'Sparrows', written in August 2013. Today is the first time I have published it, anywhere. In light of Robin Williams' suicide, and the fact that it is now being credibly claimed that two thirds of Britons with depression get no treatment, I wanted to add my voice to raising awareness of mental health.
If you're interested, I expand on my thoughts above on my blog: http://jonathancdalton.blogspot.co.uk/2014/08/sparrows.html
Lately I've had thoughts of suicide that
appear in fluttery little bursts,
like these sparrows' wings.
On Saturday, at sixteen minutes past midnight, I realised I was experiencing
one of the two worst moments of my life.
A dance club, surrounded by
alcohol, everyone engaged in foreplay,
apart from me.
From the dark,
I glowered at them;
and the last two months sank to their nadir.
The thought's sibling,
the first worst moment,
is in Australia, many years ago.
I was in a bed in a barn on a trip I had fallen into,
as far as physically possible from anything I ever knew.
A party was going on in the larger building.
wrapped in blankets,
I remember the stars,
their cold, indifferent clarity;
the clarity of my realisation
that this was the worst it had ever been.
One silvery point among
the cold night that might cut.
There are times, especially recently, when I'm glad, one day, it ends.
I like that woman because she's feeding the sparrows.