I'm A Right Hard Needy Poet, Me

I’m a right hard needy poet, me

Don’t take no shit, it’s plain to see

From those liberal luvvies who call the shots

And diss my work – I’ll tell ya what’s

                                    really fuckin’ what

With my superior rhymes -

I’m a genius, mate, an’ I’ll say it (at least a thousand times)

Those tossers who write in fuckin’ free verse

and wouldn’t know a Villanelle if it bit ‘em

   where it hurts

I know my stuff so don’t fuck with me

'Cause I went to fucking uni-versi-ty

And got meself an Eng Lit degree

I’m a right hard needy poet, me.

All those creative writing professors and twats

Who support the IRA and fuckin' Hamas

And teach revisionist bullshit loco ersatz

It’s all a great big conspiracy

Why talk about that shit when you can

                                      talk about me ?

I’m a right hard needy poet (metrically).

I don’t write about flowers or climate change

We all know it’s bollocks concocted by the liberally deranged

and the Brexit bed-wetters who shout “Remain, Remain”

I’m politically un-correct to the nth degree

Plath said all writers are narcissists – an’ I fuckin' agree

Listen: here’s another epic poem all about me!

I’m a backyard, praetorian guard

poetical dotard

Literary meat

from the blood-spattered street

A modern-day Byron with a working class pedigree

I’m a right hard needy poet - that's me.