Drugs

I SMOKED CRYSTAL METH
I PLUCKED ALL
MY EYEBROWS
PICKED AT MY SKIN
I THOUGHT
THEY WERE BUGS
NOW I HAVE SCARS
I HAD SEX
ALMOST ALL THE TIME
I COULD HAVE
CONTRACTED AIDS
OR BEEN IMPREGNATED
OR HAVE A DISEASE
LIKE CLAMYDIA
OR WORSE
MAYBE EVEN HEPATITIS
THE REST OF THE TIME
I CLEANED
EVERYTHING
ANYWHERE
I WROTE A BILLION THINGS
THAT MADE NO SENSE
I DID A LOT OF ART
AND SANG TO MYSELF IN MY ROOM
WHILE MY BOYFRIEND DID
DOPE RUNS
AND DEALS WITH OTHERS
FOR ANYTHING OF VALUE
HE TOOK APART
SMALL ELECTRONICS AND
PUT THEM BACK TOGETHER
MADE MUSIC THAT
WAS WAY TOO
FAST AND JUST
PLAIN FUCKED UP

I SMOKED CRACK
KEPT FORGETTING WHERE
MY CLOTHES WERE
SMOKED A LOT
OF CIGARETTES
FOR THE ASH
TO SMOKE SOME
MORE CRACK
LOST ONE
HUNDRED POUNDS
TALKED A MILE
A MINUTE
WITHOUT
MAKING SENSE
LET STRANGE PEOPLE
INTO MY HOUSE
THAT WERE
FILTHY
AND SMELLY
AND JUST PLAIN
FUCKED UP
AND OUT
OF IT

I POPPED PILLS
ANYTHING THAT MADE ME
FEEL DIFFERENT FROM
THE USUAL
EVEN SNORTED
ARTIFICIAL SUGAR
AND ANTI-NAUSEA PILLS
GOT ADDICTED TO
ST JOHN'S WORT
AND SLEEPING PILLS
OVERDOSED
AT LEAST TWENTY
TIMES

ALWAYS STAYED
IN BED
UNLESS I WAS
STARVING
THEN I WOULD
STEAL
CHOCOLATES
FROM
THE NEARBY
GROCER

COULD HAVE DIED
LOST MY MIND
GOT RAPED
OR MURDERED
OR SENT TO JAIL
OR LOST MY FAMILY
OR ALL MY FRIENDS
MAYBE I WOULD NEVER
GET A GOOD JOB
OR MAYBE I WOULD
HAVE HAD TO STAY
ON WELFARE
FOREVER
COULD HAVE HAD AN
ABUSIVE SPOUSE
COULD HAVE BEEN
RUNNING FROM HIM

HIDING SO HE
WOULD NOT
KILL ME
COULD HAVE
BECOME
HOMICIDAL
A MURDERER
A KILLER OF MEN
COULD HAVE SUCCEEDED
IN KILLING MYSELF

SO MUCH COULD
HAVE BEEN
BECAUSE OF WHAT I
HAVE DONE AND WHO I AM

BUT INSTEAD
ALL I HAVE ARE
STOMACH PROBLEMS
AND PROBLEMS WITH
MY WEIGHT
I HAVE AN
INCREDIBLE HUSBAND
SOME REALLY
CLOSE FRIENDS
AND I CAN EVEN
WORK AGAIN
I HAVE DEBTS
WE ARE PAYING
THEM OFF
WE NEED CLOTHES
AND
FURNITURE
AND LITTLE
ODDS AND ENDS
THAT WILL
COME IN TIME

LIFE IS MOSTLY
ENJOYABLE
ACTUALLY
PRETTY GOOD

I AM STILL ALIVE
GOD SAVED ME
AND THE BEST PART IS THAT I THINK
HE LOVES ME
TOO