Donny's Big Adventure (Prologue)

“What’s on tap for lunch today home slice?” Eion, a tall slender man of about 40 leaned over Donny’s cubicle. “I was thinking Tacoritos”. He bobbed his head and rubbed his hands together lecherously.

“Hell’s yeah, Satan’s Anus it is”! Donny was always ready for a trip to Tacoritos. Unfortunately he was rarely ready for the subsequent trips to the john afterward. He locked up his computer and joined Eion out in what passed for a hallway. Couldn’t really be a hallway, since the walls were only five feet tall and made of the same stuff they pack electronics in to keep them from being damaged during shipping but in today’s modern office it was what passed for one. God forbid there be any real walls, this would prevent management from spying on their employees and require them to not only trust their workers but maybe do some fucking real work themselves. His management was nothing more than glorified baby sitters. But he figured that was probably true just about everywhere anymore.

“So it’s the Thursday before a long weekend, what are you and lovely Charlene doing this weekend”, Eion was infatuated with Donny’s girlfriend. She was a slender very attractive woman of mixed race. She had been adopted so no one was sure what she was, ethnically, but whatever it was may have been the most perfect combination of races ever. Mocha colored skin, full lips and a soft nearly blonde afro.

“She wants to find another guy for a three way, but I’m not sure I’m into it”. He shrugged nonchalantly.

“You’re an asshole. You know I would sign over the deed to my house for a piece of that action. Shit I’d even throw in the wife. She’s average in the sack but she cooks like a fucking angel.” He lit one of his cheap ass cigarettes as they walked out the office doors, the kind that come in a white box with black lettering just called “cigs”. They were the tobacco industry’s equivalent of government cheese.

“I’m an asshole? You just offered me your house and your wife if I would allow you to have sex with my girlfriend, and I’m the asshole?” He waved his hand in front of his face waving away the blue cigarette smoke. “Jesus Christ, those things are even more disgusting than real cigarettes. And why the fuck is the smoke blue?” He coughed and switched over to Eion’s right side where the smoke was blowing away from his face.

“Bah, I think they must have more tar in them than normal cigarettes. You ever seen a road crew lay asphalt? When it’s still hot it smokes blue”. He took an extra large drag on his shit stick and flicked it absently into the parking lot.

“yeah, well they could pave this entire lot using the shit in your lungs man”. Donny fished his keys out of his pocket and opened the door to his 1998 Mercury Tracer. He hopped in and reached over and opened the passenger door. Eion slipped in, bitching as he always did about how there was no leg room in Donny’s car.

“Fuck you, you drive then you cunt.”

“Ouch, the C word. Somebody is grumpy today”. Eion punctuated this statement with a window rattling belch. Little puffs of smoke escaped from the depths of his soon to be disease ridden lungs.

“I’m tired of lugging your dumb ass around all the time. You drive a god damn Navigator and yet we always take my tiny shitty little car. What the fuck is that about?” He threw the car into gear and backed out of his spot and headed for the nearest Tacoritos.

“We are being green my friend. You know your car burns less fuel and emits fewer emissions than my truck. Don’t you want to be green?”

“I want to see some fucking green you ass clown. You are paying for my lunch today. You owe me.”

“Alright, fine. Jesus you whiny bitch, somebody put sand in your Vagina?”

“You're an ass hat”.