B. seeing Double

SEEING DOUBLE
"It's Meg Ryan, isn't it? I'm a huge fan. Sleepless in Seattle is one
of my fav&;#8230;."
The rush of words faded away, killed dead by the look of stone I gave
him. I stood stock still, my soft brown puppy dog eyes cold, and my
gently rounded body stiff. How I loathed Meg Ryan.
The man looked crestfallen. With muttered mumbled apologies and a
final "I'm sorry. I really did think you were her, the likeness is
amazing," the dejected man made his escape.
I rummaged in my bag for my dark glasses though the day was dull and
dismal. At least then, maybe, I could get to the clinic without being
stopped again.
Perhaps as you read this, you're thinking it might be nice to be
mistaken for someone famous. That it could be fun to have people asking
for your autograph, or to have the press camped outside the theatre if
you go to see a play. After all, show me a female who doesn't want
attention, who doesn't dream of being glamorous.
Millions of women go through hell with diets, hair and skin care,
trying
desperately to turn Nora Batty into Julia Roberts. Me, I don't have to
try. I was born beautiful. If that was all there was to it, then life
would be great. In fact my life was great until 1989 when that film
came out.
You know the one - When Harry Met Sally. And what are you thinking
about now? You're thinking about the orgasm scene, aren't you? Well, it
was amusing to begin with but not for long. Every time I went out to
dinner with a man there'd come a time when his eyes would glaze over
and I knew, just knew, he was thinking about Meg, not me.
"Can you do that?" they'd say, to which I would reply innocently.
2 SEEING DOUBLE
"Do what?"
Some looked bashful, and said nothing further on the subject. Others
simply leered, as they leaned toward me over the table and whispered.
"You know, pretend."
"Pretend what exactly?" I would ask.
The hushed voice would drop still further. " Pretend to have an
orgasm."
"No I never fake orgasms." As I always said this at normal volume, it
usually signalled the end of the date, as well as the end of all the
other conversations in the restaurant.
Why couldn't men be content with the real me? Why did it have to matter
so
much what I looked like? I tell you, ugly people are better off. At
least when someone loves them, it's for real.
As soon as SHE became famous I was as if I stopped being me, I was
just her double. I was forever trying to be myself. I changed hair
styles every few months but, and I don't know how she managed it, every
time dearest Meg would have exactly the same cut and colour within a
week or two. It was uncanny.
Last year, I got into a relationship with a man who hated the cinema.
He hadn't seen a film for years. It was great! That is until we decided
to get away to Newquay for a weekend of love. It started to go wrong
soon after we checked in. Brad was holding me tight and nuzzling my
neck. Then came a knock at the door.
"What is it?" asked Brad
"We have a delivery for you?"

3 SEEING DOUBLE
I looked at Brad and he looked at me. We weren't expecting
anything.
No-one knew we were there. It was, after all, supposed to be a weekend
of passion.
"May as well see what they want," I said.
Brad put his shirt on and opened the door.
A huge bouquet of flowers filled the doorway, so vast it was impossible
to see the man who was carrying it.
"Are you sure they're for us?" asked Brad
"Yes, sir," said the bellboy, as he thrust the flowers into Brad's
arms, cast a quick glance at me, blushed, and raced from the
room.
Minutes later there was another knock. This time it was the manager
pushing a trolley loaded with champagne, two glasses, an ice bucket, a
huge bowl of fresh fruit and a box of handmade chocolates.
"We had no idea. I am so honoured that you would grace us with your
presence."
"Yes, yes, thank you very much. Now please go away, and leave us in
peace" I said, as sweetly as I could manage.
The manager backed out of the room, nodding and smiling.
"What one earth was all that about?" asked Brad.
"They must have mistaken you for someone," I suggested.
"It wasn't me, it was you."
"Never mind, let's just enjoy the champagne."
I wrapped myself round Brad and slipped a hand under his shirt.
"Stop that I'm not in the mood. "
4 SEEING DOUBLE
With one stride he reached for the bouquet and snatched at the
card.
"Ah ha! " he said. "To my darling Meg, from a devoted fan."
I passed it off as a joke, but it took a lot of effort and a very
seductive strip tease to put Brad back in the mood for love. I thought
we'd weathered the storm but the next morning as we left the hotel for
a quiet walk on the beach we were followed every step of the way by six
photographers and two reporters. The photos were all over the Sunday
papers - Meg Ryan and her mystery man. I never saw Brad again after
that.
A voice dragged me from my thoughts.
"You're Meg Ryan, aren't you?"
"No I'm not and I'm just about fed up with people saying that." I
pulled down my glasses and peered over them with my best 'drop dead'
expression.
"Well pardon me for breathing I'm sure, but what do you expect when you
get your hair done exactly like her."
I was left speechless as the man walked off muttering something about
daft females. He was lucky I was in a hurry or he might have ended up
pushed under a bus! I hope now you can understand why I was so
desperate.
I spent the rest of the journey with my eyes cast firmly downward. The
pavement wasn't at all interesting, but at least that way no-one could
make eye contact with me.
I could've got a cab and been there in half the time but taxi drivers
are the worst. I'd swear blind I wasn't Meg Ryan, and they'd make it
clear they knew very well that I really was her, but they were only
humouring me because I was a celebrity. All this was said with just a
few nods and a wink. It got so bad, I avoided taxis whenever I
could.
5 SEEING DOUBLE
At last I arrived at the consulting rooms of Mr Robin Quinten-Taylor,
plastic surgeon. He looked at me long and hard.
"This is most unusual Miss Stevenson. Normally I get people in here
wanting to look more like film stars not less. It's pitiful sometimes,
how they can imagine I could possibly turn a plain..." I cut him short
with the medusa trick. "Well, the customer's always right. What changes
would you like to make?"
I was ready for that. I reeled off a list. I wanted nothing left that
could possibly remind anyone of her.
"My that's an awful lot of work. Are you certain you want to go ahead?
It will be painful and very expensive."
"I know that Mr Quinten-Tayor. Look, I'm a successful businesswoman. I
run my own recruitment agency. I want to get on with my life, not spend
it in the shadow of someone I don't even know. So go ahead, give me a
smaller nose, a new hairline, larger lips, bigger boobs, the works.
"
He was right of course. It hurt like hell, and it cost thousands. That
was all my holidays gone for the next five years at least. Still, it
would be worth it. I managed a look in the mirror although my eyes were
still swollen and most of my face was covered in bandages. No-one could
possibly mistake me for anyone now, unless it was Boris Karloff's
Mummy.
Those days in the convalescent home were blissful. My assistant had
things ticking along nicely at work and I felt free from all my worries
and cares.
6 SEEING DOUBLE
At last it was time to leave. I was still bruised and a little sore,
but it was worth it. The face that looked back from the mirror looked
nothing like Meg Ryan
The next few weeks were great. I felt reborn. Then I saw it again. That
look in someone's eye. The one when they're trying to decide whether or
not they should speak to you. I told myself I was imagining it. Perhaps
I reminded the man of his niece or long lost cousin.
The moment passed. Nothing was said. I hurried on my way to work. As
usual my secretary left the Daily Mail with my mid morning coffee. I
flipped through it. The headline on page 6 jumped out at me.
'Meg Ryan leaves clinic.' I read on with growing despair. 'Meg Ryan has
undergone extensive plastic surgery in a bid to shake off her girl next
door image. She hopes her new face and body will attract different film
roles from those she has played in recent years. ' The accompanying
photograph showed Meg's new look. She looked
absolutely nothing like the Meg Ryan I had come to know and hate. No,
she looked exactly like me!