One Heart's Shadow

March 2004

No Moon.
She hides tonight in the deep folds of the night sky. Gentle swirls of mist float on the stillness, leaving their breath on my hair. The strong fingers of the trees drip a steady beat to accompany the night. The rythm of that beat tugs at my soul, filling me with the fires of life.
But suddenly I long for the warmth of the morning, want the sun to hold me in his light and cool the searing heat of the night.

August 2004

I could feel the heat of your thoughts as I walked slowly over the damp sand to the waters edge. I turned to face you, saw your eyes move over me, felt their touch... and I was cold.
A detacted part of my brain wondered what it was that heated your gaze.
'Who am I?!' I wanted to scream at you.
You with your poets voice and empty heart, you couldn't reach me now with your words, with other's words.
And my heart ached, beacause you didn't know, you couldn't see beyond your own imagery. Deep within I knew then that it was nearly time for me to leave.
But now, now I stood there at the waters edge and I let you look. I could almost hear the practiced words, even though you'd yet to speak. A contempt I didn't know I harboured, threatened to surface.
At last you looked into my eyes, and in that quiet way that once drew me, you smiled. I smiled back, even though I wanted to run.

September 2004

The world outside my window is shrouded in a heavy cloak of mist and I can feel the approach of the winter in the chill bite of the air through the open window. The drifting scents of wood fires and pine trees remind me of once cosy evenings spent by a log fire. That memory comforts me.
Flaxen haired children run wild, revelling in the joys of after- school freedom. Watching them I feel the clouds lift from my shoulders for awhile, their giddy laughter makes me smile. Life is so simple as a child.
If you are happy, well then you are happy.
If you are sad or angry, you are sad or angry, but then one day we are grown up.
Suddenly, once simple emotions become complicated, tangled into sometimes unrecognisable knots, and we have mostly only ourselves to blame.
Sometimes I wonder if things would be easier if youth came later in life, when we are supposedly more mature and better equipped to deal with life...

October 2004

The hills and mountains sit quietly in the cool light of winter. Blazing fires that had danced in the trees of Autumn have now begun to die.
They leave only their glowing embers on the naked branches of the trees and the last memories of the summer drift away on a somewhat mournful breeze, whispering sad farewells as they come to rest in ashy piles along the roadsides.

December 2004

Impossible dreams... pretty delicate glass castles in the clouds that held little more than illusions... Shattered.
Sharp words. Flying shards of glass that cut deeply.
Alone now I shed cleansing tears of anger, tears of relief that it was over.
When sleep finally came I willingly surrendered.
The morning came and I woke with a sense of returning energy. Like a storm, it broke free of the lethargy that has held it for so long. Packing my things, a freedom struggles to move within me.
I am going home.
With that thought a soothing sense of comfort rose like a warmth and embraced me, brought calm.
I am going home.

December 2004

Free from him now I sit, and I wait for the flight that will take me home. Pain mixed with overwhelming relief tears at me. I have no more tears left to cry.
I feel numb, so very cold inside. Will I ever be warm again?
My heart is empty, a shell, and I am weary.
Weary of explaining, tired of everything, I write him a final letter.
I say goodbye.

December 2004

To you that I loved once deeply, always, never, not at all...
When you feel the powerful freedom of your land, embrace it, and know that it is yours. When you walk across the green carpet of the forest floor, feel the peace the forest can bring you.
When you hear the murmer of the wind through the trees, remember the words I have given you: the truth; it will live within you. When you see a stream that moves and flows through your landscape, feel its gentle energy sustain you.
When you bask in the warmth of the spring and see the sunlight gleaming on the fjords, let the fires of life burn within you and draw strength from their warmth.
When you hear the cries of the seabirds, rejoice in their freedom, and let me go.
For I am as one of them, and I cannot live in your gilded cage, however pretty the bars. My heart would shrivel, my soul would die.
Our love was a brief flash in the passage of time, perhaps not meant to be. Do as I will; cherish the moments and let the ripples wash away the shadows.
Remember; Live.