Walls

Loneliness. The word conjures up images of people physically alone,
yet it is not them who are the loneliest in this world. It is those
surrounded by many, that are sometimes the most isolated. It is
possible to build a wall around yourself and keep everyone else out.
Mask your emotions behind a wall and you feel safe, think no one can
hurt you. But they can.

They hurt her.

As a child her emotions showed freely on her face but she soon learnt
that people could not hurt her as much if they were hidden from view.
So she created a mask - one which would prevent awkward questions and
misplaced sympathy; which could keep the world away from her? and would
lead to keeping her away from the world.

People could no longer hurt her intentionally, yet now they hurt her
unintentionally more often. It was not their fault. How were they to
know how she felt under the mask that she had so carefully and expertly
created and maintained? It was not obvious.

Yet there were signs for those who were looking: the haggard face when
she thought no one was looking; the desperate questioning of what was
happening to her when she thought no one would hear.

She had chosen to build the walls and was too afraid to tear them down
- no matter how much she longed to. It was her only protection and the
only thing she felt she could grasp onto to stop herself from
falling.

Having distanced herself from the world, the world gave up trying to
understand and distanced itself from her.

So now she was alone, yet surrounded by many. Unable to break the
barrier down, unable to hide behind it any longer.

Trapped.

The only way out she doesn't want to take yet, doesn't feel ready,
can't yet admit the final defeat. So she is left, hovering, while the
scavengers circle around, waiting for the carcass that is sure to
follow.

And does.