunch
of lilies, I served him, and wondered why he wanted to buy some
flowers. I didn't
bother asking, but he said, "Trisha, are you all right it looks like
you've been crying."
I didn't want to tell him about Lee but I had to tell someone.
"Rosie, I'm going on my dinner break." I grabbed Shane's arm and
dragged him
outside.
"What's up ? Where are we going?" I don't know why but I felt that sort
of stupid,
telling Shane that Lee dumped me.My feelings for Shane had started to
worm their
way back in but when I remembered what I wanted to tell him they
vanished.
"We're going to my house," I looked at him and saw that he had a
quizzed look on his
face, "I'll explain everything when we get there."
I saw Shane laughing, "The last time I went into yours it wasn't for a
cup of
tea." I remembered the last time Shane came into my house, It was about
four years
ago, about a week before we broke up.
"Oh shut up Shane." I could tell that he was offended.
I opened my front door and told him to come in. When we got in we both
sat
down and Shane said "So what do you want me for?"
"I know this sounds stupid, but I want to talk to you about Lee." I
couldn't believe
that I was talking to him about Lee.
"What about him? Has he done something to upset you?" I looked at his
face and he
looked genuinely upset.
"Sort of," I paused for a moment, "he's left me for a life in Scotland,
And before you
start it was my fault."
"I'm sure it wasn't." Shane put his hand on my leg and gave it a
sympathetic pat.
"It was my fault though, well mine and Justin's, by the way Justin is
Lee's long lost
brother." I explained who Justin was and Shane said:
"Why what did you two do?" I didn't want to answer his question but I
had to.
"It all started yesterday morning, I went to the cafe round the corner,
and I met this
really cute guy called Justin. He told me that he had a long lost
brother, but I didn't
think it was Lee. On the way home me and Justin kissed. I then got a
text message off
Lee telling me to go to his house for dinner. I thought it would be the
two of us, but
when I got to his front door I was informed that someone else was
there. When I
walked in I saw Justin sitting on the sofa. I sat down next to him, and
when Lee went
into the kitchen he pounced on me and Lee came back in and caught us
kissing." I felt
all the emotions I had kept inside build up, I wanted to cry, but I
couldn't because I
knew Shane would tell Duncan and Duncan would tell Suzi and Suzi would
keep a
constant eye on me. Shane interrupted my thoughts by saying,
"I still don't know why he would want to leave you." I could feel a
tear come down
my cheek, he wiped it off and continued talking, "I don't know why I
wanted to leave
you." I couldn't believe what Shane was saying.
"Well Shane, if you hadn't split up with me we'd still most probably be
together," I
paused for a moment to think, "oh and if you hadn't used me as a punch
bag, I may of
thought about us getting back together again." I turned my head away
from him.
Shane stood up and bent down in front of me, so that I could see him.
"Are
you saying that you still have feelings for me, because I still love
you and the day I
dumped you was the worst day of my life." My heart skipped a beat when
he said that,
but I relised that my love for Lee was a lot strong. I would have
laughed but I was
feeling upset. Instead of laughing I said,
"Yeah, I do still fancy you, and in a way I still love you, but I
don't want to be a
human punch bag." Shane got back up and sat beside me, and said:
"I'm sorry about that. I truly am. I....I" he had difficulty in
getting his words out, "I
love you." I knew that Shane was trying to go out with me again, but I
didn't want
him, I wanted Lee. I stood up and said,
"I would go out with you, but." I couldn't finish, because I thought of
Lee holding me,
I felt a single tear come down my face.
"What..." Shane didn't get to finish what he saying, because I started
to bawl my eyes
out. Shane came up to me and gave me a hug. In between sobs I said
"Shane I miss
him."
* * *
I was woken up by the postman (Two weeks later) . I tried to get back
to sleep,
but I couldn't so I got out of bed and picked up the letters. The first
one was a bill, the
second was my monthly bank statement, the third was from my American
pen pal
Rafe, the fourth had strange hand writing on it, I sat down as I began
to look at the
letter. I looked at the handwriting on the front of the envelope. I
didn't recognise it so,
I opened the letter, it read : Dear Trisha,
I know you don't
know me but I need to tell you something. Something about Lee. I want
to tell
you where he is staying. I know where he his because he is staying with
me. The
reason why I decided to write this letter because I heard a friend of
yours, Duncan
his name was, telling Lee how upset you were. I decided to ask him for
your
address when Lee was out of the room, but I didn't tell him why I
wanted it. I
have put both my address and telephone number on a different piece of
paper.
From Jack Byrne.
I put the letter down and got changed. I had to go to Suzi's to talk to
Duncan. I
stormed out of the house and went to Suzi's.
I knocked on the door, and Suzi answered. "Is Duncan there I need a
word." I
tried to control my anger.
"Yeah he's in the kitchen." I pushed Suzi out of the way, and went into
the kitchen. I
saw Duncan standing waiting for the kettle to boil.
"Hi Trisha, are you..." I didn't let him finish his sentence. I
slapped him on the face.
"What was that for?" I couldn't believe that Duncan said that. He knew
where Lee
was and he didn't tell me.
"Don't pretend that you don't know," I saw the puzzled look on Duncan's
face, "I
know that you know where Lee is. You know how much I love him. I hate
you so
much I never want to see you again." By this time Suzi walked in and
said,
"Are you all right Duncan? Your face has a red mark on it." Suzi went
up to Duncan
and started to stroke his face.
"Yeah Trisha slapped me." I knew Duncan would tell Suzi, but I thought
he would of
done it when I wasn't there, you know so she would hate me more.
"What did you slap him for? Don't you..." I interrupted her.
"He obviously hasn't told you either."
"What are you talking about?" I was surprised that Duncan hadn't told
her.
"Well" I said "your perfect boyfriend here, knows where Lee is, and
don't deny it
Duncan because I got a letter telling me that you were there. Oh yeah
by the way he
didn't tell me."
"That's not so bad." I couldn't believe what she was saying. I went
ballistic and
started shouting at her,
"What do you mean it's not that bad. I've been worrying for two weeks
about him, I
didn't know whether he was dead or not. Duncan knew that he was alive,
he knew
that I love him and he still didn't tell me. I've been going to pieces
for two weeks
because of him and you say that isn't so bad." After shouting my head
off I suddenly
realised, why she was sticking up for Duncan.
"You knew as well, didn't you," Suzi nodded "you little fucking bitch,
I hope I never
see either of you again for the rest of my life."
I decided to go home and phone Jack up to tell him that I was going to
go up
to his house. I picked up the letter and dialled his number. "Hello
this is Jack Byrne
speaking."
"Hi Jack this is Trisha speaking, you know Lee's girlfriend. Well I'm
planning on
coming up to see him tomorrow, and I was wondering if you could come
and meet me
and show me the way."
"Yes. That's fine. What time will you come up?" Jack had a very weak
accent.
"I'll get the train from London at about, nine in the morning."
"OK. I'll meet you there then. Bye." I said goodbye and put the phone
down. I
realised that I was due into work the next day so I called into Rosie's
and asked her
for the time off. "What for?"
"It's Lee he's gone up to Scotland and I want to get him back down
here, I have to tell
him something too." My period was late by nearly 2 months by that time,
but I put it
down to stress.
"You can go, but when you get back there won't be a job for you." I
sort of saw that
coming. After all I wasn't the most perfect employee in the
world.
"Well then" I said "I haven't got a job." I walked out of the shop and
began to pack
up some things in case I was in Scotland for longer than
expected.
I thought about going shopping to get an outfit to wow Lee and to let
him
know what he was missing, I decided to get a dress but I would only
wear it if he said
that he wasn't going to come back. I went into town to look for the
perfect outfit. I
found it about two hours into my shopping trip. It was a plum coloured
top, and a
plum coloured skirt, with a plum sequinned flower at the bottom. I
already had a pair
of shoes that would go perfectly with it. By time I had finished it was
5:00pm. I
decided to go straight home and get a bath so that I would look my best
for the next
day.
I woke early the next morning, as I began to get excited about seeing
Lee
again. I tried not to get my hopes up, I kept on thinking he would turn
me down. I was
ready to go at eight, but I decided that I would leave then because it
would be better
to be too early to catch the train than too late. As I was about to
close my front door, I
couldn't help but think, 'next time I'll be in here Lee will be with
me.'
After a very long train journey I arrived at my station. I walked
outside and
saw a man waiting at the entrance. "Excuse me, are you Jack Byrne?" The
mystery
man turned around and said,
"Yes, you must be Trisha then."
"Yes. It's nice to meet you." I looked at Jack, he had blonde hair and
blue eyes.
"Likewise. Now I see why that Duncan said that Lee told him that he
didn't want to
split up with you." Jack gave me another reason to be annoyed with
Duncan.
"Has Lee said anything to you about me?" Jack had picked up my bag and
began to
walk towards his car. As I followed him he said
"Yes. He said that he was still in love with you and that moving up
here was the
hardest thing to do in his life," Jack stopped speaking for a moment as
he put my bag
in his car, "he must be really gutted because, he won't go out any
where, he hasn't
slept a wink since he got here." I began to feel really guilty. When
Jack told me that
Lee wasn't sleeping I began to cry, because I couldn't stand it when he
was upset.
Jack got into the car and opened the other door for me to get in. Once
I had gotten in
Jack looked at me and said,
"Come stop crying, we don't want Lee to see you looking like this do
we? Here."
Jack handed me a tissue, and began to drive. I looked in the side view
mirror, and
cleared the mascara from my face.
Five minutes later we were at Jack's house. As he took my stuff out
Jack said,
"We'll have to be quick Lee will back any second. I managed to get him
to go down
town for something." Jack walked into his house I followed him. In the
house there
were two living rooms, but I was directed to go into the back room. As
soon as I sat
down the door bell went. As soon as heard the bell my heart began to
beat faster. Jack
got up and answered the door. I thought it was Lee but it was just the
postman
delivering a package. Jack came back into the room and said "I'm sorry,
it was the
postman."
I sat on the couch thinking about Lee and how I would be seeing him
for the
first time in two weeks. A few minutes after the postman had arrived
the doorbell
went again. My heart once again began to beat faster, especially when I
heard Lee
saying, "I'm sorry I forgot my key." I heard Lee's footsteps, coming
closer and closer.
The closer Lee came the faster my heart beatted. Lee walked into the
room, and
instantly said to Jack "What's she doing here?" Jack's reply was:
"I invited her to come, because I knew how upset you were that you had
to dump her,
and I knew how upset she was because you dumped her."
"Why would I be upset about that. I'm the happiest man alive now." I
believed Lee I
truly believed what he was saying. I began to cry, quite, stifled sobs,
they must of
been loud enough for Jack to hear.
"Is that why you've hardly gone out, and why you've not slept for the
past two
weeks," I could see Jack grabbing Lee's shoulder, he carried on
talking, "if what you
are saying is the truth and you hate her, how come you didn't storm out
of the room as
soon as you saw her." Jack put on his coat and walked out of the room.
All of a
sudden LeAnne Rimes came on the radio. I hadn't realised that the radio
was on until
that song came on. Lee sat down next to me, I decided to start the
conversation.
"Lee, I'm so sorry, he ment nothing to me. It was the worst mistake in
my
life," Lee had his head in hands, I moved closer and put my hand on his
back, "Lee I
love you." Lee sat up and said:
"I love you too but I don't know whether I can trust you." I don't know
why but I had
a feeling that Lee wasn't telling the truth when he said that he loved
me. I stood up,
and picked up my bag. "Where are you going?" Lee sounded
concerned.
"It's obvious you don't love me, so there's no point in me staying any
longer." I
genuinely thought that Lee didn't love me.
"Sit down" once I had sat down Lee continued talking, "I do love you
and the past
two weeks have been a living nightmare. The only reason I left was
because I thought
you didn't love me."
"Don't be stupid I love you with all my heart. I even love you more
than shopping." I
had tried to get Lee to laugh and had failed.
"You think that this is just a big joke I caught you kissing my brother
I'm not going
to forgive you that fast, sure it's been hell for me, I couldn't go out
with you knowing
that you could do something like that to me. In fact you can get
out."
"What?" I couldn't believe what Lee was saying. He suddenly went from I
love you to
get out of my life.
"You heard get out." Lee dragged me up and virtually threw me out of
the door. I
walked around town looking for a hotel. Every hotel that I went into
said that they
didn't have any vacancies. I was preparing for a night in a shop
doorway when this
woman up to me and said:
"Are you all right you look a bit upset. Come on where are you staying
and I can give
you a lift home." It was then that I completely broke down.
"I haven't got anywhere to stay" The women walked upto me and began
hugging me.
"Come on love you can stay with me, and I won't take no for an
answer."
"Only if you're sure." The woman nodded and she directed me to her
car.
* * *
I was woken the next day by the aroma of breakfast cooking, this made
me
feel really sick I ran to the bathroom, (this was quite close the
kitchen) and I began
throwing up. About five minutes later I came out and the woman (Chloe)
was
cooking. "Are you OK I heard you being sick when I was waiting to go
into the
toilet." I sat down at the dining table that was placed in the
kitchen.
"No, I think I need a pregnancy testing kit." I had explained
everything to Chloe the
night before. As she turned the heat off she said:
"I'll nip to the chemists now and get you one." Before I had the chance
to object
Chloe had grabbed her coat and went through the door. As I sat there in
the kitchen, I
felt alone. 'If I am pregnant how am I going to cope with it on my own,
what if Lee
thinks I'm making it up. What if he thinks it's Justin's' That was just
a short selection
of the thoughts that were running through my head.
Half an hour later Chloe came back, and she gave me the test and I
went
straight into the bathroom and did the test. I looked at the box and it
said that I had to
wait a minute. That was the longest minute of my life. I thought back
to the last time I
had taken another test. It was 11 years earlier, and the test came out
positive.
I looked at the test, I began to fill with fear. I walked out of the
bathroom, and when I
went back into the kitchen and Chloe asked:
"So, are you?"
"Yes. I'm pregnant to a man that doesn't want to know me." I began to
cry, and when
Chloe hugged me I burst into tears. I had made up my mind that I was
going to go
back to Jack's and see if I could persuade Lee to come back to London.
I wasn't going
to tell him about the baby because I didn't want him going back out
with me just
because of the baby, I wanted him to love me. Just like the last time I
was on my own
with a baby."'
"Did you get an abortion when you were younger?"
"No. I gave him up for adoption."
* * *
'"I sat down on Jack's sofa and I was having second thoughts about
telling, or
not telling Lee as it were. When Lee came into the front room he said
"What the hell
are you doing here?" I stood up so that me and Lee were face to
face.
"I have come to tell you how much I've missed you." I don't know why
but I
suddenly began crying. I guess it was my hormones
"Pack it in. Don't turn on the water works just because, you know I
hate it when I see
you crying." He sounded really nasty and after really struggling I
still couldn't stop.
Both suddenly and to my surprise Lee carried on talking. "What's up?"
We both sat
down and I said:
"Being apart from you is depressing me. I understand if you don't want
to go out with
me again, but please come back to London, I don't think I can stand a
life with out
you. Even if you're only my friend you'll still be there. Like you
said, after Gareth, I
realised that I have to make the most of mt friends and family whilst
they're still
here." From the way Lee looked I could tell that he thought something
else was going
on. I could tell tat he was thinking about something, was he weighing
up the pro's and
con's or was he just thinking of something witty to say back. Nothing
else was said
for at least ten minutes.
"Come here you." I moved closer to Lee, he pulled me towards him and
kissed me.
When he kissed me I felt an overwhelming joy. Jack walked in and said,
"I see you
two have made up."
We stopped kissing, and Lee said, "Jack is it all right if Trisha
stays over
tonight, it'll only be one night. I'm going home tomorrow." I couldn't
believe that Lee
was coming back. "Trisha. Haven't you got work tomorrow?" I had
forgotten to tell
Lee that I was sacked.
"No" I looked at Lee and he had a puzzled look on his face. He knew
that Rosie was
the worst for giving time off. It was only if we were going to a
funeral (preferably our
own!) she would give us time off.
"Has Rosie given you a few days off?" I was still looking at Lee.
"No. I asked her if I could have a few days off to come up here, and
she said that I
could, but if I did I wouldn't have a job when I got back, so I turned
round to her and
said 'Well I don't have a job.' and walked out of the shop."
"You gave up your job for me." Without thinking I said:
"That's not the only thing I've given up for you."
"What do you mean?" I looked in to Lee's blue eyes.
"I'm not friends with Suzi or Duncan, and before you ask it was because
they both
knew where you where and didn't bother telling me."
Lee stroked my hair and said "You've been friends with them for ages.
There was no
need to do that. Anyway enough about that. How do you fancy coming out
tonight.
It's just that Jack said there is this really good restaurant in town."
I had fancied a
night out. I realised that I hadn't had a night out for over a
fortnight.
"Yeah sure." Lee began to get his wallet out,
"I suppose you'll want a new dress." I thought Lee would say
that.
"No, I'm fine I bought a suit yesterday, and you'd better like it
because I spent two
hours looking for it" Lee told Jack to book a table for two at The
Valentino.
The table was booked for five, so at three I asked Jack if I could get
a bath.
"Sure. The bathroom is up the stairs and the first on the left." I
followed his
directions. I began to run the bath, and I couldn't help smiling. I
couldn't believe that
I had talked Lee around to going out with me again, I could hardly
believe that the
day before I was worrying about being a single mum.
At four I decided to get out of the bath and to start getting ready. I
saw Lee on the
landing with my bag.
"You can get changed in here. By the way I love the towel look." As
soon as I was
close enough I hit Lee gently. When I was inside I told Lee to get
out.
"Why? It's not as if I haven't seen it all before." I wanted my outfit
to be a surprise
for him, plus I didn't want him seeing my small bump. So I told him I
didn't want
him to see my outfit. When Lee walked out of the room I began to get
dressed. After I
had put my clothes and make-up I went out of the door and went down
stairs into the
back room.
I heard a wolf whistle. "Trisha you look absolutely gorgeous." Lee
stood up,
he was wearing a pair of twisted Levis and a Ben Sherman shirt, he came
up to me
gave me a kiss and a cuddle. As Lee let go of me Jack said, "Why did
you want to
split up with her?" Lee's reply was,
"I don't know I must of been mad." We left shortly after, in Jack's
car.
I was staring at Lee all the way to the restaurant. At one point he
point he said,
"What are you staring at?" I didn't say that I as staring at him
instead I told him that I
was staring out of his window. I sat there just staring at him, I
couldn't believe that I
was sitting in the same car as Lee, I tried to imagine the look on his
face when I told
him that he was going to be a dad. I knew that he was going to
pl;eased, I made up my
mind there and then. I was going to tell him in the restaurant.
The restaurant was nice, everything was either red, lilac, or pink. I
looked at
Lee and he seemed to be very deep in his thoughts. "Lee, Iv'e got
something to tell
you." Lee turned around to face me and said,
"Yeah." I wanted to tell him, in my mind I was saying Lee I'm pregnant,
but coming
out of my mouth was
"I love you." He looked me in the eyes and said
"I love you too." Once again Lee looked as if he was a million miles
away.
"Lee what are you thinking about?"
"Oh it was nothing you need to worry about." I don't know why but I
thought that he
was thinking about me and Justin. I decided to tell Lee what Shane
said.
"I was just thinking about my conversation with Shane the other day." I
was suddenly
interrupted by Lee saying:
"Why where you speaking to Shane?"
"You're not going to believe this but he said that he wasn't over me."
I delibratly
avoided his question because that would of meant I would have to tell
him what I said
to Shane.
"He said that to you? I always knew he wasn't over you. Mind you I can
see why." I
loved it when Lee gave me compliments, because I knew that he ment
them, but with
nearly all my other boyfriends they didn't mean a word they said.
Thinking about my chat with Shane made me think about Suzi and
Duncan,
which in turn made me feel depressed. I felt like crying, but I
couldn't because I knew
Lee would make a fuss over me.
"Trisha are you OK it looks like you're about to burst into tears." I
had obviously
failed in my effort to look happy.
"I'm fine" I said, "it's just this situation with Suzi and Duncan, it's
getting me down."
Lee called for the bill and told me that he was paying for everything.
After Lee had
paid, we left the restaurant.
After both of us had got into his car Lee began to drive. "Why don't
you just
make up with them?" I knew that Lee was starting to get upset, from the
tone of his
voice.
"Because they kept me away from the one person I love." I wasn't going
to back
down I wasn't going to make up with them. I only just managed to stop
myself from
saying, 'and the father of my child.'
"I'm feeling a bit guilty now. First you give up your job for me then
you give up your
best friend." I didn't know why Lee was feeling guilty, because he
wasn't the one
who actually told her not to tell me.
"If the situation was the other way around I would tell Suzi so I don't
see why she
shouldn't of told me. Any way there's no need for you to feel guilty,
was getting sick
of that job, it was rubbish." I thought about the time about three
years ago when Rosie
threatened to sack me, and Jonathan said that if I went so would he. I
was wondering
if Jonathan had left too.
When we arrived back at seven Jack was still watching the telly. "You
two are
back early. I thought you would of gone to a club or something." I
didn't know what
time we were leaving the next morning, but I said "Yeah, we decided we
wanted to
get up early tomorrow." Four hours later me and Lee decided to go
bed.
I went into the room that I had got changed in. I looked through my
bag, and I
found that I didn't pack any pyjamas. Lee walked into my room and said,
"What are
you looking for?" I didn't want to tell that I was so stupid that I
forgot to pack a
nightie but I had to.
"I didn't pack any pyjamas." Lee took his shirt off and handed it to
me.
"Here you can borrow this for tonight." I looked at his perfect body.
It was slightly
tanned, and it was muscly but not too muscly. I put his shirt on and
said to him "Does
it suit me?"
"What do you think?" After Lee had said that he came up to me and gave
me a kiss. I
don't know why but I began to worry. I was worried in case he saw
anything. Much to
my relife he didn't.
After Lee had left the room where I was sleeping, I got into the bed
and fell straight
to sleep.
The next morning I woke up early, I went to the bathroom. For the
fourth day
in a row I was sick. I didn't complain because I was bound to get
morning sickness.
On my way back to the room I saw that Lee's bedroom door was opened. I
went into
the room and I looked at him asleep. He looked like a little baby when
he was asleep,
I began to wonder what our baby would look like. Would it look like
him? or would it
look like me? I crept on to his bed and tried to wake him, although I
didn't want to,
because he looked so peaceful. After my third attempt I decided to go
and get
changed, but as soon as I stood up to go, Lee woke up.
"Where are you going?" Lee had a look of panic on his face.
"It's OK" I said, "I'm just getting changed, and then I'm getting ready
to go." As soon
as I had finished talking Lee got up and said:
"I suppose I'd better get up and get ready too. What time is it?" I
didn't know what
the time was so I looked around his room for a clock.
"Erm, it's eight thirty" I saw the look of annoyance on his face, "you
want to get back
early don't you?" I thought that he was having second thoughts but when
he nodded
his head I was reassured. I got up from his bed and I was just about to
leave he
mumbled something that sounded like 'Hurry up, I'll miss you.'
Half an hour later I was ready and packed. I put my bag at the bottom
of the
stairs, and went into the back room. "Good morning, Lee's just popped
out for a paper
and stuff for you on the train. Are you OK I heard you being sick this
morning."
"I'm fine, I've just got a bug." I didn't fancy Jack but I loved his
accent. He stood up
and offered me some breakfast, but I refused. After making his own
breakfast Jack sat
down and changed the channel over on the telly. Jack asked me where and
when me
and Lee met, my answer was "Well I met Lee in high school, but we
nerver really
knew each other. Then we met again, it was a few years ago when I first
started
work." I could tell that wasn't enough for him I knew what he was going
to ask me
next.
"So, who made the first move, you or him?" I decided to tell Jack
everything.
"Well, Lee began to sort of flirt with me after I woke up from my coma,
and before
you ask I was in a coma because I fainted at my boyfriend's funeral," I
saw the look
of shock on his face and continued talking, "about four or five months
after he died
Lee phoned me up one day and asked if I would like to go for a drink
with him, but I
thought it was too soon to go out with someone else."
"So, who or what made you change your mind?" Jack really wanted to
know
everything, so I told him everything.
"This sounds stupid but I went to one those mediums, you know those
that get
messages from the dead, anyway he said that Gareth, who was my dead
boyfriend was
coming through. He said that Gareth told him to tell me to follow my
heart."
"What did he mean by that?" Jack was getting very curious.
"Well, the night I got the phone call off Lee, I had two dreams, one
what life would
be like if I got with Lee and the other was what life would be like if
I didn't. After
having these dreams I woke up saw the picture of Gareth and said, 'Oh
Gareth what
am I going to do?'"
I began to wonder where Lee had gotten to, when Jack asked me "So, what
happened
next?"
I tried to relive the moment Lee opened the door and the moment I
kissed him. "Well,
I took his advice and went round to Lee's. I knocked on his door and as
soon as he
had opened the I gave him a kiss, he seemed to be a bit shocked that I
had come
round. He asked me what made me change my mind, and when I told him he
put his
thumb up to the ceiling and said 'Thanks mate'" I heard the door
opening, and
footsteps leading up to the door.
"Hiya, I'm sorry it took so long but I had to get something from
town." I
Noticed that Lee had bought three papers and two magazines. Lee sat
down, looked at
the clock and said to me, "Are you ready? we'd better get going now." I
gave him a
simple nod, and stood up. Lee stood up and walked out of the door with
his suitcase
and my bag in hand. Jack followed us, and said,
"Come I'll drive you to the station." We both agreed that it would be a
good idea to
let Jack take us. Lee put both of our bags into the boot, and opened
the car door for
me. I got inside and he climbed into the front with Jack. After ten
minutes we arrived
at the station.
I was sitting on the train with my boyfriend that I thought I would
never see
again. I'll skip over most of our departure, I found out one big thing
about Jack that I
didn't know. This is how I found out about his big 'secret.' Lee had
bought our
tickets, and we were waiting about for ages. I decided to go to the
toilet. On the way
back I could hear Jack and Lee talking. I was out of sight but I could
hear what was
being said.
"How is your latest squeeze at the mo?" When Lee asked the question I
thought
Jack's reply would be 'Oh she's fine' but it wasn't, it was
"Ben? He's OK, but I think were going through a rocky patch. I'm seeing
him tonight
acctually." I don't know why but I was shocked to hear that Jack was
gay. I decided to
go in to view and sit back down with Lee and Jack. As soon as I had sat
down they
moved on to the subject of friends. Them talking about friends made me
slightly
depressed, I think that Lee noticed I was upset because he stopped
talking, I could
him whispering to Jack 'I think we shouldn't talk about that, because
of what I told
you the other day.' I felt so lonely, because I didn't have any
friends, of course I had
Lee, but some how but that wasn't enough.
A few hours later we arrived in London. I picked up my bag and got off
the
train. Lee followed me, and took my bag off me. I felt lonely and
upset. I missed Suzi
and Duncan they were good friends, but when they didn't tell me where
Lee was I felt
so angry. Lee ordered us a taxi, and said to go to his house.
I felt so tired that I decided to fall asleep on Lee's shoulder. I
couldn't get to
sleep but I pretended to be asleep, because I recognised the taxi
driver. It was Alex.
"Hi Lee it's me Alex." Lee returned the greeting and Alex started
talking, "Is Trisha
all right, she looks a bit washed out."
"Actually she's a bit upset, because she's not talking to Suzi or
Duncan." All was
silent for a few minutes, Alex was shocked just as I knew he would
be.
"Why?" I thought that Lee would go over the whole story again but he
didn't he just
said "It's a long story." I decided to wake up so that the conversation
would end.
"OK that's ?3.50 please." Lee gave Alex a five pound note and told him
to
keep the change. We got out of the cab and waved Alex off. I felt so
upset and tired,
that all that I wanted was to go to bed. When Lee opened the door, I
said, "Listen I
don't want to be a spoilsport or anything but you don't mind if I went
straight to bed
do you?" Lee shook his head, so I got my bag, went in ahead of him, and
went for a
lie down.
I walked into the room and saw the picture of me, Lee, Suzi and Duncan
on
one of our holidays. I picked up the picture, held it to my chest and
began to cry. I
was crying so much that I eventually cried myself to sleep.
When I woke up it was dark, I got off the bed and went into the front
room.
"Hiya love are you all right now?" I nodded and rubbed my eyes. I sat
down next to
Lee, and he put his arms around me. I put my head on his chest, and he
began to play
with my hair. All of a sudden the phone rang. Lee stretched over and
picked up the
phone. "Hello" After a few seconds Lee handed me the phone, and
said
"It's for you." I sat up and began to wonder who would know that I
would be staying
at Lee's.
"Hello"
"Hi Trisha, it's me Duncan." I stood up from my position I was ready to
have a go at
him.
"Duncan I don't know why you bothered to phone me, I told you that I
never wanted
to speak to you or Suzi ever again." I was getting really angry and I
couldn't believe
how he had the cheek to phone up.
"Trisha, I wanted to say that I am sorry, and that me and Suzi miss
you."
"Well you should of thought about that before you decided to keep
secrets from me.
You know how much I hate people who do that." I was really angry, I was
standing up
and really shouting.
"I wanted to tell you but Lee said not to."
"So that's it is it? You knew how upset I was you knew how I cried
every time I saw a
picture of him, I thought he was dead, you know how bad it feels to
lose someone, I
was going through the same feeling that I was when I lost Gareth and
you wouldn't
tell me that he was alive. You know that if the situation was the other
way round I
would tell you where Suzi was. I don't even want to speak to any more.
Goodbye." I
slammed the phone down.
I returned to the position that I was in before the phone call.
"Why don't you give them a chance Trisha they where only doing as I
asked them."
"Lee it doesn't matter, they still should of told me." I knew that
would stick by
Duncan because they had been best friends since they were
toddlers.
"All this fighting, is getting me down, I feel like I'm the one to
blame for it all." I
turned around to face Lee and I saw that he was looking to the floor. I
lifted his head
up and I said:
"Don't be stupid it's their fault not yours." I knew that he wanted me
to be talking to
Suzi again, I wanted to be speaking to her again, but something
somewhere told me
not to.
It was a few weeks later and I still wasn't talking to Suzi or Duncan.
On a few
occasions Lee had tried to get me to speak to them, but none of them
worked. It was
coming up to Christmas, and I kept on thinking about how it was my
first Christmas
with out them.
December the 14th was a very special date for me. This is what
happened: I
woke up early that morning so that I could have plenty of time to get
my presents. I
had to buy one for, Lee, Matt, Alex, Kian, my mum, my step-dad, and
my
grandparents. I wondered what to buy for everyone, I couldn't think, so
I just went
into town and picked anything up.
I had quite literally, spent the whole day in town. I left Lee's at
ten and didn't
get back until five. When I walked into Lee's front room he looked at
me and said, "I
take that you've nearly finished your crimbo shopping then." I nodded,
he then came
up to me and took some of my bags. "I hope you haven't eaten anything,
because I
cooked us a meal." It was a good job that I didn't call into maccies on
the way home.
"No, I haven't as a matter of fact I'm starving. My back isn't half
killing me." Lee put
the bags he had into his bedroom, I put mine in the same place.
"Poor baby, sit down and relax" he said, "dinner's nearly ready." I sat
down on the
sofa, and began to watch the telly.
A few minutes later Lee told me that dinner was ready, and that I was
to sit down. I
sat down where Lee told me to, and once I had sat down he lit the two
candles that
were on the table. I didn't know why he had done us a candle lit meal,
it wasn't any
special day. The only thing I think of why he had done that was so that
he could try
and sweet talk me into talking to Suzi and Duncan again, but little did
he realise it
wasn't going to work.
Lee brought the food in and once he sat down I began to eat. Every
few
minutes I looked at Lee, and for some reason he wasn't eating he was
just shoving the
food around his plate. "Lee are you all right? It's just that you're
not eating and it's
your favourite posh meal. It must of taken you ages." Lee answered my
question with
a simple nod, although he nodded I knew he was lying. There was three
courses and
Lee didn't eat one bite. I was wondering why he had a sudden loss of
appetite, and
five minutes after I had eaten the dessert I found out.
I had enough of sitting down and staring at the wall, so I decided to
get up and
go on the couch. I stood up, so did Lee.
"Trisha sit down will you, there's something I want to ask you." I sat
down began to
wonder what it was he wanted to ask me that needed me to be sitting
down. I noticed
that Lee had a bulge in his side pocket. Whilst I was wondering what in
his pocket,
Lee had gotten a box out of the pocket. He opened the box and I
realised inside the
box was a ring. Lee then dropped down on one knee and said those famous
words,
"Trisha........ Will you marry me?"
I couldn't believe what I was hearing, for a few minutes I was
speechless.
"I know you don't want to marry me do you I knew it was a bad idea." I
interrupted
Lee by saying:
"Yes." I don't think Lee realised what I had said because he continued
talking.
"I mean why would....... What did you say?"
"I said yes." Lee smiled and as he put the ring on my finger, we
kissed. When we both
stood up, Lee lifted me up off the floor, and turned around with him my
arms. He put
me down, kissed me, and said:
"You don't know how happy you've made me."
After a few hours, (after we had calmed down) me and Lee decided to
phone
everyone that we knew to tell them the good news. I phoned up my mum
and dad, my
grandparents, and Jonathan. Lee phoned up his parents, his
grandparents, all of his
friends, (including Jack.) Just as he was about to dial the number for
Suzi and
Duncan, Lee asked "Is it OK if I tell Dunc?"
"You can tell who you want, just make sure that just because you've
told them it
doesn't mean that I'm talking to either of them." Lee went on and
dialled the number.
"Hiya, is that you Duncan." I began to hug Lee so that I could hear
what Duncan was
saying.
"Yeah, why?"
"It's me Lee, I phoned because I wanted to tell you something."
"What? is it about Trisha?" Duncan actually thought I would be talking
to him.
"In way it is, well it's about me and Trisha. We're getting
married."
There was a long silence, but Duncan broke the silence by saying "Well
done mate,
hang on a minute while I tell Suzi." I pictured Duncan putting the
phone down, and
telling Suzi.
"Lee, it's me Suzi, I'm well pleased. Maybe we can have double wedding.
Oh, is
Trisha still not talking to me." I didn't hear the rest of their
conversation because Lee
told me to go to the off licence to buy a few cans of lager, and
whatever drink I
wanted. I done as I was told and went.
When I had come back Lee wasn't on the phone. He came over to me and
took
the bags off me. I followed Lee into the kitchen and as he began to put
the bottles and
cans in the fringe, the doorbell rang. "Can you finish putting these in
whilst I go and
answer the door." As I was putting the stuff away I wondered who it
could be.
"Hiya, there was no need to bring that we've got enough here." I was
wondering who
Lee was talking to.
"It's OK, we already had it in we were saving it for a special
occasion. Where's the
bride to be then." I recognised the voice, but I couldn't tell whose it
was. I needed to
know, and when Lee shouted for me to come in I closed the fridge door
and went into
the front room. I don't know who I expected but when I walked into that
room, I
began to fill with disgust.
"Lee what the hell are they doing here?" I went mad at Lee for
inviting Suzi
and Duncan round.
"They come round to wish us luck and to talk to us." I didn't know Lee
thought I
would be talking to them.
"Well I think I'll pass. I'm going to bed." I flounced off, I know it's
not mature, but
why did he invite them when he knew I wasn't talking to them. I felt
tired anyway,
my 'small' bump had gotten as little bigger. The more distressing thing
was that I still
hadn't managed to tell Lee.
When I got into the bedroom I wasn't alone. I turned around to see who
it was
that had followed me, and it was Suzi.
"Do you mind, I'm trying to get changed here." She still didn't leave
instead she sat
down on the bed and said,
"Trisha, I don't like it when we're not talking."
"Well you should of thought about that before you stopped me from
finding Lee." I
couldn't believe that she said that she didn't like the situation that
she created. It
could of easily been avoided, but she had to keep secrets.
"I'm sorry but Lee asked me not to tell you." We could hear the chatter
of Lee and
Duncan. I pointed towards the front room and said:
"Hear that I nearly lost that sound because of you, and your boyfriend,
and I don't
think I can ever forgive you for that."
Suzi turned and looked at me, "I understand, but I was asked not to
tell you."
"If this situation was the other way around you know that I would tell
you, whether
Duncan had told me to or not." Once I had stopped talking I could hear
Suzi crying.
Although I hated her I couldn't bear it when she cried.
"Hey, you stop crying, you know I can't bare when some one cries." I
put my arm
around her, and gave her a squeeze. She looked at me, and put little
finger up. I linked
her finger my little finger, and we both said in unison, "Friends."
After weeks of not
talking to them I had finally come round and began talking to them. I
stood up and
pulled my night-shirt over my stomach.
"Trisha. You're not pregnant are you?"
"Yeah, but don't say anything I haven't told Lee yet." She stood up and
began to hug
me.
"Congrats, and I promise I won't say a word. Not even to Duncan."
After we discussed everything there was to discuss about babies, me
and Suzi
went back into the front room linking.
"I see you two have made up then." I nodded, let go of Suzi and went
over to Duncan.
"I'm talking to you too, just in case you were wondering." All of a
sudden Duncan put
his arms around me and said:
"Thank you so much. By the way I'm sorry too." Whilst he was hugging me
I could
smell lads after shave. A feeling of comfort, and calm had come over
me, when I
smelt the smell that only I can tell that it came from Duncan. When he
had let go of
me the smell still clung to me.
"OK then where's this ring ." I put my hand in a position so that they
could see the
ring.
"Trisha it's gorgeous," Suzi took one look at my ring and began to cry,
"I'm sorry it's
just you talking to me and Dunc again and finding out this piece of
news has made me
so happy I can't describe it." I hugged her and realised how happy I
was. I was getting
married to the man of my dreams, and I had my two best friends to share
it with. After
a minutes or so I let go of Suzi, and said
"Does anyone want a drink? Dunc I know you'll have a lager. Suzi come
you'll have
one too." Both of them had nodded.
"I'll come and help you." Lee came over to me and we walked hand in
hand to the
kitchen.
I bent down to get the drinks out of the fridge, when I noticed Lee
was staring
at me, his eyes followed my movement.
"What?" Once I had gotten all of the drinks out and closed the fridge
door I asked
Lee what he had wanted.
"I can't believe that four or five weeks ago I wanted to leave you and
never see you
again," Lee paused for a moment and then continued talking, "I know
this sounds
really corny and lame, but I love you so much I couldn't live without
you." Lee was
right it did sound corny, and it did sound a little lame, I couldn't
say anything because
that was the way I felt too.
"I love you too." I had turned to pick up the bottles, when Lee turned
my head to face
him. He leaned forward and kissed me.
"What was that for?" I said once we had finished.
"Because I love you." Once Lee had finished talking I decided to return
his kiss. Lee
pulled away and said:
"Come on they're watching us." I didn't care but it obviously bothered
Lee.
I walked into the front room, gave Duncan and Suzi their drinks, and
joined
them on the sofa. Lee sat down on the chair that was right next where I
was sitting. He
took my hand and held it whilst we were watching the telly. (Duncan and
Suzi had
turned it on whilst we where in the kitchen.)
"What are we doing just watching the telly? We should be celebrating.
Come here's a
toast to Trisha, the future Mrs Matthews." I went through what my new
name would
be in my head whilst the toast was being made. I couldn't believe that
some time in
the future I wouldn't be Trisha Gill any more I would be Trisha
Matthews. I thought
that nither Duncan or Lee had noticed about my small bump.
"Trisha, you seem to be putting on weight there. Or do you have to wait
nine months
to lose the weight?" Then was the perfect time to tell them all that I
was pregnant, but
I couldn't.
"I know, I'll have to start going the gym." I looked across at Suzi and
I saw a grin on
her face, and I found it very hard to control my laughter too.
After a few drinks Duncan stood up and said:
"Come we'd best go and leave two love birds to it. Lee, if Gareth could
see you now,
he wouldn't recognise it was you. You've completely changed him you
know Trish."
When Duncan had mentioned Gareth, I began to think about him and about
the stuff
he had given me. Lee stood up to see Suzi and Duncan out, when I had
decided to go
to Gareth's grave the next day. When Lee sat back down an idea popped
into my
head.
"Lee, I've just had an idea."
"What?" Lee hadn't turned around, he was too busy watching some lame
car show.
"Well I was thinking that, when we do get married, we could use
Gareth's nan's
ring." I had visions of Lee saying no and that I should of been over
him, but he didn't.
He turned around and said:
"That's a lovely idea, I bet Gareth would love that." We leaned towards
each other
and kissed. Shortly after we had finished kissing we decided to go to
bed.
The day next I realised that I hadn't anything to do, so I planned
what I was
going to do for the day ahead. I decided that I would look for some
jobs and since I
hadn't been for ages, I decided to go to Gareth's grave. "So, what are
you planning to
do today?"
"Well, I thought that I could look for some jobs in the paper, and
later on I could go
to the cemetery." I told Lee my plans, and from his face he was annoyed
at something
I had said.
"You don't need to look for a job, you can be a lady of leisure."
Although I liked the
idea of never working again I didn't want to seem like a charity
case.
"I need a job, we can't pay for a wedding and keep two houses going
with one wage."
I had expected Lee to say something like 'yeah I suppose you're right'
but what he did
say to me was a shock to the system.
"About that, it's a bit awkward you going back to yours all the time to
get stuff, and
me coming here when I need to get something of mine, so I was
wondering," Lee
paused for a long time, "well I was wondering if you'd like to move in,
here." I
paused for a slight moment.
I had known Lee for over 5 years. He's had a few serious relationships
like
this, and every time the girl asked him to move in he said that he
wasn't the settling
down type, and that he didn't want the relationship getting too
serious. I found it
shocking that Lee had proposed to me, and then he was asking me to move
in.
"Sure, I'd love to move in." Lee sat down on the chair next to me,
kissed me and then
gave me a hug. he looked at his watch and said, "I'd better get going
now, I'll be late
for work." Lee let go of me, stood up, and walked out of the
door.
At half twelve I had finished looking at all of the papers. I decided
that I
would go to the cemetery, I thought about getting flowers from Rosie's
but I changed
my mind, for the obvious reasons. I got the bus at about one, and got
to the cemetery
for half past. I had bought a bunch of flowers outside, and walked
towards Gareth's
grave. I thought that I would become depressed, but as I reached the
grave, I still felt
happy.
I knelt down and put the flowers near the stone, I wanted to tell
him
everything, so I did. "This feels really weird, but I have some really
big news to tell
you, me and Lee are engaged, I hope you're happy for us." I was there
for about an
hour talking about what had happened over the past few weeks, saying
how I stopped
talking to Suzi and Duncan, and how we were going to use his nan's ring
for our
wedding. I even told him that I was pregnant.
After the cemetery I remembered that we needed a few things from
the
supermarket. I walked from the cemetery and thought about me and Lee,
my thoughts
were interrupted by the bleeping noise of my phone. I looked at my
phone, I was
about to cross the road when I was reading it. I just carried on
walking. All of a
sudden I could hear Lee shouting me. He was shouting for me to go back,
but by the
time he had told me it was too late. The next thing I knew I was in
agony. I felt so
lonely until I heard the familiar sound of Lee's voice calling my name.
I could hear a
strangers voice saying, "I'm so sorry, she just walked out, I couldn't
help it." I
panicked, not only for my life but for my baby's. Lee put his arm under
my head and
lifted me up. He began crying into my chest, in between sobs he
said,
"Please Trisha come on wake up please don't die on me. I love you."
That was the
last thing I could remember before everything went dark.
* * *
The smell of the hospital came into my nostrils. I tried to wake up
but my
eyelids wouldn't open. I could hear three voices, one was Lee's the
other's was
Duncan's and the third belonged to a stranger.
"I'm glad to tell you that both Mother and baby are fine now."
"What do you mean mother and baby? Are you sure you've got the right
bed.?" Lee
sounded slightly worried.
"I have the right bed and according to my notes, she's four months
pregnant. Here's a
picture from the scan." I tried to imagine what Lee's reaction was, I
tried to imagine
him holding the picture of our first child..
"Lee, come on you have to get some sleep, a shower, and a change of
clothes, you
don't want Trisha seeing you like this do we? You need to show her that
you won't be
a trampy dad."
"I can't believe it, I'm gonna be a dad. I don't know why she didn't
tell me. Trisha
I'm over the moon, we're gonna be parents. Dunc I'm just going back to
mine to get a
shower you'd better phone me or text me as soon as something happens,
OK?
Especially if something goes wrong with the baby." Duncan must of
nodded, because
I heard someone walking away. I knew that Lee would be made up but for
some
reason I kept on putting it off. I felt nervous about what he would
say.
I knew that Lee had walked away because Duncan began talking to
me.
"Come on, Trisha wake up. I need you, we all need you. Lee has been sat
at your bed
for the past two days. Come on it's nearly Christmas, and you don't
want to lose out
on getting all those presents now do you? And from what that doctor
said you'll be
eating for two as well, imagine all the grub you'll miss out on. I know
you love my
turkey dinners." I tried to smile but I didn't feel like I was smiling.
I obviously was
because Duncan said, "That's it all's you need to do is open your
eyes." Once again I
tried to open them, and that time I succeeded.
Once I had fully opened my eyes, all that I could see was Duncan
looking at
me. I tried to say something but I couldn't, I think that Duncan had
noticed that was
trying to speak because he said:
"Lee, will be back in a bit, he just went to get a change of clothes.
He's absolutly
made up you know." I don't know how he knew I was going to ask that.
All of a
sudden a nurse came over, and began to check me over. "She's fine,
she'll be able to
go home tomorrow." After the nurse had finished Duncan went out side to
call Lee.
About ten minutes later Lee arrived, along with Duncan. I saw him
walking
towards my cubicle, but he didn't look in so I decided to pretend that
I was asleep. I
heard Lee sit down, on the very squeaky chair next to my bed. "I
thought you said she
was awake." Lee sounded upset, and disappointed. I opened my eyes very
slowly, and
when my eyes were fully opened, Lee was turning around. I didn't want
him to go, so
I said as loud as I could, "Lee." I didn't think it was loud enough for
him to hear and
it wasn't.
"Lee, I think someone wants you." Duncan nodded his head towards me.
Lee turned
around and when he saw that I was awake, he rushed over to my bed, and
began to
hug me.
"Thank god your still alive, I don't know what I would of done if you
had died."
Suddenly I had a pain in my arm. I moaned from the pain and began to
rub my arm.
"What's the matter. Do you want me to get the nurse? Is there something
wrong with
the baby?"
"Lee, calm down my arm's just sore." Lee was seriously upset.
"I'm sorry but I can't bare it when you're in pain. I know that I've
only just found out
about it, but if this baby died I don't know what I would do."
I saw the nurse walk past, so I shouted her.
"I know that you said I could go home tomorrow, but I was wondering if
I could go
home tonight." I picked up Lee's hand, and I saw the nurse looking at
us.
"Well, you should stay in for observation, but I can see that you can
see that you two
can't wait to get home. I can't see it being a problem. If there's any
problems what so
ever phone an ambulance straight away." Lee looked at me, and then
thanked the
nurse. A few minutes later Lee said that he was going home to get me
some clothes.
Whilst he was gone, I began to think about Kian, Shane, and Matt. A
patient
interrupted my thoughts by turning on the telly. The news report was
on, and the date
on the background was exactly one year since Gareth died.
I started to cry just as Jonathan, and Matt came up to my cubicle.
Matt was the
one who noticed I was crying first, because he said to Jonathan,
"I told you that you shouldn't of come, your ugliness has made her
cry." I thought that
he would ask why I was crying but he didn't. Jonathan took Matt's
comment
seriously, and went to leave.
"Jonathan, come back it's not you, in fact I'm pleased that you two
have come to see
me." Jonathan turned round and sat down on my bed, he put his arm
around my
shoulder and said:
"What's the matter then?" I couldn't believe that he had
forgotten.
"Well," I said as I pointed to my necklace, "it's exactly one year
today." Jonathan had
realised what I was going on about, you could tell by the look he gave
me. I looked at
Matt to see the look on his face, but instead of looking sympathetic,
he had a quizzed
look on his face.
"What's exactly one year today?" I felt upset, seeing the date had
reopened old
wounds, and I could bare saying that he was dead. My eyes had began to
water as
Jonathan leant over to Matt and whispered in his ear.
"Trisha, I'm so sorry, I'd completely forgotten." Matt stood up and
gave me a
hug. When he sat back down again he noticed my ring.
"When did you get that?" I answered his question by saying:
"The day before I came in here." Jonathan looked at the ring, gave out
a little whistle
and said:
"Where is the lucky devil then?" As he was asking where Lee was he came
up behind
them and said,
"What lucky devil?" Jonathan got up from my bed and he and Matt began
talking to
Lee. I cut myself off from what they were saying. I began to think
about, the day when
me and Gareth, had got together. I remembered every little detail, what
he said what
he was wearing. I lay down on the bed, and began to remember, our
firsts. Our first
kiss, our first day out as a couple, our first fight. Lee must of
noticed that I was crying
because he put both his hands on my shoulders and asked what was the
matter. I
turned round so that I was looking at him. "It's the twenty sixth of
April today, and
what happened this time last year?"
"Oh, my god, it's the anniversary today. Do you want to go to the
cemetery?" I saw
the look of dispair and grief on his face.
"I have to, but can you give me a lift there and back?" I was slightly
scared about
walking to or from, especially from, the cemetery.
"No, I'd love to but I'm busy." I could tell that Lee was lying by the
way he wasn't
looking at me. I felt upset that my boyfriend could lie to me so
easily.
"Well, if you're going to be like that, I'll get a taxi home or
something." I got up and
stormed off, with Matt, Jonathan and Lee following me.
Once I had gotten home I got changed, I asked Matt to give me a lift
to the
cemetery. I climbed into his car, and waited for him to start the car.
"Hey Trisha,
Lee's really upset you know." I knew I was a little harsh on him, I
wouldn't of
minded if he was genuinely busy, but I knew he wasn't.
"I know I seemed a bit too harsh, but the thing is I knew he was
lying." Matt shot me
a look as if to say, 'how do you know?' When I saw him opening his
mouth, I just
said, " I can tell when he's lying, because he doesn't look at me, and
when he said he
was busy he didn't look at me."
"Oh, I see. Why do you think he was lying then?"
"I don't really want to speak about that now." I looked out the window,
and the
emotion that I had tried keep locked up flooded out.
"Hey you stop crying. Imagine, what Gareth is feeling up in heaven
right now. He'll
be unhappy- just like Lee is at this moment. I mean it you know he's
really upset,
when I left the hospital, I left him saying that he'd blown it with
you," He quickly
glanced at my hand, and continued talking, "I see you've still got your
ring on." I
nodded. Although I hated Lee I loved him at the same time, and I knew
if that I took
the ring off I would only end up regreting it.
"Look Matt, take this right turn." We finally arrived at the
cemetery.
After a lot of crying from both me and Matt I went home. I found Lee
pacing
up and down the living room. "Trisha, thank God you're OK. I was so
worried about
you." He came up to me and hugged me, I just stood there, and when he
went to kiss
me I couldn't kiss him back. "Is there something wrong?" I laughed at
Lee because he
hadn't even realised how much he had upset me by lying.
"I know you weren't telling the truth before, about being busy. You
were lying
weren't you?"
"I wasn't Trisha, honestly." I could tell he was lying then, because
once again he
wasn't looking me in the eyes.
"Can you look me in the eye and say that?" I pulled his head towards me
and as I
looked into his eyes, his eyes that were a perfect blue, he pulled away
from me.
"I can't. I'm sorry but I can't."
"You were lying because you couldn't be bothered to take me to see
my
ex-boyfriends grave, who was one of your friends. You make me sick." I
did feel sick,
but it wasn't because of what he said.
"Well you're not exactly perfect are you, remember Justin? I had only
been going out
with you for a few weeks and you'd already started having an affair,
you little slut.
How do I know that this kid is mine? Who knows who you've slept with
whilst
you've been with me." I couldn't believe what Lee had said. I never
slept with any
one else. I got as close as I could to him, and gave him the biggest
slap.
"You know what, you can have this ring, I don't think I want it any
more. I loved you,
and the thought of cheating never entered my head." With that I took my
ring off
threw it to the floor and stormed off.
As I began walking around, I realised that I had no where to stay. I
didn't
know where to go so in the end I went to Suzi's. I was upset and angry.
A little part of
me still loved Lee, and another hated his guts.
After a few minutes of walking I finally got to Suzi's house. I knocked
on the door
and Suzi answered. "Hiya Trisha come in. Where's Lee?" I didn't answer
her
question, and I just went in the front room.
"Hiya Trisha." I said hello to Duncan and sat down.
"Suzi, I don't want to be awkward or anything but would it be OK if I
stayed here for
a couple of days?"
"Of course you can, any way do you want a cup of tea?" I said no to the
offer and
began watching the telly.
I had stayed at Suzi's for a few weeks before Duncan decided to say
"Trisha, I heard
what you did to Lee that was well harsh." I didn't know how he could of
said that, he
jumped to a conclusion before he heard my side of the story.
"Well, if you're going to be like that, I'm going." I stood up and
stormed out of the
room. At one or two points Duncan had told me to wait, but I just
ignored him. Once
again I didn't have anywhere to go and for some strange reason I
decided to go to
Shane's house.
I went up to his door rang the bell and a few minutes later he answered
the door.
"Trisha what are you doing here?"
"Can I come in, or do I have to sleep in a shop door way?" Shane
stepped aside so
that I could get in. "Shane, I'm so sorry to bother you but, I've split
up with Lee, and I
don't have anywhere to live."
"Why come to me though?" Shane only had a pair of shorts on, I looked
at his perfect,
smooth looking chest, with the added bonus of a six pack. I sat down on
his sofa, but
he remained standing.
"Well, I like you." I tried to say what I really felt about Shane. I
know it sounded
really sudden but my feelings for Shane had started coming back when I
first split up
with Lee. Plus he was my last chance, Alex had Kian, and Matt staying
in his spare
bedrooms.
"I know you said, but as a friend." I looked at him. He was gorgeous,
he had lovely
brown eyes that, complimented his black hair. I began to wonder why I
had left him.
My love for him had made me lose the memory of what he did to me.
"No" I said as I stood up, "I mean, I really like you." I walked over
to Shane and
began to kiss him. When I pulled away from him he was completely
speechless. I felt
such a fool. "Shane, I'm so sorry, I've made a fool out of myself,
haven't I? I'd better
go." I went to leave, but as I reached the door Shane grabbed my arm
and said:
"I don't know if you have made a fool of yourself, let me have that
kiss again and I'll
tell you." I walked over to Shane and gave him his kiss.
"Shane I've got something to tell you."
"What? It's nothing serious, is it?" He looked concerned and upset at
the idea that
there was something wrong with me.
"In a way yes. Shane, I'm pregnant, and it's Lee's before you
ask."
"I don't care who's it is, I'll raise him as my own." I was glad that
he had accepted
the baby the last thing I wanted was for him to want me to have an
abortion.
"So, you've decided that I'm having a boy then have you?" We started
talking about
names and what school the baby would go to.
The next day Shane had suggested that I get my things from Lee's
house.
"Where am I going to put them? I have no where to live."
"You can live here with me." I wanted to live with Shane I loved him I
always had, no
matter what he did to me. I knew that what he had done to me was bad
but, I realised
that everyone deserves a second chance.
"Only if you're sure." I said in a fully committal tone.
"Of course I'm sure. I've already let you go once I'm not going to that
again." I went
up to him gave him a kiss and said that I had better get going.
I was quite nervous about going to Lee's, in a way I still loved him
but I
couldn't get married to someone who thought I was a slut. I knocked on
the door and
a deathly version of Lee answered the door. As soon as he saw me his,
face lit up
"Come in Trisha." I walked into his front room and waited for him to
follow me.
"Trisha, I'm so glad you've come back, these past few weeks have been
hell." Lee
walked towards me, and went to kiss me.
"Lee, I'm not here to kiss and make up, I'm here to collect my stuff,"
I saw his face
turn to a deathly white, "and before you ask, no I'm not living at
Suzi's, I'm living at
Shane's."
"What would you want to live there for? Remember the last timed you
lived with him,
what he did to you, can you remember that? What about the baby, how
does Shane
feel about looking after another man's child?"
"He's fine about it. What do you care about the baby, according to you,
you're not the
father. Did you know at one point I was stupid enough to love you." I
wanted Lee to
know that both me and the baby could survive with out him. "And Lee why
was I
living with him last time?" I left Lee to solve my question, and I went
to his bedroom
and got my clothes. When I went back into the front room Lee
said:
"You're not seeing Shane, are you?" I wanted to show Lee that I didn't
need him to
get on with life.
"I might be." I then walked out of the front room, and went outside.
There Shane was
waiting. I loaded my stuff into his back seat and when I climbed into
the seat next to
him he drove off.
Later in the day after I had packed my stuff away the door went.
"Babe, can
you get that I'm in the shower." I did as Shane said and answered the
door. I looked at
the person in the doorway and filled with shock.
"Trisha, what the hell are you doing here? We've been looking for you
since last
night." I invited the person inside.
"I'm sorry, Duncan but if you've come to see Shane he's in the
shower."
"Come on Trisha answer my question what the hell are you doing here?" I
didn't
answer his question, and Duncan began talking to me about Lee.
"Lee's really upset you know, when you left him he was heartbroken. I
know he
didn't have to call you what he did, but when you left he felt the same
as you did
when Gareth left for Australia." I looked at Duncan and I could tell
from his face that
he wished that he hadn't mentioned Australia.
"I understand." I suddenly realised that I didn't know why his job had
to be in
Australia, and why he couldn't of been some where in England. "One
thing I don't
understand though is why Gareth had to go to Australia." I saw the look
of
nervousness and anxiety on Duncan's face.
"Well he asked me not to tell you, but he didn't go for a job he went
to see the
world's best heart doctor." I couldn't believe what Duncan was saying,
I was about to
say something when Shane walked in to the room with a towel around his
waist.
"Hiya Duncan, why have you come round." Shane sat down on the sofa next
to me.
"To find my best friend's girlfriend." I looked at Shane and I saw him
give out a
slight laugh.
"Don't you mean ex-girlfriend?" Shane grabbed my hand and kissed it.
Duncan
looked at us holding hands and said:
"You two aren't going out with each other again, are you?" Shane showed
Duncan
what the hand kissing was supposed to show him. Shane leaned over
towards me and
kissed me. Duncan got up and said "Don't worry, I'll show myself out."
He stood up
and went.
"What are you planning to do today?" An hour or two after Duncan had
left
Shane asked me a question that I didn't know the answer to.
"I haven't got anything planned, why what are you doing?"
"I've got to go to work, but I'll be back by six." Shane walked over to
me gave me a
goodbye kiss and left to go to work. I had nothing to do, so I decided
to look through
the paper to see if anything good was on in the cinema. All of a sudden
the door bell
rang. I thought it was Shane coming back for something he had
forgotten. I opened
the door saying "What have you forgotten now?" I looked more closely at
the person
in the doorway, it wasn't Shane it was Lee.
"Lee, come in" I stepped out of the way so that he could walk through
the
door, "what are you doing here?" Lee sat down and said:
"Duncan told me that you were here, and that you're going out with
Shane. I've come
to prove Duncan wrong. Please tell me that he is."
"Well, he was right I am here." I was trying to get Lee annoyed and
upset, from what I
could tell it was working. He stood up and grabbed hold of my
arms.
"Not that, I need to know that you're not going out with him again." I
was about to
tell him that I was, when the door opened.
"Trisha, what's he doing here." Shane seemed a little jealous of Lee,
he was
beginig to act in the way he used to act. That didn't stop me loving
him though.
"Nothing, he just came round for a chat." I began to walk over to Shane
when he put
his palm out as if to stop me.
"Lee, would you mind leaving, it's just I want to spend some time with
my new
girlfriend." Lee stood up and said:
"Where is she, is she in your bedroom?" I saw a huge smile
materialising on Shane's
face. As Lee looked at me Shane said:
"No she's standing in front of you." Shane came up to me and began
kissing me. Lee
walked out of the room, and I could tell he was upset, he walked out
saying:
"That was a waste of time."
"Thanks for that babe. I don't think I would of been able to get rid
of him" I
noticed that Shane had a huge grin on his face "why are you so happy
all of a
sudden?"
"Because you've just called me babe." I couldn't see how one four
letter word could
make someone so happy.
"Yeah, your point being."
"I thought that I'd never hear you say that again." We lowered in for a
kiss when my
mobile began to ring. "Leave it." said Shane as he began to kiss my
neck.
"I can't," I said, "it might be something important."
"Hello, who is it."
"Trisha, it's me Suzi. I phoned up to see if, what Duncan is saying is
true."
"Yes Suzi, it is true." I could imagine her getting angrier and
angrier.
"Trisha, what the hell are you doing with him?" I could tell Suzi was
disappointed
that I was going out with Shane. Shane was still kissing my neck, as I
answered Suzi's
questions.
"I love him and there's nothing you, Duncan, or Lee can do to stop
me."
"I understand, but Lee is really gutted. You should of seen him before
when your song
came on the radio, he started crying, his eyes out saying 'she's gone,
she's gone'"
"Well it serves him right for calling me a little slut and saying that
the baby wasn't his
then. He said to me that he thought that the baby was Justin's, and
that I had been
sleeping with other men whilst I was with him." I knew that Lee
wouldn't of told
them why I really left.
"What are you going on about?"
"Suzi ask Lee." I ended the call and I noticed that Shane had sat
up.
"Did Lee call you a little slut? Because if he did I'm gonna fucking
kill him. How
dare he call you a slut."
"Yeah he did, and I've already told you why, remember Justin."
"I still think there was no need to call my girlfriend a little slut, I
swear I'm gonna kill
him." Shane tried to look loving, but I could tell he was angry.
"How come you came back so early?" I looked at him and he seemed his
normal self.
"They gave me the afternoon off." I was glad that he didn't have to
work because that
meant I could spend the day with him.
An hour or two later I decided to go shopping. "Shane do you fancy
coming
shopping with me?"
"Yeah OK, just let me get changed from my uniform." Ten minutes later
Shane had
come out of his bathroom.
"I'm sorry, but my car's at the garage and that means we will have to
get the bus." I
wondered how he had been able to afford a convertible. (He told me that
he worked
in the local sports centre selling trainers)
I agreed to getting the bus, and as we walked out of the front door,
my mobile
went off. "Hello, this is Trisha speaking." I continued walking towards
the bus stop as
I waited for the stranger's response.
"Trisha, it's me Duncan." I didn't want to speak to him because I knew
that he would
try and talk me out of going with Shane. I patted Shane on the back and
told him to go
ahead of me.
"If you're gonna try and stop me seeing Shane don't bother."
"Trisha, it's up to you if you go out with him or not. I just want to
tell you why he
wants to go out with you." I couldn't think of any reason, apart from
love.
"Because he loves me." I could hear Duncan laughing.
"If you believe that you even more stupid than I had thought. He's with
you because
he found out about your money."
"But I didn't tell him." I was really annoyed I wasn't annoyed at the
fact he knew, I
was annoyed, that was the reason why he was going out with me.
"No, Rosie did. The day before your birthday party." I couldn't believe
what I was
hearing. I ended my call with Duncan and walked over to Shane.
"Who was that Babe?" Although I loved him, I began to wonder if
what
Duncan had said was true.
"It was Duncan." I looked at Shane and he had a worried look on his
face.
"What did he say?" I decided to ignore his question and started to talk
about Gareth.
After ten or twenty minutes I began to talk about his will.
"Who'd of thought he had so much money." My trap had worked. I stood up
from the
wall and half spoke, half shouted:
"It's true. Isn't it? You're only with me for my money," I saw Shane
trying to wriggle
his way out it "you deserve an oscar you little shit." I walked away
from him and
walked towards Suzi's. It was then I knew why he could afford a
convertible, he was
a professional gold digger. It all fitted, the only reason he went out
with me in the first
place was because my step-dad was rich. I walked to Suzi's house as
fast as I could.
I knocked on her door, but no one would answer. I knocked again only
this
time the door was answered. "Hiya, Trisha come in" I didn't bother
saying anything
to him, as I thought I would just upset him even more. "Suzi and Duncan
have gone
out and they're waiting for a delivery, so they asked me to wait
here."
"Lee, I'm so sorry for all things that I've said and done to you." I
knew it was a
mistake braking up with Lee, but I couldn't be with him knowing that he
thought I
was a slapper and that I would be unfaithful to him.
"I'm sorry for calling you a little slut. The reason why I lied to you
was because I
began to become sort of jealous, and in a way used. I thought you were
only with me
because you didn't want to be single. I'm sorry for saying that you
slept with some
one else too." I could understand where he was coming from. I had been
in a steady
relationship with someone for quite a while and then he dies. When I
did start things
with Lee I was scared, scared of being lonely.
"That wasn't it I loved you, and I still do, but I didn't want to go
out with you because
I knew that every time we would have a fight you would bring up Justin
and use it
against me. I didn't want to be with someone who would use one of the
worst
mistakes in my life against me."
"If you loved me so much, how come you started going out with Shane?"
Lee became
really emotional when he said that.
"For the same reasons that you said I was with you for. Fear of being
alone. Any way
I'm not going out with that scum bag any more." I saw a look of relief
come over his
face.
"Good, I was worried about you. If he'd hurt you or the baby I would of
killed him."
He was getting protective of me again, I only wish he was protecting me
because he
was my boyfriend, and not because he felt sorry for me.
"Trust me Lee I would of too. Any way what's been happening, have you
got any
goss?"
"Nothing really happening, but it's Kian's birthday party tomorrow, he
said I could
bring a friend with me." I was glad that he called me his friend I
wouldn't be able to
bear life without him.
"Yeah OK that sounds great. I'll have to go now." I didn't have to go,
to tell the truth
I didn't have anywhere to go.
"Where are you staying?" It took me quite a while to say something
because I knew I
didn't have any where to go, Lee must of worked this out because he
said "if you
haven't got any where you can stay with me." I wanted to go back to my
own flat but
I couldn't because I sold it when I moved in with Lee.
"Only if you're sure."
"Of course I'm sure. It'll be good having you around again." I sat back
down on the
couch and waited for Suzi and Duncan to arrive. We talked some more,
about rumors
we had heard. I was glad that I could talk to Lee like that again. We
weren't together
again but it was the next best thing.
"Trisha, what are you doing here?" Duncan was the first one to spot
me.
"I've come to tell you some good news. I split up with Shane, and what
you said
about the money was true." Suzi came up to me and said:
"I'm so glad, he's a loser anyway." I knew what she was saying was the
truth.
"Come on then Trisha we'd better get going."
"I'm ready when you are Lee. Bye Suzi, bye Duncan see you soon." Both
Lee and me
had left with smiles on our faces.
* * *
"Come on, Trish we've got to go in five minutes." I rushed the last
bit of my
make up and went down stairs. "There you are, we're going to be late."
I walked
outside to Lee's car and he said "Come on you get in we don't want you
over doing
it." We climbed into the car, and I noticed that my special party dress
was getting a
little tight on me.
"Lee there you are, Kian was wondering where you where."
"Sorry, I'm late Dunc I was waiting for madam here to get ready." I saw
Duncan
laughing, and then I saw Suzi whispering in his ear. He seemed to agree
with what she
was saying. I walked into the hall and I was greeted by Kian.
"Hiya Trisha, do you wanna dance?" I nodded my head, and we danced to a
song by
my favourite band.
"Trisha I need a word with you." We both walked outside and when we got
a
comfortable distance from the hall, I said:
"Yeah?"
"Erm, Suzi, told me you're pregnant."
"Yeah."
"She also told me that it isn't the first time you've been pregnant.
Trisha why didn't
you tell me?"
"Well, because he wasn't yours."
"What? Suzi seemed pretty sure that-"
"Well, Suzi doesn't know everything does she."
"Come on then tell me who was his dad." Eveyone had thought that Kian
was the
father of my child but it was only me that knew.
"Well, it was" I couldn't make up my mind. Did I want to tell him or
did I want to
keep it to myself. For some reason I decided to keep it to
myself.
* * *
Kian wasn't too angry at me, well at first he was. He eventually
realised that
the pressure I was under made me think irrationally.'
'Come on tell us who was the dad?' I look at the woman who has a
expectant glance
on her face and I continue speaking.
"If I told you I'd have to explain a whole other story. So I
won't."
An hour or two after we had arrived, I noticed that Lee wasn't
dancing. I
looked for him and I found him sitting at a table on his own. "Come on
Lee, come and
have a dance." He shook his head and luckily for me LeAnne Rimmes 'How
can I live
with out you' came on. "Dance to this, for old times sake." He stood up
and we began
to dance on the dance floor. Half way through the song I realised that
Lee hadn't
looked at me once. I pulled on his chin and moved his head so that he
was looking at
me. "You can look at me you know." All of a sudden Lee lowered his head
and he
began to kiss me. He pulled away from me and said:
"I'm so sorry." He then went out side. For a moment I was speechless,
but as soon as
my senses took hold of me I ran after him.
When I got outside I saw that he was leaning against the wall. "Lee,
what's the
matter?"
"I'm so sorry for kissing you, it was wrong for me to do it. It's just
dancing to that
song...." I didn't let him finish.
"You've got nothing to be sorry for." I grabbed his hand and walked in
front of him.
"Do you want to give it another go then?"
"What do you think?" I moved closer to him, and we began kissing. We
stopped
kissing and walked into the hall hand in hand. "Lee, Trisha, where did
you two go."
Kian seemed to be the only one who had noticed we had gone. I also
noticed how he
wasn't able to look at me.
"We went outside for a chat." Kian looked down at our hands and walked
away.
When we sat down we began kissing. I could hear whispers coming from
many
different people. "Ah look at them two. They're like two teenagers." I
hadn't realised
that Duncan was out of the hall until he said:
"Who, are like two teenagers?" He obviously hadn't seen us.
"Come on Trisha, do you want to go home?"
"Yeah, OK this party's getting a bit boring now." We walked out of
there hand in
hand.
As I climbed into the car , I noticed that Lee was staring at me.
"What?"
"Nothing" I knew he was laughing. The rest of the journey was in
complete silence.
When we got home I still had the scent that I called Lee clinging onto
my
clothes. "Are you hungry? 'Cause if you are I'll order a take
away."
"I'm not that hungry." As soon as I said it a look of worry came over
his face.
"You, haven't eaten a thing all day. Come on you've eat something,
remember what
happened last time you wouldn't eat? We don't want that to happen
again. Any way
you've got to eat you're eating for two now."
I remembered that because of what happened, me and Lee had got
together.
"OK, I'll have a Chinese." Lee walked over to the phone and he ordered
an banquet
for two.
"I'll have to go and pick it up, there isn't a queue." We kissed each
other goodbye,
and Lee left.
I began to think about me and Lee, what has happened to us, what we've
come
through, and mainly how we got together. I realised that I didn't have
my necklace on.
I went into Lee's bedroom and saw in an open box along with a few
letters. I felt very
tempted to read the letters, at first I decided to leave them alone,
but my curiosity got
the better of me.
The first one was addressed to Duncan. It read:
Dear Duncan,
As you know I went to
Liverpool to find Trisha. I Remembered where her nan lived and she said
that she
wasn't there, but I had a gut feeling that she was there. When I was
told that she
wasn't there I felt so upset, I wasn't going to give up, I would of
back to her nan's
for the rest of my life. Since I knew she loves shopping I decided to
go to all of the
shopping malls in Liverpool city centre. Near the end of a very,
tiring, upsetting,
and depressing day, I walked into one last shopping mall, with the fear
the she was
dead. When I walked towards a cafe I saw a glimpse of her, she was
standing up and
walking away. I decided to follow her to see where she went. It turned
out that she
was staying at her Nan's.
When I knocked on the door she answered, seeing her face again made me
the
happiest man alive. I felt like we would always be together. I've
decided I want to
marry her. I want an expensive ring on her finger to show her and
everyone else
how much I love her.
My letter reading was interrupted by Lee walking through the door. I
quickly
shoved the letter back into the box and closed the lid. I walked into
the front room
come dinning room where Lee was setting up the table. When we were
eating I
noticed, once again that Lee wasn't eating. I knew he was going to
propose. To speed
things along, I stood up and said "I don't feel like eating, I think
I'll go to bed now."
At first I thought I had got everything wrong, because he didn't say a
thing as I was
walking towards the spare room. All of a sudden he shouted "Wait there
I want to ask
you something," I turned around and walked back to where Lee was
sitting, "will.....
Trisha, will you," he got down on one knee and said, "Trisha Gill will
you marry me."
My reply came almost instantly.
"Of course I will." Lee slipped the ring on my finger, and we
kissed.
The next morning I woke up and Lee wasn't there so I decided to look
in the
box, and read any other letters that were there. I went to the box and
opened it. I
picked up a letter that was second from top. (I did this because I had
already read the
letter on the top.) I opened up the letter and it read:

Dear David
A new a girl started and she's the hottest thing I've ever
seen. I think that I've seen her before, but I'm not that sure. When we
got talking, I
found out that she like the same things as me, (she even likes
football!!!, but she
supports Leeds.) I told her that I was mates with Suzi and she said
that she was
Suzi's best friend, Tricia. When I asked her out for a drink, she said
'I would, but I
don't know what my boyfriend will think about it' (Gutted!!!!!) I was
quite jealous
of her boyfriend. I know this sounds stupid but I think I love her. I
noticed that she
would be staring at me, and at times I found myself staring at her.
When it came to
closing time, I noticed a man waiting outside, I began to wonder who it
was when I
heard Tricia saying' Shane what are you doing here?' I looked out of
the window
and I saw her kissing Shane. I watched them walk off hand in hand. I
suddenly felt
jealous of him, and I knew that something would happen to her. I began
to wish I
was him.
See ya soon from Lee.
Lee was right in his prediction something did happen to me. He didn't
know that
something would be bad. I put the letter back down and picked up
another. It read:
Dear David,
As you know I went to a funeral on the
29th of April. Tricia (the girl I fancy) was there, but it was her
boyfriend's funeral
so I couldn't make a move. When it came to leaving she had to come in
my car. I
tried to make conversation with her but she just snapped back at me. I
decided to
leave her alone, to wallow her own grief. About ten minutes later we
got to
Duncan's house. When we walked in he said "what took you two so long,
we had
to start the party without you." after that she just went berserk and
stormed off
into a bedroom. Finally Suzi had persuade her to come out of the room,
she
brought Tricia a plate of food and went she took one bite out of a
sandwich she
got, went to the bathroom, threw up and fainted. I panicked, somewhere
in my
mind I had began to think that she would die. When she was taken into
the
ambulance, I don't know what happened something came over me, and I
began to
cry. I wasn't bawling my eyes out, but I was crying enough for Duncan
to notice.
'Are you all right?' I completely broke down and confessed my true
feelings for
her. 'Duncan, I think I love her.'
She was unconsious for quite a while, and I wanted to be there when
she
woke up so I stayed at her bedside virtually 24/7. When she did wake up
me and
Duncan were about to leave when Duncan noticed that she moved her hand.
We
ran back to bedside and when she woke she shouted the name of her
dead
boyfriend. I know it sounds cruel but I said that her boyfriend was
dead. I know it
was the truth but I thought it was a bit harsh to tell her straight
away.
A few months later I decided to phone her up and ask her out. When
she
picked up the phone I completely froze. I asked her if I had left my
jumper there,
she knew I was lying and asked me why I really phoned up. When I did
ask her she
just aid 'I can't' and slammed the phone down. I was and still am
gutted.
see ya Lee
Just as I put the letter back in the box, Lee walked through the
door.
I got up and walked into the front room. "Hiya sleepy head." I walked
over to him
and gave him a kiss on the cheek.
"Where did you get to, I didn't think you were working today." I knew
that he wasn't
working that day, I said it for something to say.
"I'm not working today, I went into town. I got some brochures for our
honeymoon."
"Hang on Lee, haven't we got to plan where we're getting married
first."
"Well," he paused "what would you say to getting married in a registry
office?" We
walked over to the couch and sat down.
"I don't care where or when we get married as long as we are together."
I saw Lee
smiling.
"What do you say to next Saturday?" I was completely speechless, "come
on then say
something."
"Next Saturday is perfect." We kissed each other.
After telling Suzi and Duncan, me and Lee started to arrange the
honeymoon.
About three hours later we had decided to go the Bahamas. It was four
in the
afternoon, so Lee phoned up the travel agents and booked it over the
phone. "He said
that we should get the tickets in a few days." I was over moon, because
a few days
from then I would become Mrs Ryan.

Three days later Suzi called round and said "I've sorted out your hen
night,
it's tonight."
"I hope you haven't gone too mental, I only want few drinks. Oh I
forgot I can't
drink."
"Oh yeah! Well everyone else can drink your drinks and I've got a
little surprise for
you." I knew she was going to say that, any excuse to get drunk. I'm
not saying that
she was an alcoholic, but she loved getting hammered.
All of a sudden I began to fill up with dread. For some strange reason
I had visions of
Justin turning up. When she left, I went to town and bought a whole new
wardrobe. I
went into a wedding dress shop and bought a boob tube dress. I looked
at the price tag
and nearly fainted. It was over ?2000. I bought it anyway because I
thought, 'what the
hell I'm only doing this once, I might as well splash out.'
When I got in Lee said "What did you buy?"
"I got some new clothes for the honeymoon, and my dress for tomorrow."
Lee walked
over to my bags and began to look in, "hey, you'll have to wait until
tomorrow." Lee
sat back down on the couch, and said:
"I'm going to Duncan's tonight, after the stag do, if that's OK." I
nodded and sat
down next to him.
"I'd better go now," Both of us stood up, and we kissed, Lee then
continued, "I'll see
you tomorrow, Mrs Matthews." We both smiled and kissed each other
goodbye.
An hour later Suzi and a few of my friends came to mine. "Come on
then.
Now to keep this a surprise you have put this on." She handed me a
blindfold, and as I
was wondering why I needed it I put it on. After what seemed like half
an hour, Suzi
took the blindfold off. We where in an empty concert hall. "What are we
doing here?"
I was racking my brain to see if I had any idea at what she was doing.
I couldn't think
anything. All of a sudden the lights went down and music started
playing. I recognised
the music it was my favourite singer. During the private concert Tony,
(the singer)
told me to come on stage. As I walked up the stairs to the stage I
realised that I had a
veil and some 'L' plates on.
He stared into my eyes and began to sing. 'I wanna grow old with you,
I
wanna die lyin' All of a sudden memories of Gareth came flooding back.
I ran off the
stage and into the nearest toilets. I could hear Suzi following
me.
"Trisha, what's the matter?"
"That song he was singing," I said as I blew my nose, "well it was the
same song that
Gareth sang to me the night he told me about you know what."
Suzi hugged me and pulled me outside. Tony walked up to us and said,
"I'm sorry if
upset you. What was wrong?" Suzi answered my question.
"A boyfriend of her's sang it to her the night before he died." Suzi
had let go of me
and Tony began to hug me and say sorry. His after-shave was exactly the
same as
Lee's, that reminded me that I needed to move on.
"Come on then," I said wiping the corner of my eyes, "what's happened
to this
drinking until you collapse?" Both Tony and Suzi laughed and walked
back into the
hall. I can't say what happened after that because it's too rude. Let's
say that I think
Tony went a bit too far when he sang You can leave your hat on.'
* * *
The next day at twelve I began to get ready with the help of Suzi. "It
was good
last night, wasn't it?"
"You tell me if you can remember. Don't worry your god mother isn't an
alcoholic." I
didn't expect her to remember any thing but surprisingly she did.
"I can remember Tony stripping." I felt happy remembering what I had
saw because I
fancied Tony he had the nicest eyes and a sexy Irish accent.
" I took pictures." I was so pleased and as Suzi began to do my make up
I
remembered Tony doing the full Monty and I wondered why he agreed to
people
taking pictures of him naked or if he was sober enough to know what he
was doing.
At half past one I was ready, so was Suzi. We went into the front room
an
drank a few whiskeys, I hated the taste of the stuff, but I needed
something strong
inside me to calm my nerves. The whiskey didn't seem to work. At 13:45
I heard a car
beep. I didn't think they could but all of a sudden my nerves went even
worse. "Come
on Mrs Ryan. The cars are here." That name sounded weird but I had to
get used to it.
I know this may sound stupid but I even practised my signature, so that
I could get
used to writing Trisha Matthews instead of Trisha Gill.
I arrived at the registry office where I found my step-dad waiting in
front of
the door that led to the room where my whole life would change. The
doors opened,
and as the people turned round I had a sudden rush of happiness and
nervousness. I
walked down the make shift aisle and I saw Lee looking back towards me.
As soon as
I stood next him and our eyes met he smiled.
Most of the ceremony was a blur, but the part I remember the most was
when
we made our vows. I remembered Lee slipping the ring on my finger, me
slipping a
ring on his, and the way that the vows that he made up told me how much
he loved
me and how he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. When the
registra said "I
now pronouce you man and wife, you may kiss the bride." I don't know
what
happened, but something inside me seemed to click. As we kissed I could
hear people
crying, and people cheering.
After the wedding we had to get into the cars to go to the party. Me
and Lee
climbed into the car hand in hand. When in the car we both began to
kiss. I could hear
people cheering and whistling. Everyone began to clear, but for some
strange reason
the driver of our car had left. As I looked through the back window I
noticed that
some one, some one nither me or Lee wanted was there. "Lee, look who's
here."
"Who is it?" I didn't know what his reaction would be when he found out
who this
unwanted person was.
"Look through the back window and find out." Lee did as I said and when
he turned
back round I noticed the pure look of frustration and anger. All of a
sudden he opened
the car door and stormed up towards the man. As I got out to try and
calm Lee down, I
noticed that Lee had punched him. I ran up to him and as I tried to
pull Lee back he
began shouting at the familiar figure that was lying on the
floor.
"Get away I never want to see you as long as I live."
"I thought that we could make it up, it seems stupid to fall out over
this." I thought
that Lee would be furious, but he wasn't, in fact he began to
laugh.
"You expect me to make up with you after what you did, you nearly
stopped me
marrying the mother of my child and the woman of my dreams. As a matter
of fact to
me, you're dead Justin. I have no brother." On that note Lee walked
towards the car
and I followed.
We finally arrived at the hall where the party was being held. "Where
have
you two been we've been getting worried."
"Duncan he came back again." Lee seemed quite upset when he said
that.
"What did he say?" I began to wonder how Duncan knew who Lee was
talking about.
I didn't get to hear what Lee said as all of my girlfriends crowded
around me and said:
"How does it feel to be Mrs Ryan?" My reply was:
"So far, It's been .......... Well lets put it this way. I have found
out that Lee and his
brother are interested in the same thing" I went towards the bar to get
a drink, when
Tony came into the hall.
"Trisha, I'm sorry I'm late," I had no idea that he was coming, but he
was welcome,
"my girlfriend was going mad at me because I was coming and she hid my
suit."
Normally I would of been gutted at finding out about his girlfriend,
but I wasn't.
"Did Suzi invite you?" I must of sounded rude but I was just trying to
make
conversation.
"Yeah we got talking, and she said that you were getting married. Did
you enjoy it
last night."
"I did but I don't know if Suzi can remember anything, she seemed to
remember you
stripping though."
"Oh god, I didn't did I?"
"Yep, we've got pictures to prove it and everything. It seems as if you
both did the
drinking for me." All of a sudden I could see Tony's face going red.
Lee came over
and put his arm around my waist.
"Who's this?" I couldn't tell if Lee was being possessive, or
curious.
"Lee this is Tony, He was the singer last night. Tony this is Lee my
husband." Tony
shook Lee's hand and said:
"You're a lucky guy." Me and Lee began gazing into each others eyes as
Lee replied:
"Yes, I am aren't I?" I knew that I was lucky too, because even after
all the things that
I did to him he still wanted to marry me.
Shortly after that the speeches began. I sat down at the head of the
tables,
along with Suzi, Duncan and Lee. Duncan began his speech , but I
couldn't
concentrate on it properly because I was remembering how we had got
together. I
only heard the last few lines of Duncan's speech.
"Now one person that couldn't be here today is a very close friend of
Trisha and
Lee's," Duncan looked towards the ceiling and then continued, "I know
Gareth would
of wanted to be here today, he wouldn't want to miss out on the talent
out there and I
know he'll be devastated not to see little Lee jr. Now I'll have to
hand over to Lee for
his speech, and before you ask no you can't have a pillow. If I've had
to listen to it, so
do you." Everyone began laughing.
"Thanks Duncan. I'd like to thank everyone who help us organise this.
Suzi
thanks for helping out with some of the buffet, and thanks for giving
my wife the best
night of her life. Duncan thanks for being there when either Trisha or
I needed you.
Thanks for the stag night... well thanks for what I can remember of it.
By the way
you've given me some ideas for your stag do," I looked towards Duncan
and I his face
dropped, "there's someone else I have to thank too," he held out his
hand and pulled
me up, "to my lovely wife and little Lee jr, thank you for completing
my life. Finally
I'd like to thank Gareth , if he hadn't told Trisha before his tragic
death that it was
fine to go out with other people, she and I wouldn't be in the position
we are in today.
Thanks Gareth. If everyone could raise their glasses please. To the
future, I hope you
will all be as happy as I am now." Every one made thier toast and I
noticed that there
was some one that I didn't know sitting amonst the guests. "I know
people don't
usually talk after making toasts but, Trisha I have a little surprise
for you, come in
Lee." I began to wonder who this mysterious 'Lee' was. The only Lee's I
knew were
my husband and my dad. It defiantly wasn't my husband and couldn't of
been my dad,
after all he was dead. The stranger in the audience stood up and I saw
that he spookily
looked like me. "Trisha, this is your dad." I was in complete shock.
The man that Lee
called my dad walked towards me and Lee invited him to sit in his
chair.
"Dad, I thought you were dead." Tears began to fall down my face. "My
Foster
parents told me you died when I was eleven." I looked to my mum and I
could tell
that she was shock at my dad's appearence. I began to wonder if it was
her who told
my foster parents that my dad had died.
"Why would I want to do die with a daughter like you?" I wanted to
launch into his
arms but something stopped me. Suddenly Lee shouted. "Now to cut the
cake." He
grabbed hold of my hand and as I stood up I said to him:
"Thanks for what you did, and Gareth didn't say it before he
passed."
"I know that but I didn't want them thinking that I'm a lunatic." I
walked towards the
cake holding hands with Lee. I picked the knife up from the table, and
as he put his
hand on top of mine we began to cut the cake. Every one around us began
taking
pictures. A few seconds later I remembered that I had to throw my
flowers for the
next unsuspecting bride.
"Right, now's the time for me to throw the bouquet, crowd behind me
ladies,
come on." I turned around and threw the bouquet over my shoulder, I
glanced round
to see had caught it and as I saw who had caught the flower I couldn't
help but laugh.
It was very fitting for the situation, after all Suzi was supposed to
be getting married
before me. As I was getting over my fit of giggles the DJ said "This is
for the bride
and groom's first dance. I made my way to the dance floor with Lee
following. The
song that came on was LeAnne Rimmes 'How can I live without you.' Lee
put his
hands around my waist and put my arms around his neck. As we gazed into
each
others eyes , I remembered everything we had been through. I remembered
how Lee
had proposed to me twice even after all the things I did to him. As I
put my head on
his shoulder I began to wonder what the future would hold. As I was
thinking feelings
of joy, happiness and pride rushed over me. The next song came on and I
decided to
have a word with my dad. I sat down and shouted.
"Dad, come over here." He slowly walked towards me. "Why?"
"Why, what?"
"You know what, why didn't you write to me to let me know you were
alive." I know
that he didn't know that was what I thought, but I still couldn't
figure out why he
never wrote to me.
"I did write I sent a letter at least once a fortnight, and when you
were either 13 or 14
you moved back with your mum. I didn't know where she lived, and nither
did your
foster parents." I had suddenly realised what had happened. You see my
foster mum
hated my real dad, she would occasionally tell me he was scum of the
earth for
leaving my mum. It became apparent that Letters were sent but I never
had the chance
to read them.
"God, i'm sorry I realise it wasn't your fault. Come on let's dance."
We walked to the
dancefloor, and I began to wonder why mum would say that my dad was
dead. I
remember visiting his grave, well I thought it was his grave I had
obviously been sent
to the wrong grave. Me and my dad began dancing. I know I changed my
mind rather
quickly, but this was the man that I had never met, the man who created
me. I
couldn't hate him, if it wasn't for him I wouldn't have been
born.
"I didn't know you were pregnant, I can't believe it. First I find the
most beautiful
daughter in the world then I find out I'm going to be a grandad. How
far are you?"
"About 5 months." I began to worry, I was five months pregnant and I
hadn't felt the
baby kicking.
When the song had stopped me and Lee looked through the presents. Most
of
them we already had, things like knifes and forks, plates, pan and
everyday kitchen
items. When we opened the present off Suzi and Duncan, a tear sprang
into my eye. It
was a picture of me, Lee, Suzi, Duncan, and Gareth. (Matt, Kian, and
Jonathan where
on there too). The only bad thing about it was that we were all in our
School
uniforms.
As I looked at the picture I realised that Jonathan, Kian and Matt
hadn't turned
up. I rushed outside the hall and looked up and down the road. As I was
about to walk
back inside all three of them came up the road in a car. Kian was the
first one to
congratulate me. "Congratulations Trisha, I wish I was there instead of
Lee but, I
can't have everything now can I?" Matt and Jonathan said basically the
same thing. I
walked into the hall linking Matt and Kian, as soon as I walked in I
could see the look
of relief that came over Lee's face. That look of relief told that I
hadn't made a
mistake.
Suddenly everyone heard a car beeping. "Trisha come on it's time to
go." I
walked out of the hall to find that our car had been decorated with
ridiculous amounts
of silly string, and cans. I climbed into the car and Lee got in
behind. "Come here
you." We both leaned towards each other and kissed. As we kissed, I
don't know what
it was but I knew that everything in my future was going to be perfect.
Once again the
feeling of pride rushed over me. I was proud of my new husband, and
from the way he
was kissing me I could tell that Lee was proud of me.
Lee began talking about the time I went into hospital (he was talking
about the
times he nearly lost me). I suddenly remembered that Duncan never told
me why he
didn't come to the hospital.
"Lee, remember when I first went into hospital? After the
funeral."
"Yeah, why?" I needed to know what had happened.
"I remember Duncan telling me that you had been at my bedside every
day. He then
said that you didn't turn up one day, but he wouldn't tell me why. I
was wondering,
why didn't you turn up?" I could tell it was a touchy subject when he
looked away
from my. He also shoved my hand away from him.
"You have to promise not to freak out when I tell you."
"I promise I won't freak out. Now tell me." I was desperate to know why
he didn't
come, I was getting worried because he obviously didn't want me
knowing, and it
must of been pretty serious if he didn't want me knowing.
"Well, I was severely depressed when Gareth died."
"Why?"
"He saved my life once. One day we went on a school trip, and me and
Gareth had
been set the task of canoeing. Our canoe capsized and Gareth got out,
but I couldn't
get out. Gareth tried to turn the canoe over but he couldn't get it
over, so he came
underneath the boat and dragged me out. He pulled me to the waters
edge, where he
found that I wasn't breathing. He gave me the kiss of life and even
though everyone
around him was telling him to stop he carried on. Eventually his plan
to resuscitate
me worked." I was shocked at what Lee told me. Little did I realise
that what he was
to tell me next would make me shocked beyond belief.
"I felt as if it was the wrong way and that he should of been the one
going to my
funeral and not the other way around," I had an idea of what he was
going on about,
but I let Lee carry on so that I was sure "when you collapsed at the
funeral, my mind
was made up. I had nothing left to live for. The day after you fainted,
I decided that I
had, had enough. After I visited you in hospital I went to the local
off licence and
bought a bottle of Whiskey. I went home and went straight into my
bathroom. I
opened the cabinet, and took out the closest bottle of pills. I grabbed
a handful and
swallowed them with a gulp of my whiskey. I did this until the bottle
was empty. An
hour I began to feel drowsy, and I fell asleep. The next thing I knew I
was in
hospital." I sat in my seat, with my mouth wide open. I couldn't
believe that my Lee
could of done something like that. "Well, say something." I found it
almost
impossible to say anything. What do you to your husband when he tells
you that he
tried to kill him self. Do you blame your self, or do you begin blaming
the society
around you?
"Lee, how come you didn't tell me?" That was the best I could think
of.
"I didn't want you thinking that I was some kind of a freak." I could
understand
where he was coming from, but I still had the right to know.
"Ow!" I began rubbing my stomach, I could see that Lee was worried
about the baby.
"What's the matter, is it the baby? Do you need to go the hospital?" A
few seconds
later I realised what I felt.
"Lee, the baby's kicking." A smile appeared on Lee's face and it went
from ear to ear.
"Can I feel?" I nodded and then Lee put his hand on my bump, and when I
felt
another kick, I could see Lee's smile grow even bigger.
"That's my little baby. I can't believe that in less than four months
he'll be here."
"So how do you know that the baby is a he?"
"I just do. Have you thought of any names yet? because I've thought of
a few." I had
thought of nothing else but names.
"Yeah, I was thinking Keanu for a boy and Theresa for a girl what do
you think."
"Well I was thinking of William for a boy and Shakira for a girl." I
had the perfect the
idea.
"Why don't we keep the name Shakira for a girl but for a boy, have
Keanu William,
that way we both have our way."
"Yeah, that has a nice ring to it. Keanu William Ryan." I looked and I
saw that Lee
still had his hand on my bump.
"Do you like that name?" I talked to my baby. As soon as I finished
talking I felt an
almighty kick. "God, I'll take that as a yes then." It was decided that
our little baby
was going to be called Keanu William Matthews.'
'So, that was the long and complicated story of my love life.' I look
around
the other pregnant women in room, and I see that some of them are
looking at me
with awe and some have tears in their eyes. I didn't know that my story
would have
the effect that it did have upon these women. We all stand up and leave
the hall in
silence, I know they're not being rude they just can't think of things
to say. I waddle
out of the hall and there waiting for me is my husband. I'm walking
towards the car
and my moblie phone begins to ring. I' m looking at the screen, and on
it is a name
that haven't seen or heard for a long time......... 'Calling JOSH'