The Dream

Feeling so proud of his stripes, the zebra barely notices that
the
landscape has changed. White snow, vast open sky...it isn't until
a
moose's bellowing voice interrupts his thoughts with a loud "What
are
you doing here?" that the zebra realizes he is no longer in his
native
climate. "What am I doing here?" he asks himself, "More to the
point,"
a shrieky little voice exclaims, "How did we get here?" The zebra
and
the moose look down at the source of the shrill sound to see a
little
mouse staring up at them with beady eyes. "I think this must be a
dream," they all say at once, "but whose dream are we in?"

Just at that moment the moose lights up a cigar and offers one to
the
zebra. "No thanks fella. I quit last month. You oughta quit too.
Those
cigars will kill you one day."

"Don't be such a whiner! I like a good cigar on a cold winter's day
like
this, don't you?"

"Why don't you ask the mouse if he wants a cigar? I bet it won't fit
in
his little mouth. I would laugh myself silly if I saw a mouse smoking
a
cigar!"

"Hey, you, Zebra! I hear what you say. I don't smoke cigars. I bet
on
the horses and if my wife finds out, it's the dog house for me!"

"Now, that's funny! A mouse that gambles! How do you pay for your
gambling habit. With cheese?"

"Nah! Sometimes I find money laying around the houses and I pocket
it.
If humans are dumb enough to leave money around, then it is good
enough
for me."

"You can't go around stealing money from humans. One of these days
you
will be feeling the cold steel of a mouse trap snap over your neck
and
it will be curtains for you."

"Oh, Mr. Zebra, you are so dramatic. If you are so smart, what are
you
doing in the middle of the arctic circle with no coat or
mittens?"

"Ermm...I don't know how to reply to that. Let me get back to you
after
I ponder that question for about six months. I assure you I will
return
with a profound answer!"

"Yeah, I'll just hold my breath and wait for your genius, Zebra."

Moose interrupts their conversation with a puff of smoke.

"Do you have to smoke that dirty cigar around me, Moose?"

"Yep. I am bigger than you are so I can do what I want. Besides this
is
my habitat. I have been here for years and survived cold, wind
and
hunger. What have you done in your life that is important,
Zebra?"

"My habitat is the jungle. I have stripes to camouflage myself
from
predators. I blend in with my surroundings and think lofty
thoughts
that I write about in my daily diary. Some of my words are very
deep
and they make me cry."

Moose lets out a bellowing laugh, takes another puff of his cigar
and
blows it in Zebra's face.

"Big deal. Camouflage. I'd like to see you camouflage yourself
here,
Zebra."

"Get me outta here. You animals are wierd. Can't we talk about
something
intelligent, Moose?"

The mouse interrupts."Hey, Moose, you wanna give me another fifty to
bet
on Lucky Lindy in the fifth?"

"Sorry, Mouse, I have no pocket money for you and besides gambling is
a
bad habit. Shame on you!"

"Rats!", said the mouse, stomping his foot on the ground.

"Zebra, can you loan me a fifty?"

"No! Get a life, Mouse. Try reading and thinking like I do. It makes
you
profound and popular at parties. We had some lovely parties back at
the
jungle but when the lions showed up they usually broke up the party
and
ate all the refreshments. If we didn't get out fast enough, Lion
would
eat us too!"

Moose and Mouse are rolling on the ground laughing at the Zebra.

"You are too funny. A party in the jungle."

"It was a good party. Better than living here in the snow, ice and
wind.
Don't knock it until try it, Mouse.

"Yah. Yah. Cry me a river and read me a bedtime story. Zebra. You
must
have loads of friends asking you for advice that you ponder over
for
months and months. Leaving them in suspense waiting for a reply
that
never comes. What a friend!"

"No thanks. Zebra. Your profound thoughts need to be locked up in
that
nutty brain of yours. Please don't release them to the world.
Such
wisdom needs to be released on a mountain top or kept in a time
capsule
for ages."

"You shall never understand me, Mouse. I am only trying to help you.
I
need time to think the right thoughts and to arrive at the
correct
conclusions about life itself. My life is grand. If only I could
get
back to it again. I am so sad here, Mouse."

"There. There. Zebra. Get a hold of yourself. If you would just
be
yourself and not put on such an egotistical act, animals would come
to
you. Don't put on such airs, it makes you seem silly. I like you
just
the way you are."

"Me too," said the Moose, still puffing away."

"You still smoking that stinking cigar? Get rid of it!"

"Hell, no! Zebra. I will get rid of my cigar if you say please."

"Okay, please get rid of your cigar. "

"Can I have an ice cream?"

"You want an ice cream in the middle of the Arctic Circle?" Just
where
am I going to get an ice cream?"

"Ben and Jerry's around the corner and up the hill and fifty
miles
across the tundra by dogsled."

"Oh, that close?"

"Yep. I have a hankering for Mocha Macadamia Ice Cream and I want
it
now. I have a dollar in my pocket. Can I have some? Can I?

Moose jumps up and down and the ice starts to break up.

"Calm down, Moose or we'll have an avalanche come down on us."

"I'm calm. I'm telling you. Calm!"

"Moose, you told me you don't have any money when I asked you for
a
fifty to gamble on the horses. Rats!"

"So, I'm a liar, Mouse. How many mooses does it take to squish a
mousie?"

"One. Squishhh!!"

"Eewwwww... all that blood and guts everywhere. Why did you
squash
Mousie? That wasn't nice Moosie."

"He was getting on my nerves always begging for money to race
horses
that never win. He never picks the good ones. Always the last one
across the finish line. He isn't even a good gambler and he spent
his
last hundred on a nag that lost in the second race. His wife hit
him
over the head with a rolling pin and he landed in the emergency
room
and had to have ten stitches."

"Good for her!"

"I don't know how she put up with Mouse. He was lazy and self
centered.
I think he needed a good swift kick in the pants."

"Well, Moose, right now Mouse needs to be buried. Don't you think
you
ought to tell his wife you squished him with your hoof?"

"Nah... If I do that, she will call the cops. I will be sent into
exile
on the lonely iceberg in the middle of the Artic Circle. Nobody
comes
back from the lonely iceberg!"

"How do you know that?"

"The last animal to be sent to the lonely iceberg was a skunk and did
he
make a big stink about it. He sprayed everyone!"

"They would take away my comic books and my cigars! I would die
of
boredom and nicotine withdrawal. What humans do to animals is
terrible
no matter where you live. We must bury Mouse and say a kind prayer
and
think good thoughts. We must learn to get along no matter where we
are
from and what we have done in the past. It is now that matters."

Moose snuffed out his cigar and Zebra put up a hoof and they
shook
hands.

"Friends again?"

"Sure."

"Hey, Zebra. When the hell are you going to answer that letter to
the
Editor?"

"Well, I need time to ponder all the possibilities!"

"Oh you!"

"Yeah, ain't I just a nasty one!"

"You bet you are but you are my friend now!"

"God help you, Moose!"

~~~~

An alarm clock goes off.

That is when the camel yawned and stretched. Opening his eyes, he
scratched his behind and exclaimed. "Will somebody please turn off
that
blasted alarm clock! I was out late last night and I have exams at
ten
this morning. Can't you be considerate? Gosh!!"

The camel hits the snooze button.

"Who the hell is this clown? Have you been letting strays in the
back
door again, Moose?", Mouse grumbles.

Moose looks at the camel, shrugs his shoulders and lights up
another
cigar.

Camel turns over and goes back to sleep ....