The Goofy Good Will of Families

          The goofy good will of families

 

 

           We were sitting in our kitchen one morning drinking coffee and reading the daily paper.

 

         “I got a call from my sister yesterday,” my wife said. Then she explained the particulars of the call.

 

         “ Are they absolutely fucking crazy or what?” I asked in exasperation.

 

           “No” she replied calmly, “They just do things differently than we do.”

 

          We had previously been discussing the latest bizarre actions of our families. One sibling was traveling hither and yon in a seemingly unplanned and chaotic fashion. Another was making lifestyle decisions that had us shaking our heads and wondering if this was a post opium den reaction by an addled mind trying to adapt to an alternate reality.

 

            “At least, no one is asking us for money,” I had said at the time.

 

            “There is always a bright side to these things.”

 

             That was of course before we got the latest impassioned plea from her sister to help finance the another inspired shenanigan.

            “We only need the help until the project takes off. Then we can pay you back in full,” was the sum and substance of the request from the sister in law..

 

            We were at a loss as to how to proceed. A lifetime of frugality and careful planning had left us in a comfortable financial position. The request had come from family that always spent everything they earned and then some. They couldn’t imagine why we would even hesitate to finance their latest get rich quick scheme. It was a “no lose” proposition they reasoned.

 

           “I guess they have forgotten the loan for the vacuum cleaner pyramid scheme they joined a few years back,” I said resignedly. I knew we would have to help in some way or be viewed as evil penny pinchers by the free spenders.

 

            “Well, maybe this one will take off” my wife said hopefully.

 

              “Perhaps,” I said thoughtfully. Just because we have never heard of a solar-powered wrist band that cures cancer, arthritis and stomach cramps doesn’t mean there isn’t merit to the idea,” I said, biting my tongue.

 

                “Maybe their distributorship will bring in the money for them,” she said hopefully.

 

                 “Sis did seem to think that it would take them a few years to recoup their (our) investment before the lower rungs of the pyramid distributors started generating large amounts of money for them,” she said carefully.

 

                  “Oh great,” I said in exasperation. “Maybe we can carry them financially for a few years until the bonanza arrives.”

 

                      “Now, now” she said. “They only ask us because no one else will help them.”

 

                        “I can’t imagine why,” I said, half in wonder. Self propelled and riding robotic, vacuums cleaners, neon lit weather vanes, herds of alpacas and things like that all sound perfectly reasonable projects for Alice or any of the rest of the gang in Wonderland.” I mused.

                        “ I am only surprised that they haven’t tried to send money to all of those goofy Nigerians who pester you with claims of moving lottery money on line.”

 

                  Her utter silence and avoidance of looking at me spoke volumes.

 

                  “You don’t mean it,” I said, voice rising.

 

                “Well sis said the guy sounded sincere and it was a lot of money being offered,” she said.

 

                 “They are fucking crazy,” I said. “Certifiable.”

 

                   “She is my only sister,” she said. “And they do need help.”

                   “Yeah, help into a nut house,” I muttered. “Send them five hundred dollars and tell them that is all we can afford because I have to pay for a bowel obstruction,” I said. “Maybe they will see the symbolism there,” I muttered to myself.

 

                      Of course, our offering was met with a stony silence form the recipients who had expected much more. It didn’t keep them from immediately cashing the check, just engendered the stony silence at the less than requested amount.

 

                    This scheme of theirs of course soon fell through as had the others before. There was no mention of the loan or its repayment, just like the other grants in aid we had sent them.

 

                   “We have to be philosophical about this,” my wife said.

 

                 “We are comfortable financially and they have so little.”

 

                  I wondered at the rationality of that statement, but of course had the good sense to say nothing. Maybe floating these loans was like paying off a witch doctor in ancient times, a means of warding off bad luck and ill fortune.

 

                  And of course whatever it cost us, it was worth my wife’s good will and peace of mind.

 

                    Now where did I put that on-line letter I received, from the Nigerian customs official, looking for help to pay the taxes on that huge gold shipment they had discovered?

 

                                            -30-

 

                                    ( 800 words)

 

                                 Joseph Xavier Martin