Coffee Capers

My alarm goes off at 5:00 a.m., and my first thought (in addition to
several minutes of whining and mock weeping) is of coffee. Coffee will
give me the will to take a shower. Coffee will give me the strength to
brush my teeth. Coffee may give me a migraine, but coffee will keep
thine eyes open at work all day.

When I was in college, I used to perform in coffee houses on Friday
nights. It was like sending an alcoholic to a bar. I drank so much free
cappuccino and espresso, I'm surprised I never napped my guitar in half
out of pure excess energy. I kept a very tight schedule in college-
twenty hours awake, four hours of restless sleep. Most of my sleep time
was spent in class.

Coffee was also the reason I could not quit smoking for the longest
time. Anytime I sat down with a hot cup of coffee, I had the incredible
urge to light up. At long last, I am finally to the point where I can
drink without feeling the need to chain smoke. Between the two habits,
it's a wonder my teeth aren't the color of my dining room table.

I even had an obsession with coffee in high school. I was in a
Comparative Religions class with a friend of mine. We had to create a
new religion and present it to the class as part of our final grade. We
chose the worship of coffee, or "Javaism", if you will. It was standard
practice in our religion to "pray" to coffee beans and ask The Great
Caffeine Master for strength. We brewed a pot of very strong gourmet
coffee and served it to the class to demonstrate it's unique
power.

According to friends, whoenever they think of me, they either envision
me shaking sugar packets into a cup of coffee, or packing cigarettes. I
recently quit smoking once and for all because I figure caffeine
addiction is the lesser of two evils. I can definitely live without
smelling smoke, but a day is not complete without uncontrollable hand
trembling and scrambled thought processes.

It makes those early morning meetings much more entertaining...at least
in my own clouded mind.