Job Hunt

I had been fired from the simplest job in the world-shoveling balls out of the pit at Chuck-E-Cheese and cleaning, then putting them back. I was told that I had done an “unsatisfactory job” and that “demanding $80 an hour is unreasonable” and that I was a “boisterous idiot”. Outraged, I only worked there for another week without pay before the police forcibly removed me from the building.

I immediately started searching for work-it’s difficult to pay insurance on a brand new Lamborghini without money-but no one wanted to hire me. Middle-school dropouts aren’t “qualified” for high-paying office-jobs, and some people don’t like it when authors “hyphenate-too-much”.

Upon requesting an application from PFC. Chang’s, a US Army themed Chinese buffet with a roller-coaster, I was told that the establishment only hired outdated Chinese stereotypes. Disgusted by this blatant racial discrimination, I completely forgot why I needed money in the first place and made it my #1 priority to get a job at PFC. Chang’s.

On the way home, I rented a bunch of crappy disguise movies and watched them for ideas. Suddenly, inspiration hit like an intoxicated motorist and I began work on a brilliantly elaborate disguise. Using two pieces of clear tape, I taped back the corners of my eyes so that they would appear to be slanted.

On the way back to PFC. Chang’s, I smashed my car into everything that moved and a lot of things that didn’t. I was immediately accepted for a job maintaining the roller-coaster.

As I was checking the tracks, I began to sweat a bit. The tape became wet and stopped sticking, and my eyes returned to their original shape. Everyone in the room gasped in a way suggesting surprise, I checked my zipper.

“You not Chinese stereotype!” shouted the manager, “you fired!”

“Wait!” I said, “Is it not possible, nay probable that racial discrimination based on race is wrong?”

“No!” he replied, “You must reave PFC. Chang’s and never return!”

Outraged, I only worked there for another week without pay before the police forcibly removed me from the building. I was permanently banned from all PFC. Chang’s locations, and IP blocked from the official web site. It was then that I remembered why I needed a job. I quickly ditched my car and started a new life under the name Pedro Greene.

I lived happily ever after in Southern California with my wife and 346 children. Over time, I amassed a vast fortune of 300 million pesos, the equivalent of $38.73 US, by opening an authentic Italian restaurant.