Twas the night before christmas

Twas the night before Christmas
And in the corner of the house
Was a trap with some cheese
And a very dead mouse.
The stockings were hung with
Some string and a pin,
The smell coming from them
Was really a sin.
Father Christmas was coming
Or that was the hope
With these naughty children
Twas a bit of a joke.
The sherry was poured
In a cup not a glass
Really, these people
Have they no class?
The carrots were there
For the reindeer to eat,
A mince pie left for Santa
What an original treat!
The air fell all silent
Then suddenly was heavy
When a funny old man
Appeared with a prezzie.
He was dressed all in red
With black boots and belt
Sweating like crazy
He thought he would melt.
He threw down his load
And stifling a yawn,
He looked at his watch,
Knocking off time was dawn.
He knocked back the sherry
He was supposed to be busy,
But all of a sudden,
The old man went dizzy.
One sherry too many
Was the problem you see
Then he stumbled and fell
And twisted his knee.
Silently cursing and hopping about
He stood on a pin and gave
A loud shout.
Now the family on hearing
This god awful din
Dialled the police
For fear of a break in.
The boys in blue came
Quickly around,
And sprawled on the floor
Santa was found.
"Come on then Sir,
Please don't put up a fight,
You're coming with us and
Staying the night".
"Get off me" said Santa,
"Do you know who I am?"
"Of course" said the copper,
"A sad, drunk old man".
So they led him away.
He was shouting and screaming,
But because he'd been drinking,
His words had no meaning.
They had got to the car
When they first heard the noise,
And on looking behind
They lost all their poise.
Old Santa did stumble
And hit his head on a door.
He knocked himself out
And slid to the floor.
The policemen stood staring,
They could not takie in
The sight of the sleigh
That had brought Santa in.
IT was full to the brim of presents galore,
And the cops really felt
They couldnt take any more.
THey got in their cars,
And drove off at speed,
A cup of strong coffee,
Was what they did need.
The reindeers saw Santa
And stared to laugh
He was sprawled on the floor
In the middle of the path.
They used all their magic
To bring him back round,
Then they took off making
No sound.
After his rounds, Santa
Went straight home to bed,
He then took two tablets
To soothe his old head.
And later that day
When he fed the deers in the pen
He vowed to himself
"Never again"