Nothing Ventured

One catch-phrase of the ’90’s was: ‘Do you want it done quickly or well?’ It seems that ‘quickly’ won out. Toward this end, some misguided workers use pharmaceuticals.

 

Nothing Ventured

 

“Got a temp assignment. It’s all crap. ‘Course it’s all crap. Dunno. Doing something real fast. Know where I can get some?”

 

Monday: (just a bit) “This bus usta run every half-hour! When? You talkin’ to me? Never mind, ‘xept it used to run every half hour. I’ll complain. I dunno. Back when the station was done up in puke pastel and that one guy… that… I dunno, Al Gore was Vice President. Anyway. Never mind.”

 

(just as I thought, buncha crap lyin’ around. needs to be put together and put on pallets. nevermind that i’m a half-hour late, i’m here, and things can get started.)

“Faster!”

(go ahead and call the office. ‘He was late, but caught up the second he came in.’)

“Speed it up! Where? My bad. Now what? Oh. Where’d I get the shirt? Thrift store. The shirt’s offensive ‘cause I got it at a thrift store? That’s discriminatory.”

(everybody here got their shirt at a thrift store, and i’m the fastest one.)

“Ok. Fair enough. I’ll go turn it inside out. NOW?”

 (jeeze. Jeff Bridges ain’t offensive. the shirt don’t say nothin’. what he said in the movie may have been offensive…no use arguing. i could do her job. finished college, is all. piece of paper. no use arguing. but she should turn her shirt inside-out, with that logo.  i find coffee shops offensive. she played right into my hands, though. bwahh-ha-ha! a big bit more, and i’m the fastest on the floor! oh. the shirt. turn it inside-out, and i’m Superman!)

“What you lookin’ at? Offensive. I heard her sayin’ ‘shit’! I say, let’s get this shit out! Here? Sorry. My bad. There? Make up yer mind! How long you been here? Hey! Never mind me, I asked first. How long you been here? A month? I did that my first hour here. Hey! You hear that? Hope you did. You’re slow. How long before they hire you on here? Five hundred hours? I said, I asked, five hundred hours? I’ll do that today. Lookit me.”

(don’t go to the bathroom right off, don’t wanna be obvious. and.)

“Gotta smoke? Don’t mind menthol. Usta smoke nothing but menthol back when I worked at Case. Menthol at Case. Well. Crap awaits.”

 (and.)

“I’m sneezin’ ‘cause it’s dusty in here. What you lookin’ at? What’s he sayin’? Here. Lemme show you… I said, HERE! Ok. Ok. Do it your way.”

(wrong. and slow.)

“When they hire me tomorrow, I could drive fork lift right off. Usta drive the forklift on my daddy’s farm. No, not chickens. You don’t pick up chickens with a forklift. That would be cruel. Don’t know what kinda farm you worked on. Usta pick up

quarters. I could!”

(eventually.)

           

(‘Top Hat Tavern’? whatta cheesy name. change that to something cool. but, get to know the locals and take the edge off. my friend Jim Beam.)

“You worked there? Nah. They don’t appreciate fast workers. Keep changing things! Talk too much, for one thing. ‘This way. No. That way…’ Hey! You go back there, we could run the place. Hey! You find Jeff Whatzizname…Bridges offensive? Just what I asked. Do you find Jeff Bridges offensive. Lookit. Well... the print’s still on the inside. Made me turn it inside-out! Hey! That don’t happen at Case. You find Jeff Bridges offensive, talk to the union. They’ll straighten you out. Case. Just let people work! Hey! Just let people work, that’s how you become a multinational corporation! Case.”

           

Tuesday: “Hm. Thanks, dude. Hm. Ever see that movie, Doctor Phibes? Want some? What’s this about teeth. I have all my teeth. Good stock. What are you talkin’ about? Okay. I have the average amount of teeth for my democratic. That’s what I said.”

“You talkin’ to me? Yeah, this bus usta run every half-hour. I called ‘em, and they’re lookin’ into it. Huh? No. 8:30’s the time for me. They said so at the office.”

(that’ll be a good cover.)

“No. No. What are you on about? I said I told ‘em, and I go in at 8:30. My stop. Here.”

           

“Hm? Oh? It somehow got turned again. Ok. Eight. Less jawin’-more workin’. I can do that, boss. Ok.”

(need somemore if i’m gonna get through this anyway. hide Mister Bridges and i’m the rapidest on the face of the world!)

“Hey! We doin’ this different now? The same? Doesn’t look the same. Hurts the same, though. I’m okay. Usta work Case. Contractor? That ain’t Case. Contractor. Tell him to go faster! Okay, then. Hey! Speed it up! Ain’t listenin’. Deaf. Tell ya what, get rid of him. Her, at the strapper, him on the forklift, don’t know how to drive it. I usta. Hm? Right, boss. Less jawin’… And her. And, a quarter, two-thirds of everyone else here. You’re ok. I could work this line and do the…what. Paperwork. What? Sorry. My bad. Whaddya say? Ya with me?”

(even though i had coffee to throw the scent off, don’t duck in too soon… and.) “Hey, Menthol! Okay. Thanks. ‘ppreciate this one.”

(coulda been a team, he didn’t wanna hear about it back there. or talk, for that matter. we coulda been a dynamic duo, and run through a field of lesser mortals… bathroom clear? and.)

“Okay, now, speed it up! I’ve noticed a total lack of ITEMS coming down the line. Oh. Well, somebody should fix it, then! They have something like that at Case, and I’m not talkin’ contractors. Okay. There, too. What’s he talkin’ about? I didn’t do this at Case. Someone else did, the poor schmucks. Hey! You got somethin’ comin’ down. Okay, you got eyes, but you’re not usin’ ‘em. I’m just standin’ here. Okay. Earlier, it was ‘The Hustle’. Hey! Hey! Tell him he’s deaf. Hey!”

           

(‘Top Hat Tavern’. place smells, but gotta see that guy about signin’ on, and we could clean that place up. take the edge off with some JB. network.)

“Hey! You should sign up, we could run that place. Aww… They all got their heads up their asses. Gettin’ nothin’ done. You can work two jobs! Where’s your energy? Where mine came from?! Nevermind about that. I come from good stock. Hey! We all worked at Case. A hundred years back. Hundred years plus. Before they had contractors. Hey! Not some penny-ante company. Hey!”

           

Wednesday: