Haunted Toast

Twas a dank and treacherous night

Storms a swirl'in with frost and bite

As Ned lay shiver'in

In his old n rusty Bedford van

Sent a screaming from his abode

Now huddled by the road

Camps the shadow of half

A once whole man

The village folk do boast

Of an haunting tale of toast

No devil or gremlin did he see

More shocking was his plight

As he made his snack by night

As awesome as any scary thing

There be

He bought the toaster from a sale

Over at ancient witch's dale

Now there's a tale or two

In that you can be sure

Five pound ten or so they say

But old Ned he wouldn't pay

But a pound, and not a penny more

Now being tights his only crime

And his lack of keeping time

Oh, and until that fated night

His love of toast

As he went to plug it in

Came a bone chill'in din

And out the ruddy top did flee a ghost

Twas the witch of Giddy Brook

With her vast-pointy nose, and hook

She did come flying at poor Ned

With such a might

For her arrears she was look'in

Caught Ned and tried to hook'im

As he ran

She cast his house with evil blight

So now, he sleeps beside in't van

With old camping stove and pan

With only dreams of his favourite snack

To keep him warm

For lack of four pound ten

The house is no more fit for men

As the electrical devices they do swarm

Everythings a buzz'in, telly's lights

Their cables fuzz'in his electric bill

Is going up the spout

They can't cut it off at source

A mystifying and unholy force

And there's none

As daft to venture, in or out

Insult to injury is waged

By said witches treacherous ways

Now officially she's the occupying host

Day and night, she works her spell

As Ned sits in camper hell

Fill'in every corner of his home

With wicked toast

There's a moral to this tale

No matter what kinda sale

Whether, shop, paper, or haggled at car boot

Think of blighted Ned

With his love of toast now dead

And never cheat a big nosed witch

Out of her loot

lex ?04