BREAKDOWN

BREAKDOWN

"Just a few more minutes dear," Jeff's voice hung, lost in the air.
There was no-one to reply. His wife was fast asleep. Jeff glanced at
his watch - 1.15. People had told him that once he got a PC he'd find
himself glued to it for hours on end, he'd pooh-poohed them. That won't
happen to me, he'd retorted frostily but now, he was hooked. Well and
truly.
Vaguely aware that Sheila had not replied, Jeff glanced over his
shoulder. The bedroom light was out. She must have given up on him.
Good, he could carry on a bit longer. It was 3.25 when he finally
retired.
"What time did you get to bed last night? I drifted off."
"Oh, about 1 o'clock'" lied Jeff
Sheila cut her toast with a little too much energy.
"You're not angry, are you darling?" he asked, using his little boy
lost voice. "I was trying out the new computer programme. It's really
fantastic."
"Oh do tell me," Sheila replied, wearily, but her sarcasm was in vain.
Oblivious to subtle inflections, or even obvious ones, Jeff launched
into a lengthy monologue. When he finally paused, Sheila asked, without
interest. "So what's it actually for?"
"Improving my golf."
"I see"
Another five minutes of detailed explanation followed, covering video
links, graphics, and other such fascinating snippets. He explained how
he could feed the computer video footage of his golf swing, and how the
machine would break it down into its component parts, and suggest ways
of making improvements.
"It also calculates statistics, averages, that kind of thing."
Breakfast continued in silence. Since Jeff retired, breakfasts often
passed that way. Since the computer arrived, entire days passed that
way too. At last Jeff excused himself.
"Just popping upstairs for a few minutes dear."
"I thought we were going shopping."
"Yes, we are. I won't be long"
An hour passed. Sheila crept up to the box room where she found Jeff
hunched over the keyboard. A pile of print out lay to one side of him,
with more paper churning out of the machine
She stood, still, watching him for several minutes. This love affair
with the computer was starting to worry her.
Before it arrived, she and Jeff were always out and about, going on
trips, visiting friends and family. When at home, most of their time
would be spent in the garden. Now they went nowhere except the shops,
weeds grew unchecked, too much for Sheila to cope with single handed.
Jeff had changed from an energetic gardener, into a pale, sunken eyed
stranger. Even his love of golf had been swamped by this new passion. A
tear threatened to escape from her eye. It had been hard enough being
abandoned for endless rounds of golf, but at least that was seasonal.
Poor light and bad weather had no effect on the dreaded PC.
Jeff was unaware of his wife's presence; unaware of anything that
wasn't on the monitor. She tried a cough. Nothing. A louder, hacking
cough.
"Oh hello dear. Are you all right? That sounded nasty."
"I'm fine, I was 'trying" to attract your attention. What happened to
our shopping trip?"
"Whoops! Sorry. I'll be right there." His eyes returned , and fixed
themselves, to the screen.
Sheila stayed, waiting, at the door. Despite her best efforts , she
could feel her temper beginning to fray.
She watched, fascinated, as Jeff's hand reached for the mouse.
"'What" are you doing now? " she screamed.
Jeff jumped out of his seat. "Hey, you startled me! Look, I'm feeding
in the statistics from all the Test matches."
"Whatever for!"
" Next time there's cricket on, I can spout all those clever facts and
figures smarty pants Boycott and his pals come out with - like," his
voice took on a Yorkshire twang "That's the seventh time a bowler has
taken five wickets in five overs since 1985 at..."
"And this is more important than the shopping, is it?" There was an
aggressive edge to her voice now that no-one could miss. No-one, that
is, except her husband.
If the truth were told, neither of them enjoyed shopping, so Sheila
was a little surprised when a broad grin appeared on Jeff's face.
""What's the joke?"
"No joke, I was just thinking. I could feed in the details of our
shopping and get the computer to do an analysis of how much we spend on
fruit, veg, meat and so on."
"And why would you want to do that?"
"No reason , just for fun."
Later, in bed, Sheila snuggled up close to her husband. It was the
first time that week that he'd gone to bed with her. Every other night
she'd dozed off waiting for him and had no idea when, or even if, he'd
come to bed. More often that not, he'd already be working at the
computer when she got up.
"Come on , give me a cuddle."
"Bang on cue, " said Jeff.
"And what does that mean?"
Jeff sat up in bed with a smug smile on his pale, drawn face.
"I fed the computer all the dates and times that we, well, you
know."
"I don't believe this! You fed the details of our sex life into that,
that.. thing!"
"I'm sorry if you're upset dear but"
"But what"
"Well now I can get a print out - see if there any patterns. I can
predict whether you're likely to be in the mood, before I come to
bed."
Sheila said nothing for her mouth was wide open with amazement. Jeff
had started to dig a hole for himself and continued.
"If the machine says it's a 'no' day, then I may as well stay up, but
if there's a chance of a yes..." His arm snaked round her waist, "then
.."
He moved to kiss her but Sheila had slipped from his grasp and out of
the bed so smoothly that all he made contact with was the pillow.
"That's the last straw! You're obsessed with that damn computer. You
need to see a doctor, and until you do, I'm sleeping in the spare room,
- tell that to your precious machine."
Time passed. The piles of print out paper continued to grow until they
filled several large storage boxes. When it finally happened, no-one
was very surprised. Tales of Jeff Dawkins and his obsession with his PC
were legion. The couple had not been seen together for ages.
When the breakdown came it was complete, and irreversible. It was the
first time that anyone in the village had been sectioned. There was no
hope of a cure. Psychiatrists spoke of this syndrome and that. All
agreed that spending so much time spent alone had caused a total
personality collapse. The abandoned spouse was deluged with offers of
help and comfort.
Six months later the PC was gone. With the vivacious widow Stevens to
keep him amused, Jeff just didn't need a computer any more.

ENDS 1164 words