Daddy's Girl

Daddy's girl

"Baby, are you ready to go to sleep yet?" Sydney looked up at her door
from the safety of her bed. She shivered and hid beneath the covers,
she was afraid. "Honey, are you awake?" Sydney held her breath as she
heard her father enter her room, she squeezed her eyes shut and began
to pray. Her mom had always told her that whenever she felt alone or
uncomfortable she should share it with God if she wasn't there because
he is always listening. Her mom had just left to go out with friends
and Sydney felt alone and very uncomfortable. Soon enough Sydney heard
her dad leave and she smiled up at her ceiling. "Thank you God."

"But what if you don't believe? What if you stopped believing?"
Sydney's hand was still in the air as she asked her questions. It was
three years after that night that she prayed to God, which had been the
first and last time she did. The night she prayed had ruined every part
in her life. Her dad had returned to her room and woken her; she had
been afraid but not nearly scared enough.
Sydney's teacher smiled awkwardly at her and thought for a minute
before she answered. She told Sydney, and anyone else who felt the
same, that if she couldn't write about God and all the things he has
helped her with, then she should write about why she doesn't believe in
God. Sydney didn't say anything but stared outside as the rain poured
from the sky. "This is due for next week, so take your time and be
truthful."

Sydney jumped off the bus and ran into the house to get out of the
rain. She walked inside and up to her room. She looked at the calendar
stuck on her wall; one day was circled over and over with balloons and
a cake drawn in the block. The block had the words, "Happy Birthday
Syd" in big bold letters and a neatly printed 10 was in one corner.
Tears filled her eyes and she looked at the framed pictures of a
beautiful woman on her desk, she sighed and sat down. She pulled a
piece of paper out of her bag, wrote her name and the heading, "I don't
believe in God because...."
After writing a page Sydney stopped and looked out the window onto her
driveway, a car was pulling up and Sydney's heart began to pound
frantically in her chest. She jumped up and ran to the bathroom, locked
the door and switched on the shower. Tears fell down her face as she
stripped and climbed under the warm water. She began to wash herself,
being careful to go over the bruised and swollen parts of her body very
gently?

"So how is everyone coming along with those papers?" Mrs. Duncan smiled
at the class as some began to tell her how much they had done. She was
pleased since she only gave it to them three days ago. As she smiled
around the buzzing classroom she noticed that Sydney was just sitting
quietly in her seat, and once again starring out the windrow. "Okay,
I've decided that you guys can use this lesson to do some more of your
paper. Sydney will you step outside with me?" Sydney slowly rose from
her seat and went outside. "Yes Mrs. Duncan?"
Gabby Duncan went home and wondered what was bothering Sydney so much.
She had tried to talk to the little girl but she didn't say much and
said that nothing was wrong, but you could see in her eyes, they
weren't the same. They used to be so bright?
Sydney stared at the photo album lying on her lap and then into the
full-length mirror on the back of her door. Her eyes had changed, they
had gone from a soft, striking blue, to frightened but now they were
dull, they had lost all and any life that was left in her. It was as if
her soul had gone and now she just had dull, blue holes on her pale,
lifeless face. Suddenly her door flew open and smacked into her,
sending her sprawling across the floor. She stared in fear up at her
dads face, twisted in fury. "I'm sorry daddy, I'm sorry!" Sydney began
to scream and cry as her dad came closer and closer.
Sydney was crunched in the corner of her room when her dad was leaving,
she was holding her knees and crying softly to herself. She was
whispering, calling out to her mom, "Mommy, mommy I need you, mommy
where are you?" She shook, her body ached and she felt dirty, there
were no bruises this time, she didn't know which was better; to be
beaten or to feel dirty.
Sydney didn't go to school for the next two days, she went and sat in
the park or waited down the street till her dad left before returning
home. She went through her clothes; she found a vest messily stitched
to a pair of underwear. She knew why she had done it, to protect
herself, so her dad couldn't get in. Sydney closed her eyes and counted
to ten slowly then went to her desk. She looked at the piece of paper
that she was supposed to hand in next week. She crunched it up and
threw it in the bin, placing a new piece in front of her. Once again
she wrote her name, but she changed the heading, the heading now read
"Why God stopped listening."
She began to pour her heart onto the page, she kept writing until she
didn't have anything else to say. She placed her pen in her worm
penholder and took her work through to her dads study. She made a
photocopy of the work and then stapled the documents separately.

Sydney had no other family, and couldn't bring herself to make any
friends. Her dad was all she had, but right now that meant nothing to
Sydney, she tried really hard to search inside herself to find any
love, for anything, but it was too hard.
The next week Sydney walked with a smile into her classroom and placed
her assignment on her teachers desk, "When will you read them Mrs.?"
Sydney asked when everyone had handed his or her assignments in. "I'm
not too sure, maybe this evening or tomorrow, okay?"
Sydney was crying when she got home, she had wanted help, she needed
help and that was why she had written everything in her assignment, but
it would go unnoticed until tomorrow, and Sydney couldn't wait till
tomorrow. She walked to her room and took out the photocopied
assignment. As she walked through to her dads study she read it over.
She relived all the things she had been through over the last three
years and cried out for everything that had happened. The night her mom
never came home and her dad came to tell her that there had been an
accident, the nights her dad and her had stayed up watching movies and
eating popcorn just keeping each other company and the outings they
went on to get out the house. But soon she was reading about the
fights, about her dads' bad days at work, the yelling, the hitting and
the things he did to her. Surprised at all she had written she
hesitated to place it in her fathers' drawer, but the thought of her
mom entered her head and she closed her eyes and thought, 'I love you
too mom', placed the assignment in the drawer and she walked
away.

While Sydney showered the phone rang and went onto the machine, it was
Sydney's teacher, Mrs. Duncan. She was crying and swearing and
threatening. She promised to take care of Sydney and help her through
all this, but her voice was not heard and as Sydney got out the shower
she grabbed her dads razor.
Sydney lay quietly in her bed, tears stinging her eyes as she stared
straight up at the ceiling and was whispering. She was praying, talking
to God, because she knew he was listening now. She could sense him, and
her mom, in the room with her. The razor lay on her desk, it was
shining in the moonlight, and there was something on the blade and
drops on the floor. Sydney could feel herself getting light headed and
loosing something. She tried to move her hands but it was sore, and
they were covered in a warm and sticky substance. Sydney's eyes closed
slowly as her dad entered the house. He came straight upstairs and
knocked on Sydney's door, "Baby, are you ready to go to sleep
yet?"
Although Sydney couldn't speak her mind had one more thought racing
through it. Strangely enough if was the last line of her
assignment,
"I love you daddy, and yes I am ready to go now."